I had Sydney's kindergarten screening.
The teacher recognized Sydney to be both competent and brilliant. ahem, ahem.
And then we sat together and she went over goals for this year and I said, "I wanted to talk to you about our family. Sydney has a unique family, she has a mama and a Mommy J." I had already filled out all of the necessary paper work, crossing out the word dad and changing it to mom.
I looked at this sweet, kindergarten teacher and religious, grandmother and her face only changed slightly. She smiled and said, "thank you for telling me"
(inside I breathed a sigh of relief...I DID it. It's over)
I took the opportunity to not count her a fool and added, "I'm sure you've taught other families like ours, but I thought it important to mention. you know, in case something comes up on the playground."
She smiled again and said, "Is her other family involved ?"
I wondered if she assumed that I must have been married to make Sydney and then hopped the fence. (not unheard of, and she did seem a little sheltered)
"What do you mean ? Is Mommy J's family involved ? Who's family ?"
She sweetly asks, "Who's mommy J ?"
I then realized she had no idea what I had said to her only moments ago....she thought Sydney had step parents. I clarified, "My partner. Sydney has 2 mommies."
Her eyes only lifted and her same nervous smile returned and she replied simply with, "oh yes. Thank you for telling me"
I went on to tell her that Sydney is fine with having 2 moms and that there was a great book, Molly's Family by Nancy Garden, about a kindergartner who has 2 moms and how the teacher deals with the issues that comes up about 2 moms one day before family day.
She jotted down the title and that was that. Well there was a little more, but that was it.
I came out. not once, but twice.
Practice for the MANY years to come with the kids in school.
Each year a new teacher and a new nervous smile. Maybe we'll get lucky. Maybe they will get open minded teachers. Maybe one day it won't matter.
HEY. we're all setting goals. we can hope. right ?
Here we are at kindergarten orientation Tuesday. I have high high hopes this year. I can't believe my baby is in kindergarten. 5 days and she will put on her backpack and walk a block away to learn and make new friends.
20 comments:
Is Syd really starting Kindergarten? I can't believe it! Man, where is the time going?
I can only imagine how nervous you were. Preparing yourself for the possible condemning/judgment of you and your lifestyle....
Great Job, I'm proud of you!!:)
Love the pictures!:)
Toasting my evening glass of wine to you! Good job! But here's my rant: how in the hell do they graduate with a four year degree(or have their continuing ed classes) in the 21st century and not have the slightest idea what you're talking about. Even in Utah? Come on --- these kids are in nearly every classroom. Teachers like this who are clueless are as dangerous as teachers who can't spell! I'm happy for you, but I'm sad for all the kids who don't have mothers as brave as you. It's treacherous territory out there sometimes.
Jan
where does the time go? I can't believe how fast it has went....all I am going to say is ENJOY the school years will fly!
You did GREAT!:)
yeah you -- so glad you were able to do this and she didn't react (much). twice.
I can't believe your baby girl is going to kindergarten. How did you not write that post without freak outs? Mine will have freak outs.
J would be so jealous of Sydney. All the time he says "I like my mama, I do not like my daddy" (even though he does adore his daddy) and "I want Daddy to be just like Mama" (not that you are just like J, but you know what I, and he, mean).
OMG -- 5 days! Is Syd super excited? Pete has 19 days till the first day of school and she is really looking forward to it. Thankfully, we've already dealt with the Pete has 2 Mommies with the school and teacher. Can't wait to see how the first day goes!!
Side note -- how the diet/new way of eating going?
Wow kindergarten and in 5 days. Y'all start early in UT. Is it year round school or they just get out early? I wonder if yours is the first 2 mom family that teacher has had... maybe you will find that out as the year goes by.
Sydney looks very excited.
I am thinking that it is good you have so many kids and will do this so many times... that way all the possible responses we will have to use as a reference. Excellent work, KJ.
OMG! I can in on the tail end of your show last night and was just thrilled to see another real family like mine. Until now the only thing anyone had to go on was Bett and Tina from the L word. I can not tell you how much seeing your Family on TV. last night. My partner JJ and I (Sara) have 3 kids 7,6, and 2. All the lesbian families we have seen have not been real families until now. I have to be honest it made me cry to see that we are not the only “normal” lesbian family in the world. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for showing the world that you don’t have to be straight to have the family life. GREAT JOB!
I wish people were more open minded like us normal folk.
She is beautiful and you should be VERY proud!
Thanks everyone.
Ali, yes...year round school...Syd is on a-track which started Monday the 27th, kindergarten doesn't start until the 4th though.
Sara, I'm so glad that the show left a good impression on you. That makes our doing it worth every minute. It sounds like you have an amazing family yourself.
Thanks for the comment.
Tracerhawk, the diet is going. We have a cheater day because we need a treat :) but have been pretty good. Ok, so we had 4 days of cheating (on our mini vacay) and I've since lost the 2 lbs that I gained those 4 days.
I'm still at 10 lbs and J is at 13 lbs down. We still enjoy the diet and are planning on using it as a new lifestyle and not "diet"
(with a few cheater days :)
I'm glad to hear you call it a "lifestyle" vs "diet". We are seriously considering starting it as we both want to change how and what we are eating. The menus and foods seem like something we could integrate and maintain long term. I'll let you know when we take the plunge...I'm worried about my diet soda addiction and I'm hoping I can kick it with this route.
You guys are adorable as usual. Very proud of you... it just made me realize that I will have to have that conversation in 5 years from now... WOW!!! But, thank you so much for sharing your story. Sorry she wasn't more CLUED in to the real world, but hey you did awesome!!!
YAY! I was going to say wow about starting so early, but I see that you are in a year round program. I thought we started early! We start basically a week after Syd and we aren't year around.
Don't ya love those replies... like they get it and then they say something that makes it utterly clear that they don't.
We feel like the teachers in our school know us. Without a doubt the K & 1st grade teachers do... and very soon the 2nd grade teachers will. Well soon the whole school should know since I'm the PTA Pres this year.
But we JUST discovered that their summer program teacher had NO CLUE. We weren't ever straight up with her, but we thought she knew. The thing is, it was only a 3 week program and there is no real opportunity to get to know the teachers. It is totally a FUN program and there isn't any grading/testing/etc... And while there may be teachers from our school there, they come from all over the district.
We ran into their summer teacher at the ball field and discovered that she thought that I was a "friend of the family... helping out". Argh! Seriously!?!?!?!?
She seemed very accepting of it all but she had a hard time understanding it. Which was clear by some of her follow up questions... "So you are their step parent then?"
I dont have to come out when it comes to my daughter. She outs me all the time. At her school at the kindergarten tea, she told her new friends, "This is my mommy and this is my mama, I came out of my mommy not my mama. " all we did was smile and say " yup"
Fantastic job!
Jarrod is in 6th grade, so by now all the teachers at the school know us. They know that we are a lesbian couple, and they know that Jayk doesn't have a dad and that Jarrod does, and they know that we have the two little ones together. After Gryfinn was born, the principal even told us that she would wait to retire until after Gryfinn left. I hope she does - and sticks around for Caelyn also - cause she is phenomenal! Anyways - as for the elem school - we are good for now since they all know us. We will have to come out to Gryfinn's preschool next year, and also to Jarrod's middle school. Middle school and high school I believe are going to be more challenging. The younger kids have always just accepted us. When they get older - you can see them picking up the habits of their parents - and by habits I mean prejudices and words etc. And since multiple elem schools combine for the middle school, and multiple middles combine for the high school, and it won't just be the kids that they have gone to school with in elem - I do think it will be more challenging. We shall see. I have my fingers crossed that the future teachers are as open minded as the ones we have already had.
Ok - wow - I wrote a lot!
And seriously - how big is she? Kindergarten already? She is such a doll! She will have those teachers wrapped!!
Year round school?? What school district are you in? Which school will she go to? Sorry don't want to be nosey. I didn't realize they had year round school here.
I can't wait until we have to come out to Cam's teacher!! I definitely will check into that book!
Yep, I've said "Sydney has 2 moms" more times than I can count. LOL! Fortunately for us, Syd's school is very small so everyone knows everyone. We've only had to explain it once. But the parents are a different story, especially since I'm the girl scout leader.
I think we need to be more specific when coming out to folks, but it's hard to make myself use the "L" word. LOTS of kids have two mommies, but usually they live in two different houses. Unless we're specific, we really shouldn't expect people to know what we're talking about.
Do you suppose Syd's teacher will start reading your blog?
Annonymous, you are absolutely right. There was no way for her to know that I meant 2 lesbian mommies. To say that much was scary and so after saying "Syd had a mama and a mommy J" I sat waiting for the bomb to drop.
That was the point to my story. Well not really the "point" the point is that I have to come out at all. and it's scary. and I had to really clarify myself that day. but I did it. and her teacher was nice. :)
Her teacher seems great. after meeting all of the kindergarten teachers I had hoped to get her. I had talked with several other mothers about her before even requesting a track.
I doubt she'll find my blog and if she does, I don't think it's anything that would keep her attention. but, then again, you never know.
Post a Comment