No time to say hello goodbye I'm late I'm late I'm late !

First, when there's nothing but a slow glowing dream
That your fear seems to hide deep inside your mind
All alone I have cried silent tears full of pride
In a world made of steel, made of stone

Well I hear the music, close my eyes, feel the rhythm
Wrap around, take a hold of my heart

What a feeling, bein's believin'
I can't have it all, now I'm dancin' for my life
Take your passion, and make it happen
Pictures come alive, you can dance right through your life

Oh ya baby we're going to San Diego today. See ya later. I hope.
Oh and Kelly, my box of...ahem...toys...is in my closet behind my tank tops....make sure that if we crash and burn that box is taken away before my family comes in to clean out the house :) ha ha It's VERY important to get your things in order and well...that DEFINITELY takes precedence.

Also, we've decided that we like the name Thomas Jay. (nobody gets a 100.00 for that one....I had come up with it before...so you all owe me 100.00) I will call him Thomas Jay, but when I mentioned it to Syd she said...."I like Tommy" :) it made us both smile.
Plus as an adult, when he is an executive, CEO, or Dean of a major college...he can go by Tom...or Thomas.
Nothing is in stone yet.
J wants Kyle but I don't love it.
Keep the names coming. I love saying them, adding middle names and saying it with our last name.

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG again.

Lets just say that 16 of you were right. (I will send your 100.00 gift checks in the mail, way to go on the prediction)
I'll admit, I was wrong too. as was my wife.

This is how their room will look....bunk beds for EVERYONE !


















Any ideas on names ?
If your name suggestion wins you will get something SUPER nice too. Maybe not 100.00 gift check...but I'll make it worth your time.

My GREAT BIG IMMEDIATE FAMILY !

We have a problem. We try to be so prepared in the case of an emergency, death, dismemberment, a sudden loss of control of all cognitive thinking resulting in the others death, or dismemberment. :)

We asked my little brother and his new wife about a year ago, to take our children in case anything were to happen to myself or J. They took time and thought about it and agreed.
They now have a 2 1/2 week old baby boy and are now having concerns that they couldn't give our children (with 2 on the way) what they needed emotionally if something were to happen to us. They didn't come right out and refuse to take them...but with this San Diego trip coming up it's all come out.

I have to ask myself....I am not ready to handle five 4 and under....how can I ask anyone to take this on in the event something WERE to happen ?
I'm scared not to have it resolved. I'm scared to think that my family would split them up. I'm scared that they would give them to my barren sister-in-law and depressed and alcoholic older brother. "HEY, they don't have any kids !! PREFECT ! "
I'm scared that my parents would take them and the stress would cause my dad to resort to treating them the way he treated me and my brothers. I've ENDING that cycle of verbal and physical abuse. I can't bare to think of the things that might be said to them. Or more importantly NOT said to them. Will they know that they had 2mothers who loved them equally.
There really is NO ONE else. Not a close friend. NOBODY will take all of my children. Who do you leave them to ?

Is this nesting. I mean is this all part of the nesting thing. Getting my affairs in order :)

The only thing to do is NOT to die.
RIGHT. I get that. and then I hear some story on the news about a family who has lost both parents or even just one and I think to myself. Were they prepared. Did they die feeling like things were in order.
Probably not.

This probably explains the unhappy spirits that reside in my basement. Lots of unresolved issues going on down there.

If ONLY I could talk to Patrick S.wayze via W.hoopie Goldberg.

Plan B, how not to die.

Oh and I predict girl/girl !

What's Worse ??????

What's worse ? Having a Brazilian wax job.
OR ? Having a Brazilian wax job and then ending up with a full head of hair several weeks later.
I want my damn money back. and then some for the humiliation and pain.
not cool people. not cool AT ALL.
Will I go back. Probably not.

Ok, now what's worse ?
Having the stomach flu, with 3 babies who need your constant supervision and attention. 2 of whom have diarrhea.
Having stomach cramps, unable to eat, pregnant with 2 babies who tell your body that you HAVE to eat or they will make your life HELL. meaning that on top of the pain you are nauseous as a mother. OH AND TO BOOT....because you haven't eaten or had anything to drink, heartburn kicks in to DOUBLE time.

I don't know anything worse than that. That pretty much tops the cake.
That was me yesterday...it started at 3:30 am. NICE ! My wife got home as scheduled at 5:30 pm and took over. I still have no idea how we all lived.

Saturday we got to meet Holly of 2 Mommies and a meatball. Can I tell you how fun it was. Utah bloggers, tons of babies..NOT HOLLY'S. Still a little angry about that.
Any ways...here's a picture. Ky and Beck weren't there yet so are not pictured.

Top row : Dee Holly Kori
Bottom row : Me Kelly Keri Merr

















Congratulations Merr ! She's preggers !














Oh and the L-Word R-O-C-K-E-D Sunday. ROCKED !

San Diego is a mere 3 days away people. Let's say a little prayer that my children stay healthy and that there are no bumps in this normally rocky ass road to Friday.

Your sarcasm exudes you !

I expose my soft underbelly and you stomp all over it.
We-heh-hell ! Now I know what kind of people you all really are.

My wife wanted me to tell you all that the van I attached the picture of is actually the extended version. Ours wouldn't be that long. DAMN ! There went the mini bar.

I also wanted to let you know that IF we do get that big ol beautiful van.....I will be sticking a sign to the side that says....Provo, Park City, Salt Lake City areas, Airport.
I'm hoping to pick up some unsuspecting riders whom I will take home and make babysit my kids.

I will still have the license plate that says litig8r of course. WHY CAN'T I HAVE IT ALL !!!!! (thunder, lightening)

We will look at the Van that was recommended and the Suburban, but I can tell you that for the year or so that we may need it I don't know if it's worth crawling over and around to click kids in.
Syd is a light little thing and is around 35 lbs. She can't be put in to a booster until she's 40 lbs. It's me and my wife's deal entirely. Going by the book on that one.

Final thoughts.
Sydney has been having TERRIBLE nightmares lately. It seems everything scares her at night. The dark, monsters, bugs...and being pushed in the back with a stick in to a hole (last nights dream)
It's come down to one of us (ok J) staying with her until she falls asleep or her sleeping on our floor next to the bed.
I don't know when this will ever end.

Spencer burned 3/4 of the top of his pointer finger on the pan from the stove today. It's white and looks like it's going to blister. I can't keep a band-aid on it and after reading Baby 411 it says any 2nd degree burn should be looked at by your doctor.
REALLY ? Is that just a precaution for infection control.
My Ped. is on vacation and didn't leave a cell phone number :) and who knows if I will get a call back today. I did call. It makes me feel better so if something DOES go wrong I can place all the blame on someone else. ha ha
update : TOTALLY called me back. I love those people. he's fine. watch for infection.

Cameron is right now being detained on the top of the changing table. He crawls up, throws EVERYTHING off and then is unable to get down. It's a WONDERFUL way to get my blog posted without any interruptions !

Oh PULEEEAASE, like any of those things I just said and reread and realized how they must sound to other people, is real. NO. none of it. not the burn, or the nightmares...well ok, they can be real..I have NO control over her sleeping thoughts. but the changing table story. TOTALLY made up for ratings.

To prove it here are pictures of my children safe on the ground and smiling because HELLOOO, would they be smiling if things were as bad as I say they are.

















and if you thought that I bribed them with candy to get them to smile in the previous pictures...you are just plain crazy !















Belly Picture at 13 weeks. You can't really get the WHOLE picture, well...because my wife didn't take the WHOLE picture :) Maybe you can see how big my belly is, or maybe you can just see how small my boobs are. That's about what ? 5 months looking :)

Now that's a Family Car !

My wife has been on a JOURNEY to find us the PERFECT car/truck/van to seat our brood once the babies come.
I won't let her sell the van we have now until we are far enough along that I feel it is safe to say we are DEFINITELY adding 2 more and will need the bigger vehicle and gas mileage that comes with it.
She has looked at suburbans, expeditions ANYTHING that doesn't have the letters f-u-l-l s-i-z-e-d v-a-n in it. ha ha ha
I've let her look and will remind her that CRAWLING over the back of one seat to click in children is NOT my idea of a good time.
BUT.....who says we will be going any where once they are here any ways.

This weekend she has decided all on her own that there is no getting around it. We will have to get a full sized van. Suburbans are too expensive and really won't work with our needs.

I hope it fits in our garage. I laugh when I look at pictures of them. I mean I feel so removed from it.
I am NOT one of those people who has to drive the car or truck that fits their personality. WAY passed those days of sports cars and convertibles.
Just to give you an idea of what we have to deal with. UNLESS someone has ANY ideas as to how you fit 5 full sized (we are keeping Syd in hers) car seats in to any car that isn't a full sized van, PLEASE, let us know.















ha ha ha ha ha
I KNOW that we are going to be the first targets when any child abduction, or kidnapping takes place.
"Amber Alert....spotted, full size van with tinted windows in the area"
Isn't this the typical van that circles the neighborhoods searching for it's prey. ha ha ha

I'm SUPER excited to be able to fit more than just my family in this thing.
Check out the extra s.p.a.c.e in the back. WOO HOO !!!
I'm gonna go parking with my wife in this baby. Get a sign...don't bother knockin' when this, full sized van is rockin' !
ya baby....yaaaa !

Mixed Berries

Our bestest friends from Indiana just left.
They DROVE to Idaho to visit family, sled (snowmobile) and hang out in their cabin for a week. We are but a rest stop on their way home.
We will take ANYTHING.

Such memories, so many top secret life altering things have happened between us. as roommates, as friends, as young and crazy alcoholic newlyweds.
(no office equipment was harmed during the process of these secrets ;)

We absolutely ADORE them and their family. I wish we were able to see more of them.
And Mike, I promise that in a few years when the kids are grown a little more and we find that young animal side we once had...we are TOTALLY hitting the gay bars.

13 weeks people. check it out. I am O-fficially in my 2nd trimester.
ok. lets go. let the party begin. let the morning/ ALL DAY LONG sickness end. wooo.
okaaaay GO !
(pausing for a moment....aaaaaaaaand nothing)
Well, I'm giving it a few more days and then I'm kicking some ass and taking names.
I don't know why...but it will make me feel better if everyone else feels worse :) ha ha

My political career is slowly coming to an end and San Diego is a mere 2 weeks away. NO KIDS !
Though a rough go lately my outlook is beginning to look up !

I leave you with a picture of my little rat bastards :) said with all of the motherly love I could muster the other day. ha ha

Sick Days ?????

Remember the commercial where the mom is walking around looking like DEATH and the kids and the husband are following behind her needing something, needing EVERYTHING.
It goes something like, Moms can't be sick, so for them we have Robitu&ssin, or Nyq*il, or some other over the counter medicine like that.

(extremely whiny, almost stomping my feet up and down with fisted hands..wait for it....wait for it....)

WELL I CAN'T TAKE ANY OF THAT OVER THE COUNTER MEDICINE. I can take freaking
TYLEN0L.
TYLEN0L which doesn't even TOUCH the migraine I'm sporting today.
I thought about rubbin' a little Vick& on it...hell even Wind*x. ANYTHING.

I thought the nausea and dizziness was associated with my normal morning sickness...and was just worse today...as it seems to be getting worse and not better these days.
and then the headache started. AGAIN. is it one of those pregnancy, my blood is growing in volume and my bloody brain can't handle the pressure kind of headaches ?
and then the headache got worse. and worse. and landed me flat on my back worse.
It truly was debilitating. I called my wife and whispered that I was sick.
I called her back and said, I really am sick, maybe you should take the day off.
BUT SHE CAN'T TAKE THE DAY OFF BECAUSE WE NEED THE FREAKING TIME WHEN I HAVE THESE BABIES !
ahem. I have GOT to stop screaming, this is doing MURDER on my head. :)

My wife ran home on her lunch to bring me a sandwich and put the kids in their beds for nap time. she kissed me and said she was sorry and rushed out the door back to work.

THE BEST VALENTINE'S DAY PRESENT EVER ! (tears)

I love you honey ! I REALLY REALLY REALLY love you with all of my heart and even all of it's extra blood !

Note : my son who has been sick woke up after only sleeping an hour. THEN my other son woke up after an 1 1/2 hrs (but I let him cry as I had the otha brotha back to sleep and didn't want to wake him, and only after a few seconds was he back to sleep too)
I didn't sleep for fear Cam would wake up or fall off of our bed....but they did end up staying quiet for THREE hours. even Syd.

Stay at home mom description.

Stay home with rat bastard children who scream and cry and get sick and teeth and need guidance 24 hours a day with no breaks and will even get up for no reason every night for a week after sleeping through the night for months or even years with no explanation.
Clean up after said rat bastards who throw food, spit, spill, rub in, cough up, blow out a NUMBER of products that would make a grown woman cry.
Put more products back in to these children to throw, spit, spill, rub in, cough up, blow out.
Teach, hold, rock, sing to, read to, love on, compliment, encourage, show examples to and bathe occassionally.

There is no sick time, vacation time, no days off.
You will not be allowed to walk away from your job without SEVERAL DAYS or even WEEKS notice with a fill in who gets paid WAY MORE than you do hourly (which is $0.00)

I could go on to list the benefits, like the LOVES, and CUDDLES, and wet KISSES and this and the that. screw it.
Think about your own blessing today. I'm all full up.

Dinner Party !!!!

What do you do when your Mayor speaks out against a bill that passed for Partner Benefits.
Well, first I called his office several times. (he was out of town) so then I called his home phone number, got his cell phone number and called him. he answered.

Mayor : "Hello, this is Bill"
Me: "Hi Mayor shmeredy shmere, my name is blah blah blah, I would like to invite you over for dinner. "
Mayor : "What's the occassion" very jolly and in such good spirits.
Me : "Well sir, I live in your district and I'm gay. I have a partner and 3 kids, 2 on the way. I want you to come and meet us."
Mayor : "Well I'm out of town right now. I would like to talk to you more when I get back in town."
Me : "break bread with me Mayor. I'm certain you have lots to learn from me and my family."
Mayor : laughs nervously
I brought up what he said.....he worries that Salt Lake City's registry would spread to the suburbs. (read full story http://www.sltrib.com/news/ci_8237567)
He danced....I told him he was dancing. He played nice.....I pushed the issues.
He made REALLY bad choices in phrases and words. I dismissed them and chalked it up to ignorance.
45 minutes later I ended it with...
Me: "Mayor do you know anyone who is gay....and I'm not talking about someone who works in your building who maybe looks like she plays on a softball team ? Have you ever TALKED about gay issues with someone who was gay?"
Mayor : "I do know someone who is gay. I have not talked about gay issues with him, no."
Me : "Well it's time you did. You are making decisions, you are pushing and voting and banning laws that affect us...don't you think you should at least know who you are talking about ?"

I gave him my home number and thanked him for taking time away from his family. He was in Idaho babysitting his grandchildren. :) hee hee hee
He's calling me when he gets back in town. We will meet, or he will come to my house or I will go to his.

Education. it's the first step to change.
(me, shaking my head. unbelievable)


DAMN that blogger...spell check and now insert link won't work !!! (shaking fists at computer)


RALLY TONIGHT FOLKS !!!!! See you there. 6pm. with bells on.

Our last day !

This picture says it best I think !


Madly in love !
It's been 6 days and it feels like 3. They go home tomorrow :(
What a wonderful and fun trip.

It's been relaxing, but fun. It was so nice to have someone to talk to during the day. the normally mundane. through the tired and sick. they were there for me.
I'm going to have withdrawals for sure.
As are the kids I'm sure. They love each other and have played so well.

Neither one of us feels like we've done a very good job taking pictures. Here are a few though.

They made it !!!!! They're here !!!
How fun to see them walk through my door. my family. I've missed them.
My whole insides are smiling.
If this is what it feels like for people to live across the country from their family ? Not fun !
I couldn't do it.....move away from my family. live across the country from them. even for better gay laws. nope.

I have no pictures but will post some as I know I will be taking plenty soon.

Kelly. THANK YOU !!!! A million times.

An Ode to my Wife

more of a short poem.

When lifes darkness wraps and envelops me. and all you feel is the sting of my bee.
You keep on J, you conquer, you withstand....stay strong.

Chaos, crazy, monster and you. we go together like salsa in stew.
yet you push through in storm and snow. as butch as hell you plow and blow.

You get no peace, no time, no sex. life for you there is no rest.

BUT..........

Through the forest of trees lays wait. for us a magical place to take.
no kids, no mess, no puke, no stress, no money woes, no hidden foes, no infertility, oh no, those things are all behind you see.
To enjoy the company of you my love, with wrinkles mounding, gray above.
We may be 70 and 82....but it will be just me and you.

I can't WAIT !!!!! :) hee hee hee See you there baby !

Here are a couple of our pictures from last night. I personally like the candid ones better.

Sick of this, sick of that !

We went last night to have our family pictures taken for this families of diversity exibit here in Utah.
They had lots and lots of families who volunteered and had their pictures taken for it.
It usually doesn't happen until the day that we are scheduled to get them taken that I remember this...or that.
Is it POSSIBLE to get a family picture ? you know...one of us all looking in the direction of the camera.
We went any ways and I think the photographers exact words were, "this has been the hardest picture to get yet"
She took 1800 pictures and when I asked her if she thought she got ONE. she said with hesitation..."maybe."
Nice ! whatever.

I'm SOOOOO tired. I'm so sick of living in this disgusting hell.
My house is a gigantic MESS. Fine,get used to it looking like this, right.
Well I can't. I mean I really go crazy around all of this filth. call it a personality disorder. WHATEVER. between the filth and my "SPIRITED" children, and the hormones, I have been a walking NIGHTMARE.
I really don't think I can do this people. REALLY can't DO this.

I lost my cookies (well it was actually brussel sprouts and BBQ potato chips...mmmm) last night and scared Syd to death. She's still talking about it.
J is I'm sure internally thrilled....this in her mind guarantees a girl. WHATEVER !

So far that is what I'm sick of....this and that.
whatever.

Good morning !
Utah has been HIT this year with snow snow snow. We have sadly been missed by most of it.
We get a skim of it while to the South and North of us are BURIED !
Today we got buried. Over a foot of snow so far.
4 people have been stuck in the snow and have had to get pushed out on their way to church. I would say that's a pretty strong sign to stay your asses home. Just my opinion though :)

I told J she was CRAZY to snow blow WHILE it was still coming down extremely hard.
She said on her way out, if I don't do some now, the snow blower will never make it.
She was right. She's going to do her second round of plowing now !

I LOVE the snow !

Doctor doctor give me the news......

FIRST !!!! FIRST I have to say.....THEY SENT OUR BILL TO COMMITTEE !!!! We will be heard....we will be heard.
ok, ok....catching my breath.

I had my first doctors appointment today. I have to tell you....I have a new doctor, my old doctor isn't delivering anymore. She is choosing to spend more time with her teenage daughter. I say, you go girl !
SOOOOO she referred me to another doctor in her practice who is soon to be moving to this GREAT NEW BEAUTIFUL hospital a few miles from my wifes office and not too far from me.
We decided it was a perfect fit. We went in and the SECOND she began talking I felt like my IQ had dropped 70 points. She's SOOO FUCKING MOUSY and sweet and makes you want to pull your...no wait, pull her eyelashes out just to get a REAL reaction.
I didn't like her AT all. Let alone the fact that there were NO people in the office and 5 people came in behind me and went back. THEN....I was told to wait in the room for her. I asked....should I get naked (I ask that to lots of people...sadly the answer is usually the same) no.
She comes in another 20 minutes later. bugs me. THEN...after stupid ass small talk in which I am in the drivers seat and I want to kick her off the bus. She says, get undressed lets to an exam. She leaves and takes another patient. 15 minutes later. I wanted to tell her and will in the future. STAND THERE...I will get naked in front of you. just WAIT.
She wouldn't do an ultrasound. THEN. she couldn't find the 2nd heartbeat and says...lets do an ultrasound. I sensed something was up. When we got in there and the picture popped up and there they both were happy as can be....she tells me.
I wasn't going to scare you, but I've seen a lot of vanishing twins and was worried when we couldn't find the heartbeat.

She's taking the month of March off during her move. I will be seeing one of her colleagues in her new office for my next appointment. If I like that person better and we fit, I'm movin on yo ! Seriously. I can't STAND how submissive and tender she is. TOO MUCH !

Everything looks good. She won't perform a cerclage. :) hee hee
I'm sick as hell, but my mom is making me cream peas and potatoes tonight. The ONLY damn thing I have been craving for weeks now !!! yummmmmmmmy

I am as happy as a Peach in South Carolina.

(DAMN IT, I left the laundry room door open. dog food.) here comes the speech..if I've told you once, I've literally told you a THOUSAND DAMN TIMES. stay out of the dog food.