No heat, no shirt, no service.

Today is day 1 without Nanny Nicole. I will always be grateful to her for helping me bring big and healthy boys in to this world.















On top of being all alone today with my 5 pack....we have no AC. We've been without air conditioning for a week and our house has stayed a balmy 90+ degrees. Right now it is 91 and we are H~O~T people. J's boss borrowed us a couple of their BIG fans and they have been helpful in moving the 91+ degree air around. SHIT it's hot. (we have to replace the unit and hopefully they will be here today to do it)
Doing it alone hasn't been all bad.....except I should be resting right now instead of blogging....soooooo, I leave you with a picture of us trying to get cool. because again...it's friggin' hot up in here.

The original born on date

Like a good beer.....everything must have an original born on date.
My boys due date was today ! If I would have carried them to term they would have been respectively 9lbs and 8lbs today.
















Ry-guy and Nate















Cam watching over his sleeping brothers















Spencer and his in captivity dorsal fin.

Testing Stress !

Queue music from Beaches Soundtrack.
I went to the Cardiologist today. Apparently they didn't care much about my slow heart rate, they saw an arrhythmia and wanted to check it out.
PULEEEASE, every other person has an arrhythmia.
aaaand switching over to Huey Lewis.....
"heart of rock n roll is still beaten....YA"

I'm fine. My heart rate was at it's lowest 33 highest 117 and average was 55.
I said, "so you're telling me I damn near died" (waiting for hysterical laughter)
The cardiologist responded with, "Lance Armstrong's heart is probably resting in the 20's when he sleeps."
The fact that they compare me and my heart to the likes of Lance Armstrong oughta tell ya what AWESOME shape my heart really is in. Or something like that.

I should be running marathons people. It took my heart 11 minutes running up a damn mountain (or so it felt) to get my heart rate to 168. FUCK ! I seriously kept saying, or huffing, "looky here people. I JUST had twins. I haven't exercised in 9 months...and I'm certain I remember being told by the doctor that I SHOULD NOT do strenuous exercise for 6 weeks postpartum."
They didn't care and kept telling me that it was a test and my heart rate HAD to get to 168 so that they could get another picture via ultrasound.
My heart rate hit 168 and then plummeted after jumping off the treadmill and they didn't get the picture they wanted but all was good and they weren't going to make me get back on.
My heart rate drops so low so fast that I feel light headed and passy outy. It just means that I have to warm down after working out. OOOOR, not work out at all, which is something I'm VERY good at !

My babies went to work with mommy J while I had my stress test. They were good and didn't make a peep. They did make a poop though.

"You are leaving me with how many babies ????"
















Hangin' in Mommy J's office

Washed down and out !

Obviously I don't have any Tom Cruise fans reading my blog. I expected the support but to SHOVE the pills down my throat people. I'm surprised you didn't spoon serve it up with a shot of vodka. :)
Thank you for all of the love and support. I was surprised at how many of you have also suffered with these same kinds of feelings. I really wish that it didn't have to be something to feel ashamed about.

I had such a great weekend. I don't know if it was all of the support or if it was a hormone shift but I had the most calm and peaceful day Sunday which made it hard for me to pop that first pill Sunday night.
I just about backed out on a wait to see what happens after a few more days when I remembered your comments about how it takes 2 weeks to take effect and how I should start now to prevent falling down later.
I don't know if I believe that whole 2 weeks thing because I felt really fuzzy or sparkly as Syd puts it, yesterday. Maybe it was the pill...maybe it was all of the alcohol I washed it down with. :)

Sydney started pre school again. Those 2 hours sure make a difference. I don't mean while she's away...I mean, her whole attitude changes when she's in school. She's a much happier little person. And cuteness seepeth from the sidewalks when she walks on them.

















My wife called me from work yesterday and asked me (out loud) if it would be ok if she took a flight with the college players to one of their games. Spend the night and come back the next day. NEXT WEEKEND !
I was going to put on my last post about postpartum how sensitive J was to my feelings and needs and how she is all about helping me not hurting me. BOY AM I GLAD I DIDN'T WRITE THAT.
I of course laughed when she asked me and knowing we already had plans in place didn't need to go further. "Oh ya, sorry, we have plans that weekend. DAMN ! I sure wish you could have gone." (sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm, shaking my head)

Lastly...Nate giving a thumbs up to his brother.
Bad angle but Ryan was totally sucking Nathan's thumb. I would have thought that all of the cute twin stuff would have been there done that after the first set...but no. I still get a kick out of the arm holding, thumb sharing moments.

Postpartum me !

***updated***
A serious post. a seriously LONG post. good luck to those of you who make it through.
I rarely write anything of a serious nature. It's not that I can't be serious, but I sometimes find sarcasm a better way for ME to deal with my feelings.
When life and my children are doing me in, I'd rather find humor in the idea of WANTING to duct tape them to the garage wall, rather actually doing it.

I've spoken before on postpartum depression This post will be focused on it. If there are any Tom Cruise fans/followers, look away people.

After I had Sydney I found myself avoiding people and overwhelmed. I didn't want anyone to come over. Syd was a SCREAMER and I felt like it was a poor reflection on me as a mother when she'd cry.(yes even only a few DAYS after her coming home)
I worried that nobody would like her because she was difficult....and I gave myself WAY too much credit for thinking that I could handle and knew enough about babies before bringing her home.
It was SO hard. I was tired and stressed and she was not happy and hard and the whole thing put me in to a funk. I blamed it on the shift in hormones, lack of sleep and chalked it up to the baby blues. It didn't last too long and other than the normal feelings that come with being a new mom, things went back to normal.

When I got pregnant with the 1st set of boys I wasn't exactly happy about it being twins. I had a difficult baby...I knew how hard having 2 would be. When they were born I was never "happy" about it. I didn't have that, love at first sight, that so many people claim to get. After bringing them home I started with the same bluesy feelings and just figured, like with Syd, that they would go away.
Soon I found myself thinking things. Horrible things. Death and blood and situation like dreams would run through my mind like horror stories from the news.

I felt like I had complete control over any impulse to harm either of them....but there were times that I had an overwhelming urge to throw them across the room. I remember one time Spencer was crying and I held his tiny little newborn body up all red and screaming and with my hands shaking (not shaking him) screamed at him to shut up. Just SHUT UP !

I talked to J about it...I talked to my mom about it. I was normally so sarcastic that neither of them thought much of it and figured I was just a new mom of twins and a toddler.
I would tell my mom, I want to kill them....all of them....her response was, "honey, don't you think that all moms feel like that at one time or another"
REALLY ??? ok. then I'm normal.
I would call J on the phone at work and when she'd ask me how things were going I would respond with, "I'm filling the tub up" or, "I'm going to put them in the garage"

I was very edgy and unhappy. I would cry out of frustration and was miserable to my family. I always asked myself when reading about the mom who drowned her kids, or the one who shot hers...."did she feel like this in the beginning ? did she snap ? what made her cross over ? did she just one day lose it and kill her kids ?"

Turning point. I was watching an Oprah show, there was a story about a bank executive who was home from work one day. He was playing hide and seek with his 5 year old twin daughters and upon finding them, stabbed and killed both of them.
I was devastated, I called my mom and said in desperation, "you mean I'm STILL going to want to kill them when they are 5 ? These feelings DON'T go away ?"

I was scared. For the first time I felt like I couldn't handle it. I didn't have the strength to handle these feelings for the next 5 years. I was barely holding on now.
I went to my doctor and was immediately put on an antidepressant with a few little pink pills to get me through tough moments before the prescription could take effect.

The pills kicked in. Life was good. I finally felt normal and the feelings that I had been feeling were not only gone but BLEW me away that I ever even had them in the first place. I weaned myself off of the pills after almost a year of taking them. I never did like taking them and although I knew that they saved me I always felt like a failure because I needed them.
I don't like being medicated. I don't even take Tylenol when I'm pregnant.

Fast forward, here I am, madly in love with my new babies. It was a long road to being happy about having them. I don't think it was until my last trimester that I even really started to bond with them in utero.
Other than the few slightly irritating situations in my life...I feel like I'd beaten it this time around. And then yesterday it started. My anxiety levels are up.....I have lost all patience and that lethargic feeling started to set in. My older children cry and my skin crawls.
Is this postpartum ? Is it serious ? Is it something that is going to turn ugly like last time and if it does will I wait too long like last time thinking it's just normal stress caused by 5 kids under 4 ?
Am I just stressing out because Nanny Nicole is leaving me and honestly...how in the hell am I going to do the pumping, feeding, burping, playing, reading, cleaning, cooking for all 5 kids by myself.
I'm scared people.
I find my eyes watering, ready to pour, ready to sob uncontrollably at any given opportunity and yet I would never let that happen because I don't cry and rarely let myself cry.

So is this postpartum like the first time around like I had with Syd. It will resolve itself and I won't need to medicate myself.....or is this bigger and I should start taking the meds now because Nicole leaves us next Friday and there isn't much time for the meds to take affect after that....and I could scar my children when the mean bitchy mom from hell comes out.
It's funny because I like the babies.....it really is the older ones that are sending me over the edge. (I just glanced over at my sweet little sleeping Ryan and here come the tears)

The pros of taking medication include : saving the sweet spirits of my children.
I can be such a miserable bitch and I HATE taking it out on them.
Finding some peace within myself.

The cons of taking medication include : taking medication...I hate doing it. I'm breast feeding....is it getting to the babies ? will it have an effect on them ?
I also don't want to NEED the medication. I don't want to feel dependent on it.
Mostly I just worry about the breast milk.

What do you do ? What should I do ?

*****update*****
I wanted to put your minds at ease somewhat, as you are all helping to do the same for me.
I am not in a dark place. I haven't had any bad thoughts thus far. That's why I'm having such a hard time deciding whether to start medication now. I don't want to find myself on the slippery slope and yet I don't want to jump the gun either.
When I speak of saving my older children's spirits I'm simply saying that I lose my patience and yell harder, louder, more often, over the small stuff even. They are not spanked they still get time outs....it just seems like they spend a lot more of their time in time out. I would never hurt or put my children in harms way.
I had already talked to my doctor before having these babies about my history with postpartum. She gave me a prescription and it was filled that day and has been in my cupboard since. I'm not so anti drugs that I would EVER let myself get to the place I was once in.
I just can't decide if this is normal postpartum or if this is something that will require medication.

In the spirit of the Olympics

Closer to the floor !

With full access to the door.
WELL technically they had full access to the door already as they have been climbing in and out of their cribs for some time now. Spencer fell and split his lip which pushed us in to getting their beds sooner than later.

Cameron is the instigator and jumped and played and wouldn't lay down last night.
J had to sit in their room for an hour, taking binky's and blankets and returning boys to bed. They did finally succumb though and this is what we were left with in the morning.
Big Boy Beds !















More eye candy. Damn it I just enlarged the picture and my milk let down.
The best kind of sweetness ! I'll take two !
Nathan.

A brother to lean on and sleepy smiles !

They are eating at the same time...and it is breast milk....and I am pumping at the same time. to me this is as good as tandem breast feeding.
















Nathan's little gloved hand was just hanging on to his brothers arm. SO SWEET !
(please don't comment on the girl pajama's Ryan's wearing. They are hand-me-downs from his big sister and looked gender neutral enough for us, just wait until you see the short-shorts and crop tops we have to put him in :)















OH MA GAWD PEOPLE...and to catch it is what is so amazing. I took like 10,000 pictures of this particular smile session. The thing is, it's Nathan who smiles NON STOP while sleeping....and I SWEAR TO YOU PEOPLE, on the lives of my children, that child smiled at me today. Not sleeping. Not passing gas. Eyes open, staring in to my eyes, full on smile.
I will have to try and capture it.
oooooh and that dimple....CHOMP CHOMP !
Ryan.
















The truth shall set you free......no smoke and mirrors here folks. Just the truth the whole truth so help me Jenny Craig.















oh and the only reason I'm wearing the same shirt 2 days in a row....ISN'T because it's black and slimming, OR because it's one of the only things that still fits me that doesn't necessarily look like a maternity shirt and covers that big flab-o-jab hanging off of the front of me...it's because I wanted to show you what I look like sideways as opposed to facing forward in yesterdays post. ya, that's it.
Oh and I did wash it. I had to....I had to wash the pants because I only have 2 pair and they were dirty so I thought I might as well wash the shirt since I'd already worn it 2 days in a row. WAIT..I mean, yesterday.
WHEW ! I do feel free !

Beacause I needed the attention !

You know there is a lot of attention in being pregnant, with twins and having all of these other babies. I guess now that the 2nd set is here and things are calming down I felt a lack of attention on my part :)

My day started off pumping, feeding one with one hand and burping the other over my shoulder with the other hand and ended with words like bradycardia and cardio myopathy.

It started Saturday night. I was slowly drifting off in to this sweet, soft sleep when I noticed the skin on my head, neck and back were contracting with my heart. (I liken it to a headache when the skin on your head feels like it constricts with the pounding.....same feeling but no pain)
It was just a peaceful, but odd feeling and the rhythm was helping me fall asleep.
I found myself counting my heart rate and the tightening and noticed it seemed slow.
I counted it twice and my resting heart rate was 31. I felt like it was slow, but what do I know....I mean, I'm still alive. The next night, same thing. This time it was 36. I woke J up and told her to count her heart rate. 69. I decided to give the doctor a call in the morning to see if this was a post partum issue.
My doctor was out Monday and the nurse didn't seem to think it was much to be concerned with and told me she would talk to Dr. Hottie in the morning and call me.
I guess that the nurse called me back at 8 am on the dot should have tipped me off.
She wanted me to come in and have my vitals taken. I agreed to go to an instacare close and down the street. I tried to explain to her that, this was something that happened at night when I am totally relaxed and that going in during the day wouldn't show them anything. My heart rate always seems fine during the day.

I got ready, fed and pumped and ran out the door. Blood pressure 113/68, pulse ox 98, temp. 73.8, HR (heart rate) 43.
What the hell. The monitor went off and the doctor standing there asked if I felt ok. I said, yes...I'm still alive. :)

I'm currently without a Primary Care Physician so Dr. Hottie suggested I get some tests run. today.
I didn't like the urgency and what was once just a silly slow heart rate started worrying me.
I was told to go to the ER. They did an EKG, ran some labs and hooked me up to a 24hr monitor.

Now you have to know, marathon runners have slow heart rates. The doctor who saw me in the ER said that his heart rate was usually slow and that he too would get in the low 30's sometimes. He rides his bike 6 miles a day.
He asked if I worked out ? :) hee hee.....I told him that I had just worked out for the last 9 months. That as out of shape as I am, my heart is in SUPER good shape.
My heart rate ranged from 40-50 the whole time I was there. Which I didn't understand because I felt nervous and anxious through some of the process.
The monitor kept sounding off and I was like.....deep down there is this little marathon runner trying to come out !!!

I have to follow up with a cardiologist for an ecocardiogram.
The ER doctor said that he thinks everything is fine but that they have to cross all of their T's. I agreed.

The guy who hooked me up to my 24 hour monitor of course tells me about a woman last year who had a baby and died 6 months later. Dude...why do you say this kind of shit.

Guess what though ? I took pictures !! :) Oh yes I did. What's a story without pictures !

There is nothing REALLY wrong with me...I just needed some attention ;)
NO, my upper lip isn't all sweaty and shiny, I must apparently still have that pregnancy glow.















Monitors going off. The top number (green) 41 was my heart rate.
















And here I am, with a strap on device....(one I'm not so familiar with) The monitor hangs around my neck and beans the heads of my babies each time I bend over to pick them up.
It is recording EVERY last heart beat. The white above my shirt is tape holding down the leads....I guess I can thank them for the free chest wax later.

















All of this for the Doctor to say...."Like you, your heart is freakishly strong." :)

New Look !

No this has nothing to do with the way I physically look. :)
I wanted to give props to my friend for the new layout with my new banner full of pictures.
My awesome friend and fellow blogger buddy Jen made it for me.
SUCH A GREAT GIFT ! I love having every one's pictures right there and I'm too technically challenged to ever try to figure it out on my own.
She's the same great friend who gave me all of my wonderful prenates (best EVER) and who I should be giving full credit on bringing such big healthy babies in to the world by recommending the book, "When you're expecting Twins, Triplets, and Quads"
You're the best Jen, Thanks.

Nippla-enormity

I've found myself telling people to call before coming over. I do this to give myself time to wipe off my dripping nipples, change my bloody pad and brush my teeth.
Too much of a visual.....it's all part of the beauty of child birth.

Jan and I have also been marveling at my stomach lately. When I flex my stomach muscles my stomach molds itself from the round and soft 6 month pregnant looking lump, in to this triangular point right in the center of my stomach. Jan thinks it looks like I swallowed a football. It is really an odd sight. I'm tempted to take a picture and post it. Maybe when I get up the nerve to post a picture of my tubular shaped nipples after pumping. I swear they reach out 3 inches. And all 3 inches are laced with nerve endings. OUCH ! It's like something out of an 80's Madonna video gone wrong.
Forget the tummy tuck, I'm going in for nipple reconstruction.

I still don't know what my stomach is going to do. Back to back twins can't be a good thing. After my boys, the size of my stomach went down, leaving some soft and pliable, deflated balloon like skin at the bottom of my belly. It was fine. Nothing I wanted hanging out of my pants, nothing that should be seen in a bikini, but definitely nothing you'd want surgically repaired.
I'm hoping for the same this time around. and of course laughing out loud at my positive attitude.

I know it's early to be having self body image issues...but I'm ready to be back to normal again. I'm ready for all of the leaking to stop, the wounds to heal, and the energy levels to rise again. I'm ready to be just me ! and in a couple of weeks, it will be just me, so I really need me back !

To bring your now corrupted minds down from the still pictures I just created of my body.
I leave you with something more beautiful than words. yet I always try....Turtley old men pictures. mmmmmmm, could you just eat them up !
Nathan















Ryan

7' up !

A good friend recommend the blog name 7'up. :) I really like it and after thinking about it I freaked when saying out loud...we are a family of SEVEN ! It still blows me away.

Today my babies are 7 days old. 1 week down. 1 week old.

Things seem to be moving along as expected. Some ups some downs. The babies are mostly sleeping and eating at this point and we are VERY glad about that.
Their personalities seem a lot like the first set. They are very laid back and mostly cry when they are hungry. Again....for today and today only that is good.

I wanted to post some pictures of my 1st set. They have not been forgotten and are really taken with the 2nd set. :)

Spencer and Nathan

















as expected....."Eyes"















"Nose"
















Cameron and Ryan
















Big kisses !
















Cameron and Nathan. I love this picture. It reminds me of Austin Powers, "one MEEEllion dollars" :)
















Cam and Spence had a mud fight outside. Cam managed to get most of it off before J could get a picture. but they were both COVERED head to toe in mud :)
















ooooh, I'm CRA~A~ZY
















Baverly, filled to the brim ! We need to get an intercom system installed to talk to the boys WAAAAAAY in the back. oh Baverly.
















We hit the park today for the first time with all 7 of us.
















My wife, my sun, my moon, my stars, my savior, my getter of bottles, and Nate.
She goes back to work on Monday and oh lord help us. I'm going to miss my neighbor very much.















Ry-guy. He was wide awake so I took some pictures....the lighting was HORRIBLE so the flash washed him out. Either way, here he is because he's cute and 7 days old.

I'm calling out an SOS.......

Or so my breast pump is. "help me, help me, help me"....it's swooshing right now as I'm pumping.
I'm renting a hospital grade pump for the efficiency and comfort.
My old pump that I was using up until now seemed to sing, "you are powerless, you are powerless, you are powerless" another time, "you get an A, you get an A, you get an A," and also, "Baverly, Baverly, Baverly" ???? whatever.
I'm pumping for now to build my supply. I have let them latch a couple of times for practice and OUCH !!!
So far I get an ounce out of each side. This is the BEST I've EVER done with breastfeeding thus far.
It took me a month to get an ounce out of each side last pregnancy.
PURE GOLD people, PURE GOLD !!!!
(big ups to my peeps who told me about the hands free system....LOOOOOVE it, it's allowing me to blog right now)
















WTF award goes to a comment received 48 hrs after delivering.
"How are you planning on taking off the weight ??"
I think digging the hole to put your dead body in might do it.
This shows my swollen leg....the red dent was caused from crossing my legs for a few minutes.














SCORE !!!
Formula received from the hospital, our pediatrician and from that free cool diaper bag. We are supplementing so this is NICE ! Plus it's the good stuff, none of that Costco formula we made the boys eat :)



















For my friend Kelly, I title this one simply...Brothers !
(my next post will be dedicated to the first and second set....they are great with their brothers and I need to capture it and post it)















Part of the problem not the solution.
Syd was supposed to be asleep but "I CAN'T sleep mom until I help feed Nathan because he needs me to feed him, because I can hold his bottle by the bottom"
This is one of the ten THOUSANDth battles we chose not to fight yesterday.

Our birth story !

Cheesenrice,gotdandruffsomeofititches....holyshitmothermaryofgod!
(That is a little bit of how we feel since coming home)

BUT FIRST !
The birth story.

Went to my last appointment on Friday. Headed to dinner at the parents house (kind of my last hoorah) to drop Syd off for the weekend. Started having REALLY MEAN contractions on the way to mom and dads. I said screw this I'm getting my home cooked meal. Ate through contractions. Stayed for dessert. ;)
Took the boys home, Jan was already pushing me to head to the hospital. (she don't want no boys born on the road) We went home and I have to admit I was expecting them to come soon too.

We put the boys to bed, packed up, made our bed (because that's important and since it hasn't been MADE MADE for 6 months we felt it important WTF)
Got to the hospital at 11:30 pm. My FAVORITE nurse was charge nurse that night. I was ECSTATIC. She is so fun. Dr. Hottie was doc in the box, so she was on at the hospital for next 24 hrs. (how lucky could we be...oh and it just so happens that the kids pediatrician was on call this weekend as well)
It really was as if the stars lined up for us.

After checking me in and deciding to keep me. We were settling in for the night.
Tim our favorite camera man was there with us. We really like him and feel very comfortable with him so all was good and I was happy.

They broke my water at 12:30am. I was on the pit. it seems like at 2:30 am I received my epidural and OMG how miserable. I had to lay on my side (never had to lay down before) and it was HORRIBLY uncomfortable. Plus I was contracting on top of that and they were KILLING me. Soon the relief set in and again, all was good.
Nate's heart rate dropped and they put oxygen on me and I got slightly scared and was imagining a c-section, trying to wrap my mind around the possibility...you know, just in case.

About 3:15 am we were thinking it was time to rest.
Our nurse came in at 3:39am and with a total poker face checked me. I remember thinking, DAMN I'm still a 5. She then said, "you are an 8, I am going to go set up a bed."
(I have to deliver in the O.R in case of a c-section)

THE SECOND she walked out the door, I felt pressure. I mean, lots of pressure. I kept saying, "I'm feeling lots of pressure...I think she needs to come back"
Finally I pushed the nurses call button and told them "it's tiiiiiiiiiiime"!

It felt like it took her a long time to come back but when she came in and checked me there was no poker face about it. I was complete and +2 station. She wheeled me down the hall at a speed of light. Everyone set up and only after a few pushes, at 4:24am Nathan joined the world, all 6lbs of him.
They laid him on my chest and the first thing that I thought was, he looks JUST LIKE Spencer.

They took him away and cleaned him up and it was off to the 2nd baby.
He had his umbilical cord swimming over his head in his unbroken bag of waters, his one arm was up over his head and his other arm was wrapped around his face.
The doctor pinched fingers and maneuvered with the cord to get him in to position.
I pushed and pushed and nothing. He was turning his head and looking for the light. :)
We rested and pushed for 30 minutes and FINALLY, after turning and adjusting his head 3 times, Ryan came out screaming and red at 4:54, weighing in at a whopping 7lbs 9oz.
He looked a bit like Cam and we thought it was funny how much they paired off with their brothers.

They couldn't get the bleeding to stop and so my stomach was kneaded like a ball of dough.
I was given drugs and more massage until they felt good about it. Well, there was some deep massage going on in recovery AFTER the epidural had completely worn off and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ! It hurt SOOOOO bad.

I got the shakes after as well. I have had them during delivery but never after. I seized (or so it felt like) for almost an hour. My muscles and mind were exhausted.
I got SUPER ITCHY just after being wheeled to my room. I got itchy with the first set after my epidural was placed, apparently very normal, but not after delivery ???
I also got SUPER nauseous as well. I felt like throwing up right after. Again ????
I THOUGHT the swelling I had during my pregnancy was awful. and it was. but I had NO IDEA what water retention could really do until after. My ENTIRE BODY is swollen worse than woody wood pecker at the Macy's Day parade. I mean. S-W-O-L-L-E-N.
We are talking elephantitis of the extremities and face. It is unreal as to how much water my body is holding on to. Apparently it will go away in a week to 2 weeks. Let us take a moment and pray that 1 week will be my magic number.

Everyone was AWESOME. The nurses took SUCH GOOD CARE OF US ! I can't TELL you how lucky we were to have had our doctor. LOVED everyone there.
We left the babies in the nursery every night. I had THE best birthing experience (other than the side effects right after deliver) and LOVED my last of all times delivery.

The boys are so far DELIGHTFUL. They eat and sleep. for now and for now is as far as my wee little brain can go. :)

Life around us is crazy. and I mean FUCKING crazy. WHO decided to do this and WHY ? is something that we are searching for the answers to and when I can get to it, will put down in words for you.
Lets just say there is some MAJOR adjustments going on.

It has taken me ALL day to get this post written, so I leave you, well those of you who made it through, until my next post.
Au'voir !

P.S. A HUGE SHOUT OUT to all of our friends and blogger buddies who have been so supportive with their love and kindness. and for all of those sweet comments. Thanks.
And especially a big thanks to those of you preparing and delivering food. If you ONLY KNEW how much it means to these tired old women :) and to the spawns of Satan formally known as our children who also get to enjoy it. MUCH Love and gratitude !

Pictures !

Here are some pictures.
Birth story to come. I promise.

Cam and Spence are getting over colds and weren't brought in to see their new brothers. Tomorrow it will be their turn.

Needless to say, it was love at first sight for Syd :)
Syd and Nathan



















Syd and Ryan















Ryan















Mommy J and her son















Nathan and Ryan















Dr. Hottie and the boys
















The team ! (part of the birth story will talk about the edema because, OH HOLY SHIT this is worse than the pregnancy swelling)

They're HEEEEERE !

My boys are here. They are safe and hopefully on their way to my room.

Nathan Park was born at 4:24 am, he weighed 6lbs even and was 19 3/4 inches long
Ryan Jake was born at 4:54 am, he weighed 7lbs 8oz and was 19 1/2 inches long.

We will update with pictures as soon as they get here and we get some downloaded.

Both vaginal. I've had some not so happy reactions to medicines and stuff but otherwise I'm perfect.

I can't believe I tempted fate twice. I feel COMPLETELY blessed.

Here they are. I need to get more pictures taken.
They completed the set as Nathan looks like Spence and Ryan looks like Cam :)

Still here !!

Good night nurse. Every night I lay down and think, "will this be it?". and every morning J wakes up and asks me, "how are you ?" and it's always the same answer. "I'm still here"
But not for that much longer.
I had my last doctors appointment today.
Dilated to 3+-4 cm.
Measuring 47 weeks. FORTY FUCKING SEVEN WEEKS !!

Syd's spending the weekend at my parents house. (that's the least they could do....more to come on that)
Lets hope time flies....this week has felt EXTREMELY long.
None of the above can be held against me while bitching about taking care of two newborns in the coming week all the while crying about, why didn't I just leave them in :)

Look at that. My self portrait.