L.B.D

I was going to post about how since the discontinuance of the L-word, you can almost hear the bugle call of Taps playing in those quiet, dark bedrooms at night. 
Always trying to do my part to help I had Monday's Movie reviews all ready to go. 
Because I feel it my duty and because I myself have come back from the depths of LBD to live once again.  and because my little teaser seemed to strike a lot of interest, I'd like to help by sharing some of my knowledge and experience with this silent killer of relationships.  :)

I'd like to show you 2 lists.   and then I'd like to show you how we prioritize them.

Lesbian couple. new relationship
Work
Sleep
Eat
Cook
Shop
Go out
Sex


Lesbian couple.  established.  kids
Work
Sleep
Eat
Cook
Clean
Go out
Sex
Feed kids
Play with kids
Clean up after kids
Change kids
Clean kids  
Teach kids
Discipline kids
Read about why kids are doing stuff
Take kids in public
Read about how you can better handle kids in public
Talk about kids
Put kids to bed
Get up all night with kids

Now lets look at how we sometimes prioritize.

New couple
Sex.
Work.
Call while at work and discuss the sex you had and want to have.
Eat
Give eath other a look that lets each of you know that all you want to do is have sex
Go out.
Leave early make out in the car come home and
have sex
sleep.  shop and cook tomorrow.


Established couple with kids.
Lucky if you are the one who gets to leave the house to work :) (just kidding of course)
Feed kids
clean up after kids
Take kids out in public
Discipline kids
Feed kids
Discipline kids some more
Try Teaching kids
Clean up after kids
Feed kids
Clean kids
Put kids to bed
Clean up after kids
Talk about kids
Sleep

You see.  We have three strikes against us.   Old game.  kids.  we're women.  Really 4 if you want to count the being BEAT TO HELL by bedtime part.
To quote a friend :  It is hard to keep the passion alive when you have two tired moms, whose natural tendency is to cuddle anyway.  right ? love it.

2 important things to remember :
- It is REALLY easy to fall into best friend roles. 
- It is REALLY hard and it takes a lot of work to get back into girlfriend/wife/partner roles.

I think Rosie O'donell said it best when she compared sex to working out.  She said that you never want to do it and it's a lot of work but after it's over you feel great and you wished you did it more often.  :)

More important than just sex, I think staying connected is the most important thing.   If I could honestly give one piece of advice it would be to go out as a couple AT LEAST once a month.   Really push for twice a month or more.
Make a promise not to discuss kids or money.   Laugh.  keep the conversation up and engage with your wife.
It's funny.   There have been several times that J and I would be sitting at dinner and I would come to and realize that I had been people watching and J had not taken her eyes off of her plate or the TV monitor with a game (pick a sport) on it.   We could have been sitting there silent for 5 maybe 10 minutes and neither of us even noticed.   Comfortable silences are great.  but try to limit them. :)

I will admit, our LBD lasted an extremely long time.  Longer than it should have.  I think having so many kids has only made us closer in that we had to join forces because we were outnumbered.  note the lack of sarcasm in that last sentence.  I'm being serious.

The only bit of advice I can give is.....climb back on the horse guys.   As Nike says it best.  Just do it.   It might feel awkward at first.  You might miss those passionate moments when you would ATTACK each other before the kids came along.   but it's like riding a bike.  and it might be a different model or you might be in a different gear but ladies it's the most important relationship you have.   One that needs to be ridden hard to keep strong.   :) ha ha ha
Ok, now I'm just talking dirty. and really this isn't JUST about sex.

It breaks my heart each time I hear about a family that breaks up. and it feels like lately there are A MILLION. and I can't believe Rosie and Kelly broke up 2 years ago and nobody knew.  
Funny I quote her about how to keep it together only to speak about how she and her wife have called it quits. hmm.

ALRIGHTY.  Back to my original intentions.  If you need a little "help".  maybe try one of the following.

Monday Movie Reviews
I have bad news for you.   There's not a whole lot left.   If I've missed one that you think is great, please list the title in my comments.  I will make sure to netflix it and will get back with my review.
Now "lesbian" movies are pretty bad. low budget is a term I use with them.  but to us  they are great. because it's our people and our issues on the screen.  so as I review these please keep in mind that I ALWAYS lower my expectations when watching them. also.  I'm hurrying, because I've already exceded the amount of attention you can keep with any one person reading a blog and I'm WAAAAY behind.

Love and Suicide
I'm going back....so I've kind of forgotten some of the "feelings" I had for this movie.
It's about a girl who moves to a new town and is befriended by a sexually charged girl at school.
They become great friends and of then of course become more than friends.
The one girl...oh wait.  I TOTALLY remember now.  The one girls mother influences her in to finding God.  The other girl goes along with it thinking that she's doing it to keep her mom happy and her girlfriend on her hip.  Not so much.
Any ways.  It's based on a true story and it really was a great movie.

My opinion :
Watch it.

Fire
A story about two Hindu women who are living in arranged marriages that leave them feeling wanting more.
They find out that wanting each other is nice.   I liked that they wanted each other.   ha ha
Great story.  Good sex scenes :)   you know.  if you are in to that kind of thing.  sex between women I mean. ha ha

My opinion :
Watch it.

Julie Johnson
Now this movie was a little weird for me.  The chemistry just wasn't built up like I needed it to be.
It's with Lili Taylor.  (you might remember her from Mystic Pizza.  the friend who gets married ) and Courtney Love (I know, I know)
Any ways.  It wasn't BAD.  but it had this big hole in the middle of it.

My opinion :
If like me, your goal is to watch every lesbian movies.  Watch it.

A village affair
British.  A gay woman comes back from America and falls in love with her neighbor.  who is married with children. 
I didn't love the way it ended....but I suppose they shouldn't all end happily ever after.

My opinion :
Watch it.  why not.

Lianna
Guys don't cheat on and treat your wives like crap.  they might just go back to school and fall in love with their psych professor. 
That do it for you.

My opinion :
Watch it.  why not

Clara's summer
Young girls go to camp.  The one girl, Zo, tells her best friend that she loves her and kisses her.  Clara rejects her and tells her it's not natural.  Zo then runs off and finds some guy to hang on for the rest of the movie.
Clara however finds Sonia...a bisexual girl very attractive.  There is drama with the kids in camp finding out.   Clara dealing with her family meeting Sonia and all of the other things that comes with all of these new feelings.

My opinion :
Watch it.

Slice of life
Not that in to this movie.  A chinese woman and Japanese woman are together.   The one has issues with her family and commitment.  The other has issues with her having issues with family and commitment.

My opinion :
Whatever

The investigator
Stars helen baxendale (Ross's almost British wife on friends) who investigates for the army, weeding out lesbians in the armed forces.
She then figures out a few things about herself.  Based on a true story. Great movie.

My opinion :
Watch it.

Portrait of a Marriage parts 1 and 2
Ok, I really liked this movie. originally made into a mini series.
It's the story and autobiography/biography of Vita Sackville West.   A wife and mother who is so madly in love with another woman.  They both struggle to deal with real life and at one point she leaves her husband and children for her.   She and her husband have an open relationship but always seem to hold on to each other. 
It is a compelling story.  pulling you one way and then the other. 

My opinion :
Watch it for sure.

Childhoods end
This story was more about the high school graduate getting it on with his mom's best friend and neighbor than the neighbors daughter who just happens to be friends with the high school graduate that she's fucking, getting it on with another girl.

My opinion :
nah.  I guess if you want to watch THEM ALL. but really.  not so great.

Intentions
Again.  what's the deal with the student teacher fantasy stories.
Lesbian girl falls in love with her drama teacher.  who's married.  with kids.  they get it on.
Some of the dialog, especially with the lesbian girl and her ex girlfriend, had me slapping my forehead.

It was pretty dumb.

My opinion :
Sucked. but whatever.

Big Dreams Little Hope
Ok.  so this isn't a "lesbian" movie per se.  Although the lead is a lesbian and there are lesbian issues.
But I'm just warning you before you set off expecting a different ending like me and the wife were....don't.
It's funny.  it's pretty silly and low budget...but what the hell.  The lead lesbian is funny.  She reminds me of a dykey Pauly Shore :)

My opinion :
whatever.  it's fine.

Ok, last....me and the wife went to see Blind Side (not a gay movie) this weekend on our night out. Sandra Bullock. 
LOVED IT ! (singing out loud) LOOOOOVED it.
It's right up there with Rudy for the love of pete.  It seriously is one of THE best movies I've seen lately...and good hell....looking at my list....there's been a lot.
We will buy this movie when it  comes out.  So good ladies.  When you get that babysitter next weekend.  (DO IT) Make sure you go see it.

Lets wrap this up !

There is a TON that I wish you wanted to read.  :)  but come on people we gotta stop livin' in the past.
I won't be talking about where I was the last 3 weeks.  No, I wasn't in some psychiatric clinic, tied to a bed with anxiety medication being fed through an IV the size of a McDonald's staw.  Who told you that ?  I have NO idea what you are talking about.
ahem

I just wanted to share with you my itinerary for the next 2 days.
Friday
3-5 pm check-in at the Hilton
5-7 pm Welcome Reception
6-9 pm Shop ! Shop ! Shop ! (we already did this part so we are going to a movie)
9-11 pm Desserts and Drinks  (oh and did I mention that there is an open bar all night)

**We will be accepting your gifts to be wrapped from 5pm-10pm

Saturday
8-9:30 am Breakfast
10 am More shopping
11- 1pm Lunch
3pm Late check-out and final wrapped gift pick up

Is that not the BEST IDEA EVER !  They wine and dine you and then wrap your Christmas presents for you.
J was invited through her work to participate.  
Babysitters (check)
Presents loaded in Bav's to be wrapped (check-check)
I hope to be tied to a bed and fed anxiety medication (alcohol) through an IV the size of a McDonald's straw :)  hee hee

Wanna see something cute ?  my kids.   OF COURSE !
Me and my neighbor  friend ;-) took my kids to a local farm and got some pictures for Christmas cards.
I think they turned out great.   I can't decide which ones to use but I have lots to choose from. 
Trying to get them in a picture all together you ask ?  NO WAY!  Not this year thank you.
Here's a sneek peek.

I have a post coming....down with LBD (lesbian bed death) ya you know me....stay tuned.  ooh ooh ooh I also have some dramatic footage to post.  

Peeking....(whispering) has it been a month yet ?

Dang people.  Don't EVER let me do that again.    
It took 1 week before I stopped composing posts in my head.   and like a television series that's seasonal I kept wondering and thinking about all of my blogger peeps. and what was happening, going to happen.
GOOD HELL I've missed a lot. 

I'm not going to go back and catch you up on my waltzing.  but I will say that it is NOT bloggers fault that my children are terrible.
In fact.  I found out that the only difference to my being glued to the computer while the kids go at each other or my physically coming between them is me being kicked and hit while splitting them up.
You know...so that someone else doesn't make the same mistake that I did.     You do not...I repeat..DO NOT have to be present for your children in order for them to behave well.   Oh shit.  alright.  There can be a happy medium.  I'm sure I didn't need to take a month off to figure that one out.  
I suppose I just did it to prove to myself that I could.  well like the healthy eating diet....it's over. and here I am...all fat and happy ! 

Going to spend some time reading my "tivod" blogs :)
Missed you.

Talk to you in a month.  I am going to dance with my children.  I have proven time and time again that I cannot blog and dance at the same time....they win.

3 things and then I'll stop.
In no order of importance although I think they all reach high security levels at my house.   We are up in arms about each and every one of them.

1- Nathan has been giving me a run for my money today.   Well make that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY CHILDREN.  for about a week now. but Nathan has been extremely fussy and needy and whiney and clingy and waking up when sleeping and aaaaaaaaah aaaa huuuu huuuuu.   No fever, but today he was pulling on his ears more than normal and covering them up and crying and crying so I made an appointment with our new ped to have his ears looked at.   
Now remember.  This is the same doctors office that I took Syd to with her "broken" ankle.  The same appointment in which she laughed and played and jumped up on to the table and down from tables and made me look like a crazy mother.   (in my defense it was swollen and bruised and she couldn't walk on it before we got to the doctors office )
So we get there, check in, sit down.  Nathan sits and talks and babbles and flirts and smiles and points and acts as if he hasn't a care in the world.
Great !   GREAT !  I almost walked out.
Luckily for him I didn't.  Double ear infection.  prescription for amoxicillin.     

2- Charlize Theron kissed a woman for 20 seconds for the small fee of 140k.  My wife is upset and is currently laying down with a cool cloth on her forehead.    I tried to explain that she did it for charity but J was too distraught to hear anything I had to say.  

3- Rosie and Kelly split up.   I can't take the break ups.  I can't.   I know that not everyone stays together forever but it doesn't make it any easier when they make the decision to finally split.    
All I can say is that I hope they work it out. 

Big Boy Pant!es !

                   You better work...coverboy...work it boy...give me a toy...do your thing...on the runway.

What's cuter than that you ask ?  How about a close up !!

His brother wasn't up for runway tonight.   All he needed was his baby brothers train and some wood to drive it on.

What's more powerful than that you ask ?  How about the calf muscles on this kid !

This post would NOT be complete without a little Village People. 

It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A...

The underwear is more of a prop right now...but OH MY GOSH are they cute in them.  Such cute little tooshes. 

MacDeath !

Me and the wife went to see MacBeth.  (the opera)  last night at Capital Theater.  
I gave J the quick synopsis right before it started.   We shared a bottle of wine at dinner (again, cheaper than by the glass although we should have stopped after 1 glass) and were both a little fuzzy.  I personally thought it made it much better. 
J wished someone would have ripped her eyes and ears off of her head and replaced them with  high resolution plasma panels and a satellite dish.    She was miserable.  
Did you know that they now have subtitles at Opera's ? (did you know that I just spelled Opera, Oprah, oh good hell)   I have to say that it made ALL the difference in the world.  I knew the story of MacBeth but would have been a little lost at parts had there not been subtitles.   I will say that Lady MacBeth had an amazing voice.   We didn't stay for the suicide and murder of the MacBeth's...we had high school babysitters and it was a school night. but I did enjoy myself.  again, I think the wine played a big role in all of it. 

can someone tell me....didn't the story only have 3 witches ?  there was a stage full of them singing last night.

I pulled Syd's 2nd tooth out.  It was slightly wiggly and I just kept messing with it.  I finally pushed it towards her tongue and we both heard the crackling of roots being ripped away from the tooth and her gums.   She gasped because I'm sure the sound was amplified 10 times in her head and then realized that it was hanging on by a thread.   She squealed with delight and told me to finish the job.   Like before, I grabbed a wet wipe (for better grip) and pulled.
She got a dollar, a new toothbrush (much needed), toothpaste and floss (no more dinosaurs...she wants the adult kind :)  from the tooth fairy this morning.  oh and the best part of all, she goes back on track Monday and will have such great stories to tell. 
Now we CAN sing the song as it was written.   All I want for Christmas is my 2 front teeth.  my two front teeth.....yadda yadda yadda.   I know they are referring to the 2 top but it's not specific and so we are going with it.