A thank you to the mother ship

Thank you all for the nice comments on my babies. Looks can be VERY deceiving.
My children are once again at the mother ship. Well until 1 pm today and then they sent Sydney back as they could see my world spiraling in to the deep abyss.
I had reached my limit and after calling J to tell her that I would indeed be going back to work and or running away...Sydney came in after I hung up and sat on the couch and said, "mama, I'm sorry you are angry"
I said, "Thank you Syd, you don't know how much I needed to hear that"
She then said, "I can help you do your job if you want."
Tears filled my eyes so full that she looked like a water color image up close.
I sat like a zombie on the couch for several minutes bouncing Ryan on my knee listening to Nathan bitch in the living room and trying to decide what my next move would be, when I suddenly tuned in to what was happening in the boys room.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

This sweet angel of a child put Spencer and Cameron down for naps. I turned off the camera to get milk and help find tags (Cam's blanket) or you would have seen her rock Cam for a minute and kiss them both goodnight. They did in fact go down for naps and as we backed out of their room she stuck her head in the doors and said, "Good night buddies I love you." and closed them behind her.

Thank you for sending her back in my time of need.
What would I do without her, that angel of mine. I love her SO much.

Bruiser

Nathan's first black eye.













Neither of us is taking credit for this. Although coincidentally enough it seemed to really shine after J's shift.
We believe it happened when he tipped over on to a toy. Poor little man. So goes our sit em and forget em.
Ironically, none of our other children have had black eyes....that we can remember. A broken arm...but no black eye, smashed lips...but no black eye, burnt hand....but no black eye.
Weird really.

and she walked on land....

...and she wasn't cheesy or a crack addict.
She was trained by Disney and by the end I was convinced that if I threw my glass of pink party punch on her she would surely sprout fins and flop about the floor like a fish out of water.

We won't even get in to who's daughter farted at the party making the little princess next to her gasp and loudly bring to every one's attention "EWWW WHO STINKS ?!"
You can dress em up.....but once at the ball you throw caution to the wind and it might just blow back in your face and linger a bit.

Home movies !!

Well I attempted to get Spencer doing his voices on video. I emphasize the word ATTEMPTED.
My boys are not performers, unlike their sister who was singing "Tomorrow" at this age, with choreography and vibrato.
I uploaded the video any ways. because he's pretty cute even if he is shy.

OH and this is funny. I just watched the video as I hadn't previewed it until now and realized it was recorded twice over. :) hee hee hee hee. Sorry. it's only a minute long.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Nathan sits up all of the time now. He usually goes about 15 minutes before I find him on his tummy. Ry-guy can go a few minutes but usually gets distracted and starts looking around and then tips over.
Ryan is my binky kid and has fast learned the art of inserting ones own binky.
(oh and a side note. each time you feel as if you've just been hit in the back of the head with something due to the cinematography....it is because I was just hit in the back of the head by a small child. The boys were jumping on my back the whole time I was recording. sorry.)
Without further ado....I now present...the babies. scene I ryan, scene II nathan, scene III ryan.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Syd says

Syd : "mom, you like all vegetables and I like all fruits !"
Me : "ya, we make a great pair"
Syd : "actually, do we have a pear?"


Me : "Syd, Ariel is going to be at Hailey's birthday party on Saturday !!"
Syd : gasp "You mean she's going to walk on LAND ?!"

I forgot to mention how I'm not lovin' this season's "The L-word" I know, only one show in.
Nobody can stand Jenny, so they are going to kill her off, but the entire season is going to revolve around "who killed Jenny" so in essence it's an entire season ABOUT Jenny. GAWD !
I'm going to give it a shot but it had better not disappoint.

Lies all of them lies.

I just want to apologize. I've some how found myself skewing the truth again.
I feel like I do it to make myself someone I'm not and then I just feel worse about myself because I am not who I say I am but really want to be her. and if I can't be her then I'll photoshop it to make it appear that I am her.
(whew)
Lets just start with this.
I was not fishing for compliments posting that picture.
I moved everything from the counter space in the cameras view to the other side so that it would appear clean.
I also took 8 pictures, after the first 3 I realized that if I pulled my sweater tight on the sides it would take on the illusion that there weren't any rolls there. Got rid of ma muffin top.
I won't compare myself to anyone but who I was before and I know that since I can't have her back I want to look like someone else. Maybe Charlize Theron. She goes from fat to skinny quite nicely and my wife has a small smash on her.

I took that picture because I wanted you to see what has grown to the front of me and also because it was the first time I had showered in a week.
If I'm lying may I be struck down with unreasonably miserable children....OH WAIT...that was for the lies before. Ok, if I'm lying now let me be struck down by some hideous skin tag under my right eye. no my left.

I feel like if I tell you the truth it comes across as bitching....and then that anonymous fucker will tell me to stop whining. If I tell you everything is all daisy's and chocolate covered anything, I'm not only lying but giving you the impression that I'm some super mom who can do it all.
Well fuck anonymous. The only thing I'm super is tired. The last couple of weeks have made me consider working full time outside of the house.
I think about having a drink every day. (I don't) but it's that I feel like I need one to calm down that I don't like.
If I didn't have this freakishly low heart rate I SWEAR I would have blood pressure problems.

Now I'm not saying that it's all bad. I'm just saying that every day there are times that are bad and that my house isn't clean (well it's clean right now but that won't last) and I'm fat(ter than I used to be) oh and I have no hair.
and I'm tired. I said that already. it needed to be said twice, cuz I'm FUCKING TIRED. emotionally, physically all of it.

I'm calling my doctor tomorrow. I think my pills have stopped working :)
(I smile but I'm serious)

I think that the only thing that would help me right now is food. Emotionally eating a really big, warm cinnamon roll from Village Baker would TOTALLY make all of the difference in the world.
Damn that sounds good.


***updated***
My wife brought me a cinnamon roll. oh yes she did. I immediately started to cry.
She saves my life every day. I love you honey.
I haven't eaten it yet. I feel slightly guilty AND I don't want to share it with my children. (evil smile)

I had to post to get that damn spider off of my main page. ugh. I HATE spiders.

Tough week. The babies are just SOOOOOOO demanding right now. I'm talking BIG TIME, DON'T LAY ME DOWN - EVER, HIGH MAINTENANCE, I WILL SCREAM AS IF SOMEONE IS CUTTING MY LEG OFF, TEAR AT MY FACE AND WON'T STOP UNTIL MY DEMANDS ARE MET, crazy.
I've had to carry one around most of the time. I alternate so that they don't each scream up a lung. Making lunch isn't as hard as eating it with this damn thing on.
Is there someplace warm at least. with a heated pool. and a babysitting service.

Pictured, Ryan being my most demanding of the two has found his spot on the front of me quite pleasant.
(Syd came in to make Ryan smile for the picture)













(and apparently to use the toilet :) ha ha













In other news and a much cuter story. Spencer has taken to other voices. He can't speak so clearly in his normal voice but has decided to change it up a bit.
He reminds me of the little boy who talks like pee-wee Herman in Overboard.
Seriously.
It's pretty funny too because he will rattle something off in his new voice and then bend over laughing at himself slapping his knee and everything.
Such a comedian. It breaks up the routine of crying, crying, screaming, screaming, yelling, crack up laughing, crying, crying, yelling, screaming, bust up laughing, screaming, screaming, hysterical laughing, just hysterical, more crying.
(and that was just describing me)

10 things about me

I've been tagged a few times and have been a party pooper, so I decided to play along this time.

-60% of the times that I sit down on a toilet seat. Especially ones in basements...any basement it doesn't matter and almost ALWAYS on toilets that I don't know I think spiders are going to crawl on my butt.
They have nests and webs and are just hanging out on the underneath part of the toilet seat and are going to getcha when you sit down.









-I remove the chalaza when cooking/baking with eggs. Whether 1 or 13 eggs I will sit with my fork and pull at that umbilical cord until it tears from the yolk and then rinse them down the drain. (yes I know it's not an umbilical cord)
J does this now too. She's not quite as thorough as I am though. which translates, not as big a freak as I am.









-Whenever I'm in the car with my family and we hit the freeway. I want to keep going. I just want to drive and not stop until it's dark and we're tired and hungry.
Find a hotel, sleep and then start again the next day.
I always ask J, "can't you just call in tomorrow....let's just keep going"
I secretly hope one day that she will agree and we won't stop until we hit Vegas, or even LA.

-I often worry and it goes a little beyond worrying that my boys are going to grow up and wear makeup because they plant themselves in front of me when I'm applying it and seem to watch in wonderment. They play in my makeup bag and copy me by putting lipstick on or they'll brush their cheeks with my brush.
There are other things that they witness in this house full of girls that I also worry is having a profound affect on them. It goes back to the whole fear of your boys are wearing makeup because you are gay I think.

-I own the DVD and CD soundtrack of Fiddler on the Roof and Yentl. For no other reason than I like the movie and love the music.









-I chew off and eat the white part of the orange peel(pericarp)...but I don't like it on my oranges. I will dig it off of the orange and eat it separately.
I also eat the white tips of grass blades.











Post pregnancy facts :
-I am KEENLY aware of anything in my nose.
Even the flightiest of mucus bound with the smallest piece of dust and dried ever so slightly and baaaarely hanging on to the finest of hairs. I know it's there and it MUST be removed.

-My hair has all but fallen out. I look as though I've gone a few rounds of chemo.
Honestly. I have a band about 2 inches wide of baby fine newborn hair framing my face.
My hair dresser said she's never seen worse and my wife has asked me on several occasions if I'm scared after watching me clean the handfuls of hair from my hair pick.
Plus. I didn't have any hair to begin with...so every little piece counts.
between you and me, yes, I'm a little scared.

-I can't swallow in the bathroom. This was something that actually started while I was pregnant but seems to be something I can't stop.
I get all spitty when I'm in the bathroom. My glands go wild in there. But it makes me sick to swallow my saliva so I have to spit. I will be washing my hands and spit and Syd will ask me why I spit and I tell her that I got soap in my mouth. First of all I don't want her to think that spitting is ok to do any ol time you want and second I don't want her to know what a freak her mom is. I'm fine to swallow in the bedroom or kitchen. It's only in the bathroom.

-I don't wake up when the kids wake up at night anymore.
Now I know what you are thinking. OH CONVENIENT. It's not though. How scary is it that I wouldn't wake up to my children's cries. I remember them stirring in the night and it waking me up. Now they can scream, J can be next to me yelling "it's YOUR TURN" and I hear about it the next morning. This really isn't a joke. I DON'T wake up.

Cowboys and the Big Apple.

You know those emails that go around and say basically that you need to appreciate the real things in life. Let the dishes wait, forget about the laundry. Go play with your kids.
Also, the ones that say, you could die in a fiery crash tomorrow so skipping dessert tonight would be a tragedy.
I followed the advice of these emails. They made PERFECT sense. It's true. My kids are WAY more important than that filthy toilet...and if I die tomorrow I want to die happy and full of banana cream pie.
How sad for those people on the news who had a sudden heart attack at 40 and had been following some rigid diet of sea grass and hay. That sucks.
Now here I sit all fat in a nasty ass house. At least the way I'm going I'm probably shaving off a few years. They always say the last few years are the worst any ways.

I've lost 4 lbs in the just over a week since starting my weight loss journey and I've hit a wall(figuratively) at least 3 or 4 times. I haven't exercised in two days and now that the water weight is gone I'm not seeing any more weight sliding off any time soon. Am I quiting. NO. Why ? because damn it I want to be skinnier than this when I fly first class to NY. How long do I have to be a crack ho skinny you ask ? approximately 3 weeks :) Oh it's TOTALLY gonna happen.

Cameron.
He leapt from his bed landed on my head, grabbed a handful of hair and yelled...."yee-haw cowboy!!"













I just sneezed and he called out from the family room, "shoes yooh"
Love that kid.

No wonder I was hungry

I haven't JOINED weight watchers per se. I just follow their program and with the help of google and friends who joined....I take their information as a guide.
I found this and need to know if it's correct. If it is, I was eating 7 points less than I should have. HELLOOOOO ! PLUS, what if I'm nursing twins....do I get an EXTRA 12 points ? :) hee hee

Are you:
Female?-----2pts
Male?-------8pts
A Nursing Mom*?-----12pts

How Old Are You?
17-26---------4pts
27-37---------3pts
38-47---------2pts
48-58---------1pts
Over 58-------0pts

What do you weigh?
Enter the first two digits of your weight in pounds. For example, if you weigh 175, enter 17. If you weigh less than 100 pounds, enter the first digit of your weight in pounds. i.e. for 98, enter 9.

How tall are you?
Under 5'1"----0pts
5'1"-5'10"----1pts
Over 5'10"----2pts

Do you spend most of your day:
Sitting down?------------------0pts
(e.g. as a receptionist, bus driver, cab driver)
Occasionally sitting, but mainly standing?---2pts
(e.g. sales person, housewife, cook, teacher)
Walking most of the time?-------4pts
(e.g. waiter, mailman)
Doing physically hard work most of the time?---6pts
(e.g. nurse, gardener, construction worker)

The total is your daily points target.

*Nursing moms and young people under 17 should talk with a WW leader before beginning the program.

**If your total is less than 18, your daily points target is 18; if your total is more than 44, your daily points target is 44.

***Retake the quiz as your weight goes down, as you get older or if you change the way you spend you day.

Remember that you have 35 allowance points each week as well. You can save them to eat out once a week, or however you choose. You don't even have to use them if you don't want to. Keep in mind that they start over each week.

You also earn more points when you exercise. You have to have a points calculator to help determine how many points you've earned.

I am also including a couple of good sites below, if like me, you want to join but not really join these are a great help.
I need one that calculates alcoholic beverages. :)hee hee

****UPDATED*******
Sorry I attached the wrong site to the calculator. NOW if you click on Calculator, it will take you to the Weight Wat.chers Points Calculator.

Calculator
Dotti's Restaurant guide
Generic Food guide

On to my Favorite Things :
Spencer and Cameron were helping me with the dishwasher (not one of my Favorite things)
Cameron was anxious and slammed the door shut on Spencer's head (also not one of my Favorite things)
Spencer cuddled for a long time (One of my Favorite things)
Cameron gave him tags (his very most FAVORITE taggy blanket) to help make him feel better (One of my Favorite things)
Cameron tickled and pulled funny faces (literally) to make Spencer laugh. (One of my Favorite things)
It worked :)



















It wouldn't be complete without a hug and some wrestling. (OMG when I have 4 ten year old boys wrestling they will bring down my house with these moves)




















Another favorite thing of mine is some independence. The babies are just starting to sit up. They still have a few weeks to perfect it but they do like to be upright and playing.
Laying down right now just isn't good enough and damn it who has hands for all of these babies and kids. They are so fussy right now. I remember this happening right about the same time with Spence and Cam. They just wanted to be able to play.
Soon babies. soon.
Nathan(1st) and Ryan(2nd)

Breastfeeding 5 months

I'm helping Syd with her spirograph. It said age 6 & older but come on....my kids is SUPER advanced. uh huh. We promptly put the spirograph away after a few frustrated outbursts and just tried tracing shapes instead.
In the MEANTIME....the 2 boys were playing with Syd's aqua doodle. I had filled the pen 3 times for Spencer. Cameron seemed good to just oversee Spencer's hard work.
I finally had Syd working quietly....and as timing always has it, Nathan started squawking. I walked over to him glancing down the hall on my way to pick him up and what should catch my eye. Cameron....balancing what could only be a full glass of something on his way to Syd's room. I ignored Nathan and quickly made my way down the hall. There was a trail of wet splashes down the hall from the bathroom leading to Syd's room. Cameron was wet and sure enough...the aqua doodle was puddled with water and yes....little pieces of toilet paper. What this means people....is that the water was coming from the toilet....and it wasn't flushed the last time it was used. Which in our house with a 4 year old is not unheard of.
GAWDDAMN ! I immediately started repeating "Godfrey" which is what I say when I can't say other 4 letter words for fear of little ears falling prey.
I snatched Cameron up who had slipped in the hall on the water and had fallen and was now crying. Nathan who was mostly bitching before is now screaming at the top of his lungs which put Ryan in distress who has now joined in. I stripped Cameron down and washed him off.
Syd is now asking what happened....what did Cameron do....what did he do in the toilet....and then started crying too because I took her aqua doodle and threw it in the tub. (she realized what had happened and what was on her aqua doodle)
My heartbeat is beginning to pound in my ears because of all of the screaming and poor babies I can't get you just yet because I have to mop up this damn water that's all over the floor.
The babies cries which I was sympathetic to previously are now wearing on my last nerve and I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. SHUT THE FUCK UP E~V~E~R~Y~O~N~E!!

After everything was cleaned up I picked up Ryan, because although Nathan started out crying he wore himself out and is now just bitching again and the squeakiest wheel always gets picked up first.
I put Ryan to sleep. Sydney laid down on a makeshift bed with Nathan and Cam and Spence are now using the remote controls to the trucks their papa gave them as lasers instead of remotes. WHATEVER....at least they are quiet and not playing in the toilet. shit.

I'm breastfeeding for the remainder of the month and then calling it quits.
What the hell you say ?
These little moments happen often. Trouble strikes several times a day when I'm strapped to my pump. I can't baby proof my home anymore to keep these boys out of shit. Honestly. They are experts in the fields of breaking and entering and climbing. I have considered lining the counter tops with barbwire to keep them down.
My goal was to breastfeed to 8 months. I had hoped because my supply has kicked ass that I wouldn't have a problem. but alas.
I've dealt with thrush, chronic clogged ducts, milk blisters, low supply and extremely long nipples. ok so the last one is just a result of pumping. :)
Either way.....I've been on this dirt road long enough...I'm ready for the city funded paved road with occasional road kill.

WHEW ! THAT was a long post.

If I had a facebook profile........

it would say : K is.....still hungry.

I think I'll go eat a bag of brussel sprouts. They are zero points right ?

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Day 1 being a medium to big sized loser

Cameron started speaking in sentences....like I was told he might do and to not worry.
For instance he just said. "No, no Jencer, gung gung gung no a poke me a fork"

This whole diet is going to be MUCH MUCH harder than I had anticipated.
The freezer is stocked with Lean Cuisine meals that I will eat. I have vegetables and other low point items (yes I follow the point system....it's the only thing that works for me) to snack on. And yet I can't tell you how many times, out of pure habit, I had to lower my hand from my mouth while cooking GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES WITH BEAN AND BACON SOUP for my kids...OH GAWD HOW I WANTED A CHEESE SANDWICH.
It's the first day people. Day one.
I swear it's all a mind fuck because Normally I eat a cold Lean Cuisine at like 2:30 pm, cold because after heating and reheating it, what was once more like a cardboard meal has now turned kind of rubbery and I fear heating it AGAIN could possibly turn it in to something more like pavement and that could do damage to my teeth.
Today will be different though and I know it. My brain keeps sending reminder messages to my stomach, kind of like Sydney rubbing it in her brothers faces when she gets a bigger piece of cheese or the red sucker because red is the best color and look yours is just orange. The messages sent over and over....today you will get the lean cuisine, and MAYBE it will be hot, but it won't be followed up by cookies or almond rocca or those yummy Rolo's you've been hoarding unwilling to share with ANYONE.
There won't be cheese sandwiches anymore or that last minute change of dinner plans to get Bajio instead of cooking. (both of which makes me smile all over)
(beginning to cry) I never thought I'd be a comfort eater. I never thought I'd be a treat eater. huh uh uh uhhhhhh ! metaboli-i-ism. Where did you go ? Are you vacationing someplace with willpower and hard work. (sobbing) I MISHEW ! PULEE-EASE come back.

All I want is an entire box of double stuffed oreo's. Oh beautiful Oreo's with your perfect combination of chocolate cookie crunch and soft, creamy filling. You're always there for me when I need you.
We don't even have oreo's in our house.

ooooh, my mind is PISSED OFF. It won't even process any normal thoughts at this point. It's telling me to load up the kids in the FREEZING cold car, run to the grocery store for some Double Stuffed.
Are you KIDDING ME. No damn it. Crazy ass, cold and shit....like I'd run.
maybe if the kids were asleep I could get one of the neighbors to run over for like a minute while I ran......SNAP OUT OF IT WOMAN. YOU CAN'T EAT THE OREO'S !

See what starving ones brain will do. There's no telling what could happen.
I might end up loading those kids in the freezing ass van to run not to the store....trying to take all 5 kids in would be insane...but a drive through for an oreo shake ?????? hmmm
NAAAAAAAH. That's just crazy. ha ha ha....ha ?

*****UPDATE******
I was able to eat my lunch, it was warm...only heated the one time.
I'm still hungry.

Sydneys Christmas

(a little late but not to be left out)


































Sydney likes to dress up but doesn't like the typical princess dresses....you know the ones that come in the chests.....she wants real dresses. She now calls this her wedding dress. :)


















She also asked for a baby alive....who we promptly fed and potty'd....that sucked.....and then Syd put her on her shelf where she has been ever since. ah well.

New Years Resolutions

Ok, so if I write them down does that make me more accountable.

Well it's like this, I can either be "that girl" who everyone wants to hang out with because it makes THEM feel better about themselves.
OR, I can be "that girl" that everyone wants to hang out with because I'm super nice AND skinny.
I've been steadily gaining weight for the last month and if my kids squeeze my belly and giggle one more time I might just slit my own wrists. Or better yet the apron hanging over my pants.
If you are wondering what having back to back twins does to your stomach. Well that picture in your head. TOTALLY WORSE.
I will not be one of those people who considers the stretchy melted marshmallow skin a sign of honor. ummm nope. I would really like to lose 15 lbs. and then tuck that shit in a nice pair of skinny pants.

I would also like to and will try for AT LEAST 4 days and then after that remember that I said something about it once on my New Years Resolution blog and think, shit...why didn't I stick with that....try to get my children to mirror my behavior for the good and not evil.
If you ever want to hear what an ass you sound like.....just listen to your pissed off kid. Sydney gets mad at her brothers and sounds JUST LIKE ME. Down to gritting her teeth and putting her angry eyes on.
I really want to calm down more. I feel like it's always my starting goal in the morning. and by about dinner time I've HAD IT. My patience are gone and the mean mommy comes out.
(oh and like swear words.....a child need only witness and hear you be angry once to pick it up)

Talk nicer to your wife.
Earlier sleep time for the kids.

My Grandma made me a picture that says.

"Enjoy the little things in life....For one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things."

In other words.
Don't sweat the small stuff. and appreciate everything.