Sunday, October 25, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
3 things and then I'll stop.
In no order of importance although I think they all reach high security levels at my house. We are up in arms about each and every one of them.
1- Nathan has been giving me a run for my money today. Well make that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY CHILDREN. for about a week now. but Nathan has been extremely fussy and needy and whiney and clingy and waking up when sleeping and aaaaaaaaah aaaa huuuu huuuuu. No fever, but today he was pulling on his ears more than normal and covering them up and crying and crying so I made an appointment with our new ped to have his ears looked at.
Now remember. This is the same doctors office that I took Syd to with her "broken" ankle. The same appointment in which she laughed and played and jumped up on to the table and down from tables and made me look like a crazy mother. (in my defense it was swollen and bruised and she couldn't walk on it before we got to the doctors office )
So we get there, check in, sit down. Nathan sits and talks and babbles and flirts and smiles and points and acts as if he hasn't a care in the world.
Great ! GREAT ! I almost walked out.
Luckily for him I didn't. Double ear infection. prescription for amoxicillin.
2- Charlize Theron kissed a woman for 20 seconds for the small fee of 140k. My wife is upset and is currently laying down with a cool cloth on her forehead. I tried to explain that she did it for charity but J was too distraught to hear anything I had to say.
3- Rosie and Kelly split up. I can't take the break ups. I can't. I know that not everyone stays together forever but it doesn't make it any easier when they make the decision to finally split.
All I can say is that I hope they work it out.
In no order of importance although I think they all reach high security levels at my house. We are up in arms about each and every one of them.
1- Nathan has been giving me a run for my money today. Well make that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY CHILDREN. for about a week now. but Nathan has been extremely fussy and needy and whiney and clingy and waking up when sleeping and aaaaaaaaah aaaa huuuu huuuuu. No fever, but today he was pulling on his ears more than normal and covering them up and crying and crying so I made an appointment with our new ped to have his ears looked at.
Now remember. This is the same doctors office that I took Syd to with her "broken" ankle. The same appointment in which she laughed and played and jumped up on to the table and down from tables and made me look like a crazy mother. (in my defense it was swollen and bruised and she couldn't walk on it before we got to the doctors office )
So we get there, check in, sit down. Nathan sits and talks and babbles and flirts and smiles and points and acts as if he hasn't a care in the world.
Great ! GREAT ! I almost walked out.
Luckily for him I didn't. Double ear infection. prescription for amoxicillin.
2- Charlize Theron kissed a woman for 20 seconds for the small fee of 140k. My wife is upset and is currently laying down with a cool cloth on her forehead. I tried to explain that she did it for charity but J was too distraught to hear anything I had to say.
3- Rosie and Kelly split up. I can't take the break ups. I can't. I know that not everyone stays together forever but it doesn't make it any easier when they make the decision to finally split.
All I can say is that I hope they work it out.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
MacDeath !
Me and the wife went to see MacBeth. (the opera) last night at Capital Theater.
I gave J the quick synopsis right before it started. We shared a bottle of wine at dinner (again, cheaper than by the glass although we should have stopped after 1 glass) and were both a little fuzzy. I personally thought it made it much better.
J wished someone would have ripped her eyes and ears off of her head and replaced them with high resolution plasma panels and a satellite dish. She was miserable.
Did you know that they now have subtitles at Opera's ? (did you know that I just spelled Opera, Oprah, oh good hell) I have to say that it made ALL the difference in the world. I knew the story of MacBeth but would have been a little lost at parts had there not been subtitles. I will say that Lady MacBeth had an amazing voice. We didn't stay for the suicide and murder of the MacBeth's...we had high school babysitters and it was a school night. but I did enjoy myself. again, I think the wine played a big role in all of it.
can someone tell me....didn't the story only have 3 witches ? there was a stage full of them singing last night.
I pulled Syd's 2nd tooth out. It was slightly wiggly and I just kept messing with it. I finally pushed it towards her tongue and we both heard the crackling of roots being ripped away from the tooth and her gums. She gasped because I'm sure the sound was amplified 10 times in her head and then realized that it was hanging on by a thread. She squealed with delight and told me to finish the job. Like before, I grabbed a wet wipe (for better grip) and pulled.
She got a dollar, a new toothbrush (much needed), toothpaste and floss (no more dinosaurs...she wants the adult kind :) from the tooth fairy this morning. oh and the best part of all, she goes back on track Monday and will have such great stories to tell.
Now we CAN sing the song as it was written. All I want for Christmas is my 2 front teeth. my two front teeth.....yadda yadda yadda. I know they are referring to the 2 top but it's not specific and so we are going with it.
I gave J the quick synopsis right before it started. We shared a bottle of wine at dinner (again, cheaper than by the glass although we should have stopped after 1 glass) and were both a little fuzzy. I personally thought it made it much better.
J wished someone would have ripped her eyes and ears off of her head and replaced them with high resolution plasma panels and a satellite dish. She was miserable.
Did you know that they now have subtitles at Opera's ? (did you know that I just spelled Opera, Oprah, oh good hell) I have to say that it made ALL the difference in the world. I knew the story of MacBeth but would have been a little lost at parts had there not been subtitles. I will say that Lady MacBeth had an amazing voice. We didn't stay for the suicide and murder of the MacBeth's...we had high school babysitters and it was a school night. but I did enjoy myself. again, I think the wine played a big role in all of it.
can someone tell me....didn't the story only have 3 witches ? there was a stage full of them singing last night.
I pulled Syd's 2nd tooth out. It was slightly wiggly and I just kept messing with it. I finally pushed it towards her tongue and we both heard the crackling of roots being ripped away from the tooth and her gums. She gasped because I'm sure the sound was amplified 10 times in her head and then realized that it was hanging on by a thread. She squealed with delight and told me to finish the job. Like before, I grabbed a wet wipe (for better grip) and pulled.
She got a dollar, a new toothbrush (much needed), toothpaste and floss (no more dinosaurs...she wants the adult kind :) from the tooth fairy this morning. oh and the best part of all, she goes back on track Monday and will have such great stories to tell.
Now we CAN sing the song as it was written. All I want for Christmas is my 2 front teeth. my two front teeth.....yadda yadda yadda. I know they are referring to the 2 top but it's not specific and so we are going with it.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Pumpkin's are for patching.
We had some friends over Saturday for pumpkin patch, painting, pizza and playing.
It was a lot of fun.
I feel so blessed to have such great friends who we can share these experiences with.
This is the only picture I can get uploaded. There was a corn maze and hay rides and wheelbarrows and tractors and chickens. and then there were these hay barrels sitting in front of corn stalk.
It was a lot of fun.
I feel so blessed to have such great friends who we can share these experiences with.
This is the only picture I can get uploaded. There was a corn maze and hay rides and wheelbarrows and tractors and chickens. and then there were these hay barrels sitting in front of corn stalk.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
J says.....Sydney does !
I have a post about our pumpkin patch weekend and I can't get blogger to upload any of my pictures. SO. this. is filler.
It's funny how many things that happen and J will say...."you had better not blog about this !"
Well yesterday I said...."I'm TOTALLY blogging this !" you know. as a threat. but not really a threat because since I needed a little filler, here goes.
Me : how much longer are you going to watch football before you come up and help clean the house. (we had guest coming over to paint pumpkins and play)
J : It's your house.
Me : Oh, it's not our house now it's my house.
J : It is when it needs to be cleaned.
Me : hysterical laughter (I think I may have punched her in the arm too:)
J : It is really going to suck for anyone who goes to high school with all 4 of our boys.
Me : why ?
J : because there will only be 1 starting position on the varsity basketball team.
J : oh my gosh look how clear this is ! I mean, you can see their pores it's so clear ! Look. Look at that...and you are telling me you can't tell a difference !? Look at the crowd. I mean, you can see each individual hair. This is SOOOO Cool ! seriously. how clear is that ?! You should see basketball. I swear it's more clear than football. I can't believe we didn't have this before !
(J on her new High Def package)
at one point I said all of these things back to her..and for a second she was buying in to it and then she of course scowled at the smirk on my face. :) ha ha ha. for the record. it is pretty cool. oh and clear.
Sydney does !
Tonight Sydney emerged from the bathroom after brushing her teeth. She confirmed the task done by blowing in my face. (yes, it's come to that to ensure they are actually being brushed :)
She climbs in to bed. I start her music, cover her up, place miss piggy (yes she's still around) next to her and kiss her goodnight. She immediately sits up, climbs out of bed, walks over to her door, pulls her pants and underwear down.....(ri-i-i-i-i-i-i-ip) pulls a panty liner from her underwear, pulls everything back up and jumps back in to bed.
I'm still shaking my head. (and smiling)
I think she did this once before 2 years ago. She cracks me up.
***updated with a Cam says***
Cam wants a bike that looks like a mo-oh-cycle. Mommy J said that if they go potty in the potty and wear big boy underwear, they can have it. (we now have a picture of the bike hanging above the toilet)
Cameron is pretty determined. Other than naps and when we are going someplace he has been wearing his big boy dinosaur undies. He hasn't gone potty in the potty nor has he gone potty in his underwear.
This morning I took off his diaper and held his underwear down for him to put his feet in them.
His response, "oh no....not again"
This may be a month of training, but I can't WAIT for them to be potty trained.
Spencer. no desire. won't sit on the potty. nothin'
It's funny how many things that happen and J will say...."you had better not blog about this !"
Well yesterday I said...."I'm TOTALLY blogging this !" you know. as a threat. but not really a threat because since I needed a little filler, here goes.
Me : how much longer are you going to watch football before you come up and help clean the house. (we had guest coming over to paint pumpkins and play)
J : It's your house.
Me : Oh, it's not our house now it's my house.
J : It is when it needs to be cleaned.
Me : hysterical laughter (I think I may have punched her in the arm too:)
J : It is really going to suck for anyone who goes to high school with all 4 of our boys.
Me : why ?
J : because there will only be 1 starting position on the varsity basketball team.
J : oh my gosh look how clear this is ! I mean, you can see their pores it's so clear ! Look. Look at that...and you are telling me you can't tell a difference !? Look at the crowd. I mean, you can see each individual hair. This is SOOOO Cool ! seriously. how clear is that ?! You should see basketball. I swear it's more clear than football. I can't believe we didn't have this before !
(J on her new High Def package)
at one point I said all of these things back to her..and for a second she was buying in to it and then she of course scowled at the smirk on my face. :) ha ha ha. for the record. it is pretty cool. oh and clear.
Sydney does !
Tonight Sydney emerged from the bathroom after brushing her teeth. She confirmed the task done by blowing in my face. (yes, it's come to that to ensure they are actually being brushed :)
She climbs in to bed. I start her music, cover her up, place miss piggy (yes she's still around) next to her and kiss her goodnight. She immediately sits up, climbs out of bed, walks over to her door, pulls her pants and underwear down.....(ri-i-i-i-i-i-i-ip) pulls a panty liner from her underwear, pulls everything back up and jumps back in to bed.
I'm still shaking my head. (and smiling)
I think she did this once before 2 years ago. She cracks me up.
***updated with a Cam says***
Cam wants a bike that looks like a mo-oh-cycle. Mommy J said that if they go potty in the potty and wear big boy underwear, they can have it. (we now have a picture of the bike hanging above the toilet)
Cameron is pretty determined. Other than naps and when we are going someplace he has been wearing his big boy dinosaur undies. He hasn't gone potty in the potty nor has he gone potty in his underwear.
This morning I took off his diaper and held his underwear down for him to put his feet in them.
His response, "oh no....not again"
This may be a month of training, but I can't WAIT for them to be potty trained.
Spencer. no desire. won't sit on the potty. nothin'
Saturday, October 17, 2009
All I want for Christmas is my one lower right middle tooth. my one lower right middle tooth. my one lower right middle tooth....
Not so much in the first picture...but riiiiiight there. yip there, with the big red arrow pointing right directly toward it...you can see that permanent tooth already coming up.
The toothfairy left her $1.00. Now she's trying to get the loose one next to it to come out :)
I'm saving her tooth...is that gross ? I don't want to throw it away :( I didn't save umbilical cords or foreskin from her brothers circs. teeth are TOTALLY ok. right ?
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Sleep tight little people.
(head slowly falling back...eyes rolling up towards the top of my skull) GOOD NIGHT NURSE.
Now, I'm all for the...."if it works for your family...then it's the right thing to do." (said in a Price is Right announcer voice)
Well what happens when it's not working and nothing is working and OH MY GAWD WHEN WILL THIS EVER END !!!
I don't even know which one to start with or where to start or..or..or (dramatically hyperventilating)
Lets start with :
The babies.
Ryan sleeps in a crib in Syd's room. Nathan sleeps in a crib in our room. For no other reason than there is no room in any other room to put them in.
We already converted the office in to the big boys bedroom and with no closet they have to keep their dresser and so....we've kept Nate-man with us.
Ryan has always been a problem getting-to-sleeper. He is rocked and then laid to rest gently in his bed...hands move from under him to his back...patting slowly....slower...slower....and remove hands. wait. (movement) fuck....hands back on...patting...patting....slower....slower.....softening the pat to an almost barely even touching your jammies.....and removing hands....wait (holding breath)....no movement. carefully tiptoe out of the room (still holding breath) and down the hall.....exhale. aaaaaahhhhhhh
He will and does wake up for who knows WHAT reason during nap times too and has to be picked up and bounced back to sleep. Until recently. He won't go back to sleep unless bounced in DEAD SILENCE (which is almost impossible with 4 other children in the house) and it can take any where from 5-8 minutes. That's a long time to bounce a child. You don't think so. I'm telling you. it seems like an ETERNITY.
He wakes all night until J can't take it any more and brings him into bed with us. He promptly stretches his little arms out and grabs whatever the closest flesh is, confirming his placement is with us and sighs a contented sigh and drifts off to sleep.
He will then thrash his little body around the bed, throwing arms over your face, kicks to the cheek and lower eyelid.....making it impossible to sleep good at all.
What's the alternative ? getting up all night long, doing the pat-pat-pat thing. At least this way we are all horizontal.
Now Nathan is a pretty good sleeper. we once upon a time could lay him down with some warm milk and he would drink it and either fall immediately to sleep or talk to himself and then eventually put himself to sleep.
Not anymore. oh no. Now he wants to be rocked to sleep TOO.
2 problems with this. 1)One glider. 2) 4 other kids to deal with.
We some how make it work. When it's just me.......Oh mother mary of all that's holy.
He usually sleeps all night though.
Syd, other than the night terrors/yelling out/bad dreams thing....she's pretty good. Goes right to sleep. Will sleep until NOON if the boys let her.
Spencer. ANGEL. ANGEL OF ANGELS. Lays down. BOOM. asleep. you don't hear from him until the next morning and he will sometimes creep in to my room and lay next to my bed because he thinks I'm asleep and won't wake me. but I can't stand knowing that his little sweet body is on the floor when I'm awake and could cuddle it....so I reach down and lift him up and he immediately worms his way down in to the covers and molds himself perfectly against my stomach. ooooh I just LOVE HIM !
Cameron. The biggest problem next to Ryan. (it's head to head right now. neither one takes 1st place yet)
He can't get to sleep. He struggles SO much. He will tell you he's afraid of Monsters. Who knows if this is because he's scared or just can't sleep.
We have tried doing the rocking thing. He REALLY liked that. "mama, rock me. sing" and then we were like....screw this noise. So we put him to bed and when we'd hear him roaming the house at midnight in the pitch black....we'd walk him back to his bed and tell him it was bed time and leave only to return him to his bed another 9 times before finally falling asleep.
SO THEN....we tried laying with him. I know...I know...why would you even start.
Thing is. We can do the, putting him back to bed thing, until midnight....I'm not even kidding you either. But if we lay with him....he can fall asleep in minutes. Sometimes it's not for 30 of them. but either way....we are laying down, which is better than walking down a cold dark hallway with the hand of a toddler in yours hoping beyond hope that this is the LAST FUCKING TIME YOU GET UP.
(this has been going on for a really long time)
Either way. it's not working for us. We've moved the kids bedtimes back to 8-8:30 pm. We've even tried getting the babies to bed at 7:30pm. nope. I tried taking the older 3 to a jump house place tonight to wear them out.....tonight was worse than last night with all 5. (sobbing quietly as to not wake anyone up)
Nothing seems to be working.
Now I remember the older boys doing something similar to this......so I suppose I can look at it as a phase...but when you are tired and all you want is for them to just SLEEP. please just sleep one night. ONE NIGHT ! everyone sleep one night at the same time.
Because you see....it's like this. Tonight, all 3 of the older kids might just sleep. but the babies could be up 20 times. and tomorrow Spencer might get up...oh shut the hell up...that will never happen.
but Cameron could get up and the babies will sleep. Either way....there is no full night sleep to be had in our house.
I think the answer is this : Apply earplugs. insert sleeping pills. pad all rooms. put away anything that can be used as a weapon or broken.
TA-DA. see. I came up with that on my own. All it took was this extremely long post and I was able to figure it out myself.
Thanks for those of you who listened (and made it to the end). sometimes that's all we need. just to get it out.
Now this is the shit I can't seem to figure out. Why I'm sitting here blogging about this at 11:20 pm....when my kids have all been asleep for a while now. hmmm ? beats me. ah well. goodnight.
Now, I'm all for the...."if it works for your family...then it's the right thing to do." (said in a Price is Right announcer voice)
Well what happens when it's not working and nothing is working and OH MY GAWD WHEN WILL THIS EVER END !!!
I don't even know which one to start with or where to start or..or..or (dramatically hyperventilating)
Lets start with :
The babies.
Ryan sleeps in a crib in Syd's room. Nathan sleeps in a crib in our room. For no other reason than there is no room in any other room to put them in.
We already converted the office in to the big boys bedroom and with no closet they have to keep their dresser and so....we've kept Nate-man with us.
Ryan has always been a problem getting-to-sleeper. He is rocked and then laid to rest gently in his bed...hands move from under him to his back...patting slowly....slower...slower....and remove hands. wait. (movement) fuck....hands back on...patting...patting....slower....slower.....softening the pat to an almost barely even touching your jammies.....and removing hands....wait (holding breath)....no movement. carefully tiptoe out of the room (still holding breath) and down the hall.....exhale. aaaaaahhhhhhh
He will and does wake up for who knows WHAT reason during nap times too and has to be picked up and bounced back to sleep. Until recently. He won't go back to sleep unless bounced in DEAD SILENCE (which is almost impossible with 4 other children in the house) and it can take any where from 5-8 minutes. That's a long time to bounce a child. You don't think so. I'm telling you. it seems like an ETERNITY.
He wakes all night until J can't take it any more and brings him into bed with us. He promptly stretches his little arms out and grabs whatever the closest flesh is, confirming his placement is with us and sighs a contented sigh and drifts off to sleep.
He will then thrash his little body around the bed, throwing arms over your face, kicks to the cheek and lower eyelid.....making it impossible to sleep good at all.
What's the alternative ? getting up all night long, doing the pat-pat-pat thing. At least this way we are all horizontal.
Now Nathan is a pretty good sleeper. we once upon a time could lay him down with some warm milk and he would drink it and either fall immediately to sleep or talk to himself and then eventually put himself to sleep.
Not anymore. oh no. Now he wants to be rocked to sleep TOO.
2 problems with this. 1)One glider. 2) 4 other kids to deal with.
We some how make it work. When it's just me.......Oh mother mary of all that's holy.
He usually sleeps all night though.
Syd, other than the night terrors/yelling out/bad dreams thing....she's pretty good. Goes right to sleep. Will sleep until NOON if the boys let her.
Spencer. ANGEL. ANGEL OF ANGELS. Lays down. BOOM. asleep. you don't hear from him until the next morning and he will sometimes creep in to my room and lay next to my bed because he thinks I'm asleep and won't wake me. but I can't stand knowing that his little sweet body is on the floor when I'm awake and could cuddle it....so I reach down and lift him up and he immediately worms his way down in to the covers and molds himself perfectly against my stomach. ooooh I just LOVE HIM !
Cameron. The biggest problem next to Ryan. (it's head to head right now. neither one takes 1st place yet)
He can't get to sleep. He struggles SO much. He will tell you he's afraid of Monsters. Who knows if this is because he's scared or just can't sleep.
We have tried doing the rocking thing. He REALLY liked that. "mama, rock me. sing" and then we were like....screw this noise. So we put him to bed and when we'd hear him roaming the house at midnight in the pitch black....we'd walk him back to his bed and tell him it was bed time and leave only to return him to his bed another 9 times before finally falling asleep.
SO THEN....we tried laying with him. I know...I know...why would you even start.
Thing is. We can do the, putting him back to bed thing, until midnight....I'm not even kidding you either. But if we lay with him....he can fall asleep in minutes. Sometimes it's not for 30 of them. but either way....we are laying down, which is better than walking down a cold dark hallway with the hand of a toddler in yours hoping beyond hope that this is the LAST FUCKING TIME YOU GET UP.
(this has been going on for a really long time)
Either way. it's not working for us. We've moved the kids bedtimes back to 8-8:30 pm. We've even tried getting the babies to bed at 7:30pm. nope. I tried taking the older 3 to a jump house place tonight to wear them out.....tonight was worse than last night with all 5. (sobbing quietly as to not wake anyone up)
Nothing seems to be working.
Now I remember the older boys doing something similar to this......so I suppose I can look at it as a phase...but when you are tired and all you want is for them to just SLEEP. please just sleep one night. ONE NIGHT ! everyone sleep one night at the same time.
Because you see....it's like this. Tonight, all 3 of the older kids might just sleep. but the babies could be up 20 times. and tomorrow Spencer might get up...oh shut the hell up...that will never happen.
but Cameron could get up and the babies will sleep. Either way....there is no full night sleep to be had in our house.
I think the answer is this : Apply earplugs. insert sleeping pills. pad all rooms. put away anything that can be used as a weapon or broken.
TA-DA. see. I came up with that on my own. All it took was this extremely long post and I was able to figure it out myself.
Thanks for those of you who listened (and made it to the end). sometimes that's all we need. just to get it out.
Now this is the shit I can't seem to figure out. Why I'm sitting here blogging about this at 11:20 pm....when my kids have all been asleep for a while now. hmmm ? beats me. ah well. goodnight.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Technically Tuesday
Technically, I could have started weaning off of my little blue pills in September.
Thing is...the last of the fog lifted in July. I remember feeling it lift. Like a hooded jacket was taken off.
sooooooo, why am I still taking them ?!
I am no longer a post partum depressed pill popper but have taken my place as another pill popping Utah housewife.
I could stop. I mean, I don't need them anymore for the reasons that I started taking them. but I like myself on them. I do have more control on them ? right ?
I don't want to be someone who has to take pills. but I'd rather a blue pill than a brown paper bag covered bottle. I suppose the first is better in the long run.
For now.
For now I will keep taking that 2 1/2 pills each night before bed. My wife thanks me....my kids thank me.
this is not a crutch. this is not a crutch. this is not a crutch.
this is TOTALLY a crutch.
Thing is...the last of the fog lifted in July. I remember feeling it lift. Like a hooded jacket was taken off.
sooooooo, why am I still taking them ?!
I am no longer a post partum depressed pill popper but have taken my place as another pill popping Utah housewife.
I could stop. I mean, I don't need them anymore for the reasons that I started taking them. but I like myself on them. I do have more control on them ? right ?
I don't want to be someone who has to take pills. but I'd rather a blue pill than a brown paper bag covered bottle. I suppose the first is better in the long run.
For now.
For now I will keep taking that 2 1/2 pills each night before bed. My wife thanks me....my kids thank me.
this is not a crutch. this is not a crutch. this is not a crutch.
this is TOTALLY a crutch.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Jump up, Jump up and get down.
I know this is long. That I was able to download it at all was AMAZING, cropping wasn't an option. I've been trying to download this since J was out of town. You'll notice her suitcase and clothes to pack in the background.
Nathan is jumping with 2 feet off of the ground. This was our attempt at catching it on film. If you stay tuned until the end...we were also able to catch...hitting....extreme free falling (do not try this at home)...and talking :) it's packed people. chuck full of action and drama. and it's not all coming from me this time. :)
Nathan is jumping with 2 feet off of the ground. This was our attempt at catching it on film. If you stay tuned until the end...we were also able to catch...hitting....extreme free falling (do not try this at home)...and talking :) it's packed people. chuck full of action and drama. and it's not all coming from me this time. :)
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Loves First Kiss !
My first REAL kiss.....not counting the time I tried kissing my brother when I was 4 or 5, or Frank when I was 6 (who I tried to kill) or even my first time kissing a girl, Angie, the foster girl from down the street when I was 8 (who I also tried to kill).
My first french kiss was in Jr. high on the front steps of the school.
But none of the above were "the kiss".
When I was young I had crushes on boys my age and female teachers. Weird, what is that ? I don't know if it was a crush or just profound feelings of adoration for these women.
By the time I reached Jr. High, I was so busy learning how to fit in and grow up that I didn't have room for any feelings and just went with the flow.
Dancing at church dances too close to older high school boys. Flattening my wings of love, or at least half of it.
I remember after each dance running in to the bathroom to puff up my wing that had been on the shoulder of some 15 year old boy. ha ha ha
I was so scared of boys. I didn't know what to do with them. I always thought that it was my good moral upbringing that kept me scared.
THEN. Rumors started around school that the CUTEST boy in Jr. High liked me. LIKED ME ! and Who was I. Just some dumb inexperienced girl.
I did love him. Like any girl loves a boy in Jr. High. My first true love. I still consider him to be my first true love. It's weird but I do think about him from time to time. He was very sweet to me.
Off I went to High school. Free of commitment. Full of hope and scared as shit.
and then I met her.
She was a senior. She was friends with everyone cool as cool knew it. The guys loved her too. liked her. She was just one of the guys with long curly hair. and then she liked me. LIKED ME ! and who was I. Just some dumb sophomore girl.
We started hanging out. We would talk for HOURS in her car in front of my house. I remember my mom coming to the window and flashing the lights at me, telling me it was time to come in. Like I was some teenage girl making out with her boyfriend in the car.
We shared our inner most secrets. we cried. we comforted each other. we held each other.
This went on for months. and then one night. after my parents had given up on my coming in and turned the lights off and went to bed. We laid together in the middle of the car. Comforting the other about something terrible I'm sure, and then the line. "I just don't feel like I can get close enough to you" and I felt entirely the same way. and then she turned her face to mine and kissed me. The softest, sweetest kiss.
You know when people tell you that as you are falling to your death your life flashes before your eyes.
This is EXACTLY what happened to me. Only it was a crossraods and it took me down the path I could have taken in my life. It was quick and the details of a straight life blur together now like melted ice-cream on the hot sidewalk. but at that moment I knew my whole life would change and I started to cry.
She immediately started apologizing, misunderstanding my tears for rejection. and after a few moments of me trying to gather myself I reassured her that I felt completely the same way.
That kiss changed my entire life. The veil lifted. It was as if all of the things that my friends had talked about made sense. aaaaah. this is what they were talking about. This is the feelings that took over their bodies. I wasn't scared. It was as if my body knew exactly what it wanted and what to do. (I'm not talking about sex people) I'm talking about the butterflies and the sensation that runs up your back and falls over your scalp. I'm talking about when you close your eyes because your mind takes you someplace distant and you don't even realize that they are closed.
Your heart flutters and your legs go numb.
Everything made complete sense in that one kiss.
That kiss lasted the next 8 years of my life. I was 15 years old. I didn't know that I was a lesbian. Neither of us did. We didn't admit it to ourselves just yet. We just knew that we loved each other so much and couldn't. get. close. enough.
I was inspired to write this because of someone's "Coming out story" post.
I hope this inspires you to do the same. share your stories.
My first french kiss was in Jr. high on the front steps of the school.
But none of the above were "the kiss".
When I was young I had crushes on boys my age and female teachers. Weird, what is that ? I don't know if it was a crush or just profound feelings of adoration for these women.
By the time I reached Jr. High, I was so busy learning how to fit in and grow up that I didn't have room for any feelings and just went with the flow.
Dancing at church dances too close to older high school boys. Flattening my wings of love, or at least half of it.
I remember after each dance running in to the bathroom to puff up my wing that had been on the shoulder of some 15 year old boy. ha ha ha
I was so scared of boys. I didn't know what to do with them. I always thought that it was my good moral upbringing that kept me scared.
THEN. Rumors started around school that the CUTEST boy in Jr. High liked me. LIKED ME ! and Who was I. Just some dumb inexperienced girl.
I did love him. Like any girl loves a boy in Jr. High. My first true love. I still consider him to be my first true love. It's weird but I do think about him from time to time. He was very sweet to me.
Off I went to High school. Free of commitment. Full of hope and scared as shit.
and then I met her.
She was a senior. She was friends with everyone cool as cool knew it. The guys loved her too. liked her. She was just one of the guys with long curly hair. and then she liked me. LIKED ME ! and who was I. Just some dumb sophomore girl.
We started hanging out. We would talk for HOURS in her car in front of my house. I remember my mom coming to the window and flashing the lights at me, telling me it was time to come in. Like I was some teenage girl making out with her boyfriend in the car.
We shared our inner most secrets. we cried. we comforted each other. we held each other.
This went on for months. and then one night. after my parents had given up on my coming in and turned the lights off and went to bed. We laid together in the middle of the car. Comforting the other about something terrible I'm sure, and then the line. "I just don't feel like I can get close enough to you" and I felt entirely the same way. and then she turned her face to mine and kissed me. The softest, sweetest kiss.
You know when people tell you that as you are falling to your death your life flashes before your eyes.
This is EXACTLY what happened to me. Only it was a crossraods and it took me down the path I could have taken in my life. It was quick and the details of a straight life blur together now like melted ice-cream on the hot sidewalk. but at that moment I knew my whole life would change and I started to cry.
She immediately started apologizing, misunderstanding my tears for rejection. and after a few moments of me trying to gather myself I reassured her that I felt completely the same way.
That kiss changed my entire life. The veil lifted. It was as if all of the things that my friends had talked about made sense. aaaaah. this is what they were talking about. This is the feelings that took over their bodies. I wasn't scared. It was as if my body knew exactly what it wanted and what to do. (I'm not talking about sex people) I'm talking about the butterflies and the sensation that runs up your back and falls over your scalp. I'm talking about when you close your eyes because your mind takes you someplace distant and you don't even realize that they are closed.
Your heart flutters and your legs go numb.
Everything made complete sense in that one kiss.
That kiss lasted the next 8 years of my life. I was 15 years old. I didn't know that I was a lesbian. Neither of us did. We didn't admit it to ourselves just yet. We just knew that we loved each other so much and couldn't. get. close. enough.
I was inspired to write this because of someone's "Coming out story" post.
I hope this inspires you to do the same. share your stories.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Why not just a few words this Wednesday
My Kids
Sydney, aka Darla
Sydney, aka Darla
Syd doing a back flip
Cam
Spencer
Ry-guy
Nathan
Monday, October 5, 2009
aaaand...TIME !
****updated****
yes, well that's how long it took me to get all 5 kids to bed tonight by myself.
blah, blah, blah. J's out of town for work. yadda, shmadda, yadda. she comes home tomorrow. wah-wah-wah. no pictures of hotels and good food sent via her cell phone this trip.
Thing is. the last time she was out of town for a whole week, life at the house wasn't bad at all. It's as if my children know that she's not around to protect them if I go all Chris Brown on their little asses. (and yes...Spencer really did hit his head on the couch)
Everybody slept through the night the ENTIRE week. It was great. The DAY J came back...4 of the 5 were up and down all night long. It's her. I SWEAR it's her.
Today we hit Thanskgiving points dinosaur museum. I know, I know. it wasn't bad. I managed and I even let the babies get out and run. (that was a little hard) but I did it and I came home with all 5 of them.
Ok. FUNNY thing happened. We go out to the parking lot and I stand at the back of the van while a woman straps her 2 young children in to her mini van right next to the passenger door that I need access to in order to load my children up. (thank god) We wait and I smile politely as she slowly backs out. I start around to the door and realize this van has runners. what ? my van doesn't have runners. we have to use a stool to get in and out of our van. shit. this isn't our van. I walk to the back of the van and pretend to be getting something out of the stroller and after the mini van drives around a corner I finally acknowledge Sydney, "I know it's not our van honey. how silly is mama. lets go find our van"
We laugh and cross over to the next row of cars. "THERE IT IS GUYS !" We come up to another white cargo van parked RIGHT next to another 12 passenger white cargo van. So I do what any normal, 5 kid toten mom would do and I grab my keys, aim and start beeping them at the van. wishing ever so softly to myself, "will the right van please flash your lights and make that unlock clicky sound now"
I'm looking back and forth as we get closer so that I don't make the mistake twice and look like a complete idiot in front of all of the mothers and children coming and going. I once again acknowledge Sydney, "are you sure ? it's not ours either ?! where is our van Syd (fake laugh as to not freak the kids out that we are seriously lost and have no way home now)
As I looked over the sea of vehicles I saw her. BAVS. Just sitting there ever so humbly. It of course all comes back to you....oh right, we crossed over the sidewalk thing and went around the bark filled flower bed. yes. yes. this is it.
As I glanced down the row as I was loading the last item into the van (the double stroller) I noticed another 2 freaking white cargo 12 passenger vans.
ONLY IN UTAH PEOPLE ! Only in Utah. (well and parts of Idaho)
I have a post coming about sleep. I've written and rewritten it and I'm down to about 6 pages. I want to paint the perfect picture for you of what it is we are going through at our house lately at night.
I will say this. Spencer. DREAM sleeper. he's the kid EVAH-REE-BODY wants to have at night.
The end !
UPDATE
3:30 am. Ryan woke up. Which in turn woke Nathan up. Both boys screamed BLOODY murder while I tried to handle one and then the other. Neither was going to give in. I ended up getting them warm milk and had them sprawled out all over me and entangled with each other.
Nathan finally fell back to sleep at 4:30 am. Ryan 5 am.
Both, bright eyed and bushy tailed at 7 fucking 57 this morning. Mommy is TI-URD
yes, well that's how long it took me to get all 5 kids to bed tonight by myself.
blah, blah, blah. J's out of town for work. yadda, shmadda, yadda. she comes home tomorrow. wah-wah-wah. no pictures of hotels and good food sent via her cell phone this trip.
Thing is. the last time she was out of town for a whole week, life at the house wasn't bad at all. It's as if my children know that she's not around to protect them if I go all Chris Brown on their little asses. (and yes...Spencer really did hit his head on the couch)
Everybody slept through the night the ENTIRE week. It was great. The DAY J came back...4 of the 5 were up and down all night long. It's her. I SWEAR it's her.
Today we hit Thanskgiving points dinosaur museum. I know, I know. it wasn't bad. I managed and I even let the babies get out and run. (that was a little hard) but I did it and I came home with all 5 of them.
Ok. FUNNY thing happened. We go out to the parking lot and I stand at the back of the van while a woman straps her 2 young children in to her mini van right next to the passenger door that I need access to in order to load my children up. (thank god) We wait and I smile politely as she slowly backs out. I start around to the door and realize this van has runners. what ? my van doesn't have runners. we have to use a stool to get in and out of our van. shit. this isn't our van. I walk to the back of the van and pretend to be getting something out of the stroller and after the mini van drives around a corner I finally acknowledge Sydney, "I know it's not our van honey. how silly is mama. lets go find our van"
We laugh and cross over to the next row of cars. "THERE IT IS GUYS !" We come up to another white cargo van parked RIGHT next to another 12 passenger white cargo van. So I do what any normal, 5 kid toten mom would do and I grab my keys, aim and start beeping them at the van. wishing ever so softly to myself, "will the right van please flash your lights and make that unlock clicky sound now"
I'm looking back and forth as we get closer so that I don't make the mistake twice and look like a complete idiot in front of all of the mothers and children coming and going. I once again acknowledge Sydney, "are you sure ? it's not ours either ?! where is our van Syd (fake laugh as to not freak the kids out that we are seriously lost and have no way home now)
As I looked over the sea of vehicles I saw her. BAVS. Just sitting there ever so humbly. It of course all comes back to you....oh right, we crossed over the sidewalk thing and went around the bark filled flower bed. yes. yes. this is it.
As I glanced down the row as I was loading the last item into the van (the double stroller) I noticed another 2 freaking white cargo 12 passenger vans.
ONLY IN UTAH PEOPLE ! Only in Utah. (well and parts of Idaho)
I have a post coming about sleep. I've written and rewritten it and I'm down to about 6 pages. I want to paint the perfect picture for you of what it is we are going through at our house lately at night.
I will say this. Spencer. DREAM sleeper. he's the kid EVAH-REE-BODY wants to have at night.
The end !
UPDATE
3:30 am. Ryan woke up. Which in turn woke Nathan up. Both boys screamed BLOODY murder while I tried to handle one and then the other. Neither was going to give in. I ended up getting them warm milk and had them sprawled out all over me and entangled with each other.
Nathan finally fell back to sleep at 4:30 am. Ryan 5 am.
Both, bright eyed and bushy tailed at 7 fucking 57 this morning. Mommy is TI-URD
Movie Monday
Again, the opinions expressed on this page are mine and mine alone. (and of course those of you with IMPECCABLE taste) They are not meant to by any means discourage you from seeing these movies.
AND, and, and...further more. If you don't believe me andwaste see them any ways....I am not to be held financially accountable.
AHEM
Julie and Julia.
Let me just put it this way. I wasn't excited to see this movie because I personally thought a movie based around Julie Childs would put me to sleep.
Quite the contrary. The Julia Childs parts of this movie, more so the Meryl Streep parts of this movie, were GREAT. Julie however sucks. as did the entire premise of the storyline.
Dumb girl, bored, weird, becomes obsessed with Julia Childs and blogs about it. OH and the blogging part you would think would have struck a cord with me, ya ? It did. It made me not want to blog any more. I seriously left asking myself if I should keep blogging.....or was it stupid, just like this dumb girl.
BUT....I am a dumb girl, bored, weird and I have nobody to talk to .....you are it.
My opinion. don't watch it. OR better yet. Wait for it to come out on DVD and then fast forward ALL of the Julie parts.
Ghosts of Girlfriends past.
OMG ! I will admit, I was warned.
We wondered why we rented it and then asked ourselves why we kept watching it. Probably because we had to pay 4.99 to fucking Direct TV for a crappy movie and we couldn't POSSIBLY waste 5 bucks.
We did like the 80's girlfriend. She was funny.
In the end. I guess if I had the choice to watch Golden Girls or this movie......it would be a toss up.
Then She Found me.
HOW I never knew about this movie with my dream star favorite (Bette Midler) in it, I have NO idea.
Super star cast : BETTE MIDLER, Colin Firth, Helen Hunt, Matthew Broderick.
Surprisingly, for an apparent box office flop...this movie had me in stitches. I thought it was charming and sweet. Colin Firth is hilarious in this.
Henry and June.
WOW ! It says it was based on true events. I imagine the people that it was based upon must have died of syphilis, Hepatitis, Chlamydia or genital warts (I'm not sure if those last two can kill you...but I'm pretty sure they had em)
It was set in Paris and was pretty much about sex. Uma Thurman was in it. I didn't think she had it in her...but apparently she straddles both sides. At least in this movie she did.
My opinion....ummm. I don't care if you watch it or not.
Who's Cooking.
Sundance film festivaly version of Home for the Holidays. (which I love)
It's a story with 4 different ethnic families and the struggles they have getting together at Thanksgiving.
It took a minute to understand who was who and who went with who...which you would think would be easy as I just explained....it is about 4 different ethnic households :) Vietnamese, Mexican, black and of course the white Jewish family (with the gay daughter) Now OF COURSE I only got this movie for the lesbian parts. so that I could watch it and then report it to all of my lesbian readers. all 7 of you.
and help you pick your next weekend movie night movie.
Well ladies...this is one. I mean....it's just ok, but you do get to see Kyra Sedgwick (who I LOVE) and Julianna Margulies (from ER) kiss AND...they touch each other affectionately. (like on the arm and hug and cuddle and stuff:) That's it though. PG-13. They wasted it all in Henry and June.
Watch it. Why not, huh.
That's all I have for you.
Next up to be shipped. The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. I've started reading the series to Syd, never watched the movie.
Stay tuned.
AND, and, and...further more. If you don't believe me and
AHEM
Julie and Julia.
Let me just put it this way. I wasn't excited to see this movie because I personally thought a movie based around Julie Childs would put me to sleep.
Quite the contrary. The Julia Childs parts of this movie, more so the Meryl Streep parts of this movie, were GREAT. Julie however sucks. as did the entire premise of the storyline.
Dumb girl, bored, weird, becomes obsessed with Julia Childs and blogs about it. OH and the blogging part you would think would have struck a cord with me, ya ? It did. It made me not want to blog any more. I seriously left asking myself if I should keep blogging.....or was it stupid, just like this dumb girl.
BUT....I am a dumb girl, bored, weird and I have nobody to talk to .....you are it.
My opinion. don't watch it. OR better yet. Wait for it to come out on DVD and then fast forward ALL of the Julie parts.
Ghosts of Girlfriends past.
OMG ! I will admit, I was warned.
We wondered why we rented it and then asked ourselves why we kept watching it. Probably because we had to pay 4.99 to fucking Direct TV for a crappy movie and we couldn't POSSIBLY waste 5 bucks.
We did like the 80's girlfriend. She was funny.
In the end. I guess if I had the choice to watch Golden Girls or this movie......it would be a toss up.
Then She Found me.
HOW I never knew about this movie with my dream star favorite (Bette Midler) in it, I have NO idea.
Super star cast : BETTE MIDLER, Colin Firth, Helen Hunt, Matthew Broderick.
Surprisingly, for an apparent box office flop...this movie had me in stitches. I thought it was charming and sweet. Colin Firth is hilarious in this.
Henry and June.
WOW ! It says it was based on true events. I imagine the people that it was based upon must have died of syphilis, Hepatitis, Chlamydia or genital warts (I'm not sure if those last two can kill you...but I'm pretty sure they had em)
It was set in Paris and was pretty much about sex. Uma Thurman was in it. I didn't think she had it in her...but apparently she straddles both sides. At least in this movie she did.
My opinion....ummm. I don't care if you watch it or not.
Who's Cooking.
Sundance film festivaly version of Home for the Holidays. (which I love)
It's a story with 4 different ethnic families and the struggles they have getting together at Thanksgiving.
It took a minute to understand who was who and who went with who...which you would think would be easy as I just explained....it is about 4 different ethnic households :) Vietnamese, Mexican, black and of course the white Jewish family (with the gay daughter) Now OF COURSE I only got this movie for the lesbian parts. so that I could watch it and then report it to all of my lesbian readers. all 7 of you.
and help you pick your next weekend movie night movie.
Well ladies...this is one. I mean....it's just ok, but you do get to see Kyra Sedgwick (who I LOVE) and Julianna Margulies (from ER) kiss AND...they touch each other affectionately. (like on the arm and hug and cuddle and stuff:) That's it though. PG-13. They wasted it all in Henry and June.
Watch it. Why not, huh.
That's all I have for you.
Next up to be shipped. The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. I've started reading the series to Syd, never watched the movie.
Stay tuned.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Out with the old, in with the new.
I DID it ! I went to a new pediatrician today.
Well it went like this. Syd jumped off of the top of the slide and hurt her ankle last night. I put a sock on her and said....I'm sure it's fine. (pat, pat...great mom award)
This morning, it was swollen and it hurt. She wouldn't walk on it so I made the call. 3:30 pm was the earliest they'd see her and they don't have an x-ray machine so then I would be sent to the hospital to be seen there and in the mean time I have 4 other children being watched over.
I called a neighbor (with lots of boys and broken bones) who HIGHLY recommended her ped. and said that she loved everyone in the clinic and that they had an x-ray machine....did stitches in office...and were open until 10pm. Girl...you had me at hello. :)
I called at 11am and made an appointment for...12:30pm. Apparently the nurses assistant at my old peds office returned my call at 1 pm. I mean. it was only a sprain and she's fine and everything is good (the fact that she walked over and jumped up on to the x-ray table just confirmed she'd be ok...but with gymnastics I didn't want to risk really hurting her)
I just don't like the service lately that I've been given at the other office and frankly I second guess EVERYTHING they say because they've been wrong so many times or underestimated my kids or whatever it is.
Any ways. I felt sick the whole time doing it. Like I was cheating on my pediatrician who personally I like. I don't know how you break up with someone like that.
I did though. and I am movin' on.
LOVED the new office. They have a well patient area as well as sick kids sitting area. They were SO helpful and friendly. LOVED LOVED LOVED them.
Felt good. Same approx drive time. Maybe a few minutes longer but oh well.
(sigh)
I'm doing the right thing, right ?
sure I am.
Well it went like this. Syd jumped off of the top of the slide and hurt her ankle last night. I put a sock on her and said....I'm sure it's fine. (pat, pat...great mom award)
This morning, it was swollen and it hurt. She wouldn't walk on it so I made the call. 3:30 pm was the earliest they'd see her and they don't have an x-ray machine so then I would be sent to the hospital to be seen there and in the mean time I have 4 other children being watched over.
I called a neighbor (with lots of boys and broken bones) who HIGHLY recommended her ped. and said that she loved everyone in the clinic and that they had an x-ray machine....did stitches in office...and were open until 10pm. Girl...you had me at hello. :)
I called at 11am and made an appointment for...12:30pm. Apparently the nurses assistant at my old peds office returned my call at 1 pm. I mean. it was only a sprain and she's fine and everything is good (the fact that she walked over and jumped up on to the x-ray table just confirmed she'd be ok...but with gymnastics I didn't want to risk really hurting her)
I just don't like the service lately that I've been given at the other office and frankly I second guess EVERYTHING they say because they've been wrong so many times or underestimated my kids or whatever it is.
Any ways. I felt sick the whole time doing it. Like I was cheating on my pediatrician who personally I like. I don't know how you break up with someone like that.
I did though. and I am movin' on.
LOVED the new office. They have a well patient area as well as sick kids sitting area. They were SO helpful and friendly. LOVED LOVED LOVED them.
Felt good. Same approx drive time. Maybe a few minutes longer but oh well.
(sigh)
I'm doing the right thing, right ?
sure I am.
Boy crazy ! Sydney says.
Laying on the bed next to Sydney she says while wiggling her tooth, "Does the tooth fairy bring you people as prizes ?"
My befuddled response, "ummm. no."
Sydney, "are you sure she won't bring me a person ?"
Now curious, "no honey, why ?"
"because I want a kissing boy."
Now smiling I asked, "You want a kissing boy ?"
Syd, "yes, a kissing boy with pokey uppy hair. That would be the perfect boy."
I rolled over and started tickling her and told her, "you are too boy crazy Syd"
She just laughed and agreed.
You see....Syd has been watching the Little Rascals and announced earlier that she would be changing her name to Darla and now wants a kissing boy named Alfalfa. :)
(It's a good thing she likes boys. She's got a house FULL of them :)
We had to pull out our winter attire. Getting ready for the cold.
We had to pull out our winter attire. Getting ready for the cold.
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