(muchos vibratos, ya know, cuz I'm so gay)
I am madly in love with a woman. And rightly so. She is amazing, awesome, astonishing.
J has not only met but exceeded any expectations I could have ever held for her, us and our family. She loves me. She loves and cares for me despite my exorbitant and sometimes overboard mood swings. She treats me with kindness, respect and love.
She works very hard which allows me to stay home to raise our kids. You know, the 1 ok 2 that she agreed to have waaaaaaay back when.
I love her with every ounce of me. I couldn't imagine a day without her. I wish she were sitting on the couch next to me so that I could look over and smile at her right now. you know, that smile that tells her I'm writing about her and yet she has no idea what it is, so she says all harmless but threatening, "what are you writing about me?" and then I smile coyly and continue typing hoping for that physical reaction, a loving swat, finger jab or a tickle. ya, you know, like that.
She is a great provider and mother. Her kids love her almost as much as I do. At around 5:30 pm when the sound of the garage opens, they run knocking in to each other, dropping toys sliding around corners to get to the back door screaming all the way, "mommy J's home, mommy J's home !!" and then jump around her legs, arms up hugging her and each one starts rambling about their latest experience.
My heart melts when I hear the garage go up. Not because the games changed up and it's now 2 against 5. Not because there is someone else to hold a screaming baby and break up a fight the kids are having....but because I genuinely miss her and I can't wait to hear about her day and tell her about mine. Because after 11 years she's still the best and greatest person I know. and my stomach still gets butterflies.
What pains me the most is that people feel it their need to tell me what I feel is wrong. To disregard and distort my love. the way I love. To call the most important thing to me, my family, a sin. A sin people. My core, my center, my being. a sin. likened to murder and rape. All because the way I live my life doesn't fit in to the puzzle that some see as their eternal salvation.
There are places that women are treated like door mats. No better than a stray dog. We've all heard the stories. stand behind their husbands. they aren't allowed to talk unless talked to. their sole purpose in life is to serve and bear children. they may be tortured and killed if so desired. Their life means nothing.
This is not ok. it's not ok because we've been taught differently. If you tried to tell them that they needed to change they would throw religion and ancestry and their own truths at you. because they believe them. because that's all they know.
Does it make it right. no.
It's time for change. It's time for my love and my family to be validated. It's time for this state and it's people, and California, and my mom and my dad and our schools and their teachers and the churches to change.
It's time for people to stop hiding and think outside the box and find some understanding and compassion for those people in their families, work place, neighborhoods and schools.
Stop using the excuse that it affects your children. Hate does too, discrimination does too.
Just because one is different doesn't make them wrong. Just because my love is for my wife doesn't mean I sin.
We are just like everyone else. We laugh, we cry, we fight, we make up, we pray, we hope, we dream, we play, we work, we struggle, we barely survive some days and I don't know if normal is what we want to be, but a sin surely is not.
I do not know how to love any other way. It is my makeup, my DNA, it threads through my cells and is who I am. I am gay.
I have an AMAZING family. I have created it despite the criticism, the threats, the detours, the professionals that wouldn't work with us, the made up laws to hurt us, the majority voters. I am proud of what we've accomplished and how we've done it all with dignity and respect for others. 2 people in love and look at what we have.
I don't have an agenda. This isn't evil. This isn't a propaganda. It's my family.