Homework !

Everyone sat down for study time today.   The babies were given markers and paper.   The boys had their books to read. (did I mention they are reading...it's all so exciting) Spencer had his words to practice for speech.  Cameron was practicing writing his name.  
Sydney had a poem to read and spelling words to study.   I was a few feet away making dinner.   As I turned to rinse something I noticed this.....

You ask....why is Ryan in his underwear ?   Because Ryan is ALWAYS in his underwear.   The child does NOT like to wear clothing.   We get dressed and undressed at least 3-4 times a day....and sometimes in different outfits each time.    Nathan's shirt was removed by Spencer for a bigger canvas area.

I asked Sydney and Spencer to stop.    and then I remembered that I was busy and so were they and everyone was engaged and most importantly quiet.    I let them continue for another 5 minutes before PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN.  DAMN IT.  LOOK AT THEM, YOU GUYS !  JEEZE !

Ryan was a bit more pleased with his body art experience.   I'm not sure if it was because he had a beautiful spring landscape wrapped around his body.   Or if it was the Elton John glasses.  
Maybe it was the stabbing motion Spencer used to get dots all over Nathan's body.
I asked them both....neither could really put a finger on it....but Nathan was ready to get it off.

It's funny and slightly ironic....I have really been thinking about labels and how they affect kids.    I've been trying to call the babies, little boys.   I don't want them to ACT like babies....so why would I call them babies.     I have also tried to stop myself from calling them names like :  trouble, hands and of course little shits and bastards.  hey, one step at a time.    All for the same reasons of course.   They are what you tell them they are.
As for the toosh.   I didn't even know that was written until his underwear were removed and he stepped in to the tub.    Nice.
So she got the name 'trouble' from listening to me.    She got the chubby part, because I write that on my own butt and she saw me getting into the shower the other day.
I can't blame her for the misspell....obviously one of the b's was eaten by one of my butt cheeks.
(sigh)

To wrap it all up, homework was a huge success today.    They each accomplished their own assignments and had time to blow off some steam with a little art.     A little art that was gone as soon as their little bodies hit the water.  LOVE washable markers.
I'm going to go and see if J will let me create a landscape of my own using her neked bod :)
OF COURSE I will post pictures.    Who do you take me for, an amateur ?    I'm serious about this blogging thing people.  cross your fingers for something amazing.

The Gift !

No, I'm not gifting you with an inspiring and thoughtful post.   Nor did I hit black Friday to find each of you the perfect gift.   I'm very sorry if you came here for that.  
We have been talking Santa gifts at our house.    You may remember the day we took the kids to toys r us to get their little minds locked on the PERFECT present from Santa.  Let me refresh your memory with a little song - noodles/noses/vacuum hoses.   .

This is how it goes...
Cameron and Spencer :  I want that.  Mom can we have that.   COO-UHL !  Can we have that too mom.   I'm asking Santa for that.  Yeah and Cam check this out, lets ask for this.  Mom we HAVE to have that.  OH my Gosh Spencer look at this over here....I'm asking for that...me too....look at this red one....OH my Gosh, yes, I totally have to have that.

Nathan and Ryan :  I want that sword mom.   I'm asking Santa for a sword.   I want that gun.  Mom, put that gun in our cart.   Mom, can I have that gun at ours house.  me : put it back honey....you have to ask Santa for it....we don't get to have it now   screaming, crying, the sound of a small peoples hands being ripped from a sword, a light-saber and a pirate holding a knife...and also pulling 2 different kinds of guns out of their pockets.

Syd :   I don't know what I want.
(she has previously asked for a DSI and a real 4-wheeler.  a pink one.  like her friend Hailey's.   ummmm that would be a no to both)

We have decided to do the Want Read Wear Need, this year for Christmas.     I'm still waiting for someone to tell me how to explain this new tradition to my kids.   You know, I can't just say "this is what Santa does"  because Santa doesn't do this at their friends houses.    I need a good story.   with follow up answers.    the rules of the game.   If Santa gives them the want read wear need stuff.   do you still give them something from you ?  how's that work ?

We are going to take them to see Santa soon....whatever they ask him for will be the final decision on what they get.
I'll keep some of the other wants as ideas for family.  :)

It's damn near Christmas and I feel like I'm standing still.  
My house is decorated but I've yet to get a picture for a Christmas card and haven't been able to find someone in need of the 12 days of Christmas.   My hell.  We're in financial crisis here.   Why can't I find someone in need.

I have a question ?  What do you buy family that has everything......with older kids ?   We've been buying them games every year.    We are at a loss and need some good suggestions.
I'm sick of getting everyone gift cards.

Now lets go out to left field for an update from sidetracked and tangent.
For my Utah peeps (or anyone who wants to pay to have them shipped :)   Our go to for hand me downs has now caught up to size with Syd.   I need someone to hand girls clothes down to.   Anyone know of someone who needs them....could use them ?   We're a smoke free house with a dog.     I wash and dry everything and yes...I use downy.   My kids have yet to catch fire...but I can't promise you that yours won't.
Any hew.   let me know !

My Weekend in Photos

Wrap party 2011.   We are so lucky to be invited to this every year.   Love you Fran.
We checked in at the Hilton and found candy galore

An open bar !!!

Creative and delicious food.

Wrap station.   Not yet full of presents....the walls in the back will be PACKED with wrapped presents by the morning

Not pictured...We headed out to see the opening night of Breaking Dawn.   OMG.  it was terrible.   We laughed out loud at parts that were not considered to be funny scenes.   Just my take.   sorry Twilight fans.  :(   Oh and just so you know....yes I will go see the last one...because I have to...it gives me something to bitch about.  :)

After you shop (we went to a movie instead) you bring your presents back and enjoy several desserts and more of the open bar until midnight.

oh, plus, there was a wii set up.  Just for fun.   My wife happens to be really fun.  :)

The next morning, you check out of your hotel room....pick up your presents and enjoy breakfast.   (all not pictured because we had someplace to be)

Flash Mob at Gardner Village.  
Syd and Mani.....BFF's

Dancin'

Another BFF Nia, dancin'

Part of the Mob

 We dropped Syd off at her grandma's for a sleep over.....they are making place cards for Thanksgiving.    We headed to toys r us to pick out our gift from santa with the boys.   By the time they had made it through the store it was 6 pm and the kids were starving.   We crosssed the street and sat down at Denny's.     My kids are SUPER creative with their food selections.   They ate Mac n Cheese.   quesadilla's.  and pancakes.   mmmm.   Glad we can go out and eat once in a while.

Ryan... my first child to do this....stuck food up his nose.      He did it so quietly that it took us off guard and we couldn't hold back the laughter.    His brother Nathan joined in for the laugh (not pictured)   After wiping their faces off, Nathan asked me to get the noodles out of his nose.    I tipped his head back and SURE ENOUGH....there it was.   I tried very carefully with a toothpick to get it but after his little fingers had tried to get it....the thing was lodged up somewhere near his brain.   He sucks up his nose when you tell him to blow so that wasn't an option.
I called a friend who happens to be a pediatrician (thanks Steph) and asked her advice.   She suggested a bulb sucker.
When I got home I remembered the kids taking them outside this summer and using them as squirt guns.    So I took things into my own hands.

 

Drink.

Towel

Suction

Trained professional.   Do not try this at home.  
Nathan was actually laughing hysterically.   He said it tickled :)
We retrieved said stuck noodle.    I saw it in the container....but when I tried to get it out to of course photo document it...it was lost and gone in carpet fiber and dirt.

I finished my weekend by putting kids to bed and then meeting great friends for drinks and enlightening conversation.    
(deep deep relaxing breath)  What a fantastic Weekend.   
I hope everyone had a great weekend too !

Just Say Hi

Some of the simplest words make the most beautiful poems.

Just Say Hi
By Sydney B (Nov 19, 2011 age 7)

Just say hi to the friends you know,
it's easier than pie.
The other way is to raise your hand high
and wave it in the sky.
Just say hi.

This moment Friday

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember

There is nobody to blame but me !

So after all of the great ideas and suggestions from my help needed post, I came up with my own little plan.
I constructed a chart full of all of the responsibilities that these little people should be doing and most importantly, are able to do.
I wrote our family rules down.  
Monday night we had a pizza party picnic on the floor and I explained the rules and the chores chart.   

read day - ready for the next day

Stars are given if everything has been accomplished for that time period.    I left an extra area for going above and beyond at the bottom.    Both Spencer and Sydney have earned that star already.
At the end of the day the stars are added to each persons monthly grand total.
Stars can be used for privileges such as TV time and computer time.
30 min. of TV - 1 star
15 min. of computer time (the older three will play starfall and go to disney.org for games) - 1 star
At the end of the month the moms will choose an activity.   Swimming, movie, jump house...etc. and each child has to have 20 stars in order to go.   Activities that we normally do...but now they are having to earn them

Thus far in the past 3 days, my children have watched a grand total of 30 min. of TV.   Syd even less than that.
They haven't been on their computer at all.
Sydney has been early to school for 3 days.  (15-20 minutes early)
Cam had a hard day yesterday and only earned 1 star, but I told him today is a new day and he could earn 3 stars easy.

Follow Through.
This is one that I now see I was completely failing.    My follow through was HORRIBLE.   I know this because my entire 1st day was spent following through and I never stopped.   It's slowly getting better and I owe it all to follow through.
I chose to use the positive time out.    The one where you just remove the child from the situation.  redirect.  etc.     It wasn't stopping the behavior.   My little boys want to cry.   They need to be sat on a step and made to stay there for 3 minutes (a minute for every year that they are old)
It kills them and has almost STOPPED the physical abuse that they inflict almost non stop on each other.
OMG the time that I've had to take away from dinner, cleaning, helping another child...etc..is horrible when you are following through and have 5 kids.    Good lord.
But I have to say.....I can see the differences.   I can see change.

Rules
Some of our rules include valuing everyone in our family.   girls will be treated the same as boys.
Privacy.  knocking before entering.   not keeping "bad" secrets.
Respecting everyone.  no name calling. no tattling unless someone is in danger.  no physical abuse.
Hugging goodbye.   tell the truth.  joyful heart.   ask for forgiveness and also give it. use manners always try our best. always know we are loved.

I took a piece of paper and a pair of scissors and yelled "you're stupid" and "I hate you" at the paper.   Each time I'd cut slices into the paper.    The bottom of the paper was pretty shredded and then I said, "I'm sorry"   I looked up at my kids with a confused look and said, "it's not fixing the cuts"    So I repeated "I'm sorry" several more times and finally explained that even though you say sorry...those words can't be taken back.   They hurt people and sorry doesn't take them back.  They shouldn't be said.
WOW this made a huge impact on my older 3.   They totally get it now and I haven't heard more than 2 words since monday.   HUGE PEOPLE !  HUGE !

There are rules for me and J too.   Not just chores in the house but patience and caring.    The no hitting rule goes for us too.    Nobody in our house hits, this includes tooshey smacks and swipes to the back of the head.   Computer time and iphone time for us is limited to nearly nothing.   I'm using my time for this and that's it unil after they are asleep.
I'm trying to stick to 30 minutes through out the day.    J can't get on her i-phone when she gets home until after the kids are in bed.  1 1/2 hours...she can handle it.  :)

Monday night we have Family game night and Friday nights are movie night.  

I'm back to using my 1-2-3 magic book. (I haven't checked out the DVD yet) and mixed with the written rules and follow through it's working it's magic.
(sigh)  
This is MUCH harder people.   Much harder than sitting on my ass or doing my house work and screaming at my kids for being nightmares.    
I have a hopefully heart and no more time allowed for the computer.
Thanks again for all of the great suggestions.  :)

Did you know ?

Did you know that the grad assistant who saw with his own eyes Sandusky raping a 10 yr old'ish boy in the shower didn't rush to a phone and call the police.  but called his dad instead.   his dad who told him to come home.  they then both decided that the next day they should call not the cops but coach Joe Paterno. Coach Joe also didn't call the cops but waited until the next day to call his supervisor Tim Curley.
Did Curley call the police ?  Nope.  He waited nearly 2 weeks before calling in the grad assistant for a meeting with himself and penn state VP Gary Schultz who both listened to him tell the story about the rape.   Did they call the cops then ?  Nope.  2 weeks later Curley told the grad assistant that Sandusky's keys to the locker room were taken and that he was told he couldn't bring children to the facility anymore.   A claim that Curley admitted later was not enforceable.
Curley and Schultz now claim that neither Paterno nor the grad assistant told them that Sandusky raped the boy.  but that he was grabbing at his genitals inappropriately in the shower.  something that apparently STILL didn't need to be reported.   Something that they were told happened back in 98 and STILL didn't stop them from allowing him access to children.
The president of Penn state himself Graham Spanier who has a background in sociology and marriage and family counseling for the love of god....said that he was told about a situation involving Sandusky and a minor in the shower that made the grad assistant "uncomfortable".   You know...just a grown man "horsing around" in the shower all naked with a child.   No big deal.   Nothing that needs following up or to be reported. 
Should we now count HOW MANY PEOPLE FAILED THESE BOYS!
Do you want to know what makes me the MOST sick about this story.  (well besides the obvious rape of a child)   Not ONE of these people. Not the grad assistant...his father...coach Joe Paterno....Curley....Schultz...or Graham ever one time...not even once asked if anyone knew the boys name or tried to locate the boy that this happened to.    Nobody even asked who he was.
Every single one of them is guilty for allowing this animal to hurt children.   They had a moral obligation to stop him and they failed.

Something else that's bugging me.   Did you know....
That No means No Mr. Cain.
Did you also know that you saying, "for every one woman who accuses me of sexual harassment there are a thousand women who haven't"....STILL doesn't make you look like an upstanding man. Nor one who should even be considered a presidential candidate. Seriously.
That's a little like Sandusky saying....for every little boy that I raped there are like a thousand that I haven't.
Nice.

Did you also know that...there are 207 government funded “clinics” across Ecuador where lesbians are held captive, raped, tortured, starved and beaten in an attempt to make them straight. This is happening in 2011 people.

I am feeling sad that this stuff is happening and we are so desensitized that we allow an animal like Sandusky to hurt kids for years.   That a man can run for the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA and sexually harass women. 
That women can be beat and raped because of their sexual preference.
That so many women and children are exploited across the world.  
It all needs to end.     They all need to be stopped.

When nothing positive is working.

Ok first of all....as I started this post Nathan has been using my boobs as nobs or buttons.   
He turns them like you would a dial and makes a sound like a space shuttle door opening.  chkssshhhhh.
He's been doing this for a couple of days.    When I explain to him, "Buddy, that is mama's private parts and they are not for Nathan to touch."  he responds with, "yes they are mom, they are my switches. (after a brief pause) that's ridiculous mom."  which sound more like that's dickless mom. but whatever.

Ok friends.   I've committed to this positive parenting thing when I committed to having kids.  Well except for those few times that I've lost it completely and spanked my kids.    Which actually worked for a while with the little boys (we're trying to call the babies the little boys).   After one spanking I was able to threaten them with spanking (I know I know how wrong this is) and they would immediately mind me.   oh the enjoyment of that quick response.   Less work on my part. (sigh of relief) aaah.
And then. several days later, we were at my moms house, Nathan was climbing on the back of the couch...he knows you don't climb on the back of the couch.  I had been after him with what felt like everything.
Me :  "Nathan, you need to climb down.  We don't climb on grandma's couches."
Nathan : smiles and makes himself more comfortable.
Me : "Nathan climb down"
Nathan : "No"
Me : "climb down or I'll spank your tooshy"
Nathan : "Spank me then"
Me : ???????????????  what the mother of all that's holy did you just say ? I had a hard time not laughing but kept my composure.    I stood up and walked over to him.   He didn't move.   I spatted him  (you know, because I had to follow through) barely though but with my angry eyes on. and then I said,  "now you stay down or I'll put you in time out"
Nathan :  "Put me in time out then."
Me : ?????????????? what the what  "ok then, go to time out"   I looked at my mother and said something like..."what the hell...he's only 3."  I sat back down.   my mom's eyes wide, wondering what I was going to do and also trying really hard not to crack up.
Nathan : climbed down, walked over to the stairs, sat down  and said, "I'm in time out mom"
He sat there for a minute and then went and played and didn't get back on the couch.

Are you serious with this kid ?   I mean, really ?   We laughed after it happened.  not so that anyone could see or knew that we were laughing at what Nathan just did.  but we were both a little shocked and surprised by his stance on the whole thing. :)

This is not how things are normally handled though.    I will admit that our follow through has fallen through a lot more since the 2nd set came along....but we do it enough for the kids to know we're serious.
Part of the lack of involvement was an experiment on my part.   I thought I'd just sit and wait for them to do the right thing before stepping in.   as long as it didn't effect another child.   why not give them the control ?

Ok.  back to my point.  because what I'm doing isn't working or at least it's not getting easier and I need help. 
I want to know how you parent positively if it's not working and the children aren't complying.

This morning for instance.   Syd refused to brush her teeth, hair and put her shoes on.   We've been dealing with this issue for 2 years people.
I told her that it was up to her and she needed to put her shoes on and brush her teeth and I would then do her hair.   Her choice was to grunt at me and throw my bedding on the floor.
I didn't react.   I left the room and gave her space to make the right choice.
As the clock ticked I went in to check on her.   I asked her if she could go barefoot at recess.   She said no...that she needed shoes.   I said, exactly, we wear shoes to keep our feet safe.   And we brush our teeth so that they don't rot and fall out of our mouth.   It's all important stuff that we have to do every day, even when we don't want to.   (all things that she knows)
She screamed at me and I left AGAIN.
I did a finally call for alcohol.  oh wait.  that was before I went back in.  :)   I went in with only a couple of minutes to spare and explained (calmly) that her time was up.   She would wear her slip on shoes now (instead of her tennis shoes) and would go to school without her hair done.
She screamed and threw a major tantrum.   As I quietly collected her back pack and jacket with a sinking feeling in my stomach...because it makes me sick to send her to school after a morning like this....she ran back in my room and started putting her tennis shoes on, refusing to wear the other ones.    She begged me to do her hair and I reminded her that it was her choice to sit and pout and that next time she needed to give herself time to have her hair done.
She left the house and I yelled after her that I loved her and that I hoped she had a good day.   She turned around and pleaded for me to do her hair one last time and I waved and closed the door.

Now...this isn't working.   Or we wouldn't still be having mornings like this one.   They are MUCH fewer this year.  MUCH fewer.  but still.    I don't know what I could do differently.   What should I be doing so that we don't spend the morning before school like this ?  I will not bribe her.   I have already been slapped in the face with that one.   "I'll do it if you give me (fill in the space)"  oh HEYULL no.   You will do it because you have to go to school.  

It's like this with most things.  Getting them to comply or listen is like pulling teeth without novocain and then getting punched in the face and told you're stupid. 
I feel like I'm beating a dead horse with this positive parenting.   I know it's work.   I know that it will be hard...but I feel like what I'm doing isn't paying off much.   Shouldn't there be some reward to all of this work ?  all of this niceness ?  It's hard for me to be this nice all of the time people.  and by nice I mean...not screaming, staying calm, not beating the living shit out of everyone and then getting drunk.
We still hear : I hate you.  You're stupid.   Do you want me to pull your finger off and stick it to your forehead (Syd said this to Cam when he was pointing at her and she didn't like it) You're an idiot.  They still hit and kick and scratch in response to a lot of situations.    Slow learners ?  maybe.

Maybe I'm expecting too much too soon ?  Maybe they are still young and in a few years I will reap the rewards to all of this ?   Maybe they are just spirited hard kids and it's all hopeless ?  
What do you think ?  any suggestions ?  PLEASE.   someone give me answers.  if you made it to the end of this post...you MUST be at least willing to help a sister out.

Finding Janko

which could either be a play on Waldo or Nemo really.   Both are slightly applicable.  However not really creative.   sorry.

Seriously people.   I need help.
I was making cookies for Syd and had just pulled a batch out when she got home from school.  (true story...I'm not making this shit up...I do actually make cookies for after school sometimes)
After we caught up and went over school stuff I placed another batch in the oven and went to my bedroom to make sure we were Tivo'ing the Ellen show.  You know, the one that I was just on.
I turned the TV on.  it was like 3:42 pm   changed the channel to 4 and holy mother fuck.   It's Ellen.  Talking to Sophia Grace and Rosie.    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.   It started at THREE not at FOUR.
FRIGGITY FRACK HOW WILL I EVER LOOK FOR MYSELF IN THE AUDIENCE AS PROOF THAT I WAS IN FACT THERE.   gawd.
WHY don't I watch more TV.   I don't and that is the first reason I should have CHECKED on the show time.   dumb ass.

I called J and gave her the glum news.   She was disappointed and had mentioned a few people said that they did in fact see us.  Or thought they saw us in that flicker of an audience shot they do.   Which only made me feel worse about the whole friggin thing.   Cause maybe I looked SUPER great on TV.
J mentioned how she had TiVo'd it but set it to record the show at 4pm.
and I sat there for all of 2 seconds still depressed thinking....WAIT ! you can't TiVo something that's on and request a different time for it to record.  duh.   honey.  
Apparently we both know a few stupid human tricks.   ta da !

After putting the kids to bed we went downstairs and checked the TiVo.  Sure as shittin.  There it was and there....J was.  Well that's all I saw the first time I would pause and rewind and pause and rewind to make sure there wasn't some different angle I was missing.   Sure enough.   I was missing.

And then she sat down and I was STILL hiding.   and what the hell is blue arrow doing with her face in both pictures ?   I think we caught her in a sneeze.   look at them one after another and then say...aaaah.  and then prmmmph....like she held in the achooo part.    You see it right.
Best case scenario for her any ways.

2 people away.   TWO PEOPLE !   cooooo-ullll ! She's just so little.   I look really happy.  and clappy.  kind of squinty.  but super tall.

this picture is titled elderly avoidence

J whistling.  I'm saying something super cool and hip to the girl next to me and she's politely looking away wishing the old lady next to her would just shut the freak up.   notice the direction in which her eyes follow the yellow arrow.  clearly away from me.   Or maybe I was telling her something super hip and cool about the lady that the arrow is pointing to.   That's how I'll remember it.   aaah.  such wonderful memories I make.  up.
Moving on.

Best (and by best I mean clearest and closest, omg it really is you) shot of the day.   I'm not even in the shot.   NOT EVEN IF YOU BACK IT UP .23 seconds at a time on pause.  nope.  I was never in the shot. 
Look how happy J looks for that dumb 23 year old who was from UTAH no less.   Her name was Kamille.  With a K.   blah.
It's a good thing the camera didn't show my face.   It would have been clear I felt cheated out of a chance to win 500.00 on a gas card.  

There you have it.   Proof.   and a little bit of fame.
Oh and also.   I posted a video of the 2 cuties from commercial break and it's now private.   I hope she opens it back up....it was great.   That Sophia is a rock star.  :)

Ellen !

Ok so.....I didn't get on stage :(
They didn't do any stupid human tricks and I'm CERTAIN that had they included them I would have been stupid enough.   
They did have a game on the show and the 2 girls that were picked were cute little 20 something girls and it wasn't until that moment that I hadn't considered myself not in their same "goup".
I also had a moment of clarity when the 2 people sitting next to us through most of the process smiled at me politely when I was shootin' the shit as if to say...."I wish my mother would stop talking to us"
(sigh)

Guests !   I KNEW THEM !   
Kirsten Dunst and Sophia Grace and side kick.  

My experience.
It was mostly just sit sit sit around.  And then it was line up, walk, stand, walk, mostly stand, in line.   And then we were sat.  You had to scream and cheer...louder damn it....NO LOUDER.  and I was tired (and old) and just wanted to relax and enjoy the ride at that point.
We got good seats, but I don't think any seats in the theater would be bad.   We sat a few rows up on the stage side.    Other than a few times that the camera was in our way our view of everyone was fabulous.
Ellen is TEENY !   TEENSY TINSEY LITTLE ITTY BITTY thing.    Like, she's short and she's SKINNY.   And not just skinny, petite.  Little tiny thing.
She looks amazing and it was CRAZY to see her in real life.   Surreal crazy to be 2 seats from her rockin it out in the aisle.

Kirsten Dunst made me mostly feel bad for her.
The 2 little girls stole the show (Again) and were CRAZY cute.
Oh and when we left the show we were walking along the sidewalk of the WB studios headed back to the parking lot and who should drive by, honk and wave.   Ellen.   In her silver little porsche.  
Kinda cool.   She got the hell out of there man.

Also.   No free stuff.  :(   Not even a t-shirt.
Still.....it was a really fun experience.    We chose to drive back to our hotel in rush hour traffic rather than party it up in Burbank, caught a quick dinner and then went to bed.   You know.  cuz we're all old and shit. 

The show airs today by the way.

Todays my big day on Ellen

I'll let you know what day I'm gonna be on. I have to go perfect my stupid human trick now :-)
I'm gonna meet Ellen yo!

Mothers Unite

I really wish that mothers could have some sort of hand signal.   You know, like Harley riders.   You don't have to know who the hell is on the other bike, but driving past each other on the street they lower their closest arm and display 1-5 fingers in a, I'm way too cool to wave and smile so this slightly hidden hand gesture and head nod will be the way we recognize each other in this made up club we entered into.  and all we had to do was buy these bikes.

Now I realize that mothers probably couldn't have a hand signal....because usually our hands are busy. but why can't we smile in an accepting and compassionate way to other moms.
Why is it that when I see another mother struggling with her children in the store and I try to make eye contact to exchange an understanding smile the mother looks away with feelings of judgment and exhaustion on her face.     It's because she KNOWS that she's being judged.     That it doesn't matter how many noses she's wiped, nights she's sat up, throw up she's cleaned up, stories she's read.....this one tantrum in the check out line is what she's being measured by.

I have witnessed mothers giving looks of disgust and condemning eye rolls to other mothers struggling with their kids.   I have noticed it a lot lately.  
Why ?  What the hell people.
We all know that this job is the hardest job in the ENTIRE world.    Why would we want to discourage someone else ?  Why not take that moment to send a little ENcouragement.   empathetic recognition.   even if your kids are perfect.   help someone else feel like less of a failure.

Why is it that when someone sees another child reacting terrible in public, other mothers immediately start criticizing how the mother of said child is handling the situation.   

We've all done it.   

I remember standing in a HOT long line at Lagoon (amusement park) and the couple in front of me had a 4 year old child who was first running around and being crazy.   He wasn't standing RIGHT there STILL and QUIET.   Something I cannot comprehend expecting a 4 year old child probably wound up on sugar and excitement from the park to do in the first place.   After being made to stand STILL he started throwing a fit.   and I watched how the parents handled it.  poorly.   it became a shouting match and a control issue.  threats followed with eye glaring killer looks and by the time we got on the ride....nobody was having fun.
I sat there with furrowed brow each time the mother spoke to him.   Each time the father grabbed his arm too tight.   I judged them.  because I was on the outside and was able to see what was going on.   I could see the solution was an easy one.   
That's because I could see it clearly.   my mind wasn't clouded with embarrassment.   I hadn't been dealing with an overly tired kid who needed a nap more than he needed cotton candy.

Guess what though.  I've been that mom TOO many times.   The one who is also hot and needs a nap.  The one who's blood sugar plummets and who had held it together for 3 days UNDERSTANDING that kids get over stimulated and hungry and hot. 
I remember our last day at The Magic Kingdom and Sydney completely LOST it outside of Monsters Inc.   Absolutely LOST it.
She threw a 3 year old tantrum of monumental proportions.   She was hitting Jan.    She was yelling things like I hate you.   I hate this place.   Leave me alone.   etc. etc.   and we're talking people in Animal Kingdom could hear her.
I felt the eyes glaring.   I panicked.   My blood pressure shot out of the top of my head because I too was tired and hot and my feet hurt and I hadn't eaten and PLEASE don't embarrass me in front of all of these people.
I passed her off to J when I felt that the only way to control her was to get physical which wasn't going to help the situation at all.
I stood back and looked on as the other mothers watched with furrowed brow because they had the solution.  they had the easy answers.     It was like bubbles were popping out of the tops of their heads.  That child needs a good spanking.   Time out....hellooooo.   I can't believe you let her talk to you like that.   I wonder if there's something wrong with her.   She just needs a hug.
She eventually calmed down.    We won't ever see those people again.   And for the most part....I've been able to remind myself in moments like this....that I love my kids and I'm trying my hardest and they'll be ok.

The point is.....remember that we are all struggling.   That we all want the same thing.....for our kids.  You know, to sit happily and quietly reading college prep books on world peace while eating their broccoli 14 hrs a day.   :)    

Next time you are faced with a screaming child in line at the grocery store or witnessing a melt down at the mall......if you can't lower your arm and gesture.   at least smile and nod.   vroom vroom.     we're all in this together moms.  and I want you to know that I'm on your side.

Circle of my life !

Now singing you turn me right round baby right round like a record baby right round, round round.
Only because I love this song and circles go round and it replaces the damn disney circle of life song that has been playing in my head since writing the title.

I know you can all imagine this....I am certain that I am not the only one who does this.
Circle infinity
I clean my bedroom, dust, vacuum, make the bed.   I head to the bathroom wiping up left over soap and toothpaste.  Cleaning the little hand prints on the mirror, the pee all over the toilet.   I then move on to the little peoples room.

Ryan and Nathan go in my room and mess up my bed having a pillow fight.  pull out my boots from my closet, drag toys from the basement and play with them on my floor.     One goes to the bathroom....the other follows.  They decide to brush their teeth. nuff said.

I finish making their beds and putting shoes and jammies away and move on to the office. 

They head to their room and climb back into their beds and under their covers...giggling and playing sleep time and then hide and seek.    They drag out socks and shoes and pull jackets and hats off of the wall.

I dust and sweep the office and head to the living room.  

Nathan and Ryan now head to the office chair and roll it to the kitchen cabinet.  Climb up getting a box of crackers out.   They take it back to the office where they dump it out on the desk.   Crumbs from the bottom of the box spill out all over the desk, chair and floor.

Once I finish dusting and sweeping the living room I head to the kitchen.    Both boys are under my feet and in my fridge.    Everything they pull out I'm putting back in the fridge, the drawers and the dishwasher.    What could have taken a few minutes has now taken me most of the day and the bitch is.......the fuckin house is a disaster and needs to be cleaned.

I start over in my room, putting my bed back together and throwing my boots back on the rack.....
Nathan and Ryan go downstairs.   Shit.   I haven't even STARTED downstairs.

Now.  I know there are those who say....NO TV.   and you know what.   I'll send these 2 to your house so that they don't watch TV while I get my house cleaned.   Deal ?!
Thing is.  Even when I do turn on the TV so that I can get something done....they still manage to make a mess.  I swear if these two were paid for what they do, we'd be FILTHY rich.  get it.  filthy. and rich.
whatever.
I don't have time to explain my play on words.  I'm too damn tired and I have to go make my friggin' bed.

I took exactly 2 pictures of my kids on Halloween.   As far as the queen of memories....I was a complete failure this year.

Fun decorations at our
 neighbors house.  The kids LOVED the spiders.

Covering only our block, Ryan had already gone home to eat candy.   Cam had been asking since Ryan went home to go home and after this picture was taken....Syd wanted to go home.   She took Cam by the hand and bee lined for our house.
Nate and Spencer were holding strong and made it 2 more houses before calling it quits (ok, I called it quits :)
Everyone was fast asleep at 7:45 pm.
Pictured : left to right, Spencer, Mason, Sydney, Henry, Cam, Nate, Max

The candy fairy did as was threatened and took all but the 5 pieces of candy they each picked out and hid in the fridge...because we all know that fairy's can't smell or see through fridges.
They've had exactly 1 piece each and haven't asked for more.   (contented sigh)   SO glad to be done with Halloween.
The house is back to normal.   My wife gets home tonight.  and I have exactly nothing that needs to be done.    I think I'll sit and spin for a while :)  oh but first I need to clean up the crackers in the office.