I was at a restaurant (dine-in pizza hut) with my first girlfriend. There was a family of 5 that came in and sat down, making it just the two of us in the whole place. The children ranged in age from what I could tell - 11 months, 4 yrs old and 6 yrs old.
You could tell right off that something wasn't right with them. They looked low-spirited, melancholy, beat down and nervous.
They quickly ordered and waited. The mother went and collected plastic silverware and napkins and upon returning lowered her face and kept her eyes on the table.
The children who had been quiet and not moving up until that point each grabbed a utensil and began playing with it quietly. The father expressed his disapproval and shot them a look to kill. Each child returned the silverware to the middle and the 4 year old took the fork from the 1 year old who then reached as hard as he could to get it back.
Dad got up to go to the restroom and as thick as the air was when they came in, the mood lightened just that fast. The kids grabbed the silverware and began sword fighting. Not loud, but more like normal children would. The mother was the look out and after what seemed like an extremely long time, told the children to return the silverware and settle down.
Nobody took the knife from the baby. Dad returned and brought with him the same darkness and threat that loomed over this family before.
When he sat down the pizza followed.
They began handing out the pizza and everything seemed to be going as planned. Sit down. order. eat.
Just then the baby dropped the knife he was holding and the dad went off, "DAMN IT ! WHAT THE HELL WAS HE DOING WITH THE KNIFE. WHO THE HELL LET HIM HAVE IT. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CUT THE PIZZA WITHOUT A KNIFE !"
The mom was frantically trying to reach for the knife under the table and without removing her eyes from the down position reached it towards him. He snatched it out of her hand and threw it on the table and continued, "WHAT ? YOU EXPECT ME TO USE THIS DIRTY KNIFE ?"
The wife nervously tried to help the situation, "no I'll go, I'll go get another one"
The 6 year old jumped off of the bench and said, "I'll get it mom" clearly trying to protect his mother.
The dad stopped him with an intimidating , "No you won't. Sit down. Let your mother go."
She jumped up and went to the front and got another knife.
They continued eating as if they had guns pointed at their heads and I sat wondering how it was such a young and attractive person would stay with such an asshole.
The baby got ahold of a fork and of course. threw it to the floor.
That was it. "GOD DAMN IT ! HE'S GOING TO THE VAN. I'M TAKING HIM TO THE VAN"
The children's faces showed that they knew all to well what would happen if dad took the baby to the van.
The mother protested in the weakest voice pleading, "He's only 1. He can't go out there alone. I'll take care of him. I've got him."
She scooted even closer to the baby and her hands never left a few inches of the baby's hands for the remainder of dinner.
The baby started to fuss and with a deeper voice he said, "shut him up, or I will."
The children's eyes stayed down the whole time and as soon as they came, they left.
After they were gone, with the pit still in my stomach I said to myself. and to my girlfriend. Why didn't I call the police. He's going to kill those kids. He's going to kill his wife.
I've seen angry. I've seen crazy. This guy was in a league of his own.
I think about that family all of the time. I do. still. It's one of those stories that I think.....I should have done something. There are 3 of them in my life. All of them have stayed with me and especially now having children I think how easily it is to lose our tempers and how easily it is to break their spirits. And how, they need someone to protect them and that person should have been me.
I also know that sometimes surviving isn't always the best thing. and I just pray for peace for the kids who are hurt. and strength for the person who sees this and can make a difference and stop the violence.
15 comments:
I feel for you and I have those memories too: times that seemed like I should have done something. Should I have called someone? And everytime I've stopped myself thinking what would I tell the police? It didn't feel right? Clearly the guy was an asshole? You can tell he's violent? What would the police do? Probably tell me that there was nothing I could do.
I'm not saying it's an excuse but I know why I've never called...
Years ago when my kids were in grade school there was a little girl, about 2nd grade I think, and she used to come to my neighbors house to walk to school with her girls. This little girl never had a coat, had unclean clothes, and occasionally had bruises on her arms. My neighbor and I decided we needed to involve the authorities so she called the police, who called child services. They talked with the girls teacher who had also had concerns for this child. The authorities went to the mother (no father) and after one meeting wrote it off saying that it was "abuse in acceptable levels"....Can you believe they had acceptable levels of abuse? Well, needless to say that single mother moved away that month taking this child who knows where. This is a memory that has stayed with me for years. Sometimes getting involved doesn't accomplish a thing. That breaks my heart!
K! That is awful. It really reminded me of times in my life that I've seen that situation. I remember my mom telling my brother and I to stand next to the van while she walked over to a woman that was degrading her small child and about to hit her. My grabbed her arm before she made contact and with a smile I'm pretty sure she told the woman she'd take the kid and call the police if she can't control herself. Turns out later my mom did call the cops with her plate number anyway. It takes balls to do that!! You would have done things differently today looking into your kids eyes as you watched those kids scared! Don't read A Child Called It!
Today i finally received my application for a guardian ad litem because i was one of those kids and wanted nothing more than for someone to look out for me.
I suppose we are all guilty of this.
Thing is, I'm not like that. I remember going to a house behind us (same first girlfriend) at 1 am because of the fight we over heard. (VERY shady neighborhood) and telling the husband that we were calling the cops. He didn't freak out but said that he would keep it down. We asked the wife if she was ok and she said she was fine. We told them that if we heard so much as an angry word we were calling the cops. We never did.
I'm not one to sit back. I just HATE myself for not doing something.
But like a lot of you have said...what were the cops going to do. Nothing. Nothing happened. he didn't hit anyone. All that it would have done was to make the night a living hell for that family.
Kathy...I have read the whole stinking series. UNBELIEVABLE.
Ugh... huge pit in my stomach. In my head I know these situations exist. I know that people are shitty to each other and don't treat their kids "right". In my head I know this... but I still can't believe it.
We also learned of that fuzzy line with DFS. We know a family member was reported... for decent reasons. Unfortunately it didn't sound bad enough for anyone to even look into it. They did nothing beyond accepting the report! Frustrating doesn't quite describe it.
ugh, i feel anxious and sad after reading that story. i'm going to fantasize that she got up the strength and took her kids and left that fucker behind! so depressing!
Wow! My heart breaks for those poor kids. It amazes me that there are women who let their children live in constant fear like that. So sad! I've witnessed things too like that. When Maddie was about a year old, I was at Party City getting balloons and a young woman came walking quickly to the cashier asking where the bathroom was. She was dragging a little boy with her and yelling at him to hurry. His little legs couldn't keep up with her fast pace. He must have been around 2 years old. As I was getting into my car to leave, she came out with the boy and joined a young man (baby daddy?) who had been waiting outside smoking. I rolled my window down. The couple was talking very loudly, every other word a curse word. When the little boy giggled and started to run down the sidewalk, the dad grabbed him by the back of the pants and practically threw him in the back of the grocery cart he was pushing. Then yelled out "Boy, what the HELL you doin? SHIT!!! You sit yo ass down! What the hell's wrong wit'choo?" I stared in disbelief and the guy turned to see me looking at him. I wanted to go up to him and say "You know, the really sad thing is that he's going to love you no matter how badly you treat him and no matter how little you deserve that love." I didn't say anything and he just glared at me like "Say somethin bitch, I dare you."
I lived the life of the books you speak of, with my siblings. Abusive alcoholic parents, Dad beat us with a belt daily (just one brother and myself, as we weren't the favorites out of 5 kids), mom was clinically depressed, etc. Back in the day, though, all of our extended family was that way - it wasn't taboo to beat your wife or kids. Dad died of a brain aneurysm when I was 11, he was 36. Mom abandoned us 3 months later. One cousin took in my sister, and the "Godfather" uncle (Dad's brother) took in my brothers. He didn't want me because I looked like my mom. Hell ensued in my first foster home, and I was finally removed by the police when my foster mother ran the social worker off her property with a shotgun (years later, when I confronted her, she said she was so drunk when I lived with them that she hardly remembered me being there). Second foster home was the cousins who had my sister, and they ALL told me DAILY they didn't want me there. Third foster home fine, but my mother committed suicide at age 35 while I lived there....then my foster parent's youngest daughter was diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease and died a year later. The next summer, I asked to move and was finally placed with an aunt & uncle on my mom's side of the family. EVER SINCE THEN, my mother's siblings have come out of the woodwork, all talking about how they wished they'd have had the balls to fight our Godfather uncle for us - because they knew what would happen to my brothers. I have little or no time for those people who chose comfort of their own lives over the safety and well-being of five children - I understand it, but I don't have time for it. My sister stole our inheritance when she turned 18. My older brother died of a brain aneurysm (just like our dad) at the age of 34. My younger brother is in prison for his 3rd DWI - and has spent more time in prison than out, in his adulthood. And my youngest brother is still (at 42 years old) trying to figure his life out, after 25 years of drug abuse. I'd like to say that I'm a successful survivor - but, no matter how hard I try, my past is a part of who I am. Thankfully, none of the mental illness, vascular disease or drug/alcohol addictions have affected me. And my four children will NEVER know what it's like to live the childhood that I did.
K, I'm not saying you were wrong for not doing anything - my issues happened within my extended family of 26 aunts & uncles. I'm just saying that from my personal experience, no one stepping up to the plate meant ALL of us COULD have had a better chance at a real life, with loving people to take care of us, if all of those who SAID they wanted to help had actually done something.
so sad. i could see how it haunts you.
How horrible... but like others said... I will hope that she finally got the courage and left him.
That's so, so sad. I think many of us have a story like that. Thanks for sharing it with us. Maybe it will inspire some to take a stand next time, I know it has inspired me.
That would haunt me too!! When I was in high school I had a friend whose mom would beat her and her younger siblings, as young as 3. The mom and even the grand parents would yell, curse, hit, kick , and throw stuff at the kids even while I was there. In high school I wanted to do something like call social services but I didn't know what to do. I was just a kid. I would talk to my friend about it and she didn't want to be taken away so I didn't do anything.
That makes me sick! I will be praying for those sweet kids and that mom.
Post a Comment