(muchos vibratos, ya know, cuz I'm so gay)
I am madly in love with a woman. And rightly so. She is amazing, awesome, astonishing.
J has not only met but exceeded any expectations I could have ever held for her, us and our family. She loves me. She loves and cares for me despite my exorbitant and sometimes overboard mood swings. She treats me with kindness, respect and love.
She works very hard which allows me to stay home to raise our kids. You know, the 1 ok 2 that she agreed to have waaaaaaay back when.
I love her with every ounce of me. I couldn't imagine a day without her. I wish she were sitting on the couch next to me so that I could look over and smile at her right now. you know, that smile that tells her I'm writing about her and yet she has no idea what it is, so she says all harmless but threatening, "what are you writing about me?" and then I smile coyly and continue typing hoping for that physical reaction, a loving swat, finger jab or a tickle. ya, you know, like that.
She is a great provider and mother. Her kids love her almost as much as I do. At around 5:30 pm when the sound of the garage opens, they run knocking in to each other, dropping toys sliding around corners to get to the back door screaming all the way, "mommy J's home, mommy J's home !!" and then jump around her legs, arms up hugging her and each one starts rambling about their latest experience.
My heart melts when I hear the garage go up. Not because the games changed up and it's now 2 against 5. Not because there is someone else to hold a screaming baby and break up a fight the kids are having....but because I genuinely miss her and I can't wait to hear about her day and tell her about mine. Because after 11 years she's still the best and greatest person I know. and my stomach still gets butterflies.
What pains me the most is that people feel it their need to tell me what I feel is wrong. To disregard and distort my love. the way I love. To call the most important thing to me, my family, a sin. A sin people. My core, my center, my being. a sin. likened to murder and rape. All because the way I live my life doesn't fit in to the puzzle that some see as their eternal salvation.
There are places that women are treated like door mats. No better than a stray dog. We've all heard the stories. stand behind their husbands. they aren't allowed to talk unless talked to. their sole purpose in life is to serve and bear children. they may be tortured and killed if so desired. Their life means nothing.
This is not ok. it's not ok because we've been taught differently. If you tried to tell them that they needed to change they would throw religion and ancestry and their own truths at you. because they believe them. because that's all they know.
Does it make it right. no.
It's time for change. It's time for my love and my family to be validated. It's time for this state and it's people, and California, and my mom and my dad and our schools and their teachers and the churches to change.
It's time for people to stop hiding and think outside the box and find some understanding and compassion for those people in their families, work place, neighborhoods and schools.
Stop using the excuse that it affects your children. Hate does too, discrimination does too.
Just because one is different doesn't make them wrong. Just because my love is for my wife doesn't mean I sin.
We are just like everyone else. We laugh, we cry, we fight, we make up, we pray, we hope, we dream, we play, we work, we struggle, we barely survive some days and I don't know if normal is what we want to be, but a sin surely is not.
I do not know how to love any other way. It is my makeup, my DNA, it threads through my cells and is who I am. I am gay.
I have an AMAZING family. I have created it despite the criticism, the threats, the detours, the professionals that wouldn't work with us, the made up laws to hurt us, the majority voters. I am proud of what we've accomplished and how we've done it all with dignity and respect for others. 2 people in love and look at what we have.
I don't have an agenda. This isn't evil. This isn't a propaganda. It's my family.
50 comments:
Really bothers me that people think that they have a right to tell me what my life is too. We were talking about that just the other day.. our little girl is having difficulty in school .. and she's in PRE-SCHOOl.. because some kids say that if boys marry boys or girls marry girls they go to jail. Now where do you think they heard that.. Thank ignorant parents for that one. It has already started in our family about us talking to our daughter about differencs and it is ok.. why can't other parents think that way too?
You are a beautiful person, and you have an AMAZING family! Loving is not a sin, being a good mommy is not a sin. You are a great person, as is your wife, and every one of your babies! Rock on girls, we all love ya!
That is so powerful! Our marriage still being recognized is bitter sweet. I don't feel special. I don't feel lucky. I feel scared. I feel sad because our two older children came home from school and immediately asked about the court ruling on Prop 8. I watched tears in our 12 year olds eyes as she wondered why people would just divorce us like that. I listened to the questions about hate and acceptance asked by our 7 year old who doesn't quite understand exclusion. I stared at our baby girl and wondered if her moms would ever have rights.
Your family is amazing!!
This world would be a much better place if all people would learn and practice just one little thing..."tolerance"! People need to realize there are many right ways in life and their way isn't the only way. I think if people are lucky enough to have someone to love and someone to love them they are very lucky people. What you and J have is beautiful and you are both very lucky. I have known you both since before you became K & J and I love you both. I saw the changes in each of you as you fell in love and started your family. It's very sad to see all the judgement that goes on in this world.
yes, my beautiful friend, THIS POST ROCKED! i love the energy and soulfulness of your words! yes, j is amazing - as are YOU - and you two have a beautiful family and incredibly blessed life together. as for the ignorance that exists in the world...i can offer no advice other than what i've probably already said to you over the years or what other people have told you or what you already know in your heart. you know i'm protective. i can't stand when people spew hate and ignorance, particularly on those i care about. i seeth when someone feels an obligation to impart their intolerant bullshit onto others. unfortunately, you live in a part of the country that is predominantly ONE belief system and no, that belief system doesn't easily embrace a family with two mommies. in fact, they would be more apt to embrace the asshole man i married and our dysfuctional, loveless marriage over your very loving, healthy marriage of respect and equal partnership with j. i hate the word "lifestyle". or when people say, "um...yah...we don't agree with your "lifestyle". wtf is that supposed to mean? being a woman and loving another woman isn't a "lifestyle". it just "is"!" i think that is what you're trying to communicate here. you don't need to justify anything to anyone. you know who you are. i've told you many times how much you and j and your family mean to me. reading this post only serves to amplify that. :*
I just don't know what else to say, so I'll just say YES! This is EXACTLY how our families live & love and how we feel every day that we are treated as second (or third) class citizens. You put it perfectly.
Wait... YOU'RE GAY??? Here I just thought you were HAPPY.
Great post, though. *hugs*
Your post has left me in a sense speechless. Cause I don't know what to say. Cause it just made me feel.
It made me feel all the times we have been discriminated against, it made me feel the hatred people have spewed at us, it made me feel the stomping we have taken as lesbians - as a gay couple, it made me feel the rights that have been taken away from us. But it also made me feel the love that I have for Kel. And the love we both have for our kids. And it made me feel the closeness that we have as a family. And this is not a sin. Our family is not a sin.
And it makes me want to say f@*k those bastards who say it is. But then, I become one of them. One of them that spew hate. And I am not one of them.
I want to comment on Stef's post above... Be careful that you don't generalize about the parents of your child's classmates. The parents are probably not ignorant they just don't talk to their pre-schooler about gay people. It's a hard conversation to have - believe me! The going to jail part probably did NOT come from any parent. Kids have a very small view of the world and anything they view as different from them must be wrong. And if it's wrong then what happens? You get in trouble and do grownups go to time out? No, they go to jail. Kids make their own connections and come up with some very comical conclusions to things.
My kids know K&J well and have an age-appropriate understanding of their relationship. They are 9 and 5 and still don't really understand why there is a difference but they definately know there is one.
EVERYONE needs to be more tolerant and not assume people are wrong or ignorant when what others do is different from what they do.
Ok. I'm off my soapbox. Love you K&J! You are both wonderful people and wonderful moms!!
Preach it sister!!!
My eyes teared up:(:) you feel and write beautifully...... I love your love....
I as a christian woman trying to live like god would want me to, I choose not to judge people for what they choose to do with their lives. But to love everyone as best i can...
I love you and your wife and your beautiful baby's that i only know thru this blog of yours and i think if i lived closer you would be a good friend of mine despite the difference in our partners gender....
I pet sit for a gay couple....We call them the Kennedy's (2 men) and Isaac says to me one day, mom they have 2 dad's?? I say yup they do... He says wow how cool is that.. Those dogs are so lucky....
I choose to think it's cuz his dad is so fun and not because he doesn't like me:):):)
I am so sorry that their are such ignorant, uptight,self righteous people out there thinking themselves in the position to judge and pass LAWS about choices such as this.....
That's right dammit and you couldn't have said it any more beautifully.
i've been a lurker here for awhile, this brought me out of the woodwork. stunning! thank you for that!
This was fantastic. Thanks.
fantastic post, fantastic writing, fantastic sentiment.
if it is a sin for two people in love to be together, to raise children, to be happy in a way that harms no one and brings only joy... then i don't know what the world is coming to.
Very articulate, very beautiful. The agenda is love. I can't and won't be threatened by such a beautiful family. Consider all of yourselves hugged.
You guys are amazing and your post was amazing!
Well said. I wish everyone could read this, could read your blog and "know" your family a bit to understand that love doesn't know gender boundaries. Although my kids do not currently know any children with two moms or two dads, I already talk to them about how some kids have two mommies or two daddies (in fact, my daughter proclaimed that she would prefer two mommies -- don't tell her dad, she really does adore him). We ask parents can help normalize gay parenting to our children, and try to raise a generation that is more tolerant and not filled with fear.
FREAKING AMEN SISTA!! That was an awesome blog post. People need to mind their own business and accept differences. The world would be a boring place if everyone was the same! You have a great family, and sometimes I am a little jealous because I always wanted a lot of kids. It just won't work for our situation though! You rock, J rocks and your kids are lucky to have ya!
This moved me to tears..You are a beautiful family in every sense of the word. Love is love. Everyone should be so lucky.
What a beautiful family you are! Way to represent!
I have seen your show and only recently came across your blog. You are a very talented writer and have an awesome imagination and way with words! Todays post brought me to tears! That is exactly how I feel about my family! Thank you so much for putting it out there for all of us who suck at putting things down on paper! You guys (all 7 of you) ROCK!!
This made me cry. In a good and bad way. Good because your love for J is so real and your love for your children is so innate and your family is so effortlessly perfect. And sad because their are people that hate you (and me) for no reason at all except ignorance.
But despite what we LACK (and there is a lot, in the rights category) what we have, what YOU have, is AMAZING.
Great post! Makes me sad that people hate for such a silly reason. I have to live a double life to keep my job. I feel like crap not acknowledging my real life. Maybe one day...
:O)
Your post made me smile, Those people who think being Gay is wrong, they dont know crap! Being happy and loving towards your kids that is whats important. I aint ever heard of a case of abuse in this country UK that was a Gay couple with kids. hmm
People need to look at themselves before they judge others....
with love and respect x
Your words are so eloquently written.
This makes me think of something I learned tonight. I am going to be working at the zoo this summer and, to make a very long story as short as I can, we witnessed a duckling crossing. The duckings were followed two adult ducks. Two FEMALE adult ducks. So I asked my soon-to-be-boss, "These are two females, are they not?"...and she went on to tell me how ducks seem to have learned that two women who raise their babies together do a much better job. That's the really short version.
Gay, lesbian, whatever...your points are strong. I just wish the rest of the world could really hear what you are saying.
That's beautiful. Just like your family.
This made tear up. I'm not gay, but posts like this will make me continue to fight and stand up for equal rights.
Thanks, Colleen
I am not gay but I just wanted to let you know this left me thinking.......wow. Such heart. That is all.
Amen Sista!!!
You should put that in the New York Post... USA Today... somewhere where lots of people can read it!
"2 people in love and look at what we have. I don't have an agenda. This isn't evil. This isn't a propaganda. It's my family." Beautiful words from a beautiful woman who has a beautiful family.
There are a lot of things I love about California, but Prop 8 and this ruling definitely are not among them. They make me so sad--and so, so angry. All of it.
I hope you know that not all of us believe in this hate.
Much love to all of you.
I'm not gay either but will be marching at our state capital on Saturday with my 2 girls because for all I know one of them is (they are 2 and 4)....I must say I don't get it...I can marry a man I met this morning, I can be an atheist and marry, I can divorce and remarry a dozen times, etc but after 11 years you can't marry because you are gay? What kind of logical argument is that?
Wonderful.
I have lurked for awhile but I just had to say that this was amazing to read. I feel every single word to my core. I cried because it is so sad that discrimination in any shape is still so prevolent in our society. Our boys are 12 and 13 and have been brothers since they were 2 and 3 and there is not a day that goes by that I don't know in my heart that our family has shaped them into loving, tolerant, respectful young men. They make a difference already in this world and I like to think that it is not despite having two moms but because of having two moms. Why can't that be the important thing? Making a positive difference, making the world just a little better, more loving, more peaceful, more tolerant... one family at a time, regardless of gender, sexual preference, religion etc... Life is too short to spend it hating. Thank you for your beautiful words.
Beautiful. Abolutely beautiful
That was truely incredible to read.
I dont get how people can be so negative, especially when they see your wonderful family. So many kids grow up with disfunctional or even no family. Your kids are some of the luckiest I know.
Well said... and I love your family too! :)
Long time lurker here. Very well said. You have an amazingly beautiful family.
Unfortunately some people live in a very very sheltered world. I live in South Carolina and these folks are way behind the times...They do tell their kids things like gays should be in jail and even worse hung by trees ect...But they also have issues with interracial dating still. I just had a baby and its been very difficult for us here. Were trying to find a place in the US that will accept us with open arms. Its just hard, really hard...i came from Miami where it didnt matter. Here it does....So just because it doesnt happen in one city as much doenst mean it doesnt happen somewhere else. You may be open minded but your neighbor may not be....This land is about diversity, choice, rights....My wife just got called a "faggot" the other day because some guys thought she was a man with a human rights sticker on her car not a lesbian! Just let us be............
Wow. I couldn't have said it better myself. I don't cry, ever, but that was a close one.
My neice is 4 and came with us to the rally at the capitol this week. She understands that it isn't fair to not give people equal rights. She got really upset when I explained to her that we were going because some people said people like me and my girlfriend can't marry each other. Her first question was why? No one is born a bigot. They are taught discrimination and I hope that one day people stop teaching their kids that it is ok to justify discrimination and hate. We won't give up and one day things will change.
you are SO gay!!
what a beautiful, inspiring post K! why don't you and J come meet us someplace in the NE to get married this fall? let's exericse our right in a state that supports us!! looking forward to meeting you guys one day...
Can't type for the tears! This was just beautiful. You are my hero.
awesome post. it almost felt like you were writing about my life. :) you are a beautiful family and don't let anyone tell you any different.
*standing ovation*
AMEN!
I'm not gay and I love this post.
Someday it won't matter who we love, hope that someday is soon.
WOW!!!Stanger leaving tears on her keyboard..POWERFUL and OH SO TRUE!
k - awesome, awesome post. you do have an amazing family and I'm so honored to know you guys!
Beautiful! Your post - ROCKS! I'm so glad that you are part of our famiy :o)...
We love you all!!! Love is Love!!!
I just got chills from this post. Beautiful.
Just found this one, today! Beautiful! This woman is my idol....
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