My black eyed pea !

Sunday the weather was perfect for the sprinklers.  
Cameron and Spencer while running through ran head to head like little fighting rams.
Spencer put his chin down just as they collided.   Cam's eyes were closed to save them from the water I suppose.    Ouch.
This wasn't Aunt Karma...because this sweet faced boy could never do Anything wrong.  ever.
:-)  oh please give me a break.  he is SOOO not my favorite kid.  today.  or Tuesday.  or Sunday when this happened.  pshaw ! There's no such thing as having a favorite.  he's totally my favorite kid toady. and tuesday and sunday when this happened.

This was taken Sunday when it happened.  
If you looked at it straight on...the thing was raised about a 1/2 inch off of his face.

"Cam, show me your black eye"
I have a house full of comedians I tell ya.

I took these pictures today because it is starting to fade and I hadn't documented the super great colors that have now turned more yellow.   ah well.  My little bruiser.

They make me crazy. They make me laugh.

Fabrication sounds like it would be a fun word....but it isn't.

Little rat bastards made a liar out of me.   RIGHT when I think they are maturing.  Making better choices.  growing even.  they do this....

They did this once before.   About a year ago.
Only that time I honestly was so beside myself that I didn't take a picture.  It was so bad my neighbor came over and helped me clean it up.   The first time they sprayed all the way up my cabinets and over the wall to the living room/office.   They also sprayed water for 39 minutes that day. (I was mowing the lawn and had locked them out, or so I thought)  Today it was only 5minutes.
Such fuckers.

I finished vacuuming the big boys room.   Which is where I was.  downstairs vacuuming.   because I knew that heads would roll if I went up while the idea of what they had done was sitting fresh on my already hot head.

I didn't lay a finger on them.   But Cam Ryan and Nathan played downstairs while I sopped up the mess and I could hear them slamming doors and opening them and screaming to scare each other and I knew.  I knew what would happen.   Sure enough Ryan went to open the door right as Cam went to push it open.  BAM.   He got hit with the door and as luck would have it Nate was right on his heels and BAM. he flew back and hit Nate.   Both little boys were screaming.   I could hear Cam asking them if they were ok.   Let me see, he'd say.  
I listened closely and kept pushing towels....only I had a smirk on the inside....and I said out loud.  "damn Karma....you're fast."

They cried.  I checked them both out.  They were both fine.   I put jammies on them and laid them in their beds.   Normally someone has to lay with Ryan.   and that somebody is J...because well. she started that shit.   When she's out of town, which is often enough, I end up dealing with it.
This trip I refused.  and guess what ?   The little shit has gone to sleep on his own.  2 nights in a row.

It's just so peaceful when they sleep.   Why can't 12 hours be enough for me ?    I want to be awake the whole time they sleep so as to enjoy more of the quiet....and then I'll sleep most of the time they are awake.   oooh, I really like the idea of that.   and then I just glanced up at the picture and what was accomplished in a mere few minutes and it all comes back to me....DON'T EVER VACUUM !
and it's probably not a good idea to close your eyes when theirs are open.  ever.

So much of not a lot to say !

I love that this is someplace that I can come and write.  
I love that I have so many friends both in real life and not, that come here to read.
I hate that I feel like there are some things that are off limits.
I hate that I feel stifled and unable to freely talk.

That said.   Someone close to me wrote a suicide letter tonight.   I knew it would come to that.   I knew that he was hurting and lost.   I have felt a bit resigned as I've come to deal with this coming threat.  and yet.  when I heard that it was real and written it hurt.   It burns me and I'm filled with guilt as a non participating witness to it all.   And the reasons for me being in the bleachers is my own doing.   I should have been more present.   available.   understanding.  caring.  loving.
But it can be draining and all of the reasons he's suicidal are exhausting and could be endless.

When he got to the store to buy a gun he only then realized that he forgot his wallet and as fate would have it when he got home, someone else had returned and found the note and had already called 911.

He's safe now.   He's at the hospital where they will try and clear his mind a bit.  but he's quiet.  and calm.  and the fight is out of him.   He's now resigned and wants to go.

His note said that he loved them.  his wife.   left them both with the only things that he loved.
He's done.

I'm sad that he is sick.   I'm sad that he feels hopeless.   I'm sad that I've done nothing to help him.   I'm sad that he's sad.
I hope he finds what he needs and can live.  happily.
I need him to live.   I need him to know that I love him.   I need him.

Day 5

Day 5 and all is well on the binky front.
Hell, day 4 there wasn't even crying.
I tell ya peeps. life is good.   Now if I could just get those 2 to stop breaking out and running for the hills.  

I wanted to share a few helpful hints.  Maybe you know some of these already. maybe you don't.
and then AFTER I help you....I need you to help me.
Ok.
I'll go first.

Smelly laundry.
We got the front loader energy saver and *water* saver washing machine.   Oh if I could do it all over again.
That water saver part is not so good.   First of all....I have SO MUCH FREAKING laundry that I don't like to be dainty with my load size.   But with the water saver version it makes a big difference in the size load I can do.
THEN I noticed my clothes started to sour.   At first it was if they sat for more than an hour.   Then I started  getting them right out and they stunk.    I tried the washing machine cleaners.   I scrubbed the shit out of the inside and around all of the hidden gaps in the flaps. nothing.
I used more soap thinking they weren't getting cleaned enough.  nothing.
I washed in hot water.  still nothing.

And THEN a coworker/friend of J's was telling her the SAME story.   And she had a guy come out and look at her machine.  He told her to use 1/4 of the amount of soap that is recommended and replace the rest with vinegar.  
He said that people are using too much soap, especially with these water saver machines.
I've been doing this religiously for months and I gotta tell ya.   No stinky towels.  and more importantly I'm using way less soap and my clothes are getting just as clean.  :-)

Disposals -
Did you know you aren't supposed to put egg shells down the disposal.   You aren't.
Apparently the skins inside the shell wrap around your blades.
Put orange/lime/lemon skins down your disposal and it will freshen up your drain.   leaving you with a nice citricy smell.

Did you also know that the best way to clean your disposal is with ice.  yip.  it freezes any crap that's on them and washes it away.   You can also put salt and ice.    That's how we used to clean the coffee pots when I worked in a restaurant in high school.

Balance bikes -
Did you know that you can remove the pedals from 90% of kids bikes.    So instead of paying all of the money that it costs for the high priced balance bikes.  Just take the pedals off of the pedal bikes.  Once they get the hang of balancing....put the pedals on and they are off and riding.   (when this works with my boys I'll let you now)

umm.   I felt like there was something else
Oh Yes.
Cookies -
Put a piece of bread (it's a good thing to do with the ends that nobody wants) when storing your homemade cookies.   Your bread will dry out and your cookies will stay mmm mmm soft and fresh.

So....hopefully there was something in there that might help you.   Now I need your advice.

I have 2 little tornados.   I'll give you 2 guesses who they are.  Their names both start with T.  "thing four and thing five"  
They don't play with toys 50% of the time...they destroy them.  (they are getting better)
If there is a bucket of toys and by bucket I mean an 18 inch long x 6 inch wide x 6 inch deep.   VERY visually available.   They would go in head down with both arms throwing toy for toy behind them.
Sometimes they do this even if they don't want a toy that's in the box.
Sometimes they'll just dump the buckets out on the floor and walk away.  
I have gone through my toy room and cleaned house.   I've donated a ton and put a TON in storage to rotate.   There are only a few toys left out for this very reason.
note :
I can't sit downstairs with the little boys either and direct them the whole time they play.    as soon as I answer the phone....change laundry....cook lunch....they'd have the place torn up.
I would also rather bite my own eyelids off than spend 2 hours encouraging them to clean it up each time they destroy it.  (COMPLETELY EXHAUSTING)

I have been taking the toys away one by one.   If you mess it up and you won't clean it up...you lose it.
This is the problem.
The big boys suffer.    The 2 that don't destroy and will help me clean up end up losing toys to the storage room because thing 4 and 5 couldn't play nicely.

There is not a way to lock the little boys out of the play room so as to leave access of the toys to the older boys only.
There is not a way to lock the little boys into a room because apparently that's against the law.  plus I'm pretty sure their screams could be heard by several of my neighbors and although they are probably used to hearing screaming coming from my house....I fear if it went on too long someone other than my pharmacist would be contacted.

So what to do what to do ?

this is the part where you fill up my comments section with lots of great advice.
ok.  Go!

oh and if you want to, tell me how I let my big kids in and out of the house without the littler 2 bolting and running in 2 different directions.    Neither will listen or care when I'm yelling to "COME BACK NOW !"
Their big wheels are currently hanging in my garage as they lost them whildst driving around the block tonight.    I was in the back yard mowing the lawn when they snuck away.    such little shits.   sometimes.

I know what you are going to say.   Shock collars.  
They leave burn marks or I would TOTALLY consider it ;-)

I should have never encouraged them to walk 

      

Where the freak was the binky fairy mom ?

It's officially our biggest leap yet.    Losing bottles. piece of  cake !  Potty training. a SNAP !
but on April 15th 2012.  Ryan and Nathan threw away their binkies.  
We have been prepping them for the last 11 months and 12 days for this day.     Every night J would tell them that when they were ready they could go to the toy store...pick out a toy...and throw their binky in the garbage.
If they didn't make the choice to do it before their 4th birthday....the choice would be made for them.
(a threat we only use because of the dentist)

Nathan has been telling us for over a week.  "Mom, I want to throw my binky away.   I want to go to the store"
He'd even say it before bedtime.   He let J keep his binky 2 nights for the first 2 1/2 minutes of bedtime.   and then of course realized...hey, I'm no idiot...if you aren't taking me to the store...I want the damn binky,

Sunday Ryan approached J and he too was ready.
We were both super excited....but after going through 3 other binky whores, it's hard to walk into the fire knowing we're going to get burned.  We also know that there's only one way out and it's through the fire.

We headed to Toys R us.  
We tried leading them to some things we thought they might like and need.   ie.  Nathan needs a tricycle that fits him...his knees hit the handles on his other one.   Instead.   Ryan rode the big wheel around while Nathan picked up every weapon in the store claiming, "I want THIS one mom.   I want THIS one."

I want this sword and shield mom.

Ryan. tearing up toys r us on his cars 2 hot wheel trike..not giving a shit about picking a toy out.  
but look closely in the background.   You'll notice  mommy J holding a double headed war ax she had taken away from Nathan and was trying to direct him someplace else :) ha ha

I want this gun mom.  

Nope...this is it.  This is the gun I want

ooooh.  tools.

I found it.  It's a 3 pack...I get 2 guns and a sword and they ALL make noise.  (moms heads drop with  a discouraged shake)

Nathan had finally decided on his.   We doubled back over a few of the aisles and tried excitedly to entice Ryan with spider-man masks and action heroes.    Nothin.   and then.   we headed down an aisle and sitting on the shelf was WOODY...with a HAT !
You see.   Ryan got a woody doll in Disney land a few years ago.    He loved him.  and then he lost his hat.  (we think at a store) without the hat Woody was no good.   He tried to love him.   He tried to accept his cold hard hair.  but time took it's toll and soon Ryan was slamming him into walls and during his play time I'd hear him berating him about not having a hat.  :)   He threw him to the floor last week and one of his hands broke off.   It was over.
until now.
He picked the box up and kissed it and squealed and cheered and immediately announced to anyone who walked passed us and even those who didn't....that "this is my Woody doll.  I'm picking him"
He was absolutely smitten.   and I smiled and beamed and WOW how great that he is so in love with him.  and I turned to J and said, "it's a collectors item.  it's 50 bucks"
and she gasped and furrowed and then we looked at him licking the plastic window on the box and there was no way either one of us were going to take it away.
so...

He tried to work 2 toys...even going as far as telling Mommy J that he'll get woody...she can get the tools. :)  Smart kid.

After we checked out and had the sales clerk cut through the barbwire that held the toys in....it was time to throw away the binkies.   Let me rephrase that.  binky.   because Ryan had thrown his away as we walked in.  We didn't even realize he'd done it :)
Nathan said, "no...I want my binky"  so J followed up with, "ok Buddy, give me your toys...we have to give them back then"
Nathan dramatically sighed and walked over to the garbage can and said, "oh fine then"  and threw it in.

We were so happy.   Well we were happy on the outside.   We knew what we were in for.

Later that night -

Ryan was ok.   He cried about it.  but Nathan. ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL.
I felt so bad for him.    I rocked him and sang and then he told me to "STOP!"   so I stopped singing and told him it would be ok, I know it's hard...and he fell asleep.
and then he woke up even more mad and sweaty and panicky and thirsty and all he wanted was his "BINKY"  "I WANT MY BINKY"  and for 15 minutes he screamed and Ryan slept.  and out of sheer exhaustion he fell back to sleep.
and then he woke up again and was a little more defeated this time but still as sad and pissed...all he wanted was his binky and this time he woke Ryan up.  
(this is the part where I'm going to add that having twins is a LOT harder in situations like this.   Not only do you have 1 little person suffering through the loss of a soothing item...but 2.  and dealing with 1 is hard enough...twin pitty party...your table is ready)

They both cried for about 5-10 minutes and slept the rest of the night.

 They woke up right where they left off wanting their binkies, but as they only get them at night to sleep, the day was more or less just another day.
I thought for SURE they'd be better tonight.
and they were.  
Nathan cried and got mad and bitch slapped J twice.   I rocked Ryan who was super sad and then he laid down by J and fell fast asleep while I rocked Nathan who quieted down and then laid in his bed and fell asleep while I tucked his big brothers and sister in.
So far not a peep.

I think tomorrow will be even better and then we'll be done.
I do love those binkies.   I will miss and always appreciate the work that they saved me.  but holy sheeawz.  could it be that we won't have those damn binkies in our house again.

Syd asked me tonight a little confused and almost pissed...."where was the binky fairy mom ?"
umm, I suppose this is that consistency part of parenting you are warned about.  oops.

I'm here to testify people.  
As IN LOVE with their binkies as your kids might be....and my kids were in freaking love with them.    They can give them up.   It Can Be Done !  
A little faith hope and proof coming your way.
Good luck !

Oh and for those who feel like they need to stress about their childs love for a binky...fuhgetaboutit.   Let them have them.  who cares.  don't sweat it.   relax and enjoy that they can self sooth :)

Fun Friday !

My kids

On a dance break tonight I sat listening to a conversation between my daughter and another little girl in her class.

Little Girl :  I have like $100.00 in my savings account
Syd :  I don't know how much I have.  like $10,000.00
Little Girl :  I'm saving my money to buy an I-touch or an I-pad
Syd : Those are like $500.00
Little Girl :  I think they are more like $5,000.00
Syd : My mom...not that one...my other mom....is going to BUY me an I-pad when I get into Stanford.
Little Girl :  I'm going to BYU.   Where are you going...BYU or the U of U ?
Syd : I'm going to Stanford

Mommy J has also promised to do a flip on the trampoline when she's accepted as well.
Now we've just got to start saving for that I-pad.  I had no idea they were $5,000.00 !  Holy shit !
;-)

Cameron said to me, "Mom, when I grow up and become a scientist......"
I don't remember a damn thing he said after that....I was just so thrilled to hear something besides..."when I grow up and become a race car driver - a super hero - a garbage man"
I'm actually good with any of those options really. but scientist was a nice change.
Cameron is my question asker.    If he blows his nose....he wants to know what boogers are and where they come from.   If he bleeds he wants to know where blood comes from, what's in it.  
What's in water mom ?  Why do we have belly buttons ?  How do fish breathe water ?  How hot is the sun ?
Oh...and I have to ask you.  What the freak did mothers do when Google wasn't around ?   Holy shit fire.

Nathan has decided that all things girl (gurl like curl only girl) are bad.   He doesn't want to be associated with it, like it, threatened with liking it, or more importantly called it.
He refused to put super hero underwear on the other day because there was a gurl on them.    It was actually  green lantern (?) but wtf....really ?
If a commercial comes on TV and it's showing barbies or pink dress up stuff....whatever...he'll say in a teasing way, "That's for gurls.  That's gurl stuff"  even when I think....buddy you would probably like that doll that swims in the tub.    and I know that Ryan is sitting next to him secretly longing for one and is pissed that Nate had to go all out loud saying shit about the doll he already named "dolly" that could swim with him and take baths with him and that he could push around in his little shopping cart...but now can't because he's not a gurl either.  sheesh.
Recently a little neighbor boy (he's 2) sent Nate home in tears.   I asked him what happened and he said, "He called me a gurl"  now thems is fightin words.
:) ha ha ha
It cracks me up.

Spencer draws me pictures.   He draws a blue sky, a sun in one corner, 2 people representing me and him holding hands, grass, a tree, hearts and stars.    He signs his name big at the top, including the initial of his last name and he eagerly gives it to me with just as much enthusiasm each and every time like it was the first.
And each time he gives it to me.....it fills my heart with more and more love.

Ryan has his own theme music.   He honestly does.   It doesn't matter what he's in the middle of playing...whether it be spiderman, bad guys or sheriff woody....as he moves from room to room or just around the room....he's humming/singing his music.   It's kind of a mixture of Star Wars and Superman done in the dun dun dun dun style.
He also has his bad guy voice.   A bit like Overboard and the pee wee herman voice.   I've got to get that on video.  So entertaining to listen to him play.

A lot of these quirks will fade from my memory over time.    Just keeping record of some of the ones I love the most and can't bear to forget.

Spencer wanted me to post his picture today.   :)

It's a Snip Snappy Tuesday

Ryan is the last of my little people to learn to snap.
He's so proud.