Stranded at the drive-in.

I had my first real fight with Baverly this weekend. I suppose she's not the ONLY one to blame, however, we just bought her a new back up camera accessory and I kind of felt like the honeymoon period should still be going on. Or maybe a little appreciation. shit
Saturday night we decided to hit the drive-in. Yes we still have one here. We took out the last row of seating, popped pop corn, loaded some drinks, treats, blankets and chairs and we were off.
We gave ourselves PLENTY of time to find a good spot and unload. Too much time really because then we had 3 kids who wanted to roam and wander a parking lot filling up with moving cars....who although had children in their cars, CLEARLY didn't notice the children other people brought as they sped through.
J took the kids on several walks and finally, just as she was about to lose it, the movie started. and then it was over. and then we loaded everything back in to the van and started off.
THIS IS WHEN I REALIZED that the parking lot looked more like a camp ground and OMG how am I EVER going to get out of here.
Now you MUST know....I am a "good motha fuckin' driver". I say this with pride and absolute confidence. I don't title myself with this as much as have been given this great title, and I wear it with honor.
Leaving the theater required a lot of backing up. pulling forward. using the first letter in swear words aimed mostly at poor J because she was trying to direct me and I was SCARED SHITLESS and couldn't see ANYTHING and neither could she so how could she direct me. and why if we bought Bav that cool new back up cam didn't we install it because then at least I would know when backing up for the umpteenth time if I was about to run over some schmuck roasting s'mores and hot dogs.

When I finally made it to the street.....Sydney who didn't stop talking the WHOLE time I was trying to get out and yet I can't quite make out what it was she was saying, says "MOM ! YOU DID IT !! Good job. Next time you need to take a deep breath and just relax."
I laughed and agreed and she added, "and don't yell at mommy J when she tells you to go right because you will hurt her feelings."
Right again. Have I told you how much I love my wife lately. I do.

Syd went with her grandma and papa for the day so the boys played in the water and had Popsicles on a very hot 98 degree day. Well Spencer enjoyed the water. Here's a little bit of what makes us smile.
Cute right ?!

Ouch, eewww, and UGH !

At 3 am I woke up with hard, mean contractions. OUCH ! I didn't have mean ones with the Spencer and Cam so it was slightly scary. A moment of, shit, is this going to be it, came over me.
After taking my no-mo contraction pills, laying on my left side and counting contractions every 2 minutes for the next 45 minutes I fell fast asleep. I'm assuming they went away, since they are gone now :)

I also wasn't too worried because at my non stress test appointment on Wed. I was still dilated to a 1 and my **fetal fibronectin test came back negative.

UGH ! Nanny Nicole is gone. She went home for the weekend to go to a family reunion. She will be back on Monday at 5 pm. The kids will be spending today and Monday at Miss Monique's. I am in charge of the kids until 10:30 am today and I'm as-keard. At this point in my pregnancy it really is hard to manage 3 little people. It makes me appreciate Nicole being here even more.

Last night Mommy J was mowing the lawn and Spencer fell while climbing the rock wall to the 2nd level of the playhouse and cut his lip really bad.
There was a really long gash on the inside of his lip and scratches on the outside. Poor guy. Just so those of you who are coming up behind me know....unless the lip won't stop bleeding or there is a flap of skin that you can say, fit a cheerio in....they heal better without stitches.
J brought him inside, I gave him Tylenol, cleaned him up, gave him a drink and he was off and playing. He's such a tough little guy.
Mommy J on the other hand can't seem to handle blood and guts any more. We are both concerned with the idea of a C-section. She is surely to pass out.














I'm off to cuddle with Spencer. he's the only one awake and laying next to me with his covers up to his chin and both hands behind his head. I love that kid.

**Fetal Fibronectin is a protein that glues the placenta to the uterus. If this protein is present around the cervix it means that the glue is disintegrating and that you may deliver in the next 2 weeks. If it's not present it gives you a 99% chance of not delivering in the next 2 weeks. this is how it was explained to me.

Showers and pool parties

first of all, can you see me....inching towards that next goal of 32 weeks. I still can't believe that I'm doing it. That my body is cooperating.
I feel as if I'm tempting fate for the 2nd time.
hold please (the sound of wood all over the house being knocked on)
ok, I'm back.

What a weekend. We filmed this weekend.
I felt really awkward having the cameras around. I've NEVER been one to willingly get in a picture or to be on camera, in fact I was the one who went out of my way to dodge cameras. so this came of no surprise.....but I just kept telling myself, you'll get used to it, you'll get used to it. Not so much.
By day 4 we were all done being filmed. Including my wife and daughter who seem to LOVE the cameras.
I keep worrying about how I'm going to come across....and how I'm going to look....you know. all of those things that all of us worry about any ways. but again. this is hitting a bigger audience. and I am pushing 200 lbs and 32 weeks pregnant with twins.
Now I'm going to work on learning how to sit back and trust.

A couple of our really good friends threw us a baby shower this weekend. It was great.
It was a diaper shower....in lieu of gifts everyone brought a bag of diapers.
NICE right.


















We didn't get any pictures of the shower damn it.....we were too concerned about entertaining :) We did get a picture with the hostesses.















I was contracting the ENTIRE shower...so after I went home, washed down my no-mo contraction pills with 3 bottles of water and laid down.
Thanks again Kelly and Britt. You did such a great job putting it together.

Sunday we went to another one of my dearest friends homes to swim. She was my boss years and years ago. She has THE NICEST stinking house.
She has this backyard that has a built in swimming pool (maybe not cool to those of you who live in warmer climates, but here in Utah that is a big deal) water falls, a stream, a creek, 2 green houses, a hot tub, a built in BBQ area, a fire pit and little sitting areas EVERY WHERE. It's so inviting and the company is so wonderful you never want to leave.


















Sydney explaining where babies come from to her new little friend.














Now I'm going to sit and relax and just push forward to 32 weeks. I'm nearly down to 6 weeks. Can you believe it !!??

A behind the scenes look........

I am getting a feel for what famous people go through. Nothing like walking through the parking lot to your doctors appointment with a camera darting in front and yes even behind me. (Paul has promised me to cut out any unsightly angles of my ass that are recorded)
I'm not used to it yet and I'm still not sure that I will ever get used to it.
People say that you forget that the cameras are there. How the F. I mean how can you forget when you have the lens of a camera with in 2 inches of your face.
NICE ! oh and it's high definition. SUWEEEET !
My kids are GREAT at this. They seem to have warmed up to all involved and are playing it up...even Cam.

Here is a behind the scenes look.
LOOK AT THAT BELLA :) (no vergina's were shot in the filming today)














Dr. Hottie is a natural. Not just naturally beautiful, but TOTALLY comfortable with the camera. I kept telling her how awesome she was doing and she laughed and said...."I've watched the Discovery Channel...I know how this works"

I'm DILATED !!!! I'm dilated to a 1. Damn it all to hell. The good news is, I was dilated to a 1 at 28 weeks last time and I was dilated to a 1 for weeks with Syd.
(note : cervix isn't made of steel as originally thought)

Check this out. 31 weeks tomorrow. Not so amazing right....MEASURING at 42 WEEKS, now THAT is amazing !
FORTY TWO WEEKS !! and you wonder why I'm dilating. It explains why I walk like a freaking duck too :)
I'm close but have yet to surpass the 200 lb mark. I'm waiting for it and unlike with the first set....I'm kind of looking forward to it :)

We have a shower this weekend and we are swimming at a friends. ALL of which I very sneakily got permission for from Dr. Sizzle to attend.
J has been told not to give me ANY MORE guilt about not doing anything and that she is basically my slave until further notice :)

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Q & A

This is to answer and enlighten you. I apologize for it taking me so long to get some of your questions answered.

Q- What are you naming the babies ?

A- Still unsure. We think that Nathan is sticking for one and I can't for the life of me come up with another one.
(continue sending me ideas)

Q- How's Nanny Nicole, you never talk about her ?

A- She's great. I don't talk about her much because, well....there's not a whole lot to say. She's extremely quiet and reserved.
It's a lot harder than I thought it would be having her here. By that I mean, when Syd was at Ms. Monique's while I was on bed rest with the boys, I HATED being away from her. I also didn't have to hear her every scream and tantrum. Right now while laying in bed I hear them screaming and all I want to do is get up and fix it, or at least tell everyone involved to shut the hell up. Nicole is extremely patient. She's been very honest in telling me that this was harder than she thought, she's not going to stay longer, and that my children are difficult. (tell me something I don't know)
Being able to leave whenever I need to, for Dr.s appointments, Syd's gymnastics, which happens to fall RIGHT at nap time and errands (when I was allowed to run them) is AWESOME ! and I do love having my kids get one on one attention...especially Syd.
I have a feeling she knows about my little blog...so that's all I have to say about that :)

Q- Does J think you are funny.

A- I will let this picture speak for itself
(J nearly shooting root beer out her nose on a lawn break today) she thinks I'm FRIGGIN' hilarious.
In J's own words. "no, I don't think she's funny"















Q- When are you going to start shooting your TV show ?

A- Less than a week.


Q- Are you nervous about shooting your TV show ?

A- Like a needle being shot under your finger nail.
I'm EXTREMELY nervous. I don't want to be boring, and yet I don't want to be...well...me. People rag on me about who "I" am and I don't want that to reach a bigger audience some days.


Q- Is there anything that you keep to yourself ?

A- Yes. Pregnancy and the many changing colors of your labia, pooping, farting and swollen feet are all ok to talk about. but I usually don't talk about my obsession with American Idol last season and So You Think You Can Dance this season. I TiVo'd both and won't miss an episode.


I leave you with pictures from today. We got the pool out as it's 90 degrees and WOW is it hot.

Look who's in the pool...ssshhh...don't move...he might get out.















Spencer's new haircut. J told the girl to trim it...we were going for the shag look. She freaking gave him a pixie cut. WTF. He honestly looks like a girl from the back.
















Cam bug hunting.

















Everyone checking out the BIGGEST SPIDER EVER...except for me. I'm WAY across the yard with the zoom fully extended in order to catch this picture. (spiders YUCK)















The newest member of our family. introducing Roley.

And they called her BAVerly

That would be the name Of our new VAN !!! (suddenly the voice of a game show announcer) THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS. WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A NEW 2007, FORD, WHITE, BIG ASS VAN.
IT COMES EQUIPPED WITH 12 COMFORTABLE SEATS, ROOM FOR A DOUBLE STROLLER IN THE BACK AND A BUTTON TO TURN OFF THE ANTI SKID CONTROL ON THE DASHBOARD. IT DRIVES MORE LIKE A TRUCK AND WILL COST $120.00 (this week) TO FILL WITH GAS, AND IT'S ALL MINE.
This bitch barely fit in to my garage and I still laugh when I look out the back door. I mean, crack my ass up....I can't believe this is really my life now, feelings flood my body.
It doesn't have temperature, compass and mileage at a glance like the mini van had. No electric doors, no stow and go, no stereo control buttons on the steering wheel, which you always thought was stupid until you were sitting at the helm of this big white ford beast van, trying to stay on the road while reaching over to put in a Laurie Berkner CD. DAMN ! The controls are nearly 12 feet away.
I do feel a piece of my pride was lost while driving it home last night. I was glad to pull in to my driveway at 11 pm so that my neighbors wouldn't all point and laugh. We told them we were getting one, but to see this beast up close. holy shit. IT'S HUGE. Like GINORMOUSLY LARGE. on a scale of 1-Big it's pretty damn big Bob. It makes J's truck, which is a small truck in the lesbian world of trucks, look like a hotwheel toy.
I'm certain we will be laughed at wherever we go...but our choices were this or nothing. We weren't going to crawl over seats to buckle kids in and the price of the other vehicles were like $25-40,000.00 any ways. this baby was $15,000. I need to cross stitch this and hang it from my rear view mirror to help me remember, because I don't know how much of the laughing I can take :) I'm feeling slightly vulnerable.
I really didn't think I would, but seriously...it's that big.

On the way home from buying it last night (we drove to Idaho to pick it up) I would laugh and point at the extended version, full sized, 15 passenger vans and would say "ha ha, you're bigger than we are"

We are calling her Baverly, for B-ig A-ss V-an erly.
STOP LAUGHING !!! I'm serious. it's hurting my feelings.














We had our doctors appointment yesterday. We can't fly to California this next week as planned. She doesn't feel comfortable with it. I asked her to go with us, but she can't go on Tuesday or Wednesday....DAMN.
I am on bed rest until July 4th. Dr. Hottie thought that it would be a good "Independence day" for me ! smart ass. I will be 34 weeks then. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT.
My cervix is holding strong but I am contracting regularly and am currently taking my regular doses of nifediprine to ward them off.
I can get up and make dinner and shower etc....but I am not supposed to pick the kids up or fly to CA. to get legally married before the other 48 states bitch loud and hard enough to renege the WHOLE DAMN THING and then it will be too late for us.

Gotta go, Syd has Gymnastics and Dr. Hottie didn't say anything about driving Baverly 2 blocks away to sit and read The New Earth for an hour while waiting. WHICH by the way has turned out to be an ok book thus far. It really does have some good things to ponder. Maybe I'll write about them in another post. Right now I need to read it and re discover how owning a HUGE ASS VAN doesn't define me or have any control over my ego if I don't let it.

Just in.......

FIRST OF ALL !!! I HAVE TO SCREAM THIS FROM THE TOP OF MY LUNGS ! as it almost put me in to labor when my loving wife called to inform me.
QUEEN LATIFAH (my Hollywood backup....my laminated list girl) just got engaged to her FEMALE PARTNER Jeanette !
I'm seriously light headed right now. I LUF her. like, love her long time.

I understand there is no room in her life for me. and the chances of her picking up on a big ol pregnant white girl from Utah isn't likely. but it sure did make my day to have it confirmed. FINALLY !
(HUGE SMILE) I just LOVE her.









29 weeks and where does that leave me.
With irritable contractions, no UTI to speak of and cold feet.
I flop like a fish out of water in bed now and although I have 3 pillows holding me in place, I feel like I need more.

Guilt in riddle form.
What do you do when you do everything and still can't seem to get anything done ?

I don't know. Ask my wife.

J has been taking care of everything and yet there is still SOOOO much to be done.
There's no good time and then there is just no time.

We missed Gay Pride yesterday....and yet, as I sat outside in my same, I'm not doing anything, fashion....I watched my wife in her tiger stance, bounce my 3 babies on the trampoline. Everyone screaming and crashing around her and I was FULL of pride. Completely full up. Turns out I didn't need a parade, or booths, or beer garden to find my gay pride this year...although all of those things sound wonderful. There was just no way of dragging this big bellied girl around town.
I hope everyone that was able to go had a WONDERFUL TIME !

My wife popped the question. We will be heading to Californ-eye-A to tie the knot with all of the other happy couples. I CAN'T WAIT !

Open mouth and insert foot...and hands.

(must be sung in the Nancy Sinatra..These boots were made for walking, tune)

This blog was made for bitching and that's just what I do.
And when Nanny Nicole leaves I'll have more bitchin to do. dun dun dun dun dun.

Sorry I've been such a shitty blogger lately. No excuses really.

oh oh oh...I just thought of something to bitch about. :)

I had planned on asking for the guidance that be out there....my children have been CRANKY and mealtimes the last week have been RIDICULOUS. Nobody will eat and then EVERYONE is pissy and there is this whole MELTDOWN thing that happens to kids on empty stomachs. on TOP of their already beaming and wonderful attitudes. UGH !
WELL..........
We recently took our kids to Jungle Jims, and to the Zoo if you recall. AT SOME POINT ALONG THAT PATH they were infected with SOMETHING HORRIBLE. Well several types of horrible.
First some 24 hour 103.4 (to be exact) fever thing.
Spencer has had this rash thing going on for months now. His ped finally told me to take him to a dermatologist. We have an appointment at the end of the month.
SOOOO we weren't surprised when Cam showed up with a rash on his tush and legs 2 days ago. I called the pediatrician on Monday morning. they laughed at me. not out loud or to my ear but I could hear the inside voices of all of the assistants in the office bitching behind my back because OMG LADY WILL YOU GET OVER THE RASH THING ALREADY. I told her to f-off in MY inside voice and said, ok I will start applying the hydrocortizone 2% that didn't do SHIT for Spencer's rash but I'm sure it will do WONDERS for Cam's.
ANY WAYS. Monday night it had spread to his shoulders and down his arms and he had these weird blister rashy things on his two pointer fingers. I called again Tuesday morning.
My concerns are not only for my little Cam but for his unborn brothers still incubating.
The nurse would not take my call and so I just made an appointment.
As I was leaving the office yesterday after our appointment, the nurse said all shitty in a..we hate moms like you kind of way...."soooooo, does he have the same thing Spencer has ?"
I turned around and casually said....."nope, hand foot and mouth, beeyach."
She said all pissed, "WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME !"
I said, "YOU HEARD ME ! NEXT TIME YOUR ASS HAD BETTER TAKE ME SERIOUS !"
That's when she came at me.
They apparently don't have office security, or I'm sure at this point they would have been called.
OH PULLLEEEEEAAAASE. like that really happened. She broke her foot and was in a cast. I could have TOTALLY taken her out had I really called her a bitch in the first place. Truth is, I like her. I just hate feeling like "that mom" when I call about stuff. I can't wait until I have FIVE FREAKING KIDS to call on !

Syd had Hand Foot and Mouth when she was their age and OMG it was a bad case. Sores all over her mouth. It was HORRIBLE. BY FAR the worst of all of her virus/bacteria growing illnesses thus far.
Cam-man has been fine. I will stop trying to force feed him however. and my patience for the little guy has been pushed up a notch...otherwise things are as they should be.
Explains a lot of the...not eating dinner however. I hope they all get back on track soon.

Does he look miserable. NAAAA !














Syd showing me how she paints with her mouth because, "I don't have any hands mom"















Well if sister is going to do it.......


















then I will too !

Neighbor ? NEIGHBOOOOOR ?

She's not here. In fact. she's on a jet plane headed to Denver and then off to a lonely place in the desert called Lost Wages.
I mishew J !

Over done it damn it.
I over did it. I knew I would and I did and I knew I shouldn't and now I'm pissed.
I went shopping with my mom all day on Friday. I bought plants for my outside pots (I know, I'm a month late) and although my mother INSISTED that I not lift anything and sit when I could, it was still a lot dragging this big ol body around.
Saturday was a memorial day do over.
Saturday morning we hit the zoo a runnin' with our great friends and EVEN THOUGH they wouldn't let me chase kids or push the stroller (thanks girls) there were still hills to climb (with this body and all of it's extra weight, the hills felt more like mountains...especially by 12noon in 80 degrees of pure sunshine) and sometimes kids were picked up to see over the fences to the animals in the distance and then there were the tantrums of tired hot kids that raised blood pressure levels and well.....it was a lot of fun. Pictures to prove it.

J & Cam, and Kelly who lugged around Spence for me, all day.















I don't like Elephants up close mommy, I only like them in books and I only like making their sounds.















Look buddies, an alligator.















Oh and did I mention there was a synchronized swimming try out. We were (this) close to making it in to the finals....apparently there is a height requirement.















Will this train GO any faster mommy ?















Can this train slow down in the dark tunnely parts please.















Saturday night we had our neighborhood BBQ. The church ladies sat around and cackled (we were part of this circle)the kids played night games and other than the incident where Syd climbed 11 ft in to a tree playing hide and seek (great hiding right...TOTALLY gets that from me)...her screaming for help gave her away and when we did find her it took a 15 year old girl climbing up and handing her down to the waiting arms of her Mommy J, we had a great time and crashed in to bed at midnight.

By Sunday I was uncomfortable and having contractions sporadically, so I laid around most of the day trying to rest my bod.
Since J was not going to be in arms distance today, I was assuming that I'd end up in the hospital and threatened, I mean warned her not to go. :) She left me any ways so today I will be resting horizontally as much as I can.

I don't have a doctors appointment for another 1 1/2 weeks, so we probably won't know if this weekend did a number on my cervix or not. I'm staying positive.

Hope you all had a great weekend and I hope you can all rest horizontally at some point today in recovery efforts too.