The end of LBD, yeah you know me !

What a month.   yes I know I'm a couple of days early.   but I'm no good on the weekends.
It has been a real pleasure getting to know some of you in a more intimate setting.  :)
And of course by that I am referring to your comments and emails.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey with me.   I am hoping that this has started some positive dialog in regards to opening pandora's box.  ha ha ha.   OMG I am on one.   

Ok for real.   I hope like me, you will tear that duct tape with the words "DO NOT ENTER" written in black sharpie off your hoochies and promise to never close shop again.
This is me after 1 beer.  3 hrs ago.  just so you know.
I'm a super cheap date and apparently an abnoxious and inappropriate drinker.

I would like to share a quick story with you.  
I have to start by telling you.   I am not promoting this product for any kind of revenue purposes.   I am only sharing my experience in hopes that it too can help you in yours. 

My wife bought a life strength ion bracelet.   It's suppose to give you balance.  both emotionally and physically.
Never heard of them until my wife walks in from work and says, "Come here....I need to try something on you."    She tells me that she has a series of tests to do to me and to trust her. (I'm glad she told me to trust her....it obviously lets you know that she normally does stuff to me that shouldn't and wouldn't be trustable:) 
She tells me to stand on one foot and hold my arms out to the sides for balance.   She then pushes on my 1 arm on the side with the leg up and I am to hold steady as long as I can.
I immediately fell over.
She then hands me this bracelet (the bracelet she gave herself for her birthday :) and said to hold it in my hand and repeat the exercise.    I did and she almost couldn't push me over.
I told her it was bullshit and to try again now that I have my wits about me.   We repeated with almost the same results.    I was ready this time and was able to hold my balance longer without the bracelet but there was a definite difference in the length of time with and without the bracelet.
She did another test and there were also significant discrepencies.
The bracelet is also supposed to help her with her mood balance and even sleep.   
The thing cost 30.00........it had better help the friggin kids sleep at that price.   plastic ass jelly bracelet.  

I decided to just let the wife think she was centered and sleepy.    Whatever she wanted to believe.

>>>Later that Night<<<  I had forgotten about the bracelet.
We weren't sleeping.   and.   then we didn't sleep some. more.    and damn.
It always seems like we get better each time.  but I gotta say.   it was all sorts of good this time.
After telling her, "wow" and "what the hell" and I think some, "shits" and "damns"
My wife gets up and says to me all cocky with this twisted smile,bouncing her eyebrows, "it's the bracelet"

We both laughed super hard and then I said, "do you think it really was the bracelet ?"
'cause,  what if it really was ?
what if the damn thing works and maybe in some way transfers to the person the one with the bracelet is touching.    CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE !
I had to share this with my friends.
I'm not sayin it was the bracelet.  and I'm not sayin it wasn't.  
I'm just sayin that if it is.   I'm buying 3 more.

OH and apparently you can put it anywhere on your body to recieve the full effects.  
So for my straight readers.   I'll let your imaginations run with it. 
You know.  if you wanna give it a try.

That's all folks !   Good night !

Hey Mrs Robinson !

I was able to meet somewhat of a role model.   Someone I have quietly idolized since hearing her story years and years ago :)
My wife went to school with a girl who dated the girls basketball coach.    Now J was more interested in the girl who was, like her.  gay.   I was most impressed with the fact that this girl dated the coach. 
which later came down to coaches assistant and a woman who was just out of college.  married with 2 kids. and they weren't together until after she graduated. not so much the story I heard years ago.  Or maybe it was the way I wanted to hear.

My fairy tale ending was much better.   I think it ended with them having crazy wild sex with basketball shorts hanging from the ceiling fan in her coaches bedroom.
~ And they lived happily ever after ~

They spent 9 years together before ending it on an extremely sour note.   hm.  so much for fairy tale endings.

Things are not always as they seem.    We fantasize and romanticize things so much that we start to believe that if things aren't all roses and clovers that there must be something wrong.   something broken.
Fact is.   The basketball shorts probably blew off of the ceiling fan revealing the dust that had collected on the blades...landing somewhere under the bed next to a several day old sippy cup with spoiled solid milk in it.
Nothing is perfect.    Nothing should be.   We need to just remember to be happy with the imperfections that make up our relationship.   They are what make life certain.   Not the stuff that is written in the movies.

That's not real.   It takes a lot of time and several cameras, a script, makeup and hair, a set and days of rehersal, filming and lots of editing.    It's not attainable.
Knowing most of the stories from your lovers childhood and even meeting a lot of the characters from them.....that's the good stuff.    That's the stuff that's real life.   That we should hold on to.

Just keep this in mind whildst considering this last months LBD challenge and how it may or may not have worked out for you. 
Maybe consider writing your own fairy tale ending.

Even through all of the screaming and crying and headaches.   I sure feel like I'm living happily ever after.    mostly after 7:30pm.   between 7:30 pm and 7 am actually.   yip.  living the dream baby. :)

In my fairytale ending I am still this skinny. :)   Wha ? it's my story !

Our Founders day story in Pictures

We went to grandma's house.   Which usually includes putting marbles down the marble run. and ends in putting said marbles in mouths and spitting them all over the floor.   oh the memories we will have one day.

We bought Pop its.   Boxes and boxes...because frankly, they provide more enjoyment and last longer than any 20.00 firework and only cost 1.00.
Ryan was hesitant and kept repeating that he was scared....but after only a couple of minutes decided to throw a few down.

and oh the joy.  the exhilaration.

some used more precision, which included counting and craddling in the palm of their hands before throwing them down.

but nothing satisfied more than the pop pop pop that crackled from the sidewalk with each and every hurl.

We burned snakes and grandma's sidewalk

There were borrowed pop its when one's pop its were all used up....in exchange for promises of niceness and friendship that were short lived and usually forgotten afterwards. 

But no one cared and life was good.

We had no worries.

only excitement for what was to come.

We said things like, "cool" and "who" and anything else that fits this facial expression.

We were ready to light off the big dogs.

The big fireworks were loud and bright.  Even at 7:43 pm.
All the brave and excitement sizzled out just as fast as the 20.00 we spent on the stupid things.  

but they were always brave afterwards.

and then something went terrible awry.  
One of the ariel shooters fell over sideways 1/2 way through and began blasting sprays of hot firey color in several different directions but up.   



The rest of the show was mostly viewed from the porch and inside of the house.   Which was a shame really because the anticipation of it falling over again was the best part.  :)
The end !

note :  no one was harmed during the taking of these pictures or at any other point during the story.  



A split second !

My brothers next door neighbor ran over his 1 year old baby girl yesterday. 
When my brother got there he had her craddled against his chest bawling and rocking back and forth.
His wife was on the driveway curled up in the fetal position screaming a maternal cry no one should ever hear.   

There was nothing anyone could do for her.    She had tire marks on her little head and blood was coming from her ear and nose.   She was gone.

My brother couldn't even finish the story without crying so hard he couldn't catch his breath.    She was 4 days younger than my little niece.  
My brother couldn't sleep last night.   He couldn't close his eyes without seeing her sweet little body held tightly against her daddy's chest.  

1 split second.    Life will never EVER be the same for this couple.   

So often it all feels like Russian Roulette.   You can be as careful as you think humanly possible.   You can take all precautions.   Buy the toughest car seats.   Teach your kids to look both ways.   Cut up their apples and carrots into tiny bite sized pieces.    And then in a split second.   A flash.   It's all taken away.    It makes my heart sick.

Praying for this family.   Praying for my brother.   Praying for the families in Norway.   and each and every family who has had to suffer the loss of a loved one.    God knows there are many.  
And as my heart breaks for all of those who have loved and lost.....I will rejoice in the safety of mine tonight.

You don't say !

First.
Did you know that when an ant dies their body releases a chemical that the other ants smell.  
Ants are apparently good housekeepers.   They clean up left over waste, garbage and their own dead.
They take them to a dumping site/grave yard.

Just in case you were wondering when you see ants carrying around other dead ants.
Good to know, yeah ?

My boys continue on the quest to figure out if Mommy J is in fact their dad and a boy.   They tell her all of the time that she has short hair so she's a boy.   We point out that I have short hair, grandma has short hair etc.   They can't seem to come up with a reason for it and remain confused and in denial.
Nathan took his turn yesterday morning.  
Nate, "mommy J, you are a boy, you have a penis?"
J, "nope.  I'm a girl, so I don't have a penis."
Nate, "I have a penis.  See!"  begins pulling his PJ's down to proudly reveal his anatomy.
J, "yip, you are a boy and you have a penis."
Nate, "you don't have a penis ?"
J, "nope."
Nate, "Spencer has a penis ?!"
J, "yip"
Nate, "Cameron has a penis ?!"
J, "yip"
Nate, "Ryan has a penis ?!"
J, "yip"
Nate, "you have a penis ?"
J, "nope, I don't have a penis"
Nate, "the bed has a penis ?!"  smiling. 
J, "nope, the bed doesn't have a penis"
Nate, laughs hysterically.

Nathan pooping on the potty this morning announced to J, "wow, that came out easy"
That kid cracks us up.   We laugh all day at the antics that kid pulls.

We were in the car driving to the zoo Friday. Sydney was trying to put some of her things in order. I turned a corner and heard her say. "whoa, I couldn't hold a horse right now ! get it...hold your horses."
So witty and funny when she's not trying.

There are so many things that they say that crack us up.   I hate that I don't write them down so that I can remember all of it.  

Happy Birthday ! The jokes on you.

It's my wife's forty-pshsma birthday today.   
I'm taking her to lunch and it seems that everything she has purchased over the last couple of weeks is her birthday present.    She brings something home and tells me, this is for my birthday.   over and over. and over again :)
I don't know how it's possible to love her more.  but I do.  different.  completely.  and more.

My 88 year old grandmother sent her a birthday card this year.   It said, outside : "You're not getting  old" inside : "but if you think you are getting a present you are getting stupid." 
:)   I suppose that kind of humor has to be passed down in the genetics, aye ? 

Completely unrelated to J's birthday, but equally funny.  and it just happened.
When Nathan asks for a cracker it sounds like he's asking for a crack whore.
"Mom, I want a crack whore.   I want a crack whore mom."
He stood next to me while I started this post.   ate his graham crack whore into the shape of 9mm Smith and Wesson and then of course aimed at none other than myself and began unloading.
Sarah Palin would be so proud.

We are at the end of July....last week of LBD !    I hope that it's at least brought it up in your household.  That you are all conscious about it and willing to try.
As for my challenge.
I have found something to hold true at my house.    I remember reading about not giving a child the choice of answering with a yes or no response.    ie.  "Syd will you please pick up your shoes ?"  "no" is surely to follow.
Same goes for sex.    Don't give the option of, "May I pleasure you ?"   "how about tomorrow night, I'm tired" is one thing that may be heard.   Hypothetically speaking I mean.
As much as talking about sex is important.  Sometimes not saying anything at all can be just as productive.  
Ok, so 1 out of 3 times is pretty good right.   I mean.  All I can do is keep trying :)

Happy Birthday baby.   It's tomorrow night tonight.   Jus'sayin'.

Last week of swimming lessons

For more than one reason I am posting this section of recorded lesson. Yes, I will admit, I loved catching Nathan running up to tell me, "I love you mama" :)



There's a little kids pool that they will allow the kids not in swimming lessons to play in. We always get there a few minutes early so that the babies can warm up to the water and then stay and play for a few minutes after everyone is done with lessons.
We were lucky that it was just our family in the pool this day. Usually it's full of kids.
Nate and his cannon ball crack me up !
Ryan was putting his whole head under today like his brother. I wish I would have had the camera today.

Getcher head in the game !

Most of the time you hear.....get your head out of the gutter.    For women I think it is important to have your head in the gutter sometimes.  :)

Lets face it.   Most men have a pretty natural amount of chemical make up that makes it possible for them to get in the game several times during any day.   Sometimes it just takes a slight breeze.
Women.   We will have to work at it.   80% of it is in our heads.    If your mind is somewhere else.....your body will not be present either.
We have to put not so much our thinking hat on but more our sexual awareness hat on.
    
Think about it.    When you come home from work (those that work outside of the home) you take off your work hat once you walk in the door with the kids grabbing at you and pulling on you excited to see you and immediately throw on your mom hat.   The way you think and even talk changes once that hat is on.   You have a ladies night out and happily take off mom hat to put on your going out hat.
We have so many hats.
Mom, daughter, friend, wife, patient, employee, employer, supervisor, care taker, teacher, lover, single mom, lesbian, straight, religious member, advocate, litigator (old joke)......to name only a few.

We get to the point when changing hats is done without even thinking.   It's as if they magically interchange themselves depending on whose company you are in.
And some hats we have to consciously put on.
So ladies remember that you need to pull out and dust off the sexual partner hat once in a while.
You may even need to help your partner find hers and dust hers off too.
but please put them on.  hopefully at the same time.   :)

It's the weekend !!! Babysitters babysitters babysitters !!  I can't stress how important this is ladies.

Que sera sera

I want to share one of the emails I received.   I wouldn't say she's participating in the LBD challenge per se.   but has a story to share.  
Thank you anonymous for being brave enough to speak out about another level of LBD. 

My partner and I have been together for fifteen years. We have an eleven year old boy-man that I carried. We are so deep into LBD that we’ve touched each other twice in seven years. She sleeps rolled in blankets on one side of our queen-sized bed and I sleep mostly naked on the other. I am the partner that’s not happy with the situation, that questions my attractiveness (especially now that I have had a child and gone through menopause), who wonders what is wrong with me. Sometimes that 8 minutes a couple times a week doesn’t sound so bad. That is my emotional reaction to what is happening.


To truly understand where we are, you have to understand where we have been. My partner was raised in a religiously twisted black and white world. She went to a private Fundamental Christian school, attended Wheaton College (birthplace of the Billy Graham movement) and then moved west to get away from Chicago and Tennessee. When we met I was coming out of a three year relationship with a woman who had turned me every way but loose and who had stormed out of my life primarily because I wanted to have a child. My partner was kind of, sort of, coming out of a three year relationship with a woman who had moved to another city to live with someone else while still in their relationship. We progressed slowly. After six months we moved in together. After three years we agreed I would have a child and she would buy a place for us to live.

Sounds so cold. Our relationship has never been very passionate. In fact, I think my sexual drive and desire scared her to begin with and it went into overdrive when I was put on clomid. She did not react well. Our sexual interaction was just enough to not drive me crazy, but always initiated by me. My partner is so afraid all the time, of my sexuality, of being a lesbian, of God. She carries with her the idea that she is going to hell because of her sexuality and she doesn’t have the personality or internal strength to go through the questioning and researching necessary to reconcile herself with the Divine. Instead, she compartmentalizes her life and takes the path of least resistance.

When I was ten weeks pregnant she told her mom. Her mom told her she was an abomination and that she was going to hell. Nice, huh? My son and I have never met my partner’s parents. Her mom has even sent back a mother’s day present we sent because we mistakenly used my credit card instead of my partner’s. And then her father called to berate my partner for being so insensitive to her mother. Its their loss because our son is awesome!

While I was pregnant with my son, going out of my mind crazy in lust, I was on my own. I decided then that I would no longer initiate sex. I do not want to ever feel like I am pushing myself on anyone. Then my boy was born and sex was the last thing on my mind. I discovered that I was a single mom in a relationship with a woman who resented my caring for our son, and who did not want to be awakened in the middle of the night for anything. It was so hard. I had no energy and I was in a relationship with a woman who couldn’t be my equal.

When our boy was eight months old, my partner’s ex-boyfriend came back into the picture. He had contacted her parents and they had sent him her way. They also offered to pay for therapy to “fix her”. At that point, my partner stopped being a parent, started communicating with Tim about leaving us, isolated herself in her own room (I moved into the other room with my son) and the sex stopped. The relationship stopped. My son started calling her by her first name because she didn’t want to be called mom. She still had not told me about Tim, but I knew.

A year later, just before Christmas when my son was two, I came home from work and she was crying. She said God wanted her to be with Tim. When she had these episodes before, I would talk her out of feeling bad about being a lesbian. We had gone through this type of thing every time she talked to her parents. This time I said fine. I told her that she owed me $10,000 from the house and half the stuff and I was gone. I took her at her word and began making plans to move. She was devastated. She didn’t want a relationship with Tim, she wanted to be with me. We talked. I laid down ground rules. I told her I wasn’t going to be in a relationship with a reluctant lesbian. I wasn’t going to continue to convince her to be gay. I wanted a partner and a co-parent in our relationship. (In retrospect, I probably should have gotten the U-haul and left - money bedamned.) I should have also established that I wanted a lover, as well.

So, that was nine years ago. She is a wonderful friend, a great mother, steady and committed to making a home for us and our son. She has never reconciled our relationship with her concept of God, but she is no longer trying to mold me into a God-fearing Christian. She drinks moderately, doesn’t gamble, holds a good job, is frugal with her money. She supported me while I returned to school and got a degree so I no longer needed to work in food service. We now have a joint checking account and she has listed me as her beneficiary. These are all huge steps for her.

I have given up the idea of having a sexual relationship. I am not planning on leaving the relationship, because while there is no sex, there is a lot of compatibility, of friendship, of mutual affection. I still love her passionately, completely, and haven’t ever even looked at another woman. I can’t approach her for sexual contact, knowing that if I do it will spin her into depression, fear, anxiety and insecurity. I want the connection and sexual release but not badly enough to do that to her. On top of that, I made the commitment. I will not ever put my child through a divorce. I will not be a part time mom.

I am not sharing this for sympathy. I understand what my choices were and are and I am staying in this relationship with my eyes wide open. I am making the choice to love my partner where she is, what she is going through, unconditionally. I am making the choice to remain in a secure and stable, loving environment for our son. I am not a victim and I don’t want a different relationship. I just wanted to share a different story for those women out there who might be in a relationship like mine.

Thanks for listening.

-Anononymous

The only kind of Cancer that I love !

Are the ones born this month.     There is something about a Cancers personality that I am so drawn to.  They seem to fit well with my higher ummm maintenance energy uuh need for perfection very much Virgo personality.  
My wife and 2 boys are Cancers and I absolutely adore them.   

Spencer and Cameron are 5.   It happened yesterday and I'm welcoming it with a happy heart and high hopes.   
They are delightful little people who are so easy that there was no difference in having them gone for 4 days.    Really.   
When I would talk to J and ask how things were going she was always full of positive and great things to say.    She would return the question and I would answer honestly that nothing really changed.
Next time she's taking the other 3 and leaving the boys home.   
Maybe for my birthday :)

J took the boys to her sisters for a long weekend getaway.    They played.  and played.   and are always finding something to explore or use in some quest with a dragon or bad guy.    Their imaginations are extraordinary and watching them play is better than the theater most days. 

Cameron is my cuddler still and likes it when I squeeze his guts out.   He actually requests it.  :)

Spencer is my little friend maker.   It doesn't matter where we go he finds someone to run and play with.   His speech although much improved but still hard to understand sometimes doesn't seem to have any affect on it either. 

They are both such nice kids.    
Happy 5th boys.   I love you both with all of my heart !  And now with tears in my eyes.  THANK YOU.  for being easy.  

I love how they march out to sea like men and run screaming like little boys from the waves :)

If mama aint happy, aint NObody happy !

It's the weekend.
I hope if you haven't already this past week that you have all made plans to get out and have some adult alone time this weekend.

Please please please.....if you haven't found someone that you trust.....find someone. Leave the children with a sitter. They'll live. They'll be just fine.

I remember my heart being ripped out when I'd leave Syd and she was sad. My heart would literally ache the whole time I was gone. and the girl could cry too. I felt like she was feeling lost, abandoned and scared. I could picture her heart and mind racing in a circle of terror...wondering if mama was ever coming home.
When the last set came....I remember kissing and hugging their screaming wet and red little faces and RUNNING from the door leaping in to the car with such a light and happy heart. aaaaah, someone else gets to listen to them cry and entertain them for the next 2-3 hours.
You really learn with experience that you will all survive. That you are all better off.

Another thing we do is get late night babysitters.
We put the kids to bed and then have a sitter come to catch the late movie.
It's perfect. The babysitter basically gets paid for doing nothing and you get to relax knowing that they are all sound asleep. (of course you have to stay awake too:)
This is a good option for moms who work and feel guilty taking more time away from their kids. and also for the kids who freak out when mama leaves.

Just get out ladies.
It's date night.
Go !

Well everyone of course but me. My wife is taking my big boys to Los Angeles for the weekend. They turn 5 on Wednesday. I've already started doing what looks like my own version of the chicken dance.
Life with nearly 5 year old twins is wonderful. (the other 2....not so much...maybe in 2 years:)

It happened one day !

As expected, Ryan didn't want to get in the pool without me and certainly not some strange lady.  
I sat next to the stairs and held his hand until the teacher took him to float on his tummy.    He didn't physically resist....but his face tells another story.   He was not happy.

And then she gave them ducks to blow bubbles with

And Ryan said, FINE.  I'll play with your duck. 

And the container that held the toys spilled showers of water and oooooh how fun it was.

and then there was some splashy play and I love to splashy play, Ryan cheered.

and somewhere between the ducks and splashing the kid warmed up

and he even blew bubbles.    Success.

Nathan is my fish and I will call him sqwooshy !

Cam nad Spencer

Cam

Spence

Sydney who has improved SO so much since last year.

I had made bets (thankfully I never put and actual dollar sign to it) that I would be refunding Ryan's class after today.   I honestly didn't think he'd do it.    See where lower expectations gets you. :)
I remember Cam and Spencer's first lesson.   Cam wouldn't stop crying.
I think it helped that there was another child who was not scared and listened in each of their classes.   Sets an example to follow. 

Am I holding my breath for Friday's class ?  nah.   I'm sure it will be a repeat.   I'm good with that.

LBDA

L.esbian. B.ed. D.eaths. A.nonymous.
Hi, 
My name is K.  
I am a recovering bed death lesbian.
I wouldn't count months that it lasted, it would be easier to count it by years. 
It didn't take place over the same period of time but it all adds up.

It all started when we had our first.    It took so long to get pregnant that I shut up shop when it finally stuck.   When she was born she was ridiculously demanding and we were just first time moms.     Months would go by and neither of us cared.
Right when things got back to normal in that department...BOOM....we started trying again.   
It took it's toll on us.    On me.  I didn't feel like a sexual being at all, more of a science project.
I felt broken and guilty over my infertility.   And then it stuck and we paid so much money, and I was so tired and sick and then it was dangerous and so just don't even look at me like that.  gross.  and sadly I was exTREMELY randy...and yet felt scared to do anything for fear that I'd orgasm them out. honestly.
Once they came, screw ever having sex EVER again because holy shit fuck we have a 2 year old who is still unbelievably demanding and now 2 newborns and that was impossible to manage let alone finding any emotion other than the survival one.
And just as we came out of that glowing hell fire.   "what do you think we should do about our 5 frozen possibilities honey?"

This isn't all me either.   I have a wife who went through menopause through all of this, thank you very much.    And don't get me started on what the little pink pills do in this area.   or should I say don't do.

After Syd before the boys were conceived we sought counseling.    We expressed our feelings about wanting to want to have sex and not being best friends anymore.   We let her know that we were not coming to her for couples counseling per se.   We were very happy with one another we just didn't know how to get that loving feeling back.  In fact we were the greatest best friends.  :)
She didn't help us.  at all.   I think however talking about it is what got the ball rolling.
J enlisted friends to help her out.   You may remember it here if you've been around long enough.
It was weird and awkward and if I'm being totally honest it took a couple of times before I felt like it was "just like riding a bike" again. and not with my best friend. (if you will)

We never let it go that long again.    We did hold off over the next pregnancy and recovery but we were both aware that any length of time was no good and we didn't let it get to that point.
We didn't take on the 'best friends role' after the first famine.   Just 2 tired weary moms who couldn't put out because we felt like passing out.

I'm happy to say that we have tried to be consistant once a weekers.   Sometimes more, sometimes less.  ok, sometimes less.  but we try.
What we have to be is 100% conscious about it.    One of us is usually on it.  (no pun intended)

The reason that I've brought this challenge out, is because I have been there.   I know how important it is to reconnect and because once again I know that unless there is a challenge for you competitive bitches, aint shit gonna get done.  :)
No really.   I just wanted there to be some conversation about it.   Some actions to take.   Some feelings of community for you to know that you aren't alone.   It's not the end of your relationship.   You too can recover from this.  
And well.  That's all.

I don't expect you to comment.    I understand that even if blogger let you :) this is personal and can be hard to communicate about.    GREAT.   Just read and play along at home.  
If this challenge can help even ONE couple out there.   Even one.   I will be completely THRILLED !

4th of July decor

I saw this and immediately knew it was right up our ally. 
It turned out super cute and will know be hung somewhere in my house each July.

Lucky for me I had the right amount of children for feet lines :)   I've seen it done with white feet stamped alternately too.   
Also, I wish I would have done the hands first so that I could have made that space a little cleaner and then worked the feet lines around it.    Maybe next time.    I just love how it turned out.

Working out LBD ?

and I quote....
Wikpedia -  Lesbian bed death is a term coined by University of Washington sociologist Pepper Schwartz in her 1983 book American Couples.   According to Schwartz, lesbian couples in committed relationships have less sex than any other type of couple, and they generally experience less sexual intimacy the longer the relationship lasts.  The study was later criticized by several researchers, and the concept has subsequently been categorized as popular myth.

All those that agree that it is in fact a myth, can I get a show of hands.   
hmm.   just that one in the back huh ?

APPARENTLY her research was more coined on the penis in vagina sex.   So her research does fall short.   HOWEVER.   as a dear friend of mine always says, "you people just have foreplay, you don't really have sex."    and then we'd laugh out loud.   only when I laughed I was laughing all the way to the orgasm.    because the foreplay part is the BEST part.   hee hee hee

case in point.   Marilyn Frye later questioned the validity of the survey and said, "...What 85 percent of long-term, married couples do more than once a month takes on average 8 minutes to do... What we (lesbians) do that, on average, we do considerably less frequently, takes, on the average, considerably more than 8 minutes to do. Maybe about 30 minutes at least.  

I'm going to the car with the woman I love and I'll be back in 8 minutes.

A German study concluded that the female sex drive greatly diminishes once a woman is in a secure relationship.  Thus, from an evolutionary psychological point of view, lesbian couples are expected to seek sex less frequently than heterosexual or gay male couples.  

What does all of this mean.  
It means that it's very natural.   That it's part of evolution for hell sakes.    That you don't have to have intercourse to have sex.   so that whole we're on our periods doesn't so much fly.  and it also means that we have to work harder to end the cycle.  

I remember Rosie Odonell comparing sex to working out saying, sex is like working out.   I hate thinking about doing it.  but once you've done it you feel great and think, hey, we should do this more often. 

The fact is LOTS of us think about it.   It may wear on one in the relationship or both.     It's a silent killer.   Some people are just content to close that chapter in their lives and that's great if it works for both of you....unfortunately there is usually 1 who is just fine with it and the other is taking it all personally wondering, why doesn't she love me anymore, why doesn't she want to be close, am I not attractive, am I not worth taking that extra effort. (more on this later)

Frankly I think we could all use the "work out" once in a while.    The connection.   The closeness.  and damn, you can burn a lotto calories in 45 minutes.  jus sayin'.

Is it going to be all comfortable and easy.   Hell no.   Is jumping back on the step machine after 2 kids and a year or longer of not stepping foot on one ?   Noah !  
It's all awkward and incommodious.   It can be stressful and there's the fear of your performance after all of that time off.   Especially when sex is 90 % head work and only 10% physical work.  
So you just keep putting one foot in front of the other.   The nervousnes and uneasiness goes away.   And like riding a bike.   You'll be a trained professional in no time at all.    :)  ha, if it were only this easy.
I won't lie.    "I never said it would be easy.   I only said it would be worth it" 
(is that seriously sacrilegious ?  sorry, it fit)

Down with LBD, 30 day challenge !

Alright ladies.   All you mama's out there.   All of you long timers.
I'm calling you all out to start and share the "Down with LBD, 30 day challenge".   aka lesbian bed death.

This challenge will hopefully give you the excuse, the reason and the drive to ditch that best friend role and reconnect as a couple.   Sometimes all we need is a challenge.  (competitive bitches) 

Remember long ago.   When it was just the 2 of you.   When you had the whole bed to yourselves and the only reason you ever had to get up at night was to go to the bathroom.
Remember how you could cuddle and wrap your arms and legs around the others so much so that you couldn't tell where one started and the other ended.    And you liked it.  
You couldn't get close enough.   Or stay wrapped up long enough.
Remember how just a look or a smell of perfume would send chills through your body and start your heart to racing.
And how thinking about her the next day excited you completely and you couldn't wait to get home.

I want you to remember all of these things when taking on this challenge.  Trust me....some of you are going to need to go WAAAAAAY back....but dig ladies.   You'll remember, and once you do remember, that friendship role that we sometimes find ourselves falling into....will soon include the lover role and intimate partner role.    and sometimes the nurse or teacher role.  or whatever gets you excited I guess.  :) ha ha

The challenge is simply this.   
- you need to find time to reconnect (not a code word for sex..just connecting).    whether it be after the kids are asleep.   before they get up.  at lunch.  or over dinner.  with NO kids. 
- while reconnecting you cannot discuss money or kids.    talk about when you met.   what you liked or noticed about the other person.   how you felt.   just BE together.  (still not like that.  not yet)
I know this is hard for some of you...but TRY to get a sitter.   even if it's just ONCE a month.   but honestly 2, 3 or even 4 times is better.   Getting out and away is the best medicine.   We need it.
- Also, try and let your partner and also yourself have some time away individually.   whether it be to work out, get a manicure, hang out with friends, go to a movie...whatever.   You don't need a babysitter when someone's home.  This is an easy thing to do.   But it's important for both of you.
- schedule some (ahem) intimate time.    yes.  you may have to schedule it.  
I know that this takes the romance out of it for some of you....but guess what.   We as women live by schedules.    We prioritize and write shit down.    get up, make breakfast, get lunches packed, get backpacks ready, kids dressed, laundry done, car washed, dishes cleaned, lawn mowed, dinner made, kids bathed, books read, dinner cleaned up, tv time, sleep.  (if you're lucky you can sleep uninterrupted all night long)
I'm simply asking you to pencil in some makeout time with your wife.    It won't get done 90% of the time by just thinking, yes, I'm going to do that today.   You have to plan it and prioritize it.
Don't just put it in between the lawn and dinner either.   Make sure you schedule time together when you are sure that it could happen.   after the kids are asleep between The Office and American Idol.   (we don't watch TV so I have no idea what times shows are on TV) but you all know that you do get some time alone that you have without interruption.  Maybe it's only 20 minutes.   THAT'S the time to put it in.  This is more important than which girl the bachelor chooses this week to stay.  
Schedule it ladies.   If it were as easy as just thinking about it.   WE'D BE DOING IT !  just saying.
- This is to be scheduled.  once a week.
COME ON.  It's a 30 day challenge.   4 times in 30 days.    You can do this.
And, I'm sure some of you will surprise even yourselves by doing it more than that.   :)  (and no, you can't do it 3 times in one week and skip the rest of the challenge.  you start clean each week)
Rule #1 you have to both be present at the time that "it" happens. 
Rule #2 by present I mean in the same room within touching distance of each other. 
I know some of you are laughing.   but I'm serious.  :)

To start off, the first challenge is : try and get a babysitter booked and a date night planned for this week.   Do not bring up children or money.    Not even once and trust me.  it's almost impossible.    Don't do it.  No talking children.  and NO texting or game playing either. 
If you can't get a sitter.  Take time out to sit and eat together after the kids are asleep.  No TV.  unplug.  visit.

If you want to blog about how you met.   Or some of your favorite early no children memories.   What has changed since.   How screwed up your own priorities have gotten.  Or how this challenge is going.  Good hints and tips.  Leave a comment with your blog address and include the challenge "Down with LBD".   Do this through out the challenge so we can all keep track. 
Add it to your own blog so that you can share with each other the woes of having a roommate after having children.   Or don't blog about it but DO IT ! 

I'll be including some helpful tips.  and some ideas on relationships once I research and find out for myself what those are.   because HELLO-OH.   If I didn't know what LBD was myself.  I wouldn't be challenging you'all.   ha ha ha

Lets get back on those horses ladies and ride into the sunset.   Or, probably for some of you...after the sun sets.
Now GO !  go go go !