We have a problem. We try to be so prepared in the case of an emergency, death, dismemberment, a sudden loss of control of all cognitive thinking resulting in the others death, or dismemberment. :)
We asked my little brother and his new wife about a year ago, to take our children in case anything were to happen to myself or J. They took time and thought about it and agreed.
They now have a 2 1/2 week old baby boy and are now having concerns that they couldn't give our children (with 2 on the way) what they needed emotionally if something were to happen to us. They didn't come right out and refuse to take them...but with this San Diego trip coming up it's all come out.
I have to ask myself....I am not ready to handle five 4 and under....how can I ask anyone to take this on in the event something WERE to happen ?
I'm scared not to have it resolved. I'm scared to think that my family would split them up. I'm scared that they would give them to my barren sister-in-law and depressed and alcoholic older brother. "HEY, they don't have any kids !! PREFECT ! "
I'm scared that my parents would take them and the stress would cause my dad to resort to treating them the way he treated me and my brothers. I've ENDING that cycle of verbal and physical abuse. I can't bare to think of the things that might be said to them. Or more importantly NOT said to them. Will they know that they had 2mothers who loved them equally.
There really is NO ONE else. Not a close friend. NOBODY will take all of my children. Who do you leave them to ?
Is this nesting. I mean is this all part of the nesting thing. Getting my affairs in order :)
The only thing to do is NOT to die.
RIGHT. I get that. and then I hear some story on the news about a family who has lost both parents or even just one and I think to myself. Were they prepared. Did they die feeling like things were in order.
Probably not.
This probably explains the unhappy spirits that reside in my basement. Lots of unresolved issues going on down there.
If ONLY I could talk to Patrick S.wayze via W.hoopie Goldberg.
Plan B, how not to die.
Oh and I predict girl/girl !
21 comments:
I think of this often as well. Who will take our 3? Will it burden them too much? I don't want them split up - it'll suck enough losing their moms much less being separated from their sibs. Agg, so much to think about. This is the part of being grown up that sucks. I agree - the plan is NOT to die.
K, I understand your worries, because they are mine also. I would never want my kids split up. Family is so important. I hope not to die before my kids can make it on their own. One thing I did is to provide enough $$$$$$$ (worth more dead than alive) for my family to hire 24/7 Nanny's and other caregivers to lessen the burden and stress of 3 very active boys. I also have put together instructions as to how to hire these people and how to provide for their needs. But my kids will not have the same life with out me and that's just a given.
I hope you get your girl/girl, all I know is that once my boys turned 2 they went from sweet and innocent to HELL on wheels and then the oldest turned 5 and he came back from total chaos to Mama's Great Helper.
I am so proud of you for thinking of this. You would think that this would be on anyone's mind who has children but it isn't. T and I are lucky that my brother has agreed to move into our home if something were to happen to both of us. He would not only continue to raise our children as we would like but make sure that they had time with both of our families. I so hope you find that special person(s) for your brood.
OK...that is funny (the prediction, not the worries)...I have been saying all along that it is boy/girl and then this morning out of the clear blue I thought no, it is girl/girl!
Damn the depressing post. I was looking for a lighter note.... something called "brothers" :)You know a brothers post that you could then scrapbook!
Yes, you are nesting!
No, there will be no dying!
Yes, I realize I am no help at all.
I hate this subject too. Neither of us have family that we would feel comfortable leaving our kids with. When Cam was first born we asked my sister to take him if something happened to us and we put it in our wills. Well she has since become distant to us and Cam doesn't even know her well. So we changed it to our fabulous neighbors. We feel lucky to have them. They are our family. Cam loves them. We wanted someone who would make sure both of our families got to see our kids. Although as the years go on, I am sure it will change. Right now my plan is to NOT DIE either. That's why I don't like to leave Cam. I'd rather us die as a family then us be out on a date and die in a crash without him. I know, I'm a freak!!
So girl/girl, huh! Did you guys go to fetal photos again???
we are in the same exact boat my friend. What about your sister families?
My kids would be too everything much for my mom. Plus our values are way so different. She would try to instill her bible shit on them. Homophobia etc.
The Mr's family I would never trust my kids too. Both my sister are alcoholics so I dont know.
Oh and I have said all along that it is girl girl.
I get it.
I asked my husband the same question last week- I dont know who would take care of the girls. My parents are not suited for it... esp not my mother (considering the "wonderful" job she did with my brother and I).
The important thing to keep in mind is to have your affairs in order. I have all that stuff taken care of and am proud of myself for that. My parents never had nor have life insurance. My father refuses to get it, bec that means that he will eventually die- and he is scare to death, of ...death. i think its crazy not to have a back up plan or provide for your family in case you suddenly go.
My mom's cousin was killed in a car accident today. he was 50. He fell asleep at the wheel. I couldnt help but wonder if he had his affairs in order when I heard. He has young children and a stay-at home wife.
by the way... when r u finding out the sexes?
oh- and what is this new obsession with patrick. *SIGH*
Okay so why are you thinking girl/girl? Come on fess up!
And yes, NO DYING :)
OK K and J...Max and I would take them ALL and not split them up and Not farm them out and they would ALWAYS know they had 2 AWESOME MOMMIES (and we would let them visit grandma under supervision - lol)and they would even get a big sister in the process! Hannah would be in HEAVEN!
I wish I had some good advice... I think you're ahead of a lot of people though; most don't even consider these kinds of things...
We've considered the 'what if's' as well. Bella will go with her Godparents, our good friends, Tammy & Danna. This will not set well with Liz's family, but that's the way it is.
I will take all 5 of them and love them to pieces....but then I am sure I will die long before you and J!
Nothing's going to happen. No dying. BUT...JUST INCASE...where do we sign up for the kids? :o) ALL of them!
If John & Kate managed to find a suitable taker for ALL 8 of theirs (who won't split them), then surely your small brood of five could find a worthy placement! Dawn and I have our legal docs in order and my brother will take Maddie if something happens to us. I understand your concerns though, it's a reasonable fear...and yes you are nesting! As soon as Maddie was born I had horrible visions of me dying some tragic death and her being motherless. Completely irrational but I had them. I'm sure the solution will come to you and ease your fears.
I think of this also. we only have one little girl but I worry alot about what would happen to her. Our story is a little different as her dad is in the picture,and my worry is usually what would happen if something happened to my partner ( daughters bio mom) would he be an ass and not let me keep raising her, or completely not allow me to see her at all??? that is definately something that keeps me up at night.
so,, the plan is that we just cant die, for at LEAST 15 more years...
It is not about nesting. I think about that ALL of the time. It makes me sick to think about it. I just think that we just can't die.
I am pretty sure that nobody would do it just like we would but we have to try and pick the best fit. Good luck with this I think it is something that all parents go through.
See you in 2 days!!!! SAN DIEGO here we come!
I totally agree that the whole thought of all this is stressful. We willed our one to my brother in law but have decided we didn't like he and his wife's philosophy on disciplining so that will no longer happen. such a scary thought to imagine not being here for our babies!!
Wow, I can see your concerns, but for the record, love, I would take your kids. And I would love them like I love you, and take care of them. I would.
Not that anything is EVER going to happen to you, but if you ever feel desperate like that again, there's this lil ol' friend of yours down south who would do it. Just saying. :D
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