Sydney

I had to upload the video again.  Here she is....Sydney's ariel !

Today is my last day of napoblomo.  :)    I wasn't prepared for it.   I wish I would have tried harder to put some content in my posts this last month.  but alas.  it's over and I'm free from posting nonesense everyday.

Sydney J, or Sydney Jane as your grandma calls you....(my mom is notorious for changing the names of the people she meets to fit her liking :) 
1st grade has been such a struggle for you.   Not in the learning sense of it, but getting there has been SUPER hard for you (physically) and there have been a few "incidents" at school involving other kids.   
I talked to the teacher about this early on.    I thought maybe something was happening to you, making you unhappy at school.  
Your teacher said that you were doing great.   You have gotten 100% on all of your spelling tests,  you do your work when asked, you really stepped up with the new kid, helping him feel welcome and getting acclimated to his new class.   We've had 3 shout out letters home from the principal letting us know that you did something above and beyond.  Other than the umbrella thing and pushing the girl in the lunch line, you seem fine.   Yet you continue to tell me that you hate school and that you don't want to go anymore.  

Sydney, trying to get you out the door in the morning is a joke.  You tell me that your socks bother you, that your shirt bothers you that your boots feel weird.   You insist on wearing your pants over your boots which is hard because you are now wearing snow boots which are extremely big and bulky.   You will rip anything that might feel "weird" to you off of your body...including said socks, shirt, boots.  and pants have been a huge issue this year too.    You seem to be between sizes and either they feel too tight or they are too loose.   You rip them off and throw them to the floor as well.     Refusing to ever wear them again.  and I have yet to get you to wear them again. 
I'm exhausted...physically and emotionally by the time you leave for school (sometimes late) and I'm sure you are too.
I've heard this is normal, because of all of the changes from kindergarten to 1st grade.  
I sure hope that 2nd grade is easier on us you....cause girl....I don't know what I'll do with you if this continues through the next 11 grades.

It breaks my heart  that you are so frustrated, angry and sad.   That you are struggling    I get so frustrated myself that I end up yelling and fighting with you which then makes you sad and then I feel terrible sending you to school feeling bad.   We need to figure out how to get you on your way to school happy and excited.

Sydney says
Sydney : Mom, me and Jesus are a lot alike because both of our birthdays fall on a holiday !
Me : Wow, that is pretty cool.   You know, Christmas is a holiday because it is Jesus's birthday. right ?
Sydney : yeah, my birthday is March 17th which is St. Patricks day.  and Jesus's birthday is on Christmas.  So we are like the same kind of...just different Holidays. 

Sydney watched Mommy J pack her suitcase for a business trip.  
I noticed this a couple of days later.    Sydney's pajama drawer.   Really utilizing the space, aye ?

You are such a smart, sweet, strong, kind, caring and sensitive little person Syd.   You have so many amazing qualities with tons of potential.   I'm grateful for you every second of every day.
I love you baby girl.   More than you could ever imagine possible.  ever. 

And to think that when we started this whole gymnastics thing a couple of years ago, all she wanted to do was learn how to do a cartwheel.   
Now she's doing them with no hands.

Syd had her Christmas gymnastics performance tonight.    I forgot the camera.  :)   (which technically is ok because the pictures turn out all blury and dark and you can't tell which one is her...but still...I would liked to have taken a few before and afters)
I made her do a few when we got home in her costume and I captured it on the camcorder...but for some reason I can't get it to load.   I will work on that and add it later.
For now, here are a few cool pictures of Syd doing an ariel (no handed cartwheel).    She made me take several because she wanted to make sure she was smiling :) ha ha ha

I liked the lighting motion in this shot.



Yes Syd, you are smiling.




If you have a papa that loves you with all of his heart...this is what he brings you after your performance.



Perfectly pink and packed with sparkles.    

WHAT A CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR !

It was even better than I could have ever imagined it to be.

There was icy snow covered roads.   My 20 min. drive to my mom's house turned into 45 min.  and that was nearly sliding into 2 intersections when the light turned from green to yellow to red.    I was slowing down from 25 mph mind you.  ugh.   
It was snowing and we had to park in the north 40 so when we got out we threw our hats on our heads looked down at the icy snowy road beneath us and ran as fast as we could without falling.
We took NO notes on where we had parked however.  So after it was over...and still snowing....I was the idiot out clicking my remote trying to get my car to wave or honk or something.  
We ended up going back inside and up the elevator so that we could look down to find her through the window.    These are the times that I yearn for Baverly.   Sweet ginormous Baverly.
And although Savanah hides in the mountains of Utah mini vans....we found her.   Right where we had left her. :)

The Rockettes were absolutely WONDERFUL.   It really was so so good.   I had no idea what to expect and by the 2nd song my mom and I both agreed that it was worth the money spent.
Sydney however was antsy and hungry and will be 8yrs old next time I take her.   Thank goodness her ticket was 1/2 price.   It was a perfect show for kids..don't get me wrong.    Just not one in her state of mind today.
SUCH A GREAT SHOW !   If it makes it to your city....pay for fabulous seats and enjoy.

The reveal...dun dun

blaaaaah.
See.  I'm telling you.   I have the worst kind of timing when it comes to writing.    You are all thrilled to know what is happening and it's no big thing.  
We, me my mom and Syd, have tickets to go see Radio City music Christmas Spectacular, starring the Rockettes, tomorrow.  (my feet are jogging and I am squealing so high the dog behind us is barking:)

Background :   It all started with Annie.   I saw that movie when I was 8.   Annie was 8.   You see where I'm going with this.
I LOVED it.   I LOVED the songs and the characters and Grace Farrell.   and I dreamed she was my new mom and that she would hug me and dance with me and that they would lift me in the air and spin me in fabric and have a circus carnival in my new backyard with fireworks.    
It was the first movie that I memorized every single word of.    I can still to this day repeat it, also including background lines....like the people walking down the street and the kids playing on the street. 
I could watch that movie and then rewind it and watch it again and again.    I have never gotten sick of it.

Any ways....because of my love for Annie, came my love for the Rockettes and the whole opening song and dance at Radio City Music Hall.

My first trip to NY was topped off by seeing pictures of the Rockettes outside of Radio city Music.  Knowing that I was standing at a building where they performed...and that they had also performed on Annie.  OH MY GAW MARSHA.
I have heard that the rockettes were also the maids that danced in the show as well.    I could be wrong...but that's what I had heard.
I was in high school when I took this trip to NY.    It wasn't as if I was 10.   I'm still a huge Annie fan to this day.   It had such an impact on me.  Syd loves it too, which has been a dream come true for me.
That she could sing the entire "Tomorrow" song when she was 2 years and 4 months old should speak volumes. :)

Sooooo.   it is no secret that seeing the Rockettes live has been a dream for me.
I hope the show doesn't disappoint.    We have 12th row seats on the floor.   Pray for short people in front of us.
I'll be sure to take pictures.   I'm dressing up like Annie.
naaaaah.  Just kidding. 

I'm dressing Sydney up as Annie.
:-)


I know it's been 2 years since having the babies....and this is the time I normally get all pregnant and shit.    And I know that I've put on like 10 lbs....but just to squash any rumors that might be flying around.    We are not now nor ever going to be pregnant again.
I've had my tubes tied.  Jan is on birth control and we always use a condom. 
You can never be too safe.
ha ha ha

Movie review.....

Tangled.   yes, it is that good.

MegaMind.  yes, it is that funny.

Harry Potter.  already reviewed. super good.

Due Date.  also already reviewed HUL-arious

Burlesque.  have no desire to go see it.  what's wrong with me ?   if anyone has seen it or anything else they recommend.  please let me know.

I JUST CAN'T STAND HOW EXCITED I AM FOR SOMETHING.   I WANT TO START SPREADING THE NEWS.   SO YOU CAN ALL, BE A PART OF IT.  ;-)
Not so cool for you.  Just for me.  and also Syd.

Just ate the last piece of pumpkin pie.  THANK GAWD ! 
I hate it that they put Thanksgiving so close to Halloween and Christmas.....it guarantees that my damn New Years resolution will have something to do with the shedding of weightage.  blech 
Well New Years isn't for another month yo, so I'm going take my junky trunk downstairs to eat some more and watch a movie.    If my wife could ever get those damn babies to sleep :)

Only 4 more days of nablopomo.    This was a breeze.  
I suppose for a long winded person like myself.   I should have never had doubts.
I would like to try it again sometime.   Only REALLY post stuff.   Not just fluff and bullshit that I throw up, literally, at the last second.   

I'm just so damn Thankful !

My chest is as full as my belly, with pride.   My heart is as full as my belly, with love.
I am truly a blessed woman. I am so thankful for it.  Even if I bitch more than I bloat...although I feel a bit of that right now too.  ok, I meant boast.   I absolutely, with all of my being, ADORE my family and I am SO SO thankful for them. 
and also that my pants are un done.
Sometimes....you've just gotta eat through it. 

Happy Thanksgiving !

Wordless Wednesday

Should we start ?

I live in Utah.  the following must be read with the announcing voice of Michael Buffer.  WITH THE GREATEST SNOW ON EARTH.  followed by the sound of rolling thunder
Growing up my dad always took us skiing.   I have NO IDEA how we afforded it....it's always been very expensive.   but it was an opportunity that was important for him to give us, so my mom would pack our tuna sandwiches and off we'd go before the sun came up.   It was a lot of fun.   Great memories with my dad.
  
Now I want to do the same for my kids.  please now refer back to the "I have no idea how we afforded it"
Skiing aint cheap, yo.   To rent the ski's.  because we have none. would cost about $15-$20.00 per person.  and then we'd have to pay to ski which runs about $60.00 per person.   Syd can ski free because she's 6...but we'd have to pay for lessons and her ski's as well.   
GOOD LORD !  So for a day on the hill, we'd be looking to pay about $250-$300.00 after tax license and gratuity.   ok, gas and food and a babysitter for the 4 boys.
Damn Gina.
And what about the next year, when we add TWO boys to that list.   and then a year or 2 later when we add TWO MORE BOYS.   (pause while I catch my breath....I got a little light headed...phew)
Having kids was all fun and stuff before....now it's just super pricey and we can't afford them.    Ok, maybe 2 of them.   Takers ?  Takers ?  Maybe on the cute eyelash kid with the dimples ? anyone ?

The reason I am bringing this up is.....the donor was a National ski champ.   which means adding my extreme athleticism to the mix, we could possibly have ourselves some Olympic champions.  sleeping.  right under my roof.   right behind me.  or maybe not....but who's to say. :-)

Oh hell.    I suppose we'll do what we always do and we'll take Syd.  Teach her how, she'll love it.  and then when the boys have their shot we'll tell them we don't have any money.
(sigh)

So.  should we even start ?   Should we sell the farm so that they can ski down a frozen hill at 90mph (that's what me and my brother did) and then snow plow for about 300 feet (because that's how long it takes to stop you after going 90 mph down a frozen hill) to stop before skiing into the lodge or parking lot....only to jump back on the lift to do it again ?
Is it really about the experience ?   

Damn.   I have GOT to get a job. (one that pays)

Replacement

I was able to get a replacement 2 hrs before I stop my full time job and job share with the other mom.
The other mom came home to relieve me.    Since there is 5 of them and today only 1 1/2 of us....I was still technically at work.

Today I put Syd's gate up on my door and turned on fern gully.   I figured that if they were locked in the room with me they could only do minimal damage.
Cam had to go to the bathroom and I mentioned that he could just use mine because I didn't want to get up and open the gate and wait and open the gate to let him back in.  The up and down motion that would require was enough to make me sick.
At some point after that I woke up, Nathan was quietly sleeping next to me.   The gate was still closed and both big boys were quietly watching Fern Gully.    Ryan.   Where's Ryan ? Ryan was busy.  and we all know that when Ryan has been busy, there will usually be a bath involved.   Today....this was his second bath.   The first was pump soap all over in his and his brothers hair.  

This is mainly toothpaste.   The cheeks are a combination of lipstick and eyeliner.  YOU DO NOT LOOK PRETTY !

List : my make up was mostly destroyed.  Lotion.  Hair stuff.  MY YAM CREAM...OMG DO YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF MOMMY DOESN'T USE HER YAM CREAM.  tampon.  clippers.  I repeat, CLIPPERS.  thankfully not used. probably because he was too busy pouring out a 30.00 bottle of face stuff that I have.  URGH !  and his sisters curling iron.  which he didn't plug in. 

Yo, Bro....next time...please remember to close the bathroom door.

I guess next time....I will have to put a gate up at the door and then another one 2 feet from the entrance and then 2 on either sides and probably one on top.    Basically I need a 4x4 dog kennel and then this kind of shit wouldn't happen.   oh.  and also I need to not sleep on the job. ;-)

Hi, it's me.....

I was just calling to let you know that I won't be in tomorrow.   It seems that I've caught something from the kids.
I need to make sure you send a replacement.      We have school and speech and 2 little maniacs who will take full on advantage of my disadvantage.
If you have any questions please feel free to contact me.    I'll be in bed.
Thanks,
-K-

Harry Pottah

We went to the wrap party.   It was awesome.   We went out to eat and ran into J's boss and his family.   After we were done eating our waiter came and told us that our check had been taken care of.  Love her boss.   and and and it gets better.    We got princess parking the whole night.    We had tickets pre purchased for the 10:45 pm Harry Potter movie.    by about 8:57 pm we were tired and ready to go home :)
We walked super slow and touched lots of stuff really taking our time shopping.  We took it our bags back to the car and headed for the theater.  
It was 9:14 pm.   Good hell.  
We ended up going back for the movie at 9:50 pm we both wanted to pass out.    I think we should have started out in the hotel room.....taken a nap and THEN headed out to the movie all rested and relaxed.  

The movie was dark.   It was much scarier than the other ones.   I can definitely see why it's rated PG-13.
The whole naked Harry scene is not so much naked and not a big deal.   I don't know that I would want Sydney watching them float around naked and kissing per se :)   (not to give anything away) but not really a big deal.    There were lots of people dressed up.   People were talking out and clapping before and after the show.   It was a fun experience going to opening night downtown.   The movie was great.   Glad we watched it.
Wouldn't see the show at 10:45 pm again.    No Way.   We rolled in to our hotel room at 1:30am. 
I woke up the next morning feeling like I had a hang over I was so tired.

Last night Sydney called us and said she felt like she was going to throw up.   My mom called me early this morning and said she was still sick but hadn't thrown up.    Our plan was to let her play the day at grandma's and then pick her up on our way to a birthday party.  
Instead we picked her up and headed home to aNOTHER child who was 99.8 warm and very irritable and whiny.  Perfect. 
Soooooo a GREAT weekend.   Our style :)
I think coming home to the kids feeling crappy, makes it all that much better that we did get away.  
(that is me using the glass 1/2 full.   again.  with the growth)

I went shopping with some friends tonight.    We got dessert and then drove home in a blizzard.    Before we got home we stopped in a church parking lot and did doughnuts.  
Even if it brought on a little vertigo attack.....TOTALLY worth acting our shoe size.  if even for a few minutes.


 

Some confusion

I'm so sorry.....I guess my post last night lead some of you to think that I was getting lucky this weekend.
When I said that I was going to "get J all liquored up and take full on advantage of her"  I was planning on getting her drunk, passed out and then I was going to go spend some money.   WOO HOO
Sorry guys.   I should have explained better.   I'm so terrible when it comes to choosing the right words.  :)

I've said this before.  I'll keep saying it to anyone who will listen.   
DATE NIGHT !  ALONE TIME !
All of these things are a MUST.      Even if you sit through a 2 hour movie and don't say ANYTHING to each other.  Just do it people.
Love is easy.
The "magic"  is hard work.   It takes a lot of effort.  
But even if you aren't getting any "magic" please stay close and connected by taking time away together.
Kiss each other goodbye every day.
Hold hands at the movie and in the car.
Don't talk about the kids or money at dinner.
Tell your partner that there will be some "magic" at some point.   It helps prepare you both :) (what?) it also puts it out there.  like a goal or a promise.  that way if you decide to back out because you are super tired or because there is a marathon of the first season of  Seinfeld on TV, at least you still have the other person who may still be in the mood...unless the urge to pumice their heels or something else that seems like less work takes their mind away.  ;-)   It really is so easy to be distracted.
Back massages with yummy smelling oil.  hey, sometimes we could all use incentive.   who doesn't want a back rub and who doesn't want to lather someone up all slickery and naked and stuff.  :) hee hee
Don't judge me.
That's all I have.   I've now given myself a list of a few more items to pack.   Yes baby...if you're reading this...there will be a back massage in your near future.  ;-)

Protected

Being infertile makes you keenly aware of your body and what it's doing.
You know why your body temperature rises and drops and why your bodily secretions change consistency throughout the month.   
Before trying to conceive I had NO idea why it was sticky sometimes and clear and slimy at other times.   I always thought I had an infection or I was dirty or I must have been a little excited that day. :) for real.      We need to all teach our daughters about this....so that they know that it's all very normal.
Years and years of trying to have babies has taken it's toll on me and I wonder if a day will come when I don't wipe and analyze and then determine the exact timing of my cycle.
I was talking to my wife on the phone tonight.   I told her that we would need to use protection this weekend.  It seems that I'm ovulatin'.  :-)

Oh yeah.  This weekend.   So remember last year when we did this.   Well we are doing it again :)
Check in anytime after 3pm.   
We are there to shop-eat-drink and wrap it all up.  Not neccessarily in that order.   We already have our shopping done so we are going to see the new Harry Potter movie.   oh and there is an open bar.   and yummy food.  and dessert.  until midnight.  bwaaaaa haaa haa ha ha like we could stay up until midnight.
We have our favorite overnight babysitter coming, Syd's going to grandma's.   Now all I need to do is mentally prepare for a fun yet relaxing night with my wife.  
just between us....I'm planning on getting J all liquored up so that I can take full on advantage of her..sssshhhh :-)

I haven't decided whether or not between the Thanksgiving party for the boys at pre school....Syd's gymnastic class (it's my day to drive)...packing....dropping Syd off at grandma's....and preparing the house for the over night babysitter....if I'll have time for the Bush book signing tomorrow at Costco....I guess we'll have to wait and see.  
Wouldn't it be funny if my "friday moment" was a picture of me and George W.  :-)   ha ha ha ha ha hah haha
Ah shit.  I shouldn't have said anything...I should have just done it.    AND it would be super funny if in the picture I was crossing one eye in and pulling my best "duuuuh" look.   ha ha ha ha ha
Damn.  I guess I just ruined what could have been a GREAT post.  aaahh.  (wiping tears) that would have been good though. right ?

Book signing

George doubleyeah is going to be at my Costco on Friday signing his book.
And sadly.  there will be scores of people waiting to catch a glimpse and buy his book.   

In other news Palin's daughter willow ?  is that her name ?  made an anti gay slur.  not once...but twice in a message defending her mom's reality show.
People are blowing it off with the whole...she's a teenager. surprise surprise. find something else to talk about.
Really.  how about we talk about bullying and suicide.
Please people.   If your children whether they be young or grown are using the term gay and faggot in reference to something negative...please correct them.    Please tell them that it is not ok to substitute those words in a derogatory context. 
ie.  If your child says, "Mom, does she have a girlfriend ?  Is she gay ?"   totally ok.
If your child says, "OMG mom, that kid is in my class.  He's such an idiot.  He's so gay."  totally not ok.
Saying. that's so gay and  pretty much faggot in any kind of sentence is not ok.

So far.....I'm 17 for 17.   I've about got this nanoploblogamo thing in the BAG BABY !
Granted....I just read the news to come up with this lame ass post you read before you....but I still got it in by the hair on my chinny chin chin.
Good night all.

The death of a loved one

Jan's aunt died.   She had a stroke at 42 years old and has been in bad health ever since.   She was 71 when she passed.
It wasn't a sad thing per se.   because her health had been so bad, I think everyone saw it coming.  and nobody wanted her to suffer.
The funeral was today.    Unfortunately all of my babysitters go to school, so I was unable to attend.   I stayed home and ran the house.   I also got a text from my wife telling me that they (her mom and sisters)were going to stop by the house afterwards and would be eating dinner.
I ran to the store and got the ingredients for a meal as well as dessert.   I came home and immediately began preparing.   I knew that between naps and babies crying and the fighting and gymnastics and everything else that I'd be lucky to get it all done by 5pm.    because you know the house had to be clean too.
I did it.
They arrived at 6pm and I had already fed the kids, leaving us the table to eat at as adults.  My plan, to lock the little ones downstairs with the Polar Express while we enjoyed a grown up dinner.
Jan came in first and I directed her to the children and a movie and continued setting the table...and putting the food on.
Her mom and I had a quick greeting, her 1 sister came in and immediately said "didn't Janice tell you not to cook for us.  We just ate."
AYFKM!WTH!DYKHLITMTGTSTANYNGEI? (deep breath) WMW ????!!!!!!!
aka : Are you fucking kidding me ! what the hell ! do you know how long it took me to get this shit together and now you're not going to eat it ? (deep breath) Where's My Wife ?

Point 1, I had text J that dinner was ready and even said...come hungry. 
Point 2, J can eat once her last meal has hit her large intestines.

I went to the laundry room and called my mom and got a little shitty for a couple of minutes...just to calm down. :)
I then went upstairs and cleared all of the food from the table and put it back in the oven.  Making sure to say..no big deal...it's fine...we'll just have some dessert and visit.
Jan had already been upstairs and I'm sure coaxed everyone into telling me how sorry they were and that they'd play cards and then eat, because they'd be hungry then.  

And that's exactly what they did.   and I didn't have to kill Janice.   and so the post should be re titled...the near death of a loved one.
The End !

Point 3, I only call J Janice when I'm pissed.
Point 4, I really have mellowed out.   Back in the day this would have been a REALLY big deal.
Point 5, I'm really proud of myself for all of the growing I've done. :)

Ryan Ryan bo byan, banana fana fo fyan me my mo myan Ryan

You are by far everyone's favorite little person.   That curly hair and those long eye lashes and who can resist those dimples.    
I've often told stories of the naughtiness that runs through your blood.    I don't think anybody believes me.   I often hear, "oh please...this sweet boy" as your outstretched arms reach for the person questioning me.   A flashy smile and your head placed ever so gently on their shoulder has them wrapped and leaves me looking like a heartless and crazy mother.
I suppose what they don't know won't hurt them.   What I know however could be read at campfires late at night to scare the living shit out of any parent or child care personnel.    I could write manuals for planned parenthood and could promise a 75% increase on condom usage.   Just the pictures I've taken alone could slow down population in this nation of ours.

There is no limit to your destruction.    You will empty drawers full of freshly folded and put away clothing.   You empty shoes and drag them through the house.    The stairs seem to be a portal to some unknown place for you because you throw everything down them.   Toys, puzzles, clean and dirty dish towels, silverware, markers, vacuum attachments, office chairs, shoes, clean and dirty clothes, keyboards, books and remote controls....just to name a few.
EVERY drawer in the kitchen is now equipped with a childproof lock and I thought it was bad before.  but somehow...those skinny little arms are able to reach into the tiniest crooks and cracks to grab something out of a cabinet or drawer.  
I've actually caught you shoulder deep under the sink.....one skinny little arm.....and in it you've managed to grab the windex, unable to pull the bottle out you sit spraying inside the locked cabinet, the disposal.....a bottle of dish detergent....paper towels to be used with said windex....my dish washing gloves....anything that is stored under the sink gets a nice coat of windex....all because of that 2 inch gap in the child proof lock.

We have tried to lock up the fridge and dishwasher to no avail.   You and your brother are lock experts I swear.   Once in the appliance you pull out gallons of milk, sandwich meat and I caught you cap off and ready to dump a huge bottle of apple juice onto my couch a few days ago.    
Knives and pizza cutters are another fascination.    Today I caught you running the edge of the pizza cutter along the kitchen table and chairs.  Nice.

You love to take your diaper off.   Whether it's wet or poopy determines if you just leave it where it is or fling it, dance in it and bring it to me.
Speaking of poop....you are DRAWN to dog poop.   I haven't figured out whether you are trying to clean it up...or if you do just in fact like to play in it.   You've never met a pile that you haven't tried to touch.   Sometimes you'll just stick a finger in it....sometimes you'll grab a handful.     You have cured me of my disgust for dog shit.    I can now scrub your hands with my bare hands.   I can use the hose to spray off the bottoms of your shoes and can pick up wet and even runny fresh poop....JUST so that you don't have a chance at playing in it.  

Today you pulled down a full loaf of bread.   You took a bite out of maybe 3 pieces, fed 3 to the dog and left another 5 pieces on the floor.
You took chopsticks and played in the toilet with them...up to your elbows.    You put homemade play dough in your brothers backpack.   You fed the dog 1/2 of your lunch and shook your sippy of milk as hard as you could to get milk all over the carpet and also on your shirt and pants.  You played in the sugar like it was a sandbox and then wiped your toothbrush full of toothpaste on my bed.
The worst was yet to come....and I took a picture of it and will include it for those who can't imagine...or still don't believe.

I call you Nightmare on Elm street, Trouble Maker and Mother Fucker most of the time. (usually not to your face)
You truly are my hardest child yet.  That you have a twin who usually jumps right in (yes Nathan...I'm not leaving you out of this....I just didn't get a cute picture of you today) makes it almost impossible most days.

But then. you look up at me....with those long eyelashes, flash me that extra sweet smile with those perfectly placed dimples and I can't help but pick you up and cuddle and squeeze your guts out.
You have such charisma and a great sense of humor already.   You make me laugh with your little antics and the stuff that you try to do and even the stuff that you don't try to do.   
You can be very laid back and easy going......your preference is to be in someone's lap.   
Everyone fights to sit by you, whether it be at the kitchen table or in the car.    I guess that says something about the person you are.    Easy to love.   Easy to forgive.   It's a good damn thing son.......because without those qualities.....you'd have been dropped off at a safe haven long ago.  :)
I love you buddy.   NOW STAY OUT OF TROUBLE FOR HELL SAKES !



To label a few of the items in the pile : Rock salt, bird feed, potting soil and insect killer.   Also, sprinkler supplies and dog washing supplies.   If you look reeeeally hard, you'll notice a dark area in front of Savanah (small ass van-ah) the potting soil and also bird seed were dumped there as well.  Now tell me you wouldn't call them mother fuckers.  come on.  I dare you to come up with something as colorful and true

because you are unable to see the bag at this angle.

And there it sits.  The child proof lock.    We have NO IDEA how they managed to get it off.   and typing this, I have no idea how I'm going to keep them out of it tomorrow.  FUH !



maybe 15 minutes after the above incident.  MAYBE. 
The good news was.  J was at a viewing for her Aunt who passed away.   So after I bathed both babies....got jammies on everyone....read books and put everyone to sleep....she was home.  JUST in time to clean up the garage :)
WHAT ?  She offered.   So she cleaned up while I downloaded pictures and wrote this post.  Someone's gotta keep track of this shit.   Love you J.  Thanks. 



   



yip.  I'm wrapped.  not mad.  not even a little bit.   I LOVE this kid.  



I like me because.......

I try REALLY hard every day to give my kids something to smile at.
I made a conscious decisions to stop the cycle for my kids.
I'm patient more than I'm not
I'm tuned in
I study and read and research different methods trying to find the right one for my family
I can admit to defeat (that one time)
I never give up
I love even when it hurts
I can be selfless
I dream
I'm happily satisfied most of the time
I try to always see the other person's point of view
I want to be a better person
I'm open to suggestions
I want to help others
I try to always be kind
I genuinly care if someone is sad
I pushed for a family
I hug instead of hit
I have 5 of the best kids EVER and I am a part of that
I have an amazing wife...and I picked her
I'll eat the small piece of chicken or the burnt piece of toast
I don't stay mad very long
I've overcome a lot of OCD behavior
I've grown up
I'm not afraid to make an ass out of myself for a good time
I do really listen, when I shut up long enough to :)
I like to secretly do nice things for people.
I am strong headed
I'm not a push over
I am not a follower
I don't scare easily
I am a great judge of character (most of the time)
I have a strong maternal instinct and
I listen to it
I am me.

Flu Shots 2010

Last year we took all five kids to get flu shots.
Sydney kicked the nurse administering the shot in the stomach....the nurse's reaction was justified and not nice.
The doctor came in and looked flustered and unhappy and asked if we could somehow split them all up.
People laughed at us as we left.

THIS YEAR...when I called I asked if we could have the mist.   They were out.   I described our last visit with the flu shots and hoped that she would magically find 5 mists behind a sharps container or thermometer.
She apologized.
We didn't tell the kids until today that we were getting flu shots.
We stopped at Walgrenes so that they could watch how brave I was when I got my shot.
Sydney went into a panic as the pharmacist was putting my bandaid on and started crying.
Both babies pulled several bottles of vitamins off of the shelves.
When we were called back at the doctors office both babies IMMEDIATELY started screaming bloody murder.
The 3 older ones were in a hyper frenzy.  
The nurse tried to talk to me a couple of times but couldn't hear my response and failed to read my lips and her frustration showed all over her face.
She left and returned and asked us if we'd rather have mists instead of the shots.   wha ?  wha did you say ?
GUYS...WE DON'T HAVE TO HAVE SHOTS....YOU GET THE MIST.
Syd understood.
The boys thought that the nurse was going to put the needle in their nose.
The babies were screaming too loud to listen or understand.
Everyone got a sucker and we left.

The nurse just called to tell me that Ryan and Cameron need a booster.    I didn't understand why they would single those two out...we did the same thing with all 5 kids.
She finally realized that it was a mistake and wished me a good day.

I'm happy.  Feeling slightly more protected and excited to take the older kids to see Mega Minds today.
aaaah.   It's a good day !

This Moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Greener Grass

Signs that someone is thinking about or is in fact cheating on you.

Sudden weight loss                        check
Working out                                  check
Buying new clothes                        check
More concerned with looks           check
Suddenly traveling with work more check
Tired and irritable at home             check
Spending more time at home
alone watching TV or doing other
projects  that don't include me       check


#1 reason I know J would never cheat on me.  ever.
I've threatened her with the children.   She knows that if she were to ever cheat or leave me
I would give her full custody of all 5 kids.  :)

aaaaah It's that little bit of security that helps me feel all warm and fuzzy and also helpse me sleep good at night.   Well that and the Nyquil.

We need some time alone together.   We are getting it next weekend.   1 whole night out and away from the kids.   I CAN'T WAIT !!!  More details to come.

Thanks for the concern on my last post.   I wrote it as a part of a series of hates and likes.   I suppose I should have started with the likes first :)    I am not suffering or sad.   I've lived with these feelings my whole life.   I'm now working through the process of where it began and how I can work on it so that Syd doesn't live with these same feelings.  
I know it can be done.   J rarely looks at this side of the mirror.   I am so jealous that she's not hung up on stuff like I am and proud to say she's helped me through a lot of it over the last 13 years.
Any ways.  Thanks for the concern and virtual hugs :)

One side of the mirror

I hate my hair....it's too thin and fine.
I hate my skin....it's like a road map .  It's super sensitive.
I hate all of the moles on my body.  and there are a lot.  especially these new red kind.
I hate how fat I am.   And not just the fat, but what I look like naked.  My ass. my hips. the back of my legs
I hate how I've let myself go
I hate that my arms are getting the jiggly fat, the wave, the gaggle of flesh that flaps like a chickens wings.
I hate my ears...they are too small
I hate my nose...it's too big.
I hate my hands...they aren't delicate.
I hate my fingernails...they are thin and they grow up
I hate how hairy I am.   Everywhere but my head
I hate my stomach skin.  2 sets of twins
I hate my legs.  They have never had a pretty shape and now they are just gross with pokey honkin knees
I hate my feet because they're big and not womanly
I hate my toes because they are too long and have knuckles.
I hate that I am infertile
I hate that I'm depressed
I hate that I have to be medicated
I hate that I feel like medication doesn't touch it somedays
I hate that I have a fucked up period
I hate my hormones
I hate that I care too much about what other people think.
I hate how I read into EVERYTHING
I hate how I overreact
I hate how impatient I can be
I hate how mean I can get
I hate how hard I try to be
I hate how hard I am on the people that I love
I hate how sarcastic I am
I hate how loud I am
I hate how obnoxious I can be
I hate how hyper I can be
I hate it that I don't know when to stop.  shut up or think before I speak
I hate it that I don't let anybody else talk
I hate that it's always about me
I hate it that I'm a bully
I hate it that I fight
I hate it that I tease
I hate it that I'm insensitive
I hate it that I'm lazy
I hate that I can't sleep
I hate that I can't sleep in
I hate that I don't work out
I hate that I have to work at all
I hate that I can't accept compliments
I hate it that I'm not smart
I hate it that I'm not talented
I hate it that I don't have a hobby
I hate it that I don't follow through
I hate how judgemental I can be
I hate how one sided I can be
I hate the kind of friend I am
I hate the kind of friend I'm not
I hate the kind of partner I am
I hate the kind of mom I am
I hate that I struggle
I hate that I want more
I hate that I get jealous
I hate that I try to fit in
I hate that I'm broke
I hate that I want change
I hate what I've done
I hate that side of me
I hate how critical I am of myself
I hate this side of the mirror
I hate that I look in it more than I don't
I hate that I want to change and that I want different for my daughter but don't know where to start.

You got a mirror ?

She was the one he slew the dragon for.

My mom used to sing songs with each of us when we were little.   She had a special song just for us.    It was usually an oldies song...even for her.
My little brothers song was "There once was a man"
The original lyrics went like this :
There once was a ma-an who loved a woman
She was the one he slew a dragon for
They say that nobody ever loved as much as he-ee
But me-ee
I love you mo-ore.

She sang it :
There once was a bo-oy who loved his mama
She was the one he slew a dragon for
They say that nobody ever loved as much as he-ee
But me-ee
I love you mo-ore.


They sang it together with lots of cute inflections and pitching and it just worked.  

Cheesy I know....but it was sweet and it held such warm memories for us.
I now sing this song to my boys. (and occasionally Syd because she feels left out)  They love it.
The song itself holds mostly true for Cameron though.    So if I were to "give it" to one of them, it would be Cam's song.
He is my little protector and my mama's boy.   Oh who am I kidding here...they are ALL going to be mama's boys :)
But really.....he has this way of protecting all of us.    He'll be the first to take a swing at his brother....but beware if you try to do it.    You'll likely meet the bumper of a match box car or even possibly a train track.

We had Chinese the other night for dinner.    Cam's fortune cookie read :
"you have a strong instinct to take care of the people you love"

Pretty dead on, I'd say.    He doesn't even like fortune cookies.   or the food for that matter.
Does that make his fortune null and void ?
OH CRAP !  NOT AGAIN !

How great to always know, someone's got your back.

blogdiddydaydiddyday !

I'm right this second listening to Christina Aguilera sing Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas.    A little much but Christmas all the same.
Oh and if we are getting technical I'm also listening to Ryan getting into stuff he shouldn't and Nathan trying to bust out of the basement.
Cameron and Spencer are watching Toy Story 3, it's 11:30 am and I don't care even for a second.
It's snowing and even with a date night out  my mind isn't back from the weekend just yet.  
We are going to chillllll today.



J put up our Christmas lights this weekend.    I KNOW ! 
Ok, so it's not that we are all getting into the Christmas spirit early.   I happened to love Christmas music and will listen to it for a week or so and then be over it until it's actually Christmas time.
Any ways.   we decided that why wait until the weather is crappy and the roof becomes more of a bob sled course to put the lights up.    Why not put them up when it's possibly the last nice weekend of the year.   So we did.  And I was not on pins and needles listening for the bump thump bump of my wife rolling down the roof and to the ground below.  It may have also been because I was taking a nap with the babies  ;-) 

Oh and our Christmas shopping is done too.  Has been for a few weeks.
AND I'm already working on the cobwebs for next years Halloween. 
I know what you are thinking.   I'm super on top of stuff right.  :)
Like this blog a day thing.  I'm ALL over it.

I can't hear myself type anymore and I can't tell whether it's Nat King Cole or the Beach boys singing right now because Ryan is beside himself and also beside me.

Talk to you tomorrow !

I have a theory.....

My little hypothesis.
Let me lay it out for you !

A Gay Spectrum.    I truly believe one exists.   It's taken me years to accept it, but here I am.
When I would hear about girls who were straight and then were gay or visa versa....I felt the rug being pulled out from under me.   It made me mad.   All of the foundation that I had built up to substantiate my being born this way was flushed down the old shitter as soon as some dumb girl said that she had no idea that she could kiss a girl and like it and she really loved that guy and enjoyed sex and all of it.
As I grew up and met all sorts of people some of whom were admittedly bisexual.   I had to give in to the fact that someone could love this way.   Just as I can only love this way.

SO.   back to my spectrum.   Imagine it :

NOT gay <----------------------------------bi sexual-------------------------------------> SUPER gay

I think when we are born....we all fall somewhere on this line.      Whether you want to accept it or not there is a place for you here.

a week ago I was here :

NOT gay <--------------------------bi sexual--------------------------*--> SUPER gay

after admitting to my affection for Robert Downey, I am now here :

NOT gay<---------------------------bi sexual----------------------*------> SUPER gay

:)

I think that those people who feel like they are able to "change" must fall much lower on the spectrum, somewhere in the middle.   Giving them the ability to cross back over to the other side.    Giving them the experience in which to say....look, I have gay feelings and I'm still straight.....so anyone can do it.
Well anyone that falls on that same place on the spectrum.  Yes.  They too could still have a happy fulfilled life
taking the other side.
But what people need to understand.....it's not an option for those people beyond the gray area.
Let me graph that for you :

NOT gay<--------------------------bi sexual------------------------------> SUPER gay

Just like I wouldn't expect someone on the left side to be able to have feelings for someone of the same sex and live a fulfilled life.    Why is it that they expect the same from me.

OH OH OH....and given my mother's advice.   I could just stay single.    Live alone.   Just have friends.
yeah.   that's what I want. 
AGAIN.    I think that there are people who COULD live alone.    Who are FINE not to have physical contact with someone else.    Who never wanted a family. 
But that certainly isn't for everyone and that certainly isn't something that you can just say....oh, you have to live this way because the place that you were born on the spectrum isn't a part of the doctrine in my church.

This is the ONLY part of the spectrum that is ok, that should be allowed to participate in life according to the government and church.   
NOT gay<---------------------------------bi sexual------------------------------------>SUPER gay

That sure leaves a lot of people out.     And I know you are saying....no, because all of the gray area people are still cool....they can switch over.
But how many people are married and lying to themselves, to their wife or husband, to their kids.
How many people are coming out every day and breaking up their marriage because they just can't live a lie any more.
How many people are getting married to live the way their parents and churches and society are telling them that they MUST live.
It's funny, those people who "love" them push them in to a lie and then persecute them for breaking up a home and embarrassing them and ruining so many lives.    I think a lot of the blame should be put on those people who lead them in to the marriage and kids life.

I leave you with a link to a blog.    It was going around on facebook maybe you saw it.    I find it amazing that this kind of thing still goes on.    I mean...why are we still pushing for so many defined gender roles ?
Why aren't we embracing our children for WHO THEY REALLY ARE ?   Loving them for who they want to be ?  Encouraging their strengths and helping them grow to be strong and happy individuals ? Why can't we realize that by telling our children everything is so black and white.....that this is causing the children to also see in black and white and it starts the bullying and hate towards those that don't fit perfectly into those roles ?
That it discourages and hurts the souls of those children that feel different ?
Grow people.    Learn and GROW !

I almost missed my dead line ! WHEW

We went and saw Due Date tonight.    I had extremely low expectations going in.   We both laughed super hard throughout the whole movie and left with smiles on our faces....that. is a successful night at the movie if you ask me.
I think it's fairly safe to say that if  you liked The Hang Over, then you'll like Due Date.

I **heart** Robert Downey Jr.   In a softer and more subtle Rosie O'Donnell/Tom Cruise kind of way...but none the less.
I feel safe going to see anything that he's in.   He's so entertaining.  I dig his humor.

Daylight savings time.   That means I'll be getting up at 6:30 am tomorrow.   fabulous !
Good night.

This Moment Friday

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Cut it out !

Well, I only have myself to blame. I suppose saying I'm sorry won't bring them back. I'm pretty sure with the rate that they grow....they'll be back before we know it. ok.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what I was doing.
I won't do it again, ok.
You can barely tell.  Everyone will be looking at the bow.
Mama loves you.
I really am sorry.

A alright already
L leaving your loved
O ones is
N never
E ever ok !

Come home Mommy J.   We miss you !!!!

and please fix my computer before you leave me next time.   It's not cool for you to be gone and leave me unplugged.  AAAAAAH

P.S. I'm sorry if any of you were sent a virus from mwah ! 

Good night.

Conversation with and without words

My big boys were fighting. I like to give it a minute to let them come to some sort of middle ground....they will normally resolve their difference in opinion pretty quickly and get on with whatever they were doing.

Today it started to get ugly. I stepped in and stopped the physical violence and said to Cam, who was clearly the more mad and the accuser of the two..."Cam, use your words not your hands"
Cam quickly turned to Spencer and said, "Dencer, do you want me to punch you in the face?!"

They are once again playing on the floor together. From start to finish, this fight lasted 3 1/2 minutes. :)

Sydney Dynamite

Sydney took a ballet class when she was almost 2 1/2 years old.
She's been telling me for a while that she wants to quit gymnastics and take dance.
I don't think she needs to worry about it. Girls got some moves.

Here she is....in all of her glory. Wearing my old dance costume. Dancing to one of my favorite songs. The one. The only.......
SYDNEY !!!!!! oh and also a shout out to the 4 back up dancers/runners.
(note : this performance went on for longer than 15 minutes. I cut out most of the hands on hips stationary bouncing being performed and extreme camera shakeage from camera man laughing and also my being man handled by anyone you couldn't see in the viewing area, plus also the inaudible threats to "get the hell off of me already".....here are the remaining 2 minutes)


Napoleon's got nothing on her :)