Thursday's thur are thwell !

My own little Jack-o-lantern !

Bottom left fell out on it's own. Bottom right was pulled out by the babysitter. Upper left was bum-ped out while dancing some groovy disco jive in the kitchen with me a couple of weeks ago. or one could say that Syd's tooth hit my big butt while I was dancing the hand jive in the kitchen while making dinner.
OR. you might even say that mama needs some new dance moves.
Upper right tooth was knocked out fell out yesterday while wrestling with mama.  I suppose I play a little rough.
Incidentally upper lefty was knocked out with so much force from my booty that it shot directly to the back of her throat and was swallowed. The tooth fairy compensated her for both teeth last night.
Tell me how bad this is. 10:30pm  and I'm trying to forge a reply on Syd's note from the tooth fairy..which is harder than one might think...and realized that we only had 1$ bill. J scrounged up $1.00 in quarters before I realized that I had a dollar in my wallet (very rare that I EVER have cash) but in between me getting the 2nd dollar we had discussed "borrowing" a dollar from Syd's bank. ha ha ha
Now that's what I call the gift that keeps on giving.
 

Cute bum where ya from ?

My house that's where !
These two are wild.   They laugh and wrestle and play and hit and cry and give loves (and medicine in the tub) and laugh some more.
Having 2 is as much of a joy as it is a challenge.    I just have to keep remembering that.   Every day.  
They have watched their older brothers play and are much more aggressive with each other at this age than their brothers ever were.     They take turns and hug each other....or one will hug the other and then pull him to the floor by their head and neck while the other one tries to get away.  or maybe that's the wrestling I was talking about....either way...I just know that they love each other and I'm CERTAIN that I love them.

And now the count down begins again....

***updated with pictures**** finally.
364 days......363 days..... UGH ! I wish that we could do this 2-7 times a year.

WHAT a great trip. We went to Sonoma. We stayed in a little town called Cazadero. For my Utah friends....it's a little bit of San Fran a dash of Bear Lake with a sprinkle of Park City. Most of all it was BEAUTIFUL. The redwoods and oh maw gawsh marsha the smell. I wish that there was a redwood tree scentsty smeller and I would buy a 10lb brick of it and burn it in my house year round.
Our house/cabin was quaint and simple and perfect. The creek was our backyard and we would listen to it as we fell asleep. We also had a sky light above our bed....and like a mobile for a baby it kept our attention quite a bit. :) It was fun to know what the weather was like at any glance and to be able to lay and look up at redwoods wasn't so bad either.
It just happened to be women's weekend in Cazadero....whatever the hell that means. Well, what that means is that a bunch of lezzies come in town to hang out :) We fit right in.

I forgot my camera. I know. I know. We were able to take a few pictures with J's phone but there were so many times that I would drop the f bomb because "there it is, the perfect picture moment" and me without my fuckin camera. And although J's phone is pretty good at capturing the moment for a phone camera....it's just not my Canon. :(

We saw whales and sea lions and seals. We saw rabbits and squirrels and a mouse. We saw a grammy nominated Jazz performer and a couple of drag queens and a lady dressed up like a mermaid. We tasted wine and even bought a bottle and saw a dog the size of a horse. We drove on windy roads and then drove on windy roads and then drove on windy roads and then threw up. Ok, I didn't throw up but I wanted to.
We bought candy and croissants and lesbian porn. We sat in the hot tub, slept in and took naps.
We wanted to go rappelling and zip lining but they were all sold out :( We also wanted to horse back ride but decided the whales were something we couldn't see at home and they were putting on quite the show so we went to see them instead. but I was promised to go riding when we got home. I have it written down J, you have to take me now :)
We left 1/4 bottle of wine in the fridge....what the hell, I know....we left the lesbian porn we bought....it wasn't the sweet love story that we thought it was :)...we left J's purse in our National rental car but after a full circle on the shuttle bus were able to retrieve it....we left our thank you's for a wonderful stay in a guest book and signed our names hoping to one day return to fill in another page.

As I picked up toys for the ten hundreth time today, reapplied diaper after diaper I was able to close my eyes and for a brief moment return to smell those redwood trees, appreciate the stillness, holding my wife's hand, listening to nothing but the water as it trickled over the rocks whiledst still sporting the light fuzzy feeling in my head from the drinks I had partaken of at dinner. aaaaah.....
and then suhLAM...."MOM...MOM...GET ME MILK. Make dinner I'm hungry. MO-UM, the inside of Nathan's diaper is all over the living room !"
Reality Bites people....right in the ass it bites !

Will add photo's later. Blogger won't let me now.

****update****
Is blogger not letting anyone else post pictures either ? Well I found a secret way. HA HA blogger HA. HA.

J relaxing on the deck.

This is the view from the side of the house to the gate entrance at the front of the house.

One view from the deck.

Another view out off of the deck. LOVED it.

Sitting in the hot tub....looking up....this was the view.

A whale. yeah, so J's cell doesn't have very good zooming qualities. There were a ton of them blowing and diving...it was really quite the site.

More whales.

Seals
Just an amazing view of the ocean

And this....this would have been the best picture...there was the COOLEST cobweb in the opening...perfect pattern and near flawless shape. There were so many things that were beautiful here.

5 hours and counting

I've been trying to clean my house all day.   And by "trying" I mean that...while I was cleaning a toilet my babies were roaming the street and letting themselves in to my neighbors house.
While I was making beds the dog threw up 3 times.   huge.   all over my floor.
While I cleaned up 3 HUGE piles of puke on my floor the babies pulled the clorox wet wipes almost completely out of the container.   It was a new huge bottle.
While I did some laundry the big boys let the babies out, yet again.
While I was chasing Nathan down the street Ryan went in Syd's room and dumped several puzzles and books all over her floor.
While I was doing laundry Nathan decided to tear apart all of the beds that I had just made.
While I was putting the big boys downstairs for quiet time, the babies were spitting the milk I had just given them all over my floor upstairs.  
While I sit here and blog about it all because I'm seriously so sick of cleaning up after them.....Nathan is laying on Cameron's bedding that he pulled off of his bed and Ryan is in the bathroom.

All of this has me PLEASED as PUNCH.  It's just making it that much easier to leave on a plane with the woman I love for FOUR DAYS !  4 !  To be honest....I don't know if she'll be able to bring me back.
Sleeping in.   River walks.  Horseback riding.    Hot tubs and wine.
Pulease.   I would have to be CRAZY to leave all that for puke and toilets and poopy diapers.
Crazy in love I suppose...because if I didn't love those little people I for SURE would stay :)

DIY

Before I show off my latest home improvement project I have to share the conversation that is going on behind me right now.

Spencer : Cam, I love you.  
Cam : I just want to play with that claw
Spence : Cam, when you are mean I don't want to share my claw
Cam : I won't be mean
Spence : You won't be mean.  and you won't throw books at me.  and you won't hit me with that guy
Cam : No.  I won't hit you ever again.
Spence : and you won't call me stupid and throw stuff at me
Cam : No.  I won't call you stupid or throw things at your head
Spence : If you're mean we'll leave you at the store and then you'll never come home (WTH)
Cam : I'm not staying at the store
Spence : yes huh Cam.  we will leave you there if you are mean
Cam : No-oh.  Mommy J will pick me up and I will get to ride in her truck
Spence : Not if you're mean Cam.  Are you going to be mean anymore
Cam : No
Spence : ok, you can have 1 turn with my claw
Cam : 2
Spence : ok

I love them.   I love that they have each other.....they really are the best of friends.

J left for Florida for 4 days and I decided to surprise her.....aka paint and start some projects because she told me I couldn't.   :)
I was most excited about making the headboard.   We had our bed framed with curtains before and the kids pulled those down....so for weeks I was faced with this ugly room.   I couldn't take it any more.    My whole damn house is kid friendly/adult repulsive.    They have scratched, stained, ruined just about every wall, floor and piece of furniture in this house.   I'm fine with it.   I know that one day there will come a day that we can start over and slowly rebuild when the kids aren't beating the shit out of everything....but I needed someplace that could be my sanctuary.   and since we share our bedroom like the rest of the house with the children I decided to start there.  I know.  it doesn't make sense.  getting the babies out of our room will be my next goal...but with only 2 bedrooms upstairs and children that are scared of the basement....I don't know when that will be changing any time soon.  ugh.
blah blah blah.  on to my project.
I wanted to build a covered headboard for my room and purchased all of the needed ingredients while J was gone and at work :)  once again....what was she gonna say. 
She was only semi pleased with all of my effort and then this weekend she and I worked side by side to bring it to a close

before

after

.
You can find the directions to DIY here.   It turned out just like I wanted and luckily J is just has happy with it.
Now.....for my next project :) ha ha ha  JK honey.


 

The lunch bunch !

Things are back to normal.   and I mean.  TOTALLY back to the old ways.
For instance, the babies broke my nightstand drawer.    They also pulled off the knobs on the office desk cupbaord.   They wouldn't stay out of the dishwasher so we put a child proof snap lock thing on it.   They figured that out in 2 seconds so it became even MORE fun to get in to.    so much that the lock to keep them out was broken.  They also now push start and run the dishwasher several times a day....whether it is already clean, 1/2 full or empty.   UGH ! 
Ok, so that's mostly Ryan....but still.   Can these little people STOP breaking and getting in to my stuff !
Don't answer that.

I thought I'd share some fun stuff that I've been doing for Syd's lunches.     I found the idea on a blog I frequent and have gone to other links for even more ideas.  
I remember when I was little and my mom would hide little notes in my lunches.   She'd tell me she loved me or would write, have a good day.   It always made my day a happier one.   
I wanted to do something like that for Sydney and now with these bento style lunches, I can.
It really doesn't take me that much longer to prepare these lunches compared to a sandwich in a bag lunch either.   I usually have it in my mind what it is I'm going to prepare the night before and then I just throw it together in the morning.
Here are a few examples that I've managed to photograph.

Tuna fish sandwich, yogurt covered raisins, apple slices, cheese and cracker jacks.

Peanut butter and jelly sandwich, carrot sticks, cheetos, applesauce, oreos and fruit leather

Turkey slices, cracker and cheese, olives, nilla wafers and gummy bears.

I'm waiting for my lunch boxes to come.  (they are back ordered)  It will be nice to have the separate areas for food.   I bought a hello kitty bento box but it was just a little too small.  I haven't sent it back if anyone wants to buy it from me. :)
I bought these a while ago because my kids won't eat the crusts on their sandwiches.   This solves that problem and they also waste less because the crust cutters really only cut away just the crusts.
I bought these heart shaped silicon cupcake holders at a local craft store.  They are great for separating stuff....especially the wet stuff or littler items.
I bought a huge pack of cookie cutters at Target for 9.99   It included the alphabet which is how I am able to cut her name out and other little messages.
The possibilities are endless.   and if I don't take as much time on her lunch....I make sure to write a note on her napkin that tells her how much I love her.
Because you know what.  I do.  A LOT ! :)
 

Normal is as normal does !

Woman, I've been to hell and back and someone's gonna pay....

and that someone's gonna be you !

Just kidding !

First day home was not all smiles like the picture I posted.    He was extremely weak and clingy.
Yesterday he wanted to get down and play and run and couldn't.    His little body was still so weak that he had to re learn how to walk again.    He was so shaky.   He looked like he had parkinson's.  It was so hard to watch.
Today he is much stronger.   He is in high spirits and is only on regular Tylenol and Motrin.
SUCH a trooper.   Still a little shaky but NOTHING like yesterday.

THANK YOU....to all of your well wishes and prayers.   THANK YOU....for the dinner and lunches that kept us all fed...food that we are STILL eating.   THANK YOU.....for the treats and balloons and stuffed animals and cards.
THANK YOU for being such great friends and neighbors.

I have read and kept up on everyone's blogs.    I haven't taken the time to comment because time is something I haven't had much of.  but it is an obsession of mine and I of course couldn't not keep up on everyone.
Hopefully things will get back to normal now.   Well, until J leaves me for 4 days.  :(  

I still need to post about meeting a family even more insane than ours, but very similar in so many ways.   Twinsanity !
but right now.   I must shower.  because I can and need to !

Wordless Wednesday

We are EXcellent !

In not Ex

It's now 9:00 pm and this is the FIRST chance I've had at sitting down to the computer.
There was a guy sitting at the hospital computer today.   He was blogging.  hmm.  I tried reading the sign...umm, emails and research buddy...but he wouldn't budge.  Either way it took too long and I went back to Nate.

The scope was this morning.   No go on extubating just yet.  :(   His tongue is now in his mouth and not as swollen but apparently his throat is still too swollen to pull the tube.
They are going to try again tomorrow and I just keep praying that they'll get it out.
He was awake several times today.   He would cry....tears would roll down his face....his face would grimace...and his little chin would quiver...but there was no sound.    His eyes would look up at me like, mom....please help me....get me out of here.    I cried again.   I would comfort him and stroke his forehead and wipe his tears and tell him he was going to be ok and that I was sorry and then I would look at the sweet little quivering chin under all of that tape and tubes and I couldn't hold the tears back.


He did give the RN a dirty look each time he would mess with him :) ha ha   Same ol Nate man.    He was pretty pissed off.   So good to see.
They keep changing his antibiotic and the plethora of meds they are giving him.   I hate it.    He has an irregular heartbeat.   A heart rate that WAS in the 140's....and now sits in the 60's-70's.    His blood pressure is always high at 145/91'ish.    They finally got it down to 111/47'ish early this afternoon but it went back up.
The doctors always seem a little alarmed by it all but chalk it up to..he is healthy other than this big neck and head thing.    His body will compensate for it eventually.  
He's had a fever of 101 every day until today and his C02 is still in the low 50's.   I hate it.  I just want his little body healthy.   I want him to be on the mend.   How is it that the GOBS of medication aren't clearing this up.

The kids came up to the hospital today and played in the playroom.   They LOVE it in there.   I have to say...I do too.
They got to see Nate and had lots of questions about the machines and the tubes and they all wanted to know if he would be ok.   So sweet.
We had cheese sandwiches in the lunchroom, played hide and seek in the garden area and of course played in the revolving door.....and then they left.

I got a call from J at around 5pm.  "Syd's glands are swollen and she has a fever of 101.  What do you want to do?"
LUCKY for us, our peds office was open today.   A holiday.  I KNOW !  I LOVE them.
They were able to get her in at 6pm.   I flew home from the hospital and raced to her doctors to make it on time.
She has strep.

Nathan, Ryan and Syd are all on antibiotics.    (sigh)

My parents are home from their holiday vacation weekend and my mom says she'll stay with my kids tomorrow.   whew
IF they extubate tomorrow they said they'll still keep him in the PICU to watch him for a day or 2 before moving him to a regular room.   That means that I'll be at the hospital for AT LEAST another 3 days.  ugh.
I feel like this is one big day terror.
PRAY that they pull the tube tomorrow.   PLEASE let the swelling in his throat come down.   PLEASE !
Tomorrow is a new day ! 

He looked at me.   Eyes open, not foggy and distant, looked right in my eyes.   Had NO idea who I was.   Won't remember when this is over.   But FINALLY someone was in those eyes.   I felt like there was a light on in those big black eyes for the first time in days.

Plan remains the same.   Scope tomorrow morning/early afternoon extubate if all is clear.

Sleep good tonight buddy.    Doesn't he look SO much better.

Another day in paradise

I just kicked a sick kid off of this computer.   I mean.....I actually said...or read...the sign above the computer that says...blah blah blah, check email and research...blah blah blah...sorry kids and hospital staff, you aren't invited to use this comuter.  blah blah blah No game playing, food, drink blah blah blah.

She was a kid playing games on the only computer in this hospital for me to use and damn it....move over kid and make sure you don't pull that IV out on the chair when you get up.

Sounds terrible I know.    I asked her if she was almost done and then waited another 8 minutes before reading the sign aloud to her.   She clearly was going to keep playing until I got bored and left.      Not so much.

any ways.
My baby is the same.    Well wait.   He LOOKS the same but his blood count looks better today.   His inflamation markers are looking better.   The swelling in his throat seems to be less.   and they took his folley out. 
His tongue is still swollen and sticking out of his mouth.   The skin on the end of it is peeling off poor thing.  
They took him off of the paralysis drug temporarily as they don't like to keep them on it for days at a time.    And now he can move.   And is.  
Watching him cough with a ventilator on is hard.    His little body jerks and bubbles come out of his mouth....tears stream down his cheeks and his heart rate skyrockets to the 160's.   It doesn't ever get easier to see and I stress each and every time wishing I could help him.

They ARE talking about scoping tomorrow to see how much the swelling in his throat has gone down.   If it looks good they will extubate him.   :)   I am SOOOO happy to get that damn tube out.
I want ALL of the tubes out.
I want those damn braces on his arms off so that he can hold on to me.  
And I want him well so that we can go home.

Mommy J took the other kids to the lake today.    We were supposed to be camping this long weekend.    They always look forward to playing on the boat.  With everything that's going on I think it was a nice distraction for them.

I went home again last night to sleep.   I put the house back together.  Started some laundry.   Woke up and made pancakes for my kids.   You know.   All of the things I wanted a break from.
Funny how my perception of things has changed :)
Life lesson 3,429.  
Keep em comin'.   

Thanks again for your nice comments and support.
HOPEFULLY my next update will be an even more promising one.

Quick update

There is one computer in this entire children's hospital that works.   I waited in line and it's finally my turn.  (laptop doesn't want to work:( sucker)  I have 2 people waiting and one circling the crowd.

Things haven't gotten better.    Apparently the window of opportunity had damn near closed last night when they intubated him.   The swelling was much worse than they had originally thought.   His c02 was over 120 and he had exhausted himself trying to breathe.   
They had a pinhole sized opening to work with but were able to get a tube in.   THANK GOD !  The swelling has only gotten worse and according to the team they believe it will continue getting worse over the next couple of days.
To make matters worse, the drugs they are giving him allowed him to occassionally wake up.   Once awake he was combative and crazy.   They were so worried that he would rip the tube out and then they wouldn't be able to get it back in and would have to put in a trache.  They've upped his meds to keep him paralyzed.  They won't leave him alone in his room even for a minute so that if he wakes up there is someone there to quickly administer more drugs to settle him down.
They seem to think that he'll be sedated and intubated for the next few days.    I'm just hoping for a bounce back recovery.   We all know kids can do it.   I'm praying mine is no exception.
They just placed an NG tube this afternoon and questioned whether or not it's placement was in his small intestines but after considering the trauma of taking it out and repeating the procedure they just decided to feed him into his stomach.   Hopefully his feeds are less dramatic than everything else up to this point.

Munchausen mom ? forget about it.    I thought it would be fun to hang out in a hospital all day and be with one child. (or at least I joked about it)    OMG no way.   Even with my one child completely sedated......a relaxing vacation this is NOT !    I want my spunky little monkey back to scaling the counters and walls at home.    I miss his smile and even his strong and forceful cry.
 
He has a sign hanging in his room that says critical airway.   I thought he was just going to need some IV antibiotics for a few days.    When did this all go so wrong ?

**I just called to say goodnight to Syd (she's the only one struggling to go to bed)
She asked me how long Nathan would be sleeping....I said, maybe for a couple of more days.  She then said, "When Nathan wakes up tell him that his Sydney loves him"
Is that the sweetest thing ever or WHAT.  That's all I have to say.   I just want to always remember what a sweetheart she is.**

Wild ride to hell

*****updated at the bottom****** with pictures*****
Remember my last post about how Nathan had those pesky swollen glands.   Well they decided to become infected and then became abscessed which then became SUPER SIZED and then wouldn't take to the king ka maya maya sized antibiotics he was given.
After 10 hrs of sitting in the ER and telling the same information 56 times and seeing COUNTLESS doctors and nurses and assistants and volunteers......I am now sitting in a room by an elevator waiting for Nate to be transferred from surgery to the PICU.  
He hasn't made any of this easier for ANY of the countless people.   Ok, maybe like 3 of them who REALLY REALLY tried to play with him and also didn't poke or prod him.
He's been miserable.   He cries all day, "mama, buhbye, walk, buhbye"   It breaks my heart and  I don't blame him.
I hope the worst is over with.

There was a sign on a window near a door that lead to our unit.   Nathan stood and opened and closed the door several times after one of our strolls, because he ultimately knew that going all of the way in would mean back to our room and back to the machines.    When I first noticed and glanced at the sign, I read, Wild ride to hell....it immediately grabbed my attention so I strained to re-read it and finally read, "Will try to help"
I suppose the lack of sleep over the last few nights didn't help.  :)
Pictures to come.

******update******
I should have bit my tongue when I said, "I hope the worst is over"
Mother of all fuckers !  
It took almost 2 1/2 hrs to get him in to the PICU where I could see or even hear about his condition.    When I walked in the room I almost didn't recognize him.    His whole face was so swollen.....his tongue was sticking out of hos mouth and was swollen at least twice it's size.   He had blood coming out of his nose and mouth.    His neck had a tube sticking out of it and was also a bloody mess.   His arms were put in braces so that he couldn't bend them to tear at his tubes.   He was slumped forward over a tower of pillows struggling to breathe. 
I immediately jumped in bed with him to comfort him and started to bawl.
This common procedure had turned into something else.
After a team of doctors went back and forth for what felt like FOREVER.   His pulse ox dropping to 74 and at times he would just stop breathing altogether, they finally intubated him.    They will keep him out and with a breathing tube until they can get the swelling in his throat and mouth down and him stable.
Poor little thing.    I have finally stopped crying.  J got here and we had some dinner downstairs.    They won't let him wake up for probably 12 hrs.....so we are going home to our other 4 children who are very aware of our absence and will come back in the morning. 
Lets hope that tomorrow is a new and better day. biting my tongue

Meet Goyder.   This bad thing kept swelling until it the swelling reached the other side of his neck and clear up on his cheek.  This is Nate sitting in the waiting room in the ER   aaah, better times.

This is what I saw when I came in to the PICU  They were trying to suction some of the spit in his mouth to see if that would help the gurgling breathing sounds

FINALLY, peaceful.   and breathing. So much for a simple and common procedure.

You forgot WHAT ?

Set up :  Nathan was up all night with swollen glanduals and a fever of 103.   Ryan just has the swollen glands and low fever...he slept.
Sydney had her typical night terror filled night.   First night taking melatonin.    Woke up saying that she didn't want to go to school. 
Everybody woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Cam, "Mom, I want muffins for breakfast"
Me, "sorry buddy, I already made hot cereal....how about we have muffins for lunch ?  That would be funny"
Cam, "NO !  I WANT MUFFINS FOR BREAKFAST !"
(tantrum)

Me, "Sis, I need you to get dressed for school"
10 minutes later,
Me, "Syd come and eat.......Why aren't you dressed ?"
10 minutes later,
Me, "Syd go get dressed....I don't want you to be late."
10 minutes later,
Me, "Syd you HAVE to get dressed.   You are going to be late.  Hurry.  I still need to help get the boys dressed for preschool.  Go."
Nathan crying, "mama, poo poo"
Me, "who's poopy ?" 
walked down the hall to find two diapers sitting on the floor.  neither of which had poop in them.   hmm?
Nathan whines, "mama, poo poo"
I check his toosh...nothing.   I check Ryan's toosh.  Poop.   quickly bury my face in my hands and start mumbling like a schitzophrenic.    All 4 boys are standing around me and start laughing at me.
Me, "Where is the Poop ?! Where is it ?!"  smelling to find it.   located by the back door.   several plops and then smears from Ryan playing with it and also tracked around from his foot.
I lift Ryan up by his armpits, still mumbling to myself with dramatic facial expressions, added for extra feeling.
Put him in the tub.  yell at Syd, "SYD HURRY !!!"
Run and clean up as much of the floor as I dare with Ryan in the tub by himself.
Run back to the tub.   Wash Ryan.  Get him out.   Scream at Syd again, "I'm Not Kidding Syd.  Oh Forget it.  BE LATE, I don't CARE !"
Get Ryan dressed...who's crying.   Nathan hasn't stopped crying all morning, he just wants to be held.  
Syd is now pouting because I yelled at her.   And I SO WANT TO USE MY MOTHERS LINE OF, "I'll give you something to cry about" only this time I really want to follow through with that threat.   Instead I just tell her to go.  "Go, go to school before you're late, go without shoes....I don't care.  Just go"
She starts crying.    Nathan is still crying.   I'm now telling the big boys that they need to get dressed before pre school and they start whining that they don't want to go.  Ryan is trying to put on shoes and they aren't working so he's standing in front of me with his arms stretched up crying "shoes ? shoes ?"
I grab Syd's backpack, put it on her and push her to the front door.   She walks out and I say, "Have a good day honey.  I love you"    She was slumped and sad and I felt TERRIBLE and then the busy took over and off I went to dress and brush and wash down 2 more boys who were now nearly LATE, we're LATE, lets go.

First chance I got....I called J and replayed the ENTIRE thing over for her.  With the added pleasure of screaming babies in the background.

A little later the doorbell rang.   Roses were delivered.    I thought to myself.   What a sweet wife I have.  To send me flowers because I was having such a rough day.
I opened the card and was punched so hard in the stomach that the air exited every orifice of my body all at once.
Happy 13th Anniversary Honey !

OH MY GAWD !   Not only did I forget our anniversary. but I wasn't even pleasant on the phone or asked how her day was or told her I loved her or nothin'.      I was so completely absorbed in my own worries and my own angst :)  that I forgot all about us !  And the wonderful 13 years we have spent together.
And as I sit here....reliving my morning, I  remembered.  that the first 7 years were magical and REALLY quiet.  and that the last 6 have only brought us closer together.  and also roses can somehow brighten up even the darkest of days.      
I love you J !  Happy 13th baby.   Here's to the next 13 !
oh and thanks for remembering.