I've been professionally diagnosed with BPV otherwise known as benign positional vertigo.
What this means in laymans terms is that I feel like I've been stuck on a roller coaster for too damn long.
It will probably only last for a week...it may last longer.....it may come back.
The positional part makes no sense to me because whether I'm sitting here with my head laying on my arms while I type or standing on my head I still feel like I've been on a bad party cruise, drank too much and eaten 3 day old shell fish that sat in the sun all 3 days.
The good news is that there is a pill that takes away the nausea and dizziness.
The bad news is it basically puts you in to a coma.
So I can take care of my children feeling 3 sheets to the wind. OR I can take care of them like I normally do without any brain activity.
Either way it's not safe to drive.
OH SHIT. speaking of. I need to go pick Syd up from preschool.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Cam's evaluation and ver-did-it-go
Doesn't meet the criteria for speech therapy (totally spelled it speach but caught myself before even hitting the space bar)
She did say that he could use some therapy for his articulation and would talk to her supervisor to see if they would qualify him because the speech therapist is going to be at my house for Spencer ANY WAYS...so why not work on his language skills too.
Cam is usually so shy and won't perform. He surprises me all of the time. He was so eager to play and complete her exercises.
Although everything was blue, like his brother, he did really well describing things.
It was funny. when we got to the picture with the pencils he said the same thing as Spencer. "BIIIIIIG"
He also had no problem telling her that he wanted to go downstairs to watch a movie with Syd and spencer :)
I woke up at around 3 am. I thought I was going to die. The whole room was spinning and I felt like I was going to throw up. I got up to go to the bathroom because, "ifyer gonna spew spew in this" and was so dizzy I almost fell over.
I never did puke but woke up still feeling like crap today. and right now while I type this I feel as if I could hurl the handful of bite size oreos I just inhaled.
The first thing that came to my head was "OH MY GOD MY HEART" it's not working and I must not be getting enough blood to my organs. hee hee
I went online and googled my symptoms only to find cures for hangovers and blogs about drunken idiots. (I've been that drunken idiot....this went so far beyond that)
I decided that I must have something going on in my inner ear and am suffering from vertigo.
I tell you what. This SUCKS the scum right off of a sea turtles ass !
I don't know how chronic sufferers manage. Or alcoholics. Or people who ride the spinny rides at theme parks. or the one's who sit on their office chairs and spin until they're sick, over and over again.
UGH !
She did say that he could use some therapy for his articulation and would talk to her supervisor to see if they would qualify him because the speech therapist is going to be at my house for Spencer ANY WAYS...so why not work on his language skills too.
Cam is usually so shy and won't perform. He surprises me all of the time. He was so eager to play and complete her exercises.
Although everything was blue, like his brother, he did really well describing things.
It was funny. when we got to the picture with the pencils he said the same thing as Spencer. "BIIIIIIG"
He also had no problem telling her that he wanted to go downstairs to watch a movie with Syd and spencer :)
I woke up at around 3 am. I thought I was going to die. The whole room was spinning and I felt like I was going to throw up. I got up to go to the bathroom because, "ifyer gonna spew spew in this" and was so dizzy I almost fell over.
I never did puke but woke up still feeling like crap today. and right now while I type this I feel as if I could hurl the handful of bite size oreos I just inhaled.
The first thing that came to my head was "OH MY GOD MY HEART" it's not working and I must not be getting enough blood to my organs. hee hee
I went online and googled my symptoms only to find cures for hangovers and blogs about drunken idiots. (I've been that drunken idiot....this went so far beyond that)
I decided that I must have something going on in my inner ear and am suffering from vertigo.
I tell you what. This SUCKS the scum right off of a sea turtles ass !
I don't know how chronic sufferers manage. Or alcoholics. Or people who ride the spinny rides at theme parks. or the one's who sit on their office chairs and spin until they're sick, over and over again.
UGH !
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
A dingle or a noodle.
Today Nathan gets his p3nis operated on. Circumcision revision.
STOP ! It was majority ruled with the first set. Everyone in our families were circed. The guys we knew and some that we didn't were. It's a very midwest thing to do. Our opinions have changed a little since the first set but the older boys are done so we circed their brothers too.
Nathan had a cyst on the upper part of his foreskin when he was born. It was nothing but I think it got in the way of our ped doing a clean circumcision. She left a lot of skin and now it reminds me of one of those flying lizards :)
His p3nis is something that needs to look as perfect as it can. Self esteem and all. (hey, I help where I can)
I just wanted to share with all of you mothers and mainly those of you who are new in the world of p3nis's because you haven't dealt with them in your lesbian worlds.
I learned something from the urologist.
Babies and toddlers p3nis's come in all different sizes. They range considerably from small to large. They barely grow at all during their first 12-13 years. Once a young man reaches puberty his p3nis grows and they all average out to be about the same size. with a few exceptions I'm sure as with anything.
Sooooo, now you know !
The surgery should be a quick 30 minutes but they do have to put him out. Poor little man. I hope the Tylenol rule every 4-6 hours does more for his post op than it has for the Flu and cold season.
Wish me luck !
STOP ! It was majority ruled with the first set. Everyone in our families were circed. The guys we knew and some that we didn't were. It's a very midwest thing to do. Our opinions have changed a little since the first set but the older boys are done so we circed their brothers too.
Nathan had a cyst on the upper part of his foreskin when he was born. It was nothing but I think it got in the way of our ped doing a clean circumcision. She left a lot of skin and now it reminds me of one of those flying lizards :)
His p3nis is something that needs to look as perfect as it can. Self esteem and all. (hey, I help where I can)
I just wanted to share with all of you mothers and mainly those of you who are new in the world of p3nis's because you haven't dealt with them in your lesbian worlds.
I learned something from the urologist.
Babies and toddlers p3nis's come in all different sizes. They range considerably from small to large. They barely grow at all during their first 12-13 years. Once a young man reaches puberty his p3nis grows and they all average out to be about the same size. with a few exceptions I'm sure as with anything.
Sooooo, now you know !
The surgery should be a quick 30 minutes but they do have to put him out. Poor little man. I hope the Tylenol rule every 4-6 hours does more for his post op than it has for the Flu and cold season.
Wish me luck !
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
As promised
Ok, so I promised video (J knew where the tapes were by the way and punched me in the arm when I told her what I posted..totally worth it)
Now this video started out innocently enough...Nathan crawling, Ryan pulling himself up was a bonus as I already had it recorded but rather change out tapes I decided to let the camera roll. Who would have known what I was about to capture. It could be used in court. Or at least therapy down the road.
(now you can hear how he talks. This is a little exaggerated as he was all beat up and stuff)
Now J has tried to explain how she was cleaning up one of his messes while he created another mess all over her taxes.....but I'm not buying it. I think that while my focus was on the babies she BEAT the crap out of Spencer.
edited to add, Nathan is crawling all over the place today.
If you want to see more of us on TV, our show airs on Wednesday the 25th and Saturday.
Now this video started out innocently enough...Nathan crawling, Ryan pulling himself up was a bonus as I already had it recorded but rather change out tapes I decided to let the camera roll. Who would have known what I was about to capture. It could be used in court. Or at least therapy down the road.
(now you can hear how he talks. This is a little exaggerated as he was all beat up and stuff)
Now J has tried to explain how she was cleaning up one of his messes while he created another mess all over her taxes.....but I'm not buying it. I think that while my focus was on the babies she BEAT the crap out of Spencer.
edited to add, Nathan is crawling all over the place today.
If you want to see more of us on TV, our show airs on Wednesday the 25th and Saturday.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Blahgitty blah, randomness, finished off with late
I'm having phantom let downs. It's true. I react like the old dog who farts and turns around to look at what she heard. I grab my boobs to feel for any signs of milk to pump.
(yes I'm struggling with this no more pumping thing. I don't understand why. could it be the hanging bits of flesh that I was left with)
Nathan is so close to crawling I want to spit. He will get about 3 crawls out and then collapses to his tummy. It's funny how I'm cheering him on and then stepping on his little back to keep him from crawling because hell no are we gonna start worrying about how the 3 older kids are going to get to the playroom downstairs. The problem being in the word downstairs and more specifically 2 words down and stairs.
Here are some other words that jump out at me too : tumble, fall, screaming, blood, "wholeftthefuckinggateopen". technically that's 6 words but when I say it I'm sure it will be really dramatic and blended and high pitched and all panicky.
Nathan also goes from his belly to a sitting position. That's nice. (removing foot from back) you can totally do that buddy.
I'll try and capture it on video to share. My tape ran out in the camera and I probably put the Costco size pack of blank tapes someplace that makes no sense but at least isn't on the computer desk where it sat for 7 weeks cluttering things up waiting for J to put away, J can you please put them away, J PUT THE TAPES AWAY OR I WILL.
I'm pretty sure when I find it, I'll find the extra ink cartridges, J's tools that she used to unclog the sink, the extra screws to something that nobody knows what they belong to so don't throw them out because oh holy shit when we figure out what they belong to, it will be close to falling completely apart without that single screw saving the lives of everyone in the family.
Oh and also that receipt from Homo depot because this hose that J bought might not work for what she needs and she's sure she'll take the whole $2.25 hose back for a refund after it sits in the garage on her work bench for like 2 years. SO DON'T THROW THAT RECEIPT AWAY !
Ya, I'm sure I'll find all of those things when I find the tapes.
Won't J be so happy :)
Ryan is pulling himself up on stuff. I found him the other day on his knees at the activity block we have (I DO have that on video) and several times in his crib. We will be lowering that this week. (I would put my foot on his head to stop him, but I'm not as flexible as I used to be and cribs are higher than you think)
It's snowing. My tulip tips are covered. You almost can't tell that they are going to be purple.
Spencer is my favorite. That boy will lay down and in 2 minutes be sound asleep. He can HACK UP A LUNG. and if you've been at my house in the last 2 months you would trip on the lungs that have been coughed up. and he doesn't wake up.
He doesn't have nightmares or night terrors, he doesn't cry because he lost his binky, he doesn't get out of bed and get in the fridge or on the computer or push his taggy blanket down the hall with his head. he doesn't cry out for mommy, he doesn't yell that he needs fresh water or sweetly enter our room and say "I can't sleep" only I imagine it would sound more like, "ahy cah seeh" if Spencer were to be saying it.
Yip, Spencer is my favorite. and damn it....I NEED TO SLEEP. So does J.
I need my babies to be able to breath through their noses. and I need Cam and Syd's imaginations to settle the hell down.
enough of all of that.
Here are some pictures from Syd's birthday party a week ago. Better late than never right.
(yes I'm struggling with this no more pumping thing. I don't understand why. could it be the hanging bits of flesh that I was left with)
Nathan is so close to crawling I want to spit. He will get about 3 crawls out and then collapses to his tummy. It's funny how I'm cheering him on and then stepping on his little back to keep him from crawling because hell no are we gonna start worrying about how the 3 older kids are going to get to the playroom downstairs. The problem being in the word downstairs and more specifically 2 words down and stairs.
Here are some other words that jump out at me too : tumble, fall, screaming, blood, "wholeftthefuckinggateopen". technically that's 6 words but when I say it I'm sure it will be really dramatic and blended and high pitched and all panicky.
Nathan also goes from his belly to a sitting position. That's nice. (removing foot from back) you can totally do that buddy.
I'll try and capture it on video to share. My tape ran out in the camera and I probably put the Costco size pack of blank tapes someplace that makes no sense but at least isn't on the computer desk where it sat for 7 weeks cluttering things up waiting for J to put away, J can you please put them away, J PUT THE TAPES AWAY OR I WILL.
I'm pretty sure when I find it, I'll find the extra ink cartridges, J's tools that she used to unclog the sink, the extra screws to something that nobody knows what they belong to so don't throw them out because oh holy shit when we figure out what they belong to, it will be close to falling completely apart without that single screw saving the lives of everyone in the family.
Oh and also that receipt from Homo depot because this hose that J bought might not work for what she needs and she's sure she'll take the whole $2.25 hose back for a refund after it sits in the garage on her work bench for like 2 years. SO DON'T THROW THAT RECEIPT AWAY !
Ya, I'm sure I'll find all of those things when I find the tapes.
Won't J be so happy :)
Ryan is pulling himself up on stuff. I found him the other day on his knees at the activity block we have (I DO have that on video) and several times in his crib. We will be lowering that this week. (I would put my foot on his head to stop him, but I'm not as flexible as I used to be and cribs are higher than you think)
It's snowing. My tulip tips are covered. You almost can't tell that they are going to be purple.
Spencer is my favorite. That boy will lay down and in 2 minutes be sound asleep. He can HACK UP A LUNG. and if you've been at my house in the last 2 months you would trip on the lungs that have been coughed up. and he doesn't wake up.
He doesn't have nightmares or night terrors, he doesn't cry because he lost his binky, he doesn't get out of bed and get in the fridge or on the computer or push his taggy blanket down the hall with his head. he doesn't cry out for mommy, he doesn't yell that he needs fresh water or sweetly enter our room and say "I can't sleep" only I imagine it would sound more like, "ahy cah seeh" if Spencer were to be saying it.
Yip, Spencer is my favorite. and damn it....I NEED TO SLEEP. So does J.
I need my babies to be able to breath through their noses. and I need Cam and Syd's imaginations to settle the hell down.
enough of all of that.
Here are some pictures from Syd's birthday party a week ago. Better late than never right.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Extreme Intervention !
It's a little like Extreme Make-over...when the person would tell them what SHE thought was wrong with her, pointing to a few places on her face that are off balance or misshapen and then they come at her with their pen and her face ends up looking more like a pie chart or epitrochoid.
Spencer had a speech evaluation today. Throughout the process and testing/placing blocks in to a cup and the triangle on the triangle I was worried that they were going to roll their eyes at me and tell me that I wasted her time.
I wanted to scream...his gross motor skills are fine....check out the way he says "move please" (mooh pee)
Then she brought out charts and asked him to point to stuff. LADY. He gets it. He knows what a squirrel and an ice-cream cone is.
I felt discouraged and wanted to say. "now why are you here ? I didn't schedule this. My pediatrician said he was fine."
She started flipping through the pages and would ask him questions and then have him repeat stuff. I was actually surprised at how well he did sound and actually spoke up and said that he will repeat stuff better than label it later on. He also did well on his colors. Correctly describing "boo cah cah" (translations: blue car)
She had a picture of 2 pencils and asked him what it was.
He excitedly announced with the biggest eyes, "Biiiihhhh" (translation: BIG) yes, and what is it ?
"maaaaah" (translation: small) yes, and what is it ?
he went back and forth with big and small and after asking him 2 times to repeat pencil he picked up the yellow triangle and placed it on the page and said "weh-oh. weh-oh" with high and low inflections in his voice (really quite adorable)
She then turned the page and I wasn't ready....DAMN lady. He just got his yellow color figured out and it wasn't blue. and don't write that down. and don't score extra points because he's cute.
She finished and added numbers up and I wanted to get a calculator so that she would add them up right, no wrong, no right. no wrong. I didn't know whether I wanted something to be wrong or not.
She said that he didn't qualify for pre-school because he was over 16 % on adaptive, social, receptive, expressive, gross, fine and cognitive. The ranges are from 16-84 % anything over 16 % doesn't qualify. I knew he would be fine in these areas.
As far as speech therapy. he qualified, reaching a mere 4 %.
I knew it. and I'm glad we are getting something done about it. He talks all the time about a lot of stuff and 50 % of it I understand. Nobody else does though.
Not even Mommy J.
Cameron played downstairs with a few of the neighborhood kids while his brother was being tested. He happily came upstairs and started playing and talking to Spencer.
After a few minutes of writing the therapist looked up and said, "I think you should have him evaluated too. I'll look at my schedule and see when we can fit him in."
I could see her drawing circles all over his face and head. (figuratively) WAIT ! he's fine. he wasn't talking great a few months ago and now listen to him. so I did listen to him and I'm sure what she was hearing would give anyone some cause for concern. He really has come leaps and bounds in the last few months.
Who knows if when she tests him and listens to him if he will still qualify or not.
Cam has his eval on the 30th. I hope he passes, fails, no passes, no fails.
They still have to go in for their health and hearing check. That isn't until the first week in April.
I hope they both don't say, what the fuck and you make mommy want to drink when their pronunciation comes around. :) hee hee
I'll have you know, I spelled speech - speach- not once but twice while writing this post and it didn't occur to me either time that something was wrong.
Of course when spell check caught it I was all...WTF was I thinking.
Maybe there's a late intervention out there for people like me :)
Spencer had a speech evaluation today. Throughout the process and testing/placing blocks in to a cup and the triangle on the triangle I was worried that they were going to roll their eyes at me and tell me that I wasted her time.
I wanted to scream...his gross motor skills are fine....check out the way he says "move please" (mooh pee)
Then she brought out charts and asked him to point to stuff. LADY. He gets it. He knows what a squirrel and an ice-cream cone is.
I felt discouraged and wanted to say. "now why are you here ? I didn't schedule this. My pediatrician said he was fine."
She started flipping through the pages and would ask him questions and then have him repeat stuff. I was actually surprised at how well he did sound and actually spoke up and said that he will repeat stuff better than label it later on. He also did well on his colors. Correctly describing "boo cah cah" (translations: blue car)
She had a picture of 2 pencils and asked him what it was.
He excitedly announced with the biggest eyes, "Biiiihhhh" (translation: BIG) yes, and what is it ?
"maaaaah" (translation: small) yes, and what is it ?
he went back and forth with big and small and after asking him 2 times to repeat pencil he picked up the yellow triangle and placed it on the page and said "weh-oh. weh-oh" with high and low inflections in his voice (really quite adorable)
She then turned the page and I wasn't ready....DAMN lady. He just got his yellow color figured out and it wasn't blue. and don't write that down. and don't score extra points because he's cute.
She finished and added numbers up and I wanted to get a calculator so that she would add them up right, no wrong, no right. no wrong. I didn't know whether I wanted something to be wrong or not.
She said that he didn't qualify for pre-school because he was over 16 % on adaptive, social, receptive, expressive, gross, fine and cognitive. The ranges are from 16-84 % anything over 16 % doesn't qualify. I knew he would be fine in these areas.
As far as speech therapy. he qualified, reaching a mere 4 %.
I knew it. and I'm glad we are getting something done about it. He talks all the time about a lot of stuff and 50 % of it I understand. Nobody else does though.
Not even Mommy J.
Cameron played downstairs with a few of the neighborhood kids while his brother was being tested. He happily came upstairs and started playing and talking to Spencer.
After a few minutes of writing the therapist looked up and said, "I think you should have him evaluated too. I'll look at my schedule and see when we can fit him in."
I could see her drawing circles all over his face and head. (figuratively) WAIT ! he's fine. he wasn't talking great a few months ago and now listen to him. so I did listen to him and I'm sure what she was hearing would give anyone some cause for concern. He really has come leaps and bounds in the last few months.
Who knows if when she tests him and listens to him if he will still qualify or not.
Cam has his eval on the 30th. I hope he passes, fails, no passes, no fails.
They still have to go in for their health and hearing check. That isn't until the first week in April.
I hope they both don't say, what the fuck and you make mommy want to drink when their pronunciation comes around. :) hee hee
I'll have you know, I spelled speech - speach- not once but twice while writing this post and it didn't occur to me either time that something was wrong.
Of course when spell check caught it I was all...WTF was I thinking.
Maybe there's a late intervention out there for people like me :)
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Did I forget to share !
Here are the babies 6 months pictures taken at 7 months. (6 months shmixmonths, that we made it at all is amazing)
No cropping or added special effects on these and STILL they are the cutest things with gums.
Ryan
Nathan
No cropping or added special effects on these and STILL they are the cutest things with gums.
Ryan
Nathan
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
She's 5, I I I can't talk about it. Much too sad, must change subject.
la-la-la-la I'm not listening. She's still tiny and doesn't know about worldly things like Dora and the Wii and that s-t-u-p-i-d spells stupid and b-u-t-t spells butt.
(cry, sputter, spit, face scrunched, shoulders shaking)
She's still my tiny little red faced baby with a tiny bow glued to her head damn it, now shut up and stop singing Happy Birthday to her.
la-la-la-la I'm not listening. She's still tiny and doesn't know about worldly things like Dora and the Wii and that s-t-u-p-i-d spells stupid and b-u-t-t spells butt.
(cry, sputter, spit, face scrunched, shoulders shaking)
She's still my tiny little red faced baby with a tiny bow glued to her head damn it, now shut up and stop singing Happy Birthday to her.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Boys are made of snails and puppy dog tails.
This one is for you Cameron. I want you to have this memory and I want to remember your soft sweet little self.
It's always those quiet moments when you surprise me the most.
Walking home from the park tonight you started counting. wun, two, free, four, fize, six, seben, eight, nine, ten......and I smiled because I was so proud of you and then you continued on....eveven, twev, firteen, fourteen, fifteen, sisteen, sebenteen, eighteen, nineteen, tenty. wow.
We played all night. You would run to me and I'd pick you up over my head and chuck your whole body behind me on to the couch and you'd crack up and roll off and do it again. You did somersaults on the mat and would stand up after and flex your muscles and say, "a ticket a gun show" which translates, "you got tickets to the gun show" a little one Mommy J taught you. :) You high fived me and ran off to play in the tent with Spencer.
After brushing your teeth and reading our books I laid you down. You begged for milk and I explained for the trillionth time that we only have water after our teeth are brushed. I turned down your lights and sat in the glider. You immediately requested "I wahn rock ?"
How can you turn down such a sweet request....and although my arms are usually filled with one of the babies, tonight mommy J had them both and they were free to scoop you up and you immediately cuddled against me and your body conformed to mine. You held your tags blanket in one hand and rested your other hand on mine. I started to sing to you. I sang songs that I have sung to you since you were born and you didn't protest. (this time)
With my cheek on your head and my arms tight around your whole little body I heard the sweetest, softest voice sing along. "so rock-a-bye baby in a tree taw-ops, when a wind blo-oh-oh-oh-ows...Jack be nimba (nimble), ja-ack be quick, jack jump ovah a candle tick.."
You are my boy who likes to sing.
You surprise me every day with what you know. I had no idea how much you absorbed.
When did you learn to count to 20 and who knew you learned the words to our songs.
I hope I always remember the outline of your face with my fingers. What your body feels like when it relaxes and you take that last deep breath that confirms to me you've fallen asleep. And how I always rock just a little longer trying to soak in every last precious moment with you, right now, 2 1/2 years old. Your pokey soft hair on my cheek, the baby soft skin at the back of your neck and the curves of your arms. I think about how big you are getting and notice how your legs dangle clear over my own now. I realize how much time has gone by already in 2 1/2 years and how much has changed. How much you've changed. How much I just want time to stand still.
And then you stir and ask gently, "ah bed ?"
I take one last deep breath of your sweet clean smell in and take you to bed.
I love you buddy ! You are my little Cam-man-do.
new rules, stop saying god damn it and mother fucker in front of the boys..they are ah-pairentlee picking up what I'm putting down. oh and why the fuck too. and little bastards. and finally, you make mommy want to drink. stop saying that too. :)
It's always those quiet moments when you surprise me the most.
Walking home from the park tonight you started counting. wun, two, free, four, fize, six, seben, eight, nine, ten......and I smiled because I was so proud of you and then you continued on....eveven, twev, firteen, fourteen, fifteen, sisteen, sebenteen, eighteen, nineteen, tenty. wow.
We played all night. You would run to me and I'd pick you up over my head and chuck your whole body behind me on to the couch and you'd crack up and roll off and do it again. You did somersaults on the mat and would stand up after and flex your muscles and say, "a ticket a gun show" which translates, "you got tickets to the gun show" a little one Mommy J taught you. :) You high fived me and ran off to play in the tent with Spencer.
After brushing your teeth and reading our books I laid you down. You begged for milk and I explained for the trillionth time that we only have water after our teeth are brushed. I turned down your lights and sat in the glider. You immediately requested "I wahn rock ?"
How can you turn down such a sweet request....and although my arms are usually filled with one of the babies, tonight mommy J had them both and they were free to scoop you up and you immediately cuddled against me and your body conformed to mine. You held your tags blanket in one hand and rested your other hand on mine. I started to sing to you. I sang songs that I have sung to you since you were born and you didn't protest. (this time)
With my cheek on your head and my arms tight around your whole little body I heard the sweetest, softest voice sing along. "so rock-a-bye baby in a tree taw-ops, when a wind blo-oh-oh-oh-ows...Jack be nimba (nimble), ja-ack be quick, jack jump ovah a candle tick.."
You are my boy who likes to sing.
You surprise me every day with what you know. I had no idea how much you absorbed.
When did you learn to count to 20 and who knew you learned the words to our songs.
I hope I always remember the outline of your face with my fingers. What your body feels like when it relaxes and you take that last deep breath that confirms to me you've fallen asleep. And how I always rock just a little longer trying to soak in every last precious moment with you, right now, 2 1/2 years old. Your pokey soft hair on my cheek, the baby soft skin at the back of your neck and the curves of your arms. I think about how big you are getting and notice how your legs dangle clear over my own now. I realize how much time has gone by already in 2 1/2 years and how much has changed. How much you've changed. How much I just want time to stand still.
And then you stir and ask gently, "ah bed ?"
I take one last deep breath of your sweet clean smell in and take you to bed.
I love you buddy ! You are my little Cam-man-do.
new rules, stop saying god damn it and mother fucker in front of the boys..they are ah-pairentlee picking up what I'm putting down. oh and why the fuck too. and little bastards. and finally, you make mommy want to drink. stop saying that too. :)
What I've learned being a mother of five...
That Mr. Clean's Magic Eraser will damn near clean up ANYTHING. Including permanent black sharpie marker off of maple cabinets. It however doesn't clean up colored candle wax from wood.
That it isn't necessary to change a diaper regularly, you can REALLY get your moneys worth if you wait the appropriate amount of time. The appropriate amount of time is something that takes finesse and comes with experience and has to be judged very carefully or you end up changing clothes.
That a binky can not only be dropped on the ground but then dragged several feet, stepped on, picked up with dirty toddler hands and placed back in to the babies mouth, without causing serious illness or death to said infant.
That a child with a fever is just a warmer than normal child and doesn't require a call to the doctor.
Same thing applies to a child with liquid like bile coming out of their orifices. Tylenol every 4-6 hours
A child can fall several feet landing on what must have been their head by the sound of the thud and the shake of the floor and it usually doesn't cause a concussion. No dilated eyes, no throwing up, no skull fractures...just a scare, headache oh and the child is visibly upset too.
A child can fall asleep at 5:39 pm and not even the Texas State Bobcat marching band could wake them up, but if it's 12:30 pm a slight creek on the wrong floor board and everyone's WIDE AWAKE !
It only takes one child to bring bacteria and germs home and infestation will no doubt plague the 4 healthy children. (reminder : Tylenol every 4-6 hours)
There will always be at least one, but usually 3 bitching and complaining.
There is always a full garbage to take out somewhere.
There is always a load of laundry to do. Even if you have to peel off the stanky ass clothes you yourself have been wearing for the last 4 days to top of a load.
Black clothing is the ONLY thing that will hide all of the puffs and lumps from having five kids but will also show and attract every streak of snot spit and small amounts of leftover milk excreted from your child's face. After 5 kids you don't care.
There's never enough hot water or clean onsies, you run out of milk and patience about the same time every day.....but there's always ample amounts of love and self sacrificing to go around.
That it isn't necessary to change a diaper regularly, you can REALLY get your moneys worth if you wait the appropriate amount of time. The appropriate amount of time is something that takes finesse and comes with experience and has to be judged very carefully or you end up changing clothes.
That a binky can not only be dropped on the ground but then dragged several feet, stepped on, picked up with dirty toddler hands and placed back in to the babies mouth, without causing serious illness or death to said infant.
That a child with a fever is just a warmer than normal child and doesn't require a call to the doctor.
Same thing applies to a child with liquid like bile coming out of their orifices. Tylenol every 4-6 hours
A child can fall several feet landing on what must have been their head by the sound of the thud and the shake of the floor and it usually doesn't cause a concussion. No dilated eyes, no throwing up, no skull fractures...just a scare, headache oh and the child is visibly upset too.
A child can fall asleep at 5:39 pm and not even the Texas State Bobcat marching band could wake them up, but if it's 12:30 pm a slight creek on the wrong floor board and everyone's WIDE AWAKE !
It only takes one child to bring bacteria and germs home and infestation will no doubt plague the 4 healthy children. (reminder : Tylenol every 4-6 hours)
There will always be at least one, but usually 3 bitching and complaining.
There is always a full garbage to take out somewhere.
There is always a load of laundry to do. Even if you have to peel off the stanky ass clothes you yourself have been wearing for the last 4 days to top of a load.
Black clothing is the ONLY thing that will hide all of the puffs and lumps from having five kids but will also show and attract every streak of snot spit and small amounts of leftover milk excreted from your child's face. After 5 kids you don't care.
There's never enough hot water or clean onsies, you run out of milk and patience about the same time every day.....but there's always ample amounts of love and self sacrificing to go around.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
R.I.P
August 2, 2008 - March 6, 2009
My full and supple breast feeding boobs are gone.
The last day they produced milk was 1:30 pm March 6th, 2009. 10 oz.
They leave behind a very sad looking body and two constipated infants.
My bra's, shirt's and Spencer miss you dearly boobs. I wish I took pictures of you as proof and to show the plastic surgeon one day that this, this is the size I want.
All my love, me.
My full and supple breast feeding boobs are gone.
The last day they produced milk was 1:30 pm March 6th, 2009. 10 oz.
They leave behind a very sad looking body and two constipated infants.
My bra's, shirt's and Spencer miss you dearly boobs. I wish I took pictures of you as proof and to show the plastic surgeon one day that this, this is the size I want.
All my love, me.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Wastin' away in my-grrr-eat it-ville !!!!
I've been trying to write this post forever. Others have touched on the complexity of this subject but I haven't quite found the answers that I've been searching for.
Look at these kids. Skin and bones. I would worry about Spencer's weight but I've spent many hours googling : toddlers and eating, toddlers and not eating, toddlers weight gain, toddlers how skinny is too skinny, toddlers they won't fucking eat and they are too skinny, how to get your skinny toddler to eat something besides Nilla Wafers and fish crackers. So I'm pretty much schooled on the fact that there is no real concern here. I also get that they could be MUCH skinnier, but they are pretty damn skinny.
The advice for feeding toddlers stretches from let them eat when they want and what they want to - fix one meal for the family, if they don't eat it they go hungry (which is the route we have taken). Which translates to look at my skinny fucking kids up there. We aren't SOOOO-ho strict about it. I offer them the food I fix for the family...they don't eat it. At bedtime I give them something, banana bread and milk, crackers and cheese. something that will fill their bellies a little so they will sleep good.
Growing up my mother always served us a meat, vegetables and a fruit. I have tried to do the same. I serve the food groups and I'm lucky if even one whole food group is eaten. Example. Last nights menu, chicken, rice, beans, apple slices.
Cameron ate 3 apple slices, Spencer ate 2 bites of chicken. yip, that's it.
Spencer NEVER eats the vegetables. EVER.
I have read the book that was plagiarized by Jerry Seinfeld's wife about hiding vegetables in different foods. I tried hiding squash in mac n cheese, one of MY kids 4 food groups. One that they will actually eat....they stopped eating it. "this tastes yucky !"
I add corn and peas to mac n cheese and Syd and Cameron devour it. Spencer gets sick of picking out the vegetable and just doesn't eat. The problem with that, again refer to picture of skinny kid above.
So I've stopped adding vegetables to Spencer's and just continue to feed it to the other two.
If I make a casserole, soup, spaghetti, chicken pot pie...ANYTHING that has vegetables in it..Spencer turns his nose up and won't even give it a try.
My kids won't even eat the frozen chicken nuggets. ARE YOU FRIGGIN' KIDDING ME ! What kid doesn't eat chicken nuggets.
Syd has always been an excellent eater. She ate broccoli and brussel sprouts until just recently and LOVES her some salad. She's not adventurous, but neither am I. She will eat vegetables and I don't even have to blend and hide them.
I just don't understand these boys.
Also....my kids don't snack. I don't let them so that they will be hungry and eat their meals. I've tried it both ways...giving them yogurt, fish crackers, cheese sticks, grapes (they won't eat) etc....then they won't eat lunch or dinner.
I've actually started letting them snack all day since they were sick last week because I was worried about them and would have let them eat cookies and ice-cream all day if it would get them to eat.
Wrapping it up, my problems are these....getting them to eat healthy and getting them to eat period.
If I keep offering them the meat/vegetable/fruit options...they will continue wasting it and wasting away.
Oh and we also struggle with the...."HEY, he likes pork chops....YEAH ! we'll eat them EVERYDAY !!" and then the very next day he won't touch them. or the next week or the following Sunday.
H~E~E~E~E~L~P !!!!!
Look at these kids. Skin and bones. I would worry about Spencer's weight but I've spent many hours googling : toddlers and eating, toddlers and not eating, toddlers weight gain, toddlers how skinny is too skinny, toddlers they won't fucking eat and they are too skinny, how to get your skinny toddler to eat something besides Nilla Wafers and fish crackers. So I'm pretty much schooled on the fact that there is no real concern here. I also get that they could be MUCH skinnier, but they are pretty damn skinny.
The advice for feeding toddlers stretches from let them eat when they want and what they want to - fix one meal for the family, if they don't eat it they go hungry (which is the route we have taken). Which translates to look at my skinny fucking kids up there. We aren't SOOOO-ho strict about it. I offer them the food I fix for the family...they don't eat it. At bedtime I give them something, banana bread and milk, crackers and cheese. something that will fill their bellies a little so they will sleep good.
Growing up my mother always served us a meat, vegetables and a fruit. I have tried to do the same. I serve the food groups and I'm lucky if even one whole food group is eaten. Example. Last nights menu, chicken, rice, beans, apple slices.
Cameron ate 3 apple slices, Spencer ate 2 bites of chicken. yip, that's it.
Spencer NEVER eats the vegetables. EVER.
I have read the book that was plagiarized by Jerry Seinfeld's wife about hiding vegetables in different foods. I tried hiding squash in mac n cheese, one of MY kids 4 food groups. One that they will actually eat....they stopped eating it. "this tastes yucky !"
I add corn and peas to mac n cheese and Syd and Cameron devour it. Spencer gets sick of picking out the vegetable and just doesn't eat. The problem with that, again refer to picture of skinny kid above.
So I've stopped adding vegetables to Spencer's and just continue to feed it to the other two.
If I make a casserole, soup, spaghetti, chicken pot pie...ANYTHING that has vegetables in it..Spencer turns his nose up and won't even give it a try.
My kids won't even eat the frozen chicken nuggets. ARE YOU FRIGGIN' KIDDING ME ! What kid doesn't eat chicken nuggets.
Syd has always been an excellent eater. She ate broccoli and brussel sprouts until just recently and LOVES her some salad. She's not adventurous, but neither am I. She will eat vegetables and I don't even have to blend and hide them.
I just don't understand these boys.
Also....my kids don't snack. I don't let them so that they will be hungry and eat their meals. I've tried it both ways...giving them yogurt, fish crackers, cheese sticks, grapes (they won't eat) etc....then they won't eat lunch or dinner.
I've actually started letting them snack all day since they were sick last week because I was worried about them and would have let them eat cookies and ice-cream all day if it would get them to eat.
Wrapping it up, my problems are these....getting them to eat healthy and getting them to eat period.
If I keep offering them the meat/vegetable/fruit options...they will continue wasting it and wasting away.
Oh and we also struggle with the...."HEY, he likes pork chops....YEAH ! we'll eat them EVERYDAY !!" and then the very next day he won't touch them. or the next week or the following Sunday.
H~E~E~E~E~L~P !!!!!
Monday, March 9, 2009
Wanna know what makes me as wet as a slip n slide on a rainy day ?
I have been the happiest girl ALLLL week long waiting for this. I haven't been this excited since they found a way to put a burst of juicy goodness inside bubblicious bubble gum. (if anyone knows where I can get this gum please let me know)
I feel like singing..."freedom....freedom....fuh-reee-duhm"
We bought it on KSL and we met them and picked it up today.
Do you know the places I can go ? The people I can see ? The things I can do ?
I feel like the damn Genie and Aladdin just used his last wish to set me free.
It's as wide as my double side by side (33") and has 2 huge baskets underneath. Oh there I go again...getting all butterfly-ee.
This is funny and ironic all on it's own. J just got off of the phone with her sister in Lahabra Ca. APPARENTLY octo mom is moving in to the house DIRECTLY behind her. There is a news helicopter over her house right now.
I of course said, "GOOD. (her sister is Mormon) get the relief society over there and set up meals and get the scheduled hourly help going" I'm sure we will be getting all of the gossip on them now.
***update***
This is the BEST GUM EVER
I have been the happiest girl ALLLL week long waiting for this. I haven't been this excited since they found a way to put a burst of juicy goodness inside bubblicious bubble gum. (if anyone knows where I can get this gum please let me know)
I feel like singing..."freedom....freedom....fuh-reee-duhm"
We bought it on KSL and we met them and picked it up today.
Do you know the places I can go ? The people I can see ? The things I can do ?
I feel like the damn Genie and Aladdin just used his last wish to set me free.
It's as wide as my double side by side (33") and has 2 huge baskets underneath. Oh there I go again...getting all butterfly-ee.
This is funny and ironic all on it's own. J just got off of the phone with her sister in Lahabra Ca. APPARENTLY octo mom is moving in to the house DIRECTLY behind her. There is a news helicopter over her house right now.
I of course said, "GOOD. (her sister is Mormon) get the relief society over there and set up meals and get the scheduled hourly help going" I'm sure we will be getting all of the gossip on them now.
***update***
This is the BEST GUM EVER
Hey motha, want anotha !
Well I guess the poll shows what a compassionate group I have reading here.
I too would like to see her keep her babies.
There are people out there who think that my children should be taken away from me because I'm a lesbian. My decision to have kids was selfish and they should be put in a good home with a mom and a dad.
I told J this weekend that I would TOTALLY have another baby. If I was guaranteed to have a singleton baby girl I would get pregnant tomorrow. I really would.
Am I as crazy as the Octo mom. HELL YES ! Should they take away my kids.
Probably. :)
I don't know what happened to me. I always knew that I wanted kids. 2. a boy and a girl. at one point I wanted them to be twins and I would name my little girl Mercedes. I think I was 15 when I decided this. I have it written down somewhere.
After Syd was born my goal was to talk J in to another one. After the twins were born I had this yearning. I'd almost call it an ache in my uterus. I NEEDED to have another baby. I just didn't feel that our family was complete.
I feel like our family is complete now. but I would totally have more kids. (again, singletons) if J gave me the green light I would have one hand on the phone my finger pushing #3 for the nurses line to set up a consult.
Maybe the medication is working too good. ha ha ha
Ok, another poll.
The L-word is officially over. I was utterly disappointed in the ending. Hell the whole last season. WTF.
I'm actually glad to see it end. I'd like to SHAKE the shit out of the writers and directors for leaving it this way.
I follow up the L-word with a few re-run episodes of the Golden Girls for excitement. At least their storylines are better.
I too would like to see her keep her babies.
There are people out there who think that my children should be taken away from me because I'm a lesbian. My decision to have kids was selfish and they should be put in a good home with a mom and a dad.
I told J this weekend that I would TOTALLY have another baby. If I was guaranteed to have a singleton baby girl I would get pregnant tomorrow. I really would.
Am I as crazy as the Octo mom. HELL YES ! Should they take away my kids.
Probably. :)
I don't know what happened to me. I always knew that I wanted kids. 2. a boy and a girl. at one point I wanted them to be twins and I would name my little girl Mercedes. I think I was 15 when I decided this. I have it written down somewhere.
After Syd was born my goal was to talk J in to another one. After the twins were born I had this yearning. I'd almost call it an ache in my uterus. I NEEDED to have another baby. I just didn't feel that our family was complete.
I feel like our family is complete now. but I would totally have more kids. (again, singletons) if J gave me the green light I would have one hand on the phone my finger pushing #3 for the nurses line to set up a consult.
Maybe the medication is working too good. ha ha ha
Ok, another poll.
The L-word is officially over. I was utterly disappointed in the ending. Hell the whole last season. WTF.
I'm actually glad to see it end. I'd like to SHAKE the shit out of the writers and directors for leaving it this way.
I follow up the L-word with a few re-run episodes of the Golden Girls for excitement. At least their storylines are better.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Poll
We had a discussion at my parents last night about what everyone thought should happen to Octo moms kids. I don't think there is an easy answer.
What do you think ?
What do you think ?
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Don't put words in my mouth
I'm feeding the babies their morning oatmeal and pears. They try and flip in their car seats (yes I'm feeding them in their car seats because I don't want to drag the high chairs up adding to the already diminishing space in my kitchen) I have a bowl of cereal in one hand, in my other is Nathan's hands and a spoon full of oatmeal soon to be spread across his cheek and the car seat cover because he's not making anything easy.
Spencer gets down from the table with his cereal and OF COURSE it spills all over the floor.
He loses it, because at least one of my children has to be screaming about something at all times and this time it is Spencer's turn. (oh and earlier for no apparent reason it was his turn too)
When one child is upset and in need of compassion the other 2 for some reason take the opportunity to jump in and taunt, tease and torture the sad child.
Cameron started growling at Spencer which started the loud ear piercing and protesting "uuuh's".
I took the opportunity to turn the situation around. With my hands full I said, "Cam, no more."
That worked. of course it worked. I mean I asked him to stop. he should obey me right ? ha ha
So then I said, "Cam, help Spencer clean up his cereal, he's very sad"
Cameron replied, "No !"
Sydney jumped from the table as if to help encourage Cameron's behavior she patted him on the back and laughed.
I said, "Syd, since you find it so funny you can help Spencer clean up his cereal"
(she did. AMAZINGLY without question)
She began picking up the cereal and placing it back in to the bowl. Spencer helped by picking up the cereal and placing it in his mouth.
After it was cleaned up and I was focused again on getting SOME of the food in the babies mouths and not down in the deep lost forever crevices of their necks.
Sydney starts saying sternly, "Spencer ! sit down or you are going to spill your cereal again !"
Spencer of course went right back in to the distraught and hurt cry.
Trying once again to make things better with words I said, "Spencer, Syd doesn't want you to be sad if your cereal spills again. She's worried about you buddy."
Syd doesn't skip a beat and says, "No I'm not. I don't want to pick it up if it spills again. That was hard work."
I do this all of the time. When someone is laughing and taunting the other one I will try and change it up by saying, "Cam (who is crying) Spencer is trying to make you laugh....he's being nice." (translation :he's not laughing AT you, but WITH you)
SOMETIMES it works. Sometimes Spencer then starts to try and make Cam laugh instead of cry and Cam plays along.
Other wise I am forced to put down 2 babies who HAVE to be held or they will cry along with the older child...and remove the teaser from the room. Who of course returns right behind me and continues teasing only now it's more fun because everyone is mad. By the time the situation meets it's end, EVERYONE is crying and I'm on the verge of finding a dark corner to hide in.
On a brighter note. I'm starting to get a glimpse of my kind and loving baby girl again. I've missed her. She took some sick time off and I've wondered if I would ever see that sensitive sweet maturing side again. I am. It comes and it goes but hey, I'll take what I can get. I'm sure she will be back full force as this virus heads out.
Spencer gets down from the table with his cereal and OF COURSE it spills all over the floor.
He loses it, because at least one of my children has to be screaming about something at all times and this time it is Spencer's turn. (oh and earlier for no apparent reason it was his turn too)
When one child is upset and in need of compassion the other 2 for some reason take the opportunity to jump in and taunt, tease and torture the sad child.
Cameron started growling at Spencer which started the loud ear piercing and protesting "uuuh's".
I took the opportunity to turn the situation around. With my hands full I said, "Cam, no more."
That worked. of course it worked. I mean I asked him to stop. he should obey me right ? ha ha
So then I said, "Cam, help Spencer clean up his cereal, he's very sad"
Cameron replied, "No !"
Sydney jumped from the table as if to help encourage Cameron's behavior she patted him on the back and laughed.
I said, "Syd, since you find it so funny you can help Spencer clean up his cereal"
(she did. AMAZINGLY without question)
She began picking up the cereal and placing it back in to the bowl. Spencer helped by picking up the cereal and placing it in his mouth.
After it was cleaned up and I was focused again on getting SOME of the food in the babies mouths and not down in the deep lost forever crevices of their necks.
Sydney starts saying sternly, "Spencer ! sit down or you are going to spill your cereal again !"
Spencer of course went right back in to the distraught and hurt cry.
Trying once again to make things better with words I said, "Spencer, Syd doesn't want you to be sad if your cereal spills again. She's worried about you buddy."
Syd doesn't skip a beat and says, "No I'm not. I don't want to pick it up if it spills again. That was hard work."
I do this all of the time. When someone is laughing and taunting the other one I will try and change it up by saying, "Cam (who is crying) Spencer is trying to make you laugh....he's being nice." (translation :he's not laughing AT you, but WITH you)
SOMETIMES it works. Sometimes Spencer then starts to try and make Cam laugh instead of cry and Cam plays along.
Other wise I am forced to put down 2 babies who HAVE to be held or they will cry along with the older child...and remove the teaser from the room. Who of course returns right behind me and continues teasing only now it's more fun because everyone is mad. By the time the situation meets it's end, EVERYONE is crying and I'm on the verge of finding a dark corner to hide in.
On a brighter note. I'm starting to get a glimpse of my kind and loving baby girl again. I've missed her. She took some sick time off and I've wondered if I would ever see that sensitive sweet maturing side again. I am. It comes and it goes but hey, I'll take what I can get. I'm sure she will be back full force as this virus heads out.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Wanna know what I find grosser than gross. When you blow your nose and look (because we ALL do it) to see that big glowing green wad of God only knows what. That's just the gross, what's GROSSER than gross is when you cough up what can only be that glowing green wad of God only knows what and then have to swallow it, THINKING about what you've seen all day in the tissue. That's when I gag, bend over so that IF I throw up I won't get my clothes, grab on to a wall, counter or anything close to support myself because being dramatic about it isn't enough....and then once I gain composure tell the children that "yes, mommy is ok, she's going to be ok"
Yip. pretty darn nasty.
I think we are on the mend. FINALLY ! Although Syd's fever hit 103 last night again. Oh and everyone woke up this morning with their eyes pasted shut except Syd.
I tell ya.
Here are a few pictures of the kids.
J is sure that if Nathan wouldn't have been sick, he'd be crawling right now. He was well on his rockin' knees way and then disease struck.
He was back up today so we'll see.
Cam was crawling the week before his 7 month, Syd the week of her 7 month. Who knows if Nate will follow suit.
All it takes is a happy cheesy "hi" and Nathan is all smiles.
Ryan has lost 2 lbs from not eating I'm sure of it. He feels so flopsy and soft and melts in to you when you hold him. Poor boy. He was hit the hardest.
Other than the shoestring trails of snot from his nose to the top of his lip. and the goopy gummy eyes, Cam seems to be much better.
Today was Spencer's day to be sick. and he was.
Oh and speaking of grosser than gross. ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS STORY !!
I am sure that even the conservatives pro-est of life wouldn't argue with the decision to end this pregnancy. Unbelievable.
P.S. I actually liked the L-word Sunday. Not looooved it or anything, but it was fun and more like the old writing and I love how rude everyone has been to Jenny. OH..although what Jenny did to Shane because of Nikki was GREAT ! (still hate her)
I'm just ready for it all to be over. One more show.
Soooooo, no more queer as folk. No more L-word. No more Will and Grace.
NOW WHAT ?
Yip. pretty darn nasty.
I think we are on the mend. FINALLY ! Although Syd's fever hit 103 last night again. Oh and everyone woke up this morning with their eyes pasted shut except Syd.
I tell ya.
Here are a few pictures of the kids.
J is sure that if Nathan wouldn't have been sick, he'd be crawling right now. He was well on his rockin' knees way and then disease struck.
He was back up today so we'll see.
Cam was crawling the week before his 7 month, Syd the week of her 7 month. Who knows if Nate will follow suit.
All it takes is a happy cheesy "hi" and Nathan is all smiles.
Ryan has lost 2 lbs from not eating I'm sure of it. He feels so flopsy and soft and melts in to you when you hold him. Poor boy. He was hit the hardest.
Other than the shoestring trails of snot from his nose to the top of his lip. and the goopy gummy eyes, Cam seems to be much better.
Today was Spencer's day to be sick. and he was.
Oh and speaking of grosser than gross. ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS STORY !!
I am sure that even the conservatives pro-est of life wouldn't argue with the decision to end this pregnancy. Unbelievable.
P.S. I actually liked the L-word Sunday. Not looooved it or anything, but it was fun and more like the old writing and I love how rude everyone has been to Jenny. OH..although what Jenny did to Shane because of Nikki was GREAT ! (still hate her)
I'm just ready for it all to be over. One more show.
Soooooo, no more queer as folk. No more L-word. No more Will and Grace.
NOW WHAT ?
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