I'm sure this is a stage. A deceitful phase. But my little fabricator is all about storytelling right now.
Syd has lied before to get out of trouble....these new falsehoods are more elaborate stories than anything. They seem to be happening a LOT lately. and a lot of the time I'm left trying to decipher the truth from the untruth. If I ask her a question I usually get an exaggeration of the truth.
Most of the "stories" I'm talking about are either SUPER positive or SUPER negative too.
For example, "My teacher let me lead the class today and she said I was the VERY best "reader, singer, writer, adder.. pick a subject" in the WHOLE class." or, "Jared (all names are changed to protect the identity of those really involved...and I, for the life of me can't remember all of the names of the kids in her class :) fell today and I helped him up and asked him if he was ok and he was mean to me and said, Syd- you are the meanest kid in class, and I wish you were dead !!"
It's pretty easy to see through the make-believe...but I do worry about the things she comes up with sometimes.
Like the time I asked her what she did in school and her response was, "we had 5th grade buddies" and I said, "what did you do ?" and she replied, "pooped" and I said, "hmm...that's nice...what else ?" and she finished with, "oh nothing...we just pooped together."
I came up with something that hasn't really helped but I keep trying. I told her that her imagination is awesome and that she can tell the best stories, (as long as they don't have to do with pooping) but I need to know what is the truth and what isn't....so I came up with - Cool story and True story. After she tells me something I ask, Cool story or true story ? most of the time she still says true story...even though I know it's not. or maybe it's an exaggerated version. I don't push it any further and we move on.
Nobody wants their children to lie...and I do hope that this is just a phase. but I also hope that I'm doing the right thing. We've talked about what is the truth and what is a lie. I've explained and given her an example about when you don't tell the truth, it's hard to believe the truth when it actually IS the truth. (crying wolf...although I didn't use that story. why didn't I use that story. what the hell am I thinking, that's a way easier story to understand at this age than the one I came up with)
Anybody have advice or pointers about this ? or can reassure me that this too shall pass on it's own ?
9 comments:
My 3.5 year old daughter is doing this, mostly to get out of trouble. I'm reading Positive Discipline for PreSchoolers thanks to Carey and Steph, and it appears it's really a developmental phase where kids learn about how others see them, etc.. I think, based on what THIS book says, that you are doing a good thing. It also says to go along with some of her "stories" and then at the end get to the point where you say, "that was a great story, and sometimes it's fun to tell stories, but what really happened today?" Good luck. I'm a bit worried about my little one too.
i got nothing. they used to call me whopper woman . . .for all the whopper of stories i used to tell . . .
Yeah. It sounds like a phase thing for sure. I agree with the need to know what the truth is. Sometimes Pablo lies like that and basically we try to ask ourselves what his motivation is. Like he will tell a story when it's obvious that his actions are unacceptable to himself. Like he pushed his sister and she cries and he feels guilty so he says she fell on her own. So then, we don't guilt him, we just ask again and he'll tell us and we say, "wow. How did you feel? How do you think she felt?" and like that. Most of the stories that are obviously just tall tales, we let go because... I don't know. It doesn't hurt? I guess.
BTW: You're doing great.
It's a phase. Don't worry. It will pass. You are handling it perfectly.
I think it is a phase. We have caught Cam in some little lies lately. He has such a guilty look though so we can tell when he is lying. The other day he asked for a piece of candy. I asked how many he already had and he said 2. Then Sum said she saw him with 4. He got a smile on his face and knew he was caught. I didn;t let him have any more because he lied and we explained that if he told the truth he probably would have got one, but lying gets you nothing! Anyway I don;t really know what to do but it sounds like what you are doing is fine. Always call her out and explain the importance of telling the truth. Oh and sometimes I will ask Cam, " If I ask your teacher will she say the same thing happened?" He may say yes or he may say no. If he says Yes then I pretend to get her on the phone. If he freaks out then he was lying but if he is fine with me talking to her then he told the truth.
oh man we have the same thing here at almost 3 years old. she constantly says things that aren't true. sounds awesome what you're doing.
Totally a phase...by the way I love all the new pics in your header!
I'm all ears!
Two of the daycare kids (b/g twins 6 1/2) are horrible liars... tattlers... and one is also a manipulator. Carie's really good at asking them a simple question that gives them enough rope to hang themselves (figuratively, of course! :))... but calling them on it is one thing. Getting them to stop is beyond me/us. But they can also go home where they've totally got their parents snowballed.
And we are so lucky that Spencer is picking up on their lying... not that he isn't capable of figuring this out without their help. But it's just so frustrating.
I would imagine it is a phase for sure... Sounds like you are doing a perfect job to me.
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