Role Playing with Kids

It was May 25th 1991

2012-02-15T07:35:00.001-07:00

I was with my first girlfriend. We were all decked out in our ripped up levi's and black boots (worn outside of our pants) Our hair was big and we were maybe 17 rows back at a Whitney Houston concert at the Delta Center in Salt Lake City.
There was this whole song and dance before she came out, you know the build up.....I can clearly remember and will never forget the feeling that rushed through my body as my eyes darted from one side of the stage to the other looking for that first glimpse of her. The music grew bigger and so did the smoke covering the stage and then, there she was.
She was just as beautiful as I always knew she would be. Holy Shit I felt like I was in a dream. It's amazing how someone you don't know at all....can send your insides bouncing off the top of your head like a pogo stick.
I honestly wanted to cry I was overwhelmed with so many emotions. And then she started singing and tears actually welled up in my eyes but I was screaming and jumping up and down too much to ever really let myself go there.
The 2nd song came on and there was this big group of us on the left hand side of the stage seating area that were out of our seats and yelling, whistling and waving our hands all over the place. And as if it was rehearsed.....everyone but us settled in their chairs at what seemed like the exact same moment....and in that moment...Whitney looked over at me and my girlfriend and pointed to us and gave that sassy little quick laugh with her signature nose scrunch and eye smile. We both melted back into our seats.
My head ached from the excitement of it all and my ears didn't stop ringing for 2 days. but I'll never forget it. One moment in time. (I know I know)

About 2 years ago I was singing to one of her songs.......I think I said to J, "I don't care what she does....I will always love her." Syd piped in with, "You don't care what who does mommy ? Who are you talking about."
I put up a hold on a minute finger while I finished big and then told her, "The best and most amazing singer ever Syd.....you'll never get to see her in your lifetime though. She'll be gone long before then."

And sadly. I was right.
Whitney...I will always love you !

Fortunately...this is how I remember her looking.

To my Wife !

2012-02-14T11:19:00.000-07:00

I love you honey !
Happy Valentines Day !

2012-02-13T09:55:00.001-07:00

When I was just 8 years old.....my dad gave me a pink plastic corsage for Valentine's day.

I still have it. I got as far as walking over the first 3 boxes in my storage room and was balancing on a closed stool when I decided not to take a picture and post said corsage - or - what's left of it after 30 yrs and several moves later. You'll just have to take my word for it. It is was lovely.

Since then, my dad has given me flowers on almost every Valentines day.
I remember the first Valentines day that I wasn't given flowers. It was the February after really "coming out" and telling my family that we were planning on starting a family of our own.
I still remember walking into my parents house unaware that I was missing anything and seeing my mothers beautiful arrangement perched on her dining room table. I can still feel the sting of that first time and the reasons that filled my mind as to why I was left out and where that left us. It was several years before I ever got flowers from him again.

This year was NO exception. Papa got a new job (he just retired from his job of over 35 years last month) and wasn't able to deliver them on Valentines day so he delivered them Friday.

and although the card included everyone. in my mind...they're still To: Karen Love : Dad

There were SOOOO many flowers that I was able to split them up in to 3 vases (Syd requested a special vase just for her room) Are these not GORGEOUS ! The man has great taste.

The bow and flower adorned by Syd

They started opening yesterday. The fragrance that fills my house is lovely.

This flower is as big as my hand

This Moment Friday

2012-02-10T13:17:00.000-07:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember

Hopeful fool !

2012-02-07T10:45:00.006-07:00

(whispering) are you there ?
is this fate ? oh, just you. promise you aren't fate, cuz if this is fate I'm not going any further.
ok. good.
so any ways.
the wife got the message. well she got it after I called and told her to read my post yesterday. :) let me remind you. I'm not subtle.
she wasn't on her phone even ONCE, oh ssh sshhh, sorry. not even once yesterday after she got home.
(ahem, clears throat obnoxiously)
Oh Hi Nate. I didn't hear you coming.
(deep breath)

SHIT, that scared me....I was worried that fate would come in and hear me and then this whole not using her phone thing would be over. and then I'd have to really shoot it....or at least try and find more gruesome broken phone pictures to send to her attached with bigger threats of i-phone horror.

Ok, ok. so speaking in code. she seems to be adhering to my evil plot. I got several hours of her full cooperation.
I'm pretty sure the picture scared the shit out of her. In fact I know it did....because I was on the phone with her when she saw it and she gasped a ghastly gasp and said desperately, "You're going to break my phone ?" to which I replied in my most sinister voice with a raised eyebrow, "oh no. I'm going to shoot it."

She didn't hang up on me. Laughed. nervously. I said goodbye so that she could read it and really absorb the message behind the post itself. Really marinate in what I was saying. Glance over the picture several times.
And you know what ? it worked.

Now I am nobody's fool. We've danced this kazachoc before and here we are back to doing the 2 step.
but. there's always hope.
and there's always threats.
and with those 2 things....anything is possible.
(BIG smile )

I bitch U bitch

2012-02-05T21:22:00.000-07:00

My wife is cheating on me.

She has been for a while. I've pleaded with her. Given her shit. I've even given her the ultimatum.

Thing is.....I always said that I'd NEVER allow myself to be that woman whose wife has an affair on.

And here I am. and I am BITTER.

What ? So she's having an affair with her i-fucking-phone. same thing.

Damn thing gets more face time than her family. (and J, don't come up in here all defensive and try and lie to these people about how it's not that bad......first step is the hardest step....in any kind of addiction.....and if you try and sway them....I will delete your comments)

It all started with that damn angry birds stupid fucking app. I hate that damn game. If I hear the music my whole mood changes.

She has her eyes and fingers on her phone more than she has had on me in 14 years.

(ok, so fine, I'm being slightly dramatic, but that's the way I feel)

We are driving down the street. She's on her phone.

Eating in our house, at a restaurant. popcorn in a theater She's on her phone.

After coming home from work. She changes and then either eats while checking her phone or is just sitting in the chair on her phone.

While watching TV. even a movie. She's on her phone.

Putting the littles to sleep. She's on her phone.

Sitting at her kids dance practice. She's on her phone.

We can be playing GAMES. CARD GAMES. and her ass will be checking fucking sports scores, twitter updates, texts, facebook. on her phone. between plays.

FUCK !

Tonight while we were watching the superbowl at my parents house. She was plugging away on her phone. and I said, "Hey J, how about we agree to 1 electronic device at a time."

I don't even think she gave me a dirty look. but she kept on sliding her finger across i-bitches belly.

On the way home, (we had to leave the superbowl a little early because of the kids bedtimes) she was giving me the play by plays down to the last second. (which I was happy to hear, yes, I totally know that's a double standard. and GOOOO Giants) and then after it was over. tweet, tweet, google, tweet, check, read.

I started a fight and so she put the damn thing away and said, "so are you going to talk to me now that I put my phone away" and I said, "No ! because now I'm mad at you"

So here I sit. plugged in. and she's downstairs flipping between the horror that still unfolds on the news about the Josh Powell case and probably sports updates. and. playing on her i-fucking-phone.

I hate that i-bitch !

and we just can't seem to come to a middle ground.

So once again honey. It's ME OR THE PHONE !!!!

P.S. if you choose the phone, you will then be breaking the non marriage agreement and I get everything.

including THE DAMN PHONE !

good news is....you'll get the kids and then you won't have any time for another phone :)

so please. Please. come to your senses woman.

I can't be held responsible for what might happen to your lady friend if you don't.

BOOM she gotta hair do ! Throw back Thursday !

2012-02-02T07:19:00.009-07:00

I've heard it several times that Sydney looks like me. Spencer looks like me. I personally see Nate dangling like a ripe apple from my family tree. And I don't know if it's due to the whole donor thing....if maybe that's why we all tend to dig to see the resemblances of family. either way. it's harder for me to see it.
Until the other day that is.
I was at my parents house looking through a family scrap book and came across this picture of me in Kindergarten.

I held up a picture of Sydney and it was very clear that she wears my genes. only her genes are glittery and bedazzled and SOOO much cuter than mine. Spencers too. (Way to Go other genes !! yeah! )
It was fun to compare pictures. I've always seen my brother in Spencer's face....but putting pictures side by side...they really don't look at all alike.

Whildst on my journey back in time. I also came across this picture. oooh the 80's. check out the circumference of that hair. wowza !

9th grade promotion. I was 14. Each one of my hairs had been strategically placed and spackled down.
(it took me an hour to do this...ev.ery single day) I'm so glad that the 80's are over.
I really did have a bit of OCD back in the day. Every hair had to be perfect. wing span equal on both sides. uuuuh.
So crazy....such wasted time and hairspray. Allnet, red can.

I wanted my first grown up = immodest dress for this right of passage ceremony. My mom and I looked at every store. I found so many dresses that were PERFECT. and they all cost $60.00-$100.00. which = no dress for me.
So we went to the fabric store....found a pattern matching the styles that I liked and my mom made me a dress. Not exactly like the ones at 5-7-9....but I felt grown up in my chest, shoulder and arm revealing dress that my mom not only allowed me to wear but made !

There I am folks. I was a hair doing, make up wearing, dancer who wore dresses and had a boyfriend that I really really liked. Anything is possible. Don't count your kids to be chickens or roosters just yet. You might just have a very sensitive, tutu wearing, his favorite color is pink, NFL playing, womanizing, quarterback on your hands. You might also have a tomboy who refuses to wear girls underwear, who marries her high school boyfriend, has 4 kids and is still madly in love with each other til death do them part.

I know all of this. but I'm still placing bets. :)

Another flashback, for those of you who have been here long enough, you may remember when I revisited this 9th grade promotion dress. :)
I still have this dress.....my goal is to be able to fit it around my hips again. zipped up or not, I could give a shit less.....as long as it's around me......sadly that couldn't happen today.

See you next year. Stay cool ! LYLAS ! OMM ! :)
(translated : love you like a sister ! or maybe more ! the 2nd part was a little piece I just made up :) hee hee )

Whatchyer Worth Wednesday

2012-02-01T11:01:00.003-07:00

Weeks and weeks I've been without a vacuum. WEEKS PEOPLE !
It needs a specific part and after spending 6 weeks at the vacuum doctor....and paying $60.00 to have it "fixed" under warranty, J brought it home only for me to figure out that the part that needed to be replaced wasn't touched and we basically paid $60.00 for them to do nothing.
UGH !
It's been weeks since then and I'm still waiting for the damn part to arrive at my house.
You can only imagine what it's like to have 5 little kids and no vacuum. 5 kids who take no concern at ALL when dragging dirt and crumbs into my house and all over my carpets. oh and lets not forget the dog.
I've been sweeping the carpet and rugs with my broom. Which surprisingly, works well, but come the freak on. I don't want to sweep my carpets anymore.

In other news, I found out how much I'm worth. I'm worth a LOT more than I thought someone else might think I'm worth, of course not worth more than I thought I was worth, because I think that I'm priceless. :)
Per year : (figures reflect minimum amount)
Private chef - $52, 260
House cleaner - $6,136
Child care - $31, 200
Driver - $4,168
Laundry service - $936
Lawn maintenance/yard care - $1,560

Total salary = $96,261

Plus I'm sure this is a total based on a family of 3 or 4. With my family of 7 I'm figuring this salary would go up quite a bit.
This puts my salary at just over $100 grand. I told my wife this and she just laughed and said, "you better find someone to pay you that then"
I gave her the stink eye and walked away. I'm pretty sure she knew that she was wrong. and also lucky. and would have left to get a cashiers check if it weren't for that yummy homemade chili in a bread bowl that I made for her dinner last night.

Instead of fighting with her about it, "where's my money, show me the money, I want what's comin to me Eddie" I just hired a personal assistant to help out. take the brunt off . I'm also paying her the same way I'm being paid...with sarcasm and hollow thank yous.

Normally happy to help Syd's about as thrilled to do it for free as I am.

****Updated*****

I knew if I bitched about it to enough people the universe would hear me.

My vacuum part was delivered via the USPS today. Now I get to go vacuum my floors.

Only, now, I'm not excited because I realized I'm not getting paid enough...or even at all.

Ah well. such is life !

eeeeeeeh !!! My VACUUM is fixed. YAAAAAY !

it's the little things in my life.

Tubular !

2012-01-29T21:14:00.000-07:00

We went tubing at a place called Soldier Hollow with some good friends today. We got a groupon for 1/2 off and 1/2 off is good people.
This place takes reservations, so they don't over crowd the hill which is even better.

The little boys didn't get to go last time we went and we were super excited to take them down the hills.
Ryan refused to get on his tube hooked on the pulley to take you up the hill. Eventually I threw him in and yelled...."go go go !" to the girl running the line :) 3 tubes later he jumped out of his and they had to stop the whole damn thing. I talked the girl into letting him ride on my lap on the way up. She agreed "this ONE time" and that's all he needed. After going down his first snow hill at 26 mph....he was hooked.
We played for 2 hours, had some hot chocolate and went home.
SO much fun !

Our group minus 3.

Ryan and his Mommy J, the umbilical cord that he has hooked to her is hiding under his coat :)

Nate on the other hand would have gone down alone and in front of everyone in line. Thanks to his super great big sister he got to go down with her almost the whole time. They both had so much fun.

I'm only gonna say cheese one more time woman. LAST PICTURE.

J splitting up the hot chocolate in the lodge after.

Spencer and Cam blew bubbles into their hot chocolate to cool it down.

It didn't really work so we went outside and grabbed a couple of chunks of ice from the deck and threw them in . Cooled it right down. A little gritty...but what the hell !

Wordless Wednesday

2012-01-25T14:37:00.001-07:00

Dear God, it's me Karen.

2012-01-24T07:25:00.003-07:00

**note: This post is of my own religious unraveling and is not meant to offend anyone**

What started out to be an issue with my daughter has really caused me to throw my own what's left of it faith on the table. Where it's flown out the door.
Sydney is almost 8 years old. 8 years old in Utah is a big deal. 8 years old is when a child is baptized to be a member of the LDS church. To become A Mormon. (insert trumpets and church bells)
Lots of the kids at school and in our neighborhood that are around Sydney are getting baptized and its brought up some questions and interesting conversations.
Sydney came home the other day and told J that, "she said that unless I goes to church and gets baptized I will have a circle of fire around me and will burn up."
She slept over at her grandma's house Saturday night and apparently told her, "we don't go to church, if we don't go to church we are bad people."

Let me just take a deep breath before I continue on.

I have always had a hard time with some religious people in that so much of their prophesying is based completely on fear, guilt and judgement.
On one hand they tell you what a forgiving and wonderful God he is, how he is our "father" and loves us. And then they turn around and teach you that if you don't follow ~~their~~ his words that you will go to hell, not have an eternal family, burn and fall to a pillar of salt. (yes I know that I am giving 1 extreme to the next)
There is so much fire and damnation hidden behind every sugar coated lesson and hymn.
I feel like so many Mormon parents use religion as their go to guide for parenting. A scapegoat.
We don't drink alcohol because Heavenly Father told us not to. We don't drink caffeine or hot drinks because Heavenly Father told us not to. We aren't promiscuous because our Heavenly Father told us not to. We don't drink, swear, rat our hair....because God says it's bad.
Do the right thing because you want to be obedient....you want to be a good child of god. Which translates to a child....if you mind you are good. if you disobey you are bad. I think that puts God in a pretty bad position if you ask me.
If you tell a child that in order to be obedient and a good member of the church.....you need to get baptized. What does that say to that child if someone doesn't ?
That they are disobedient and bad ?

We were taught that Jesus gave his life for our sins. Which I've never really understood because if he already gave his life for our sins....then why are we still paying for them. If he made it possible for all of us to have eternal exaltation by taking away our sins then how is it that a member of it's church can tell us that we still can't sin in order to have eternal exaltation.

The other problem with Religion is, it's run by religious people. Everyone comes away with a different experience. Unfortunately....so many, so many that I know (no, not just gay people), are coming away with experiences like mine.
Lets not forget though that mine was a religion that just recently reminded my Mormon family....that my being gay was equal in sin to being a child molester and murderer. Are you fucking kidding me.
3 times I tried to kill myself in my late teens. Only once was I serious and came close to losing my life. All because I didn't want to be this awful thing that I was taught gay people were. I was as bad as a Child Molester. A Murderer. I deserved to die. (of course taking my own life was also a ticket to hell as well ....ya can't win :) Lots of religions teach this.

Back story.
6 years of trying to get pregnant and I did what I have always been taught. To pray. I prayed and promised and begged for a child. I told "heavenly father" that I would promise to teach my child about him if he would just let me have a baby.
And then I had Sydney.
We had more kids and J and I sat and talked about how we would let our kids go to the Mormon church so that they could make friends in the neighborhood. build life long relationships. that's what it took. that was the common denominator. (this hasn't been the case for us by the way)

A lot has happened. A lot has changed.
and unfortunately I'm breaking the promise I thought I made. He probably knew that already though, right ?

I've learned so much in my quest for the truth.
I've listened and learned about other religions. I can't count the times I've shaken my head in question of the weird things other religions believe and follow. The strange customs and traditions. And through that I've been able to look in the window of the church I followed for so many years. The weird rituals and beliefs that they do and believe and once again I shake my head. Things they do because their parents did it and their parents did it and their parents did it.

One question is all it takes to bring down your entire faith system. Just questioning one tiny little thing. and if you don't believe that, what about the rest of it ? If that's not true, then what is ? All it takes is one thread to start the unraveling.

I've let myself undo a lot of what was ingrained upon me since birth. From the time you are born you are "taught". some say brainwashed...I'll just say taught with a wink and parenthesis.
It's been the hardest thing to let go of those teachings. The guilt I've felt. There is a lot of deprogramming when you leave the church. Or it's been that way for me. Am I free of it ? No. Not completely.
I am comfortable with who I am now. That my life is not one of sin. I don't believe that I'm going to hell. I don't believe that I'm going to burn and turn into a pillar of salt. I don't believe a lot of it.

There isn't one right way. I don't believe for one second that any one religion has it right. Has all the answers. Has the direct line to God. And I know that anyone who is truly faithful to their church will disagree with me whole heartedly.
And that's ok. SO many people that I love and care about are god fearing people. Mormon.
That's what I love most about it. We all have the freedom to choose.

So what started with a little 8 year old girl in the neighborhood telling my little soon to be 8 year old that she needed to be baptized......helped me to see the light. My own little albeit dim but still burning spiritual light that I have in me. And as I strip away some of the things that don't matter....this little light of mine.....is gonna shine. :)

Dear God, it's me Karen.
I know I promised to teach my children about you and I think that I am.
I'm teaching my children to love unconditionally. to be honest. to be true to themselves. to treat others with kindness and respect. to not judge. and to be the best people that they can be. I will tell them to always be grateful and humble and that when they see something one day on a hike or driving through the country so beautiful it takes their breath away or when they are suddenly filled with such warmth in their hearts, that they can thank you for that. That their spirits are a part of something so much bigger....and to always be thankful.
To me. those are the greatest lessons I can teach them.
Thank you for trusting me with them.
Love,
Me !

This Moment Friday

2012-01-20T17:47:00.000-07:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember

Ok, so I forgot my camera. But I took the kids bowling and for pizza after hitting the Treehouse Museum. All but the last 5 minutes was AWESOME ! you know, with a 1 adult to 5 kid ratio.

Theme Thursday

2012-01-19T11:49:00.001-07:00

And the theme seems to be CAM !
Yesterday, January 18th, 2012. Cameron lost his very first tooth. He also swallowed it. :)

Syd told us the very first time her tooth moved that very first degree in her mouth. and we heard about every single degree change after. And the day it finally was either pulled, knocked out or fell out, was a big deal.
Cam was talking to me Tuesday and his bottom teeth looked wacked. I asked to see them and realized one was damn near out. I asked to pull it. he refused to let me. I tried to convince him. he stood his ground. Such a difference.
I think as I wiped his tears away and comforted him about how we could write the tooth-fairy a letter and explain to her that he swallowed it, I might have said, "see, that's why you should have let me pull it." but I'm not exactly sure. But lets just agree that I was right.

This is what a smile looks like when you say smile buddy and show me your missing tooth.

Prooooooooooooooogreeeeeessssssssss with vibraaaaatooooo !

2012-01-12T09:01:00.002-07:00

I wanted SOOOO badly to tell you this yesterday....but it was all wordless on Wednesday so I had to wait.
But like the pictures from wordless wednesday it had to do with my Cam man dude guy so I'll share it today.

I'm peeing a little. This is all so exciting. I can't even TELL you how happy I am today.
So. last week. or it could have been a month ago at this point I'm still in a bit of a fog and can't really remember what today is.
Any ways. what was I saying ?
OH RIGHT ! last whenever. I normally leave the choice of vegetable up to my children who actually eat them. Nate didn't really have a chance to put his 2 cents in before Cam offered up CORN ! Whatever. I've heard these empty threats before. I've eaten my fair share of cold corn off of some wasteful schmucks plate.
This time he wanted me to know he was serious. As I was putting the foods in their separated places on their plates... I served up the standard 2-3 kernels of corn on Spencer and Cameron's plates. Cameron stood with his chin to the counter and asked for more. I let a couple more kernels fall from the tip of the spoon. He then requested "LOTS MORE" excitedly....so I heaped a spoon full filling the small area which is normally void of any attention.....he took his plate and walked to the table.
As I headed back to the table with drinks for everyone I noticed Cam shoveling (and I mean fist fulls, not even using a fork) of corn into his mouth.
(jaw drops to floor right ?)
He did it again with peas a few nights or a couple of weeks later. NO SHIT !
My kid who won't eat ANYTHING that is said to grow in dirt ate corn and then peas.

and if you mention that they aren't really even vegetables...that they are the crappy sugar filled ones that don't have any nutritional value....I'll stab out your eyes with a corn husk. because DAMN IT HE ATE VEGETABLES.
It's been 2 years people.

SO WAIT ! IT GETS BETTER !
I make fruit smoothies for them. I use the frozen bag of mixed berries from Costco. Blueberries blackberries raspberries etc. I add yogurt a banana and milk and blend. It's delicious. Everyone loves them. EXCEPT FOR CAM !
"they have chunks mom"
so I would blend it until there was nothing but smooth
"I can still taste it mom. it's crunchy"
referring to the seeds.
I offered it every time...just like you are supposed to and either one of the other kids would drink it after everyone left the table....or it was wasted and washed down the drain.

Yesterday. Cam drank his smoothie. THE WHOLE DAMN THING. almost.
just drank it up.
AND WHAT HE DOESN'T KNOW IS I ADD DROPS OF VITAMINS IN IT TOO !!!!!!
and sometimes I add it to his drink at night.

HA !

He's gettin healthy for Christmas. Mommy and mama are glad.

I can't tell you how much hope this gives me.
It's that there is a chance of him eating something besides crackers, chicken nuggets and PB&J's.
safkleh;lkdjfa;ljelhlrkajeslkjdhfkealksfjdalksjd;lkjawoieruaovie;laj;lja;lekf;ljks;ljkdf;alje;lajs;ljdddseqqqlkaj'e
uuuuh. sorry. I must have lost consciousness with all of this joy and hope in me.

This was a picture from a post March 2010 Cam is 3 1/2.

Reflecting makes my heart flutter !

Wordless Wednesday

2012-01-11T10:57:00.000-07:00

Holy shit....do you know how long it's been since I've done a wordless Wednesday ? A long time.
I was going to title this sinusitis pressure Wednesday and post pictures of my very inflamed and over filled sinus cavities....but that's as gross as it is impossible so you'll just have to take my word for it.

Well, I guess I screwed up another wordless Wednesday now didn't I.
Ok, here we go. wordless Wednesday.

Whosyerdaddy !

2012-01-10T09:48:00.000-07:00

Sydney came home from school this week...with my late Christmas present.
The MOST beautiful and creative calendar ever made. (non biased opinion of course)
As I slowly poured over each and every page and detail, she would pipe in to share with me something she thought I might have over looked.
We got to May and she said excitedly, "This is for you mom. It's Mother's Day"
And it was the best Mother's Day month page I could have ever wanted.
And then I flipped to June and she quietly explained, "I don't really have a dad."
It was Father's Day. there was a colored page with a man fishing in his boots and hat and the appropriate trees on the mountains and fish in the lake.

I have been purposely and selfishly avoiding the "Dad Talk" We have explained to the kids that they don't have a dad that we are a 2 mom family. But I haven't given them the dialogue as to why.

Part of the reasoning is because I felt like it would have to be incorporated with the whole "where do babies come from" talk. which includes sex and doctors and where babies come out and all of the stuff that I am just not ready to describe to my 7 year old yet.....with of course the certainty that she would take said information and run with it to school to tell everyone she knows all about stirrups and catheters and ky jelly. (shudder cringe)
But after her nervous little unsure voice told me that she didn't really have a dad, I knew that it was time.

As we all sat down at the dinner table I hushed and quieted everyone trying to get their attention.
I then gave them my definition of a dad.
"A dad or father is someone who willingly participates or is responsible for a child. That means that a man is a dad when he takes care of a kid, loves them, plays with them, pays for their food and their clothes, helps to raise them."
They all kept eating, playing with the crumbs on the table otherwise acting completely bored with every word that I was saying.
I gave a few examples of dads and then said, "when a baby is made, they need a part from a man and a part from a woman. The man has something inside of him called sperm. and the woman has something inside of her called the egg. You need both of these things in order to make a baby."
Sydney looked at me absolutely irritated and said, "I don't get it"
So I continued, "When you put these 2 things together, either a husband and wife or a doctor can help, it makes a baby grow inside of a mama's tummy."
Sydney again, "I don't get it"
"A man donated sperm to me because I didn't have a husband to give it to me. I had a mommy J and she has an egg not a sperm"
Sydney, the only one participating, "What happens if you put 2 eggs together ?"
Jan piped in, "nothing, you need an egg and a sperm to make a baby."
Syd, "Why. what would happen ?"
J, "Nothing would happen. A baby wouldn't be made. You need a sperm and an egg, that's just the way it works."
I went on, "There was a man who gave us sperm to help us to make you....but we don't know who he is and he isn't a dad, he's just a super generous man who helped us to create you guys and we are very thankful for him. We know what color of eyes he had, and hair, and how tall he is. We have a picture of him as a baby if you ever want to see it and we also have a CD with his voice on it."
Sydney gave me an annoyed look and then continued eating.
Nobody else acted interested at all and could have cared less that I had a picture of a man that held 1/2 of their DNA. All of Ryan's. :)
I told them that if they ever had any questions that they could always ask me and we would talk about it.
Sydney asked J what swear words were.
yeah.
I think it was a hit. (sarcasm, sarcasm, sarcasm)

I still don't feel like I gave Syd the words to use when confronted about her not having a dad. I explained the details of how she was made (in a 7 year old dialogue) but I still need to help give her more to go with.
It was a start.

Oh. and not one of them asked me how a husband and wife make a baby or where babies come out. :)
To me. That = success.
I was 8 when I learned about the penis in the vergina ! I'm pretty sure that's why I'm gay today. It was all very upsetting. and also hilarious to know that a weener was called a penis. ha ha ha

Christmas Want Need Read Wear !

2012-01-09T10:36:00.001-07:00

So it's like Valentines day in a few days right, and I'm gonna post on our Christmas stuff. What ? the weather FEELS like March weather so who the hell knows what month it is. My head feels like an over inflated tube going down one of the sled hills here. (might I remind you. we have NO snow) so yeah. Between the flu and this sinus infection cold crap and then the painting and the cleaning and the....ok, enough of my pitty party table for 1.

Christmas eve we set up our presents in the family room under and around the tree for the first time since Syd was a baby. We've been setting them up downstairs so that we can hide them from the kids.
My wife was absoLUTELY not thrilled about my new W,N,R,W tradition. She made it VERY clear that this was not her idea of a good Christmas...that it sucked...that the kids were surely going to be disappointed.....but that she would support me in my decision to do it.
:)

It was hard for her to see 1 unwrapped present(from Santa) for each child. It wasn't as bad as it looked but I can see how it looked sparse compared to years past. I mean...the babies got A sword :) ha ha

There was this one issue with Syd getting in my locked closet and finding the dry erase board that she had asked Santa for...3 days before Christmas.
She had mentioned that she was juggling the idea of an Easy Bake Oven. An easy bake oven JUST like the one Jan bought on Black Friday like 4 months ago because Syd had mentioned it once and so what if she changed her mind from the dry erase board and we needed one and they were sold out of every fucking store in Utah before Christmas ?! oh the pain. the anguish. the decision whether to buy or not to buy.
It was put in the garage per my request to return to the store because NO J. we are sticking with the read want wear need thing....you are NOT going to do this. stop buying shit because you *think* they'll love it.
(noted : this wasn't the only thing she tried to sabotage.....she pulled out 4 different swords for the little boys Christmas eve....she just wasn't sure which one they'd like....and had ??something else, I can't recall right now to give to one of the older boys. sheesh THEN. she came up from the storage room downstairs with trucks or something....just some shit she had laying around from last Christmas that she never gave them and felt like they HAD to have them because their Christmas was going to suck ass with the few gifts we had)
SO. THIS TIME. THIS ONE TIME. it worked out. We gave Syd the Easy bake from the ~~garage~~ Santa (J never took it back) and we explained that we had already bought the dry erase board for her *need* and had talked to Santa about him getting her something else while she wasn't looking. whew close call.

They were all happy with what they got. They weren't overwhelmed. Plus remember. There are 5 of them and they each play with the others toys. (well except for Syd's stuff) So it was like getting 4 different toys. PLUS there was candy.
Syd hated the way her Easy bake smelled when it was plugged in (freshly cooking plastic) and quickly unplugged and put it away and hasn't asked to play with it since.
Nathan was the only one who commented. He said, "mama, where's my gun ?" I said, "Nate, you asked for a sword." he replied, "yeah, but a wanna gun too."
He got cowboy boots and a gun from his grandma. He was good.

(P.S. I was the mother who said I will NEVER. NEVER have guns, swords, weapons of any kind in my house. not even the guns chiseled out of wood. I made J swear that she wouldn't get them any. I will mark this down as something I said I would never do and did :)

so much violence

death

and just plain evil

I do want to add that for the *wear* part of the gift.....Nathan and Ryan got dress up stuff. A knight and a fireman costume. Spencer and Cam both got watches that they wanted. What ? they wear them. :)
We still worked the categories into the wants of the kids.

After coming home from my parents house where we shared the day with my brothers and also J's mom and sister....the kids received PLENTY of fun stuff. So sitting at home at the end of the day....J agreed that anymore would have been too much.

We're happy with Need Want Read Wear tradition that I've started in our family. :) I'm going to keep reminding J of that. I suppose now would be a good time to start that since it's what....April, May already ? sheesh...who can keep track with this warm weather.

Next I will blog about, the time I talked to my kids about their donor and what a dad is...over chicken nuggets and homemade veggie cheese soup.
Stay tuned !

2012-01-04T23:23:00.000-07:00

I'm not dead.
yet.
Almost.
damn near wanted to be.
but not yet.
We've had the flu since Christmas eve. eve. and Spencer, for good measure, had it twice.
Between cleaning bedding and floors and bathrooms and laundry.
I've been doing this.....

14 foot vaulted ceilings can kiss my AYASS ! and yes. I'm wearing safety glasses. Turns out they fog up easy so I wasn't able to wear them very long. Which was terrible because paint kept flecking in my eyes and made it really hard to see what I was doing :)
4 coats on that facking ceiling. long story...bad paint....whatever. I'm feeling it.

The second picture is down the stairs. I actually went back over these walls after taking this picture and was able to almost double the amount of puddy that you see here.
At one point J said to me....I should have just re rocked the whole damn thing. :)
I take credit for most of it actually. I'm a thrower and most of the shit goes down stairs.
I throw toys and clothes and shoes. If it goes down stairs....I throw it.
The kids now throw it.
The walls have paid for it. :)

My house is more or less one continual wall. There isn't really a stopping point unless you get to a bedroom....so I basically painted my entire friggin house. and the rooms that haven't been painted will either get painted or have been painted recently.
I LOVE it. My walls look so damn clean and nice. aaaaah.
I also can't put dirty shit away...so I've spent the last 2 days cleaning and scrubbing everything before placing it back where it belongs. I think there is medication for this....but it sure feels nice when it's all done.

I'm off to turn my shower head on to jets with the hottest water one might stand. and no...this isn't a, "I'm going to the shower with the one I love and I'll be back in 15 minutes"
I'm going to let the water pound against my sore upper body. oh who am I kidding. at this point my whole body hurts. but the section between my shoulder blades will have to do as that's the only spot the shower head will hit successfully.

Hope everyone's New Year is started as fresh and sparkly as mine !

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas in a quesadilla year !

2011-12-24T13:30:00.000-07:00

Today I'm playing rock band with my kids and being IN the moment. This is a fun year, they all get it and are so excited. :) I love my life.

An oldy...but always a goody ! Syd was 3 years old here (sigh) How the time flies.

I hope you all have a holly jolly Christmas and a quesadilla year. ;-)

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

fuuuuuh ! la la la la la la la la

2011-12-14T11:21:00.001-07:00

Tis the season to eat chocolate fa la la la la la la la la
Eat and rub some in the carpet fa la la la la la la la la
Darn our mom came in and caught us fa la la la la la la la la
She yelled real loud and threatened to slap us fa la la la la la la la la
fuh la la la laaaa laa la laaaaaaaaaa

and because I've had to clean so many floors over the last 2 years. my steam cleaner is out of order right now. Carpet guy coming on Monday. (sigh)

They put themselves in time out while I cleaned up. Together. They were wrestling when I finished taking pictures of the floor. I told them to say guilty instead of cheese. :) Little shits.

In a side note. I STILL haven't taken Christmas card pictures this year.....I'll just use this one and call it 1/2 way done.

Let it shnow let it shnow let it shnow

2011-12-13T11:01:00.005-07:00

I hold absolutely no responsibility in their being outside, in the snow, in short sleeves, jumping on the trampoline (and Ryan without socks on) They refused to come in when I found them outside. I left them, thinking that they would come in soon, as it was....snowing.....and FREEZING.
They didn't....so instead of putting my coat, hat, gloves, snow pants and boots on to go out and fetch them....I fetched the camera instead :)
By the time they did come in....Ryan's hands were in the early stages of frost bite :) and he started crying that he was in fact freezing.
They took a bath and are now warm and dressed....and quietly watching Word World so's that I can type this.
Ryan has since repeatedly reminded me that you wear coats, gloves and boots in the snow. :)

Update on Want Read Wear and Need !
We've decided on the Want coming from Santa. The rest will come from us. We've already talked about them getting one thing from Santa, so they're already prepared.
We'll explain the Read Wear and Need on Christmas eve.
As for sibling gifts....we drew names. They will each have a small amount to purchase a small gift for the person that they drew.
I still think it's going to be a LOT. We'll see.

It's starting to feel like Christmas. The snow helps.

Now....PLEASE let there be snow for Christmas.
12 more days.

Sinterklaas kapoentje

2011-12-11T12:19:00.000-07:00

Gooi wat in mijn schoentje
Gooi wat mijn laarsje
Dank je Sinterflaasje
Which is the sweetest and most pivotal part in Miracle on 34th street that even today makes me believe :)
It translates to Dear Santa Claus, put something in my shoe, put something in my stocking, Thank you Santa Claus.

We finally went to see the big guy in the red suit.
It was mid afternoon on a Saturday at the mall. Kinda explains the 1 1/2 hr wait. geesh.
Thankfully.....I was able to stand in line for an hour of it, while J took the kids to the play area. They would have NEVER made it the whole time. I was very much impressed by all of the kids who did.
As we made our way to the holding spot just before seeing him. ie. the place behind the red velvet rope that holds us back from running to Santa before the childs turn ahead of us was over.....Santa's helper gave the kids high fives. Asked them what they were going to ask from Santa for Christmas.
It went like this :
Helper : What are you going to ask Santa for ?
Syd smiled shyly
Cam : A star wars ship
Nathan : A sword
Helper : Do you want a sword or a light saber ? Light saber's are by far the best.
Nathan : and I'll kill bad guys.
Helper : Oh wow. and what do you want ?
Ryan : a sword. and I won't kill Santa.
but because of the noise level and that he's only 3 I can understand how it may have sounded like I want to kill Santa.
Helper : OH NO ! You Can't kill Santa. We can't allow that. Who would bring you presents.
Spencer : I want a chainsaw gun. (ie. some chainsaw leaf blower tool toy he saw a Toys R Us...but after the I want to kill santa thing a chainsaw gun seemed appropriate)
Me : umm, it's our turn. Santa is gesturing that it's our turn.
Helper : (mouth open slightly with a dumb founded look on his face clearly a little shaken by all of the death and destruction we just filled his mind with) oh yeah, ok, do you want a picture ?

Whildst sitting on Santa's lap after the photo was taken, each child asked for what they wanted.
Syd piped in with her request. A white board with every color of the rainbow markers. I'm sure this goes with the school and speech classes she's written on my calendar that she's apparently conducting with Cameron and Spencer. :) Hey AT LEAST SHE ASKED FOR SOMETHING !
They all started spouting off what they wanted. There were 5 of them. Santa looked tired and had bad hearing. Maybe it was all of the background noise. You want a "word" ? I would correct him, "no, a sword" and then held my breath hoping killing bad guys and Santa didn't come up again. As his head turned back and forth trying to listen to each child Nathan tried to take his hat off and then pulled on his very real beard. Ryan then put Santa's hand sweetly in his hand and asked him, "Santa do you want a drink ?"
I kid you not. I couldn't have written the comedic timing on that. Santa said that he just had a drink of water. He told them to leave him Milk, Cookies and Carrots. We grabbed our little candy canes and it was over.
Nobody was afraid of him. (I know it doesn't look like it from the picture above..but they were just being pills for the picture) you know...unlike last year when Cam didn't want to be by him and Ryan cried. :)

Oh the memories !!!

Back to the drawrring board !

2011-12-09T10:01:00.002-07:00

So we have been doing the chart thing. And it's great.
The problem. They don't care if they brush their teeth and get dressed so that they can have some TV time. TV time has been forgotten. and please god please go down and watch TV. oh how I miss you TV time. They could care less. So I let the consequence be that they don't get dressed and earn their star.
Thing is. they don't really care about earning the star because the end of the month thing is so far beyond their concept of time. ie. is Christmas tomorrow mom ? is Christmas tomorrow ? nope it's at the end of the month in just a few weeks. so is it in 2 days mom ? is it in 2 more days ? (sigh)
We still have our family game night on Monday and movie night Fridays. I hate to make them earn that time...because family time isn't something that I want to threaten them with. Like reading. I KNOW it's something that they love to do with me and threatening it would get results. sometimes. but it's not something I want to use as a punishment. you know ? that whole follow through crap.
Any ways. I think we are going to have to work on some kind of weekly reward. or even bi weekly.
Maybe do something fun twice a month. I mean. We're fun people. We were doing that before any ways.
Some pictures of our star chart successes.

Making his bed

I have actually been able to appreciate and love the imperfections

It makes me smile picturing his little body making this by himself.

It makes him smile too.

and what I've learned about all of this bed making is.

Practice (and age) makes perfect.
oh. and. I'm not doing it :)

They get themselves dressed

Sometimes backwards and inside out. :)

And they brush their teeth.

And that makes for a clean smile and a happy mom

Hip to the Hop to the hippity hop !

2011-12-02T11:34:00.000-07:00

The boys started learning their routine last night.
As promised.......I present Spence and Cam....and class. (Cam's the blond wearing the blue shirt up front and for some punk cool reason...Spencer's wearing his blue coat)

Cam can do the worm and they are both pretty good at the windmill.
Mostly it's just fun....but they seem to pick up on stuff fast....so maybe there's a future in hip hop for them.

This roles for you !

2011-12-01T09:57:00.000-07:00

I've taken on a new role lately. The butch role. Now I know this is confusing and you are saying to yourselves..."but you've always been super butch". Please don't confuse ability and strength with actually being the butch one.
There can apparently only be one butch per relationship. Or so my wife has informed me.
I hate that she tries to put me in a stayathomemomdaintygirliegirlmakeupapplyingoccassionalskirtwearingnailspolished box. DON'T PUT ME IN A BOX.
(now I'm just laughing because the word box sounds funny and appropriate in that I'm a girl with a box kind of way)
moving along.

My wife has been extremely busy at work. busy at work = stress at home. Stress = headaches headaches = foul mood.
In an attempt to help relieve some of the extra stress.....I've taken on her honey-do-list.
Plus. My honey-do-list had a bunch of things that my wife has repeatedly said no to. So you see how this is working out for me, right ? Because, stress, headaches, honey-do-list be damned....it's always about me.

After a couple of trips to homo depot I replaced the hardware on our bedroom doors. Changed 2 strands of lights out on the roof and mudded holes on my bathroom walls.

It didn't seem to relieve any of her mental anguish. I thought the surprise of it all being done when she got home....without her having to do any of it...would override her not wanting to do it in the first place.

I made another trip to homo and this time I bought a new faucet for the kids bathroom sink (much needed). (and also 2 new faucets for our bathroom because that god awful gold has GOT to go and now that our door hardware is brushed oil bronze I think the sinks should match ?? don't you agree ?? and that means that the ugly gold light fixture above the vanity goes too. this isn't brain surgery people. matchy matchy is good)
The wife. Not happy. Even when I tried to comfort her over and over by telling her that I would be doing it all. Not to worry honey....you just sit back and relax....I've got this. Still. Not making her feel warm and fuzzy.

So yesterday.....I put my butch pants on (they looked more like red PJ's covered in flying deer) and started taking the faucet off. Everything was going GREAT ! Until I had to turn the water off. Hot water.....hard to turn because of the hard water build up....successfully turned off. Cold water....even HARDER to turn off....and....SNAP !
This is when I regretted using my super human strength. I called my wife to let her know how things were going. AGAIN, letting her know things were fine. I really do have this. I'll just turn the main water off until I can get the water hooked up to the faucet. It's all good.
And it was.
And she came home any ways.

J said that I wasn't going to need her anymore. Which is TOTALLY not true. Who would pay for all of this stuff.
I told her that and it just put the sting of my spending money back on the table and "seriously...we don't have the money for this Karen. Don't buy anymore." blah blah blah. What I need is for her to be more supportive and get another job. :) ha ha ha kidding kidding kidding.

I did get the faucet on. I also got my bathroom painted. I might have mentioned to my wife that I was going to put the light up in our bathroom this morning. It could have just been a dream when she desperately pleaded for me to wait until she gets home. I'm not sure, I was really sleepy.
I'm wearing my red pants with the flying reindeer again. (ok STILL) and I'm feeling super butch.

This is the body art she allowed me to do. I'll have to work on getting her cooperation for more. I am envisioning a beach scene with coconuts and palm trees :)

I love you baby. You'll always be the most handy of all the wives. And it is still the ultimate turn on when you slap on that tool belt of yours and drill stuff. If I had markers and you were ONLY wearing a tool belt. That would be SUPER cool. (wink wink)

Homework !

2011-11-29T21:11:00.001-07:00

Everyone sat down for study time today. The babies were given markers and paper. The boys had their books to read. (did I mention they are reading...it's all so exciting) Spencer had his words to practice for speech. Cameron was practicing writing his name.
Sydney had a poem to read and spelling words to study. I was a few feet away making dinner. As I turned to rinse something I noticed this.....

You ask....why is Ryan in his underwear ? Because Ryan is ALWAYS in his underwear. The child does NOT like to wear clothing. We get dressed and undressed at least 3-4 times a day....and sometimes in different outfits each time. Nathan's shirt was removed by Spencer for a bigger canvas area.

I asked Sydney and Spencer to stop. and then I remembered that I was busy and so were they and everyone was engaged and most importantly quiet. I let them continue for another 5 minutes before PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN. DAMN IT. LOOK AT THEM, YOU GUYS ! JEEZE !

Ryan was a bit more pleased with his body art experience. I'm not sure if it was because he had a beautiful spring landscape wrapped around his body. Or if it was the Elton John glasses.
Maybe it was the stabbing motion Spencer used to get dots all over Nathan's body.
I asked them both....neither could really put a finger on it....but Nathan was ready to get it off.

It's funny and slightly ironic....I have really been thinking about labels and how they affect kids. I've been trying to call the babies, little boys. I don't want them to ACT like babies....so why would I call them babies. I have also tried to stop myself from calling them names like : trouble, hands and of course little shits and bastards. hey, one step at a time. All for the same reasons of course. They are what you tell them they are.
As for the toosh. I didn't even know that was written until his underwear were removed and he stepped in to the tub. Nice.
So she got the name 'trouble' from listening to me. She got the chubby part, because I write that on my own butt and she saw me getting into the shower the other day.
I can't blame her for the misspell....obviously one of the b's was eaten by one of my butt cheeks.
(sigh)

To wrap it all up, homework was a huge success today. They each accomplished their own assignments and had time to blow off some steam with a little art. A little art that was gone as soon as their little bodies hit the water. LOVE washable markers.
I'm going to go and see if J will let me create a landscape of my own using her neked bod :)
OF COURSE I will post pictures. Who do you take me for, an amateur ? I'm serious about this blogging thing people. cross your fingers for something amazing.

The Gift !

2011-11-28T07:07:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not gifting you with an inspiring and thoughtful post. Nor did I hit black Friday to find each of you the perfect gift. I'm very sorry if you came here for that.
We have been talking Santa gifts at our house. You may remember the day we took the kids to toys r us to get their little minds locked on the PERFECT present from Santa. Let me refresh your memory with a little song - noodles/noses/vacuum hoses. .

This is how it goes...
Cameron and Spencer : I want that. Mom can we have that. COO-UHL ! Can we have that too mom. I'm asking Santa for that. Yeah and Cam check this out, lets ask for this. Mom we HAVE to have that. OH my Gosh Spencer look at this over here....I'm asking for that...me too....look at this red one....OH my Gosh, yes, I totally have to have that.

Nathan and Ryan : I want that sword mom. I'm asking Santa for a sword. I want that gun. Mom, put that gun in our cart. Mom, can I have that gun at ours house. me : put it back honey....you have to ask Santa for it....we don't get to have it now screaming, crying, the sound of a small peoples hands being ripped from a sword, a light-saber and a pirate holding a knife...and also pulling 2 different kinds of guns out of their pockets.

Syd : I don't know what I want.
(she has previously asked for a DSI and a real 4-wheeler. a pink one. like her friend Hailey's. ummmm that would be a no to both)

We have decided to do the Want Read Wear Need, this year for Christmas. I'm still waiting for someone to tell me how to explain this new tradition to my kids. You know, I can't just say "this is what Santa does" because Santa doesn't do this at their friends houses. I need a good story. with follow up answers. the rules of the game. If Santa gives them the want read wear need stuff. do you still give them something from you ? how's that work ?

We are going to take them to see Santa soon....whatever they ask him for will be the final decision on what they get.
I'll keep some of the other wants as ideas for family. :)

It's damn near Christmas and I feel like I'm standing still.
My house is decorated but I've yet to get a picture for a Christmas card and haven't been able to find someone in need of the 12 days of Christmas. My hell. We're in financial crisis here. Why can't I find someone in need.

I have a question ? What do you buy family that has everything......with older kids ? We've been buying them games every year. We are at a loss and need some good suggestions.
I'm sick of getting everyone gift cards.

Now lets go out to left field for an update from sidetracked and tangent.
For my Utah peeps (or anyone who wants to pay to have them shipped :) Our go to for hand me downs has now caught up to size with Syd. I need someone to hand girls clothes down to. Anyone know of someone who needs them....could use them ? We're a smoke free house with a dog. I wash and dry everything and yes...I use downy. My kids have yet to catch fire...but I can't promise you that yours won't.
Any hew. let me know !

My Weekend in Photos

2011-11-21T07:18:00.002-07:00

Wrap party 2011. We are so lucky to be invited to this every year. Love you Fran.
We checked in at the Hilton and found candy galore

An open bar !!!

Creative and delicious food.

Wrap station. Not yet full of presents....the walls in the back will be PACKED with wrapped presents by the morning

Not pictured...We headed out to see the opening night of Breaking Dawn. OMG. it was terrible. We laughed out loud at parts that were not considered to be funny scenes. Just my take. sorry Twilight fans. :( Oh and just so you know....yes I will go see the last one...because I have to...it gives me something to bitch about. :)

After you shop (we went to a movie instead) you bring your presents back and enjoy several desserts and more of the open bar until midnight.

oh, plus, there was a wii set up. Just for fun. My wife happens to be really fun. :)

The next morning, you check out of your hotel room....pick up your presents and enjoy breakfast. (all not pictured because we had someplace to be)

Flash Mob at Gardner Village.
Syd and Mani.....BFF's

Dancin'

Another BFF Nia, dancin'

Part of the Mob

We dropped Syd off at her grandma's for a sleep over.....they are making place cards for Thanksgiving. We headed to toys r us to pick out our gift from santa with the boys. By the time they had made it through the store it was 6 pm and the kids were starving. We crosssed the street and sat down at Denny's. My kids are SUPER creative with their food selections. They ate Mac n Cheese. quesadilla's. and pancakes. mmmm. Glad we can go out and eat once in a while.

Ryan... my first child to do this....stuck food up his nose.      He did it so quietly that it took us off guard and we couldn't hold back the laughter.    His brother Nathan joined in for the laugh (not pictured)   After wiping their faces off, Nathan asked me to get the noodles out of his nose.    I tipped his head back and SURE ENOUGH....there it was.   I tried very carefully with a toothpick to get it but after his little fingers had tried to get it....the thing was lodged up somewhere near his brain.   He sucks up his nose when you tell him to blow so that wasn't an option.
I called a friend who happens to be a pediatrician (thanks Steph) and asked her advice.   She suggested a bulb sucker.
When I got home I remembered the kids taking them outside this summer and using them as squirt guns.    So I took things into my own hands.

Drink.

Towel

Suction

Trained professional.   Do not try this at home.
Nathan was actually laughing hysterically.   He said it tickled :)
We retrieved said stuck noodle.    I saw it in the container....but when I tried to get it out to of course photo document it...it was lost and gone in carpet fiber and dirt.

I finished my weekend by putting kids to bed and then meeting great friends for drinks and enlightening conversation.
(deep deep relaxing breath) What a fantastic Weekend.
I hope everyone had a great weekend too !

Just Say Hi

2011-11-20T13:06:00.001-07:00

Some of the simplest words make the most beautiful poems.

Just Say Hi
By Sydney B (Nov 19, 2011 age 7)

Just say hi to the friends you know,
it's easier than pie.
The other way is to raise your hand high
and wave it in the sky.
Just say hi.

This moment Friday

2011-11-18T09:04:00.000-07:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember

There is nobody to blame but me !

2011-11-17T13:19:00.002-07:00

So after all of the great ideas and suggestions from my help needed post, I came up with my own little plan.
I constructed a chart full of all of the responsibilities that these little people should be doing and most importantly, are able to do.
I wrote our family rules down.
Monday night we had a pizza party picnic on the floor and I explained the rules and the chores chart.

read day - ready for the next day

Stars are given if everything has been accomplished for that time period.    I left an extra area for going above and beyond at the bottom.    Both Spencer and Sydney have earned that star already.
At the end of the day the stars are added to each persons monthly grand total.
Stars can be used for privileges such as TV time and computer time.
30 min. of TV - 1 star
15 min. of computer time (the older three will play starfall and go to disney.org for games) - 1 star
At the end of the month the moms will choose an activity.   Swimming, movie, jump house...etc. and each child has to have 20 stars in order to go.   Activities that we normally do...but now they are having to earn them

Thus far in the past 3 days, my children have watched a grand total of 30 min. of TV.   Syd even less than that.
They haven't been on their computer at all.
Sydney has been early to school for 3 days. (15-20 minutes early)
Cam had a hard day yesterday and only earned 1 star, but I told him today is a new day and he could earn 3 stars easy.

Follow Through.
This is one that I now see I was completely failing.    My follow through was HORRIBLE.   I know this because my entire 1st day was spent following through and I never stopped.   It's slowly getting better and I owe it all to follow through.
I chose to use the positive time out.    The one where you just remove the child from the situation. redirect. etc.     It wasn't stopping the behavior.   My little boys want to cry.   They need to be sat on a step and made to stay there for 3 minutes (a minute for every year that they are old)
It kills them and has almost STOPPED the physical abuse that they inflict almost non stop on each other.
OMG the time that I've had to take away from dinner, cleaning, helping another child...etc..is horrible when you are following through and have 5 kids.    Good lord.
But I have to say.....I can see the differences.   I can see change.

Rules
Some of our rules include valuing everyone in our family.   girls will be treated the same as boys.
Privacy. knocking before entering.   not keeping "bad" secrets.
Respecting everyone. no name calling. no tattling unless someone is in danger. no physical abuse.
Hugging goodbye.   tell the truth. joyful heart.   ask for forgiveness and also give it. use manners always try our best. always know we are loved.

I took a piece of paper and a pair of scissors and yelled "you're stupid" and "I hate you" at the paper.   Each time I'd cut slices into the paper.    The bottom of the paper was pretty shredded and then I said, "I'm sorry"   I looked up at my kids with a confused look and said, "it's not fixing the cuts"    So I repeated "I'm sorry" several more times and finally explained that even though you say sorry...those words can't be taken back.   They hurt people and sorry doesn't take them back. They shouldn't be said.
WOW this made a huge impact on my older 3.   They totally get it now and I haven't heard more than 2 words since monday.   HUGE PEOPLE ! HUGE !

There are rules for me and J too.   Not just chores in the house but patience and caring.    The no hitting rule goes for us too.    Nobody in our house hits, this includes tooshey smacks and swipes to the back of the head.   Computer time and iphone time for us is limited to nearly nothing.   I'm using my time for this and that's it unil after they are asleep.
I'm trying to stick to 30 minutes through out the day.    J can't get on her i-phone when she gets home until after the kids are in bed.  1 1/2 hours...she can handle it. :)

Monday night we have Family game night and Friday nights are movie night.

I'm back to using my 1-2-3 magic book. (I haven't checked out the DVD yet) and mixed with the written rules and follow through it's working it's magic.
(sigh)
This is MUCH harder people.   Much harder than sitting on my ass or doing my house work and screaming at my kids for being nightmares.
I have a hopefully heart and no more time allowed for the computer.
Thanks again for all of the great suggestions. :)

Did you know ?

2011-11-14T10:13:00.003-07:00

Did you know that the grad assistant who saw with his own eyes Sandusky raping a 10 yr old'ish boy in the shower didn't rush to a phone and call the police. but called his dad instead.   his dad who told him to come home.  they then both decided that the next day they should call not the cops but coach Joe Paterno. Coach Joe also didn't call the cops but waited until the next day to call his supervisor Tim Curley.
Did Curley call the police ? Nope. He waited nearly 2 weeks before calling in the grad assistant for a meeting with himself and penn state VP Gary Schultz who both listened to him tell the story about the rape.   Did they call the cops then ? Nope. 2 weeks later Curley told the grad assistant that Sandusky's keys to the locker room were taken and that he was told he couldn't bring children to the facility anymore.   A claim that Curley admitted later was not enforceable.
Curley and Schultz now claim that neither Paterno nor the grad assistant told them that Sandusky raped the boy. but that he was grabbing at his genitals inappropriately in the shower. something that apparently STILL didn't need to be reported.   Something that they were told happened back in 98 and STILL didn't stop them from allowing him access to children.
The president of Penn state himself Graham Spanier who has a background in sociology and marriage and family counseling for the love of god....said that he was told about a situation involving Sandusky and a minor in the shower that made the grad assistant "uncomfortable".   You know...just a grown man "horsing around" in the shower all naked with a child.   No big deal.   Nothing that needs following up or to be reported.
Should we now count HOW MANY PEOPLE FAILED THESE BOYS!
Do you want to know what makes me the MOST sick about this story. (well besides the obvious rape of a child)   Not ONE of these people. Not the grad assistant...his father...coach Joe Paterno....Curley....Schultz...or Graham ever one time...not even once asked if anyone knew the boys name or tried to locate the boy that this happened to.    Nobody even asked who he was.
Every single one of them is guilty for allowing this animal to hurt children.   They had a moral obligation to stop him and they failed.

Something else that's bugging me.   Did you know....
That No means No Mr. Cain.
Did you also know that you saying, "for every one woman who accuses me of sexual harassment there are a thousand women who haven't"....STILL doesn't make you look like an upstanding man. Nor one who should even be considered a presidential candidate. Seriously.
That's a little like Sandusky saying....for every little boy that I raped there are like a thousand that I haven't.
Nice.

Did you also know that...there are 207 government funded “clinics” across Ecuador where lesbians are held captive, raped, tortured, starved and beaten in an attempt to make them straight. This is happening in 2011 people.

I am feeling sad that this stuff is happening and we are so desensitized that we allow an animal like Sandusky to hurt kids for years.   That a man can run for the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA and sexually harass women.
That women can be beat and raped because of their sexual preference.
That so many women and children are exploited across the world.
It all needs to end.     They all need to be stopped.

When nothing positive is working.

2011-11-10T13:18:00.001-07:00

Ok first of all....as I started this post Nathan has been using my boobs as nobs or buttons.
He turns them like you would a dial and makes a sound like a space shuttle door opening. chkssshhhhh.
He's been doing this for a couple of days.    When I explain to him, "Buddy, that is mama's private parts and they are not for Nathan to touch." he responds with, "yes they are mom, they are my switches. (after a brief pause) that's ridiculous mom." which sound more like that's dickless mom. but whatever.

Ok friends.   I've committed to this positive parenting thing when I committed to having kids. Well except for those few times that I've lost it completely and spanked my kids.    Which actually worked for a while with the little boys (we're trying to call the babies the little boys).   After one spanking I was able to threaten them with spanking (I know I know how wrong this is) and they would immediately mind me.   oh the enjoyment of that quick response.   Less work on my part. (sigh of relief) aaah.
And then. several days later, we were at my moms house, Nathan was climbing on the back of the couch...he knows you don't climb on the back of the couch. I had been after him with what felt like everything.
Me : "Nathan, you need to climb down. We don't climb on grandma's couches."
Nathan : smiles and makes himself more comfortable.
Me : "Nathan climb down"
Nathan : "No"
Me : "climb down or I'll spank your tooshy"
Nathan : "Spank me then"
Me : ??????????????? what the mother of all that's holy did you just say ? I had a hard time not laughing but kept my composure.    I stood up and walked over to him.   He didn't move.   I spatted him (you know, because I had to follow through) barely though but with my angry eyes on. and then I said, "now you stay down or I'll put you in time out"
Nathan : "Put me in time out then."
Me : ?????????????? what the what "ok then, go to time out" I looked at my mother and said something like..."what the hell...he's only 3." I sat back down.   my mom's eyes wide, wondering what I was going to do and also trying really hard not to crack up.
Nathan : climbed down, walked over to the stairs, sat down and said, "I'm in time out mom"
He sat there for a minute and then went and played and didn't get back on the couch.

Are you serious with this kid ?   I mean, really ?   We laughed after it happened. not so that anyone could see or knew that we were laughing at what Nathan just did. but we were both a little shocked and surprised by his stance on the whole thing. :)

This is not how things are normally handled though.    I will admit that our follow through has fallen through a lot more since the 2nd set came along....but we do it enough for the kids to know we're serious.
Part of the lack of involvement was an experiment on my part.   I thought I'd just sit and wait for them to do the right thing before stepping in.   as long as it didn't effect another child.   why not give them the control ?

Ok. back to my point. because what I'm doing isn't working or at least it's not getting easier and I need help.
I want to know how you parent positively if it's not working and the children aren't complying.

This morning for instance.   Syd refused to brush her teeth, hair and put her shoes on.   We've been dealing with this issue for 2 years people.
I told her that it was up to her and she needed to put her shoes on and brush her teeth and I would then do her hair.   Her choice was to grunt at me and throw my bedding on the floor.
I didn't react.   I left the room and gave her space to make the right choice.
As the clock ticked I went in to check on her.   I asked her if she could go barefoot at recess.   She said no...that she needed shoes.   I said, exactly, we wear shoes to keep our feet safe.   And we brush our teeth so that they don't rot and fall out of our mouth.   It's all important stuff that we have to do every day, even when we don't want to.   (all things that she knows)
She screamed at me and I left AGAIN.
I did a finally call for alcohol. oh wait. that was before I went back in. :)   I went in with only a couple of minutes to spare and explained (calmly) that her time was up.   She would wear her slip on shoes now (instead of her tennis shoes) and would go to school without her hair done.
She screamed and threw a major tantrum.   As I quietly collected her back pack and jacket with a sinking feeling in my stomach...because it makes me sick to send her to school after a morning like this....she ran back in my room and started putting her tennis shoes on, refusing to wear the other ones.    She begged me to do her hair and I reminded her that it was her choice to sit and pout and that next time she needed to give herself time to have her hair done.
She left the house and I yelled after her that I loved her and that I hoped she had a good day.   She turned around and pleaded for me to do her hair one last time and I waved and closed the door.

Now...this isn't working.   Or we wouldn't still be having mornings like this one.   They are MUCH fewer this year. MUCH fewer. but still.    I don't know what I could do differently.   What should I be doing so that we don't spend the morning before school like this ? I will not bribe her.   I have already been slapped in the face with that one.   "I'll do it if you give me (fill in the space)" oh HEYULL no.   You will do it because you have to go to school.

It's like this with most things. Getting them to comply or listen is like pulling teeth without novocain and then getting punched in the face and told you're stupid.
I feel like I'm beating a dead horse with this positive parenting.   I know it's work.   I know that it will be hard...but I feel like what I'm doing isn't paying off much.   Shouldn't there be some reward to all of this work ? all of this niceness ? It's hard for me to be this nice all of the time people. and by nice I mean...not screaming, staying calm, not beating the living shit out of everyone and then getting drunk.
We still hear : I hate you.  You're stupid.   Do you want me to pull your finger off and stick it to your forehead (Syd said this to Cam when he was pointing at her and she didn't like it) You're an idiot. They still hit and kick and scratch in response to a lot of situations.    Slow learners ? maybe.

Maybe I'm expecting too much too soon ? Maybe they are still young and in a few years I will reap the rewards to all of this ?   Maybe they are just spirited hard kids and it's all hopeless ?
What do you think ? any suggestions ? PLEASE.   someone give me answers. if you made it to the end of this post...you MUST be at least willing to help a sister out.

Finding Janko

2011-11-08T22:05:00.003-07:00

which could either be a play on Waldo or Nemo really.   Both are slightly applicable. However not really creative.   sorry.

Seriously people.   I need help.
I was making cookies for Syd and had just pulled a batch out when she got home from school. (true story...I'm not making this shit up...I do actually make cookies for after school sometimes)
After we caught up and went over school stuff I placed another batch in the oven and went to my bedroom to make sure we were Tivo'ing the Ellen show. You know, the one that I was just on.
I turned the TV on. it was like 3:42 pm   changed the channel to 4 and holy mother fuck.   It's Ellen. Talking to Sophia Grace and Rosie.    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.   It started at THREE not at FOUR.
FRIGGITY FRACK HOW WILL I EVER LOOK FOR MYSELF IN THE AUDIENCE AS PROOF THAT I WAS IN FACT THERE.   gawd.
WHY don't I watch more TV.   I don't and that is the first reason I should have CHECKED on the show time.   dumb ass.

I called J and gave her the glum news.   She was disappointed and had mentioned a few people said that they did in fact see us. Or thought they saw us in that flicker of an audience shot they do.   Which only made me feel worse about the whole friggin thing.   Cause maybe I looked SUPER great on TV.
J mentioned how she had TiVo'd it but set it to record the show at 4pm.
and I sat there for all of 2 seconds still depressed thinking....WAIT ! you can't TiVo something that's on and request a different time for it to record. duh.   honey.
Apparently we both know a few stupid human tricks.   ta da !

After putting the kids to bed we went downstairs and checked the TiVo. Sure as shittin. There it was and there....J was. Well that's all I saw the first time I would pause and rewind and pause and rewind to make sure there wasn't some different angle I was missing.   Sure enough.   I was missing.

And then she sat down and I was STILL hiding. and what the hell is blue arrow doing with her face in both pictures ? I think we caught her in a sneeze. look at them one after another and then say...aaaah. and then prmmmph....like she held in the achooo part. You see it right.
Best case scenario for her any ways.

2 people away. TWO PEOPLE ! cooooo-ullll ! She's just so little. I look really happy. and clappy. kind of squinty. but super tall.

this picture is titled elderly avoidence

J whistling. I'm saying something super cool and hip to the girl next to me and she's politely looking away wishing the old lady next to her would just shut the freak up. notice the direction in which her eyes follow the yellow arrow. clearly away from me. Or maybe I was telling her something super hip and cool about the lady that the arrow is pointing to. That's how I'll remember it. aaah. such wonderful memories I make. up.
Moving on.

Best (and by best I mean clearest and closest, omg it really is you) shot of the day.   I'm not even in the shot.   NOT EVEN IF YOU BACK IT UP .23 seconds at a time on pause. nope. I was never in the shot.
Look how happy J looks for that dumb 23 year old who was from UTAH no less.   Her name was Kamille. With a K.   blah.
It's a good thing the camera didn't show my face.   It would have been clear I felt cheated out of a chance to win 500.00 on a gas card.

There you have it.   Proof.   and a little bit of fame.
Oh and also.   I posted a video of the 2 cuties from commercial break and it's now private.   I hope she opens it back up....it was great.   That Sophia is a rock star. :)

Ellen !

2011-11-08T11:48:00.003-07:00

Ok so.....I didn't get on stage :(
They didn't do any stupid human tricks and I'm CERTAIN that had they included them I would have been stupid enough.
They did have a game on the show and the 2 girls that were picked were cute little 20 something girls and it wasn't until that moment that I hadn't considered myself not in their same "goup".
I also had a moment of clarity when the 2 people sitting next to us through most of the process smiled at me politely when I was shootin' the shit as if to say...."I wish my mother would stop talking to us"
(sigh)

Guests !   I KNEW THEM !
Kirsten Dunst and Sophia Grace and side kick.

My experience.
It was mostly just sit sit sit around.  And then it was line up, walk, stand, walk, mostly stand, in line.   And then we were sat. You had to scream and cheer...louder damn it....NO LOUDER. and I was tired (and old) and just wanted to relax and enjoy the ride at that point.
We got good seats, but I don't think any seats in the theater would be bad.   We sat a few rows up on the stage side.    Other than a few times that the camera was in our way our view of everyone was fabulous.
Ellen is TEENY !   TEENSY TINSEY LITTLE ITTY BITTY thing.    Like, she's short and she's SKINNY.   And not just skinny, petite. Little tiny thing.
She looks amazing and it was CRAZY to see her in real life.   Surreal crazy to be 2 seats from her rockin it out in the aisle.

Kirsten Dunst made me mostly feel bad for her.
The 2 little girls stole the show (Again) and were CRAZY cute.
Oh and when we left the show we were walking along the sidewalk of the WB studios headed back to the parking lot and who should drive by, honk and wave.   Ellen.   In her silver little porsche.
Kinda cool.   She got the hell out of there man.

Also.   No free stuff. :(   Not even a t-shirt.
Still.....it was a really fun experience.    We chose to drive back to our hotel in rush hour traffic rather than party it up in Burbank, caught a quick dinner and then went to bed.   You know. cuz we're all old and shit.

The show airs today by the way.

Todays my big day on Ellen

2011-11-07T11:07:00.000-07:00

I'll let you know what day I'm gonna be on. I have to go perfect my stupid human trick now :-)
I'm gonna meet Ellen yo!

Mothers Unite

2011-11-03T11:24:00.003-06:00

I really wish that mothers could have some sort of hand signal.   You know, like Harley riders.   You don't have to know who the hell is on the other bike, but driving past each other on the street they lower their closest arm and display 1-5 fingers in a, I'm way too cool to wave and smile so this slightly hidden hand gesture and head nod will be the way we recognize each other in this made up club we entered into.  and all we had to do was buy these bikes.

Now I realize that mothers probably couldn't have a hand signal....because usually our hands are busy. but why can't we smile in an accepting and compassionate way to other moms.
Why is it that when I see another mother struggling with her children in the store and I try to make eye contact to exchange an understanding smile the mother looks away with feelings of judgment and exhaustion on her face.     It's because she KNOWS that she's being judged.     That it doesn't matter how many noses she's wiped, nights she's sat up, throw up she's cleaned up, stories she's read.....this one tantrum in the check out line is what she's being measured by.

I have witnessed mothers giving looks of disgust and condemning eye rolls to other mothers struggling with their kids.   I have noticed it a lot lately.
Why ? What the hell people.
We all know that this job is the hardest job in the ENTIRE world.    Why would we want to discourage someone else ? Why not take that moment to send a little ENcouragement.   empathetic recognition.   even if your kids are perfect.   help someone else feel like less of a failure.

Why is it that when someone sees another child reacting terrible in public, other mothers immediately start criticizing how the mother of said child is handling the situation.

We've all done it.

I remember standing in a HOT long line at Lagoon (amusement park) and the couple in front of me had a 4 year old child who was first running around and being crazy.   He wasn't standing RIGHT there STILL and QUIET.   Something I cannot comprehend expecting a 4 year old child probably wound up on sugar and excitement from the park to do in the first place.   After being made to stand STILL he started throwing a fit.   and I watched how the parents handled it. poorly.   it became a shouting match and a control issue. threats followed with eye glaring killer looks and by the time we got on the ride....nobody was having fun.
I sat there with furrowed brow each time the mother spoke to him.   Each time the father grabbed his arm too tight.   I judged them. because I was on the outside and was able to see what was going on.   I could see the solution was an easy one.
That's because I could see it clearly.   my mind wasn't clouded with embarrassment.   I hadn't been dealing with an overly tired kid who needed a nap more than he needed cotton candy.

Guess what though. I've been that mom TOO many times.   The one who is also hot and needs a nap. The one who's blood sugar plummets and who had held it together for 3 days UNDERSTANDING that kids get over stimulated and hungry and hot.
I remember our last day at The Magic Kingdom and Sydney completely LOST it outside of Monsters Inc.   Absolutely LOST it.
She threw a 3 year old tantrum of monumental proportions.   She was hitting Jan.    She was yelling things like I hate you.   I hate this place.   Leave me alone.   etc. etc.   and we're talking people in Animal Kingdom could hear her.
I felt the eyes glaring.   I panicked.   My blood pressure shot out of the top of my head because I too was tired and hot and my feet hurt and I hadn't eaten and PLEASE don't embarrass me in front of all of these people.
I passed her off to J when I felt that the only way to control her was to get physical which wasn't going to help the situation at all.
I stood back and looked on as the other mothers watched with furrowed brow because they had the solution. they had the easy answers.     It was like bubbles were popping out of the tops of their heads. That child needs a good spanking. Time out....hellooooo. I can't believe you let her talk to you like that.   I wonder if there's something wrong with her.   She just needs a hug.
She eventually calmed down.    We won't ever see those people again.   And for the most part....I've been able to remind myself in moments like this....that I love my kids and I'm trying my hardest and they'll be ok.

The point is.....remember that we are all struggling.   That we all want the same thing.....for our kids. You know, to sit happily and quietly reading college prep books on world peace while eating their broccoli 14 hrs a day.   :)

Next time you are faced with a screaming child in line at the grocery store or witnessing a melt down at the mall......if you can't lower your arm and gesture.   at least smile and nod.   vroom vroom.     we're all in this together moms. and I want you to know that I'm on your side.

Circle of my life !

2011-11-02T10:51:00.002-06:00

Now singing you turn me right round baby right round like a record baby right round, round round.
Only because I love this song and circles go round and it replaces the damn disney circle of life song that has been playing in my head since writing the title.

I know you can all imagine this....I am certain that I am not the only one who does this.
Circle infinity
I clean my bedroom, dust, vacuum, make the bed.   I head to the bathroom wiping up left over soap and toothpaste. Cleaning the little hand prints on the mirror, the pee all over the toilet.   I then move on to the little peoples room.

Ryan and Nathan go in my room and mess up my bed having a pillow fight. pull out my boots from my closet, drag toys from the basement and play with them on my floor.     One goes to the bathroom....the other follows. They decide to brush their teeth. nuff said.

I finish making their beds and putting shoes and jammies away and move on to the office.

They head to their room and climb back into their beds and under their covers...giggling and playing sleep time and then hide and seek.    They drag out socks and shoes and pull jackets and hats off of the wall.

I dust and sweep the office and head to the living room.

Nathan and Ryan now head to the office chair and roll it to the kitchen cabinet. Climb up getting a box of crackers out.   They take it back to the office where they dump it out on the desk.   Crumbs from the bottom of the box spill out all over the desk, chair and floor.

Once I finish dusting and sweeping the living room I head to the kitchen.    Both boys are under my feet and in my fridge.    Everything they pull out I'm putting back in the fridge, the drawers and the dishwasher.    What could have taken a few minutes has now taken me most of the day and the bitch is.......the fuckin house is a disaster and needs to be cleaned.

I start over in my room, putting my bed back together and throwing my boots back on the rack.....
Nathan and Ryan go downstairs.   Shit.   I haven't even STARTED downstairs.

Now. I know there are those who say....NO TV.   and you know what.   I'll send these 2 to your house so that they don't watch TV while I get my house cleaned.   Deal ?!
Thing is. Even when I do turn on the TV so that I can get something done....they still manage to make a mess. I swear if these two were paid for what they do, we'd be FILTHY rich. get it. filthy. and rich.
whatever.
I don't have time to explain my play on words.  I'm too damn tired and I have to go make my friggin' bed.

I took exactly 2 pictures of my kids on Halloween.   As far as the queen of memories....I was a complete failure this year.

Fun decorations at our
neighbors house. The kids LOVED the spiders.

Covering only our block, Ryan had already gone home to eat candy. Cam had been asking since Ryan went home to go home and after this picture was taken....Syd wanted to go home. She took Cam by the hand and bee lined for our house.
Nate and Spencer were holding strong and made it 2 more houses before calling it quits (ok, I called it quits :)
Everyone was fast asleep at 7:45 pm.
Pictured : left to right, Spencer, Mason, Sydney, Henry, Cam, Nate, Max

The candy fairy did as was threatened and took all but the 5 pieces of candy they each picked out and hid in the fridge...because we all know that fairy's can't smell or see through fridges.
They've had exactly 1 piece each and haven't asked for more. (contented sigh) SO glad to be done with Halloween.
The house is back to normal. My wife gets home tonight. and I have exactly nothing that needs to be done. I think I'll sit and spin for a while :) oh but first I need to clean up the crackers in the office.

My costume

2011-10-31T11:24:00.000-06:00

Pretty good right. It took a lot to put it together.

This guy was at Sea World....is he not the BEST Waldo you've ever seen ?     I had to get a picture with him.   I mean how many times do you really find waldo ?

Cam woke up sick.    We'll see how it goes today.   He might be sitting out on trick or treating.
Syd has finally come to the good side and is an angel this year. An angel of the white and feathery wings kind.
The littles are Buzz Light Year
and the big boys are Spider-man.
Pictures to come.

The kids have been eating "Halloween" candy for a week.    I told them that they can eat as much as they want before bedtime tonight.   but come midnight. the candy fairy will be coming to collect ALL of the candy in our house.
Which translates to.....I'll be dumping all of our candy into one trick or treaters bag, right before lights off.

Stay Safe everyone.
Happy Halloween !

Nature

2011-10-28T13:52:00.000-06:00

Cameron just told me that I can leave the doors to the TV room open tonight. (they are across from his bedroom and he's always had us close them at night) He said he knows that Aliens aren't real and he's not afraid anymore.
I love it that he was able to come to this conclusion and share it with me.
Cameron is the odd one out in so many ways.    Besides of course the obvious blond hair blue eyes. He has such a mellow laid back personality.   I have NO idea where it comes from.....neither the donor nor myself contributed to it...that's for sure.

Yesterday the boys were having a Halloween Party at their hip hop class.    Spencer ran downstairs to grab some plastic halloween buckets that they have been playing with for a few weeks.   Each child had one originally.   I've counted 3 left. 1 is broken.
Spencer brought up 2, 1 of which was the broken one.    Spencer sadly admitted that there were only 2 left and one of the ones he had was broken.   I assured him that there was another one....but he disagreed and said, no...these are the only 2.   He then turned to Cam and said, "this one is mine" grabbing the one with the unbroken handle.
Already headed down the stairs to find the non broken bucket to break up the fight I was sure would ensue after Spencers announcement I hear Cam say, "ok Spence"
I did find the other bucket. And it wasn't broken.   but he could have cared less.

Each one was brought up in the same house under the same guidance and order.
Each one of my kids has been given more or less the same choices and consequences.
But I can guarantee that if the tables would have been turned....and Cameron would have declared the unbroken bucket to be his.....all hell would have broke loose and Spencer would have cried until I either found the other bucket or fixed the one he had.
(I say this with the evidence of past experience...however, to be fair both Spencer and Cameron are SUPER sweet and Spencer has shown compassion and understanding on a number of occassions)

Like many parents with wonderfully obedient children.   I'd like to take most of the credit for his behaviors and choices.
But alas.   I can only look at how different each of my 5 children are and admit that I have little to do with it.
He his who he is and my job is just to continue offering him vegetables and fruits in hopes that one day he'll eat them.

I'd like also to take credit for how competely handsome he is. but as he has no real resemblance to me....I just have to give that one to the other mother :)

Here's your 4 1/2 minutes of free time. Yours truly, Me !

2011-10-27T17:06:00.000-06:00

And hell. If your kids are anything like mine....they'll want to watch it, "again mama, again" like 2 more times. AND then they'll see the other light shows that are advertised after this one and with a click of your mouse....BOOM....3-5 more minutes. Potentially I've given you the gift of like 30 or so minutes.
Enjoy yourselves.
Have a drink.
Eat your dinner slow tonight.

Sixth sensory for $4.99

2011-10-26T11:28:00.001-06:00

This was mostly for my Cam man dude....who still hates to be sticky and has a hard time touching things like glue, paint and slime.   :)
I've heard about these awesome hidrogems and wanted to give them a try.    We found these at JoAnne's craft store for $4.00.
They are squishy and super slippery. They can be broken pretty easily but MY kids played with them and we didn't have any broken ones.
Well. We decided to freeze them as an experiment as they are made mostly of water to see how they would freeze...and then we let them thaw in our hands.   The kids got a little too anxious squeezing the hard frozen balls and as they quickly melted down, defrosting to their original soft balls they were broken into little pieces and thrown away.   Still fun to do.
MUCH more fun than the cockroach we froze and then waited to come back to life in St. George. Which by the way....didn't happen.   Nope. They die.

What I loved was to sit back and watch how true to personality each and every one of my kids were while playing.

Syd made patterns with hers

Nathan put his in jail. Those two are in jail on his lid.

When Ryan wasn't making a mess with his....he would make a train and choo choo them around his lid.
Cameron immediately started playing, writing his story with each one in his own make believe world.

Spencers were babies and promptly put to sleep.

Such fun little water balls.

This sensory time lasted almost an hour with all 5 of my kids.
GOOD times people ! Good times.

Halloween Party 2011

2011-10-24T09:39:00.000-06:00

Remember our neighborhood Halloween Party last year.
We did it again this weekend.
We changed it up a bit.   Instead of doing it all at my house we split it up between several of our houses.
We had such a great time.
Walking to one of the other houses, Syd wrapped her arms around my waist and said, "thanks mom for having this party"   :)
Here are a few pictures.

yummy homemade chili

We split up the little kids and the big kids games this year.

Each team chewed up gum and one player had to mold it to look like frankenstein.

Eating banana's through nylons

blowing cereal out of their noses into a cup on a team members head.
There was some hesitation with this game :)

Mommy Monster Makeover.
The BEST time to have 2 moms :) Mommy J was our ~~victim~~ participant.

Each family made over their own mom.

I think they look FABulous ! :)

Story time for the littles. The big kids were having a treasure hunt throughout the neighborhood.

(this is the perfect time to live next to a 3rd grade teacher)

Little people treasure hunt/picking candy up off of the lawn after story time.

We ended the night wrapped in blankets as "The Great Pumpkin" played on the back of our neighbors garage.
So far, I've loved this tradition. The kids have so much fun.
I'm already planning next years my peeps. :)

Happy Spirit Day

2011-10-20T10:43:00.001-06:00

No More Bullying !!!

2011-10-19T18:31:00.000-06:00

My wife sent me this picture from her phone tonight.
I sent her a message back that said.   "Put a beer in her hand and it could be me."
Luckily for the kids...I'm not cracking a beer open until After they are in bed.

oh and also a quick change.....I don't wear aprons.  add 3 more kids...all of which are in pajamas and one of them would be wearing the heels.   (never drink and wear heels)   and BAM it's us.

Is it Saturday yet ?

This moment......

2011-10-18T20:48:00.001-06:00

brought to you by tired and loving it.

The wife left me at 5am on Sunday.   It's only been 3 days. but being alone with 5 little kids for even 1 day is a lot.   (lets not forget I'm in the throes of pmdd week too. ugh)   I refer back to "The Jerk"
The first day felt like a week, the second day felt like 5 days, the third day just felt like a day but the fourth day felt like 3 days. ha ha ha love that movie.

Any ways.   I'm driving home from Syd's appointment.   One I had scheduled late (5:30pm) to accommodate J's work schedule.  well that didn't work out, bastard son of a bitch scheduling a month in advance....what was I thinking. :)
I had been trying to keep 4 little wound up boys whose attention spans vary radically....entertained for an hour.
Just getting in and out of the van can be exhausting.   They immediately take off and start fighting over who is going to push the handicap button....because they can't all push it.   OR CAN THEY. and we have to wait for the doors to close completely before the next person who feels scorned gets his turn....problem is, 2 out of the 5 ran inside the building, one went down the hall and the other stood and waited for the doors to close so that he could push the handicap button again riiiiight before the scorned kid on the outside was able to push it. so Now these two are fighting and again waiting for the doors which take like 3 1/2 minutes to close, to push it again.   The last kid who stayed outside heads for the parking lot and I still have no idea which door the one that ran down the hall went in.
FUH !
So by the time everyone was back in their seat belts and I was back on the road heading home....all I wanted to do was to push the ear plugs to my mp3 player so far in to my head that no sound could escape in or out.

It was all beautiful again.  and then Galileo by the indigo girls comes on. I am IMMEDIATELY transported back to my early 20's.   I'm camping with good friends, tan from head to toe, wearing short shorts and a tank top, holding a beer in one hand, a hat on my head and kicking some hacky.
I'm sure everyone has their "time" of their life when they were so blissfully self absorbed without a care in the world.
Being gay during this time ROCKED.
Nothing like having some fantastic women around to spend these times with.   Just the girls.
And I did, too. Had the BEST group of people around me all of the time.

We all drifted. Not too far a part.   I still get a glimpse of them now and then.   A lot of us have kids.

As the song came to a close, I was still feeling the heat from the sun through my chest remembering the "good ol days" and I looked in my rear view mirror at my sweet kids.   quietly listening to Rhinoceros Tap, looking out their respective windows.   I didn't wish to be free from all responsibility.   I didn't regret the decisions that got me there. I just smiled the biggest smile, because they WERE good ol days....and I had them.

and now, because I know you want to sing it.....
How long til my soul gets it right
Can any human being ever reach that kind of light
I call on the resting soul of Galileo
King of night vision, king of insight.

Halloween silhouettes !

2011-10-17T09:06:00.002-06:00

I copied this idea from one of our 1/2 sibs.   (thanks Toni)
I used a lamp and taped white paper on the wall.    I had the kids stand and pose while I tried to trace their shadows.
Not such a good idea.   ESPECIALLY with little kids.
After I cut out what I was able to get traced, I taped it to my black paper and cut it out again.
Next time I'll have them lay on the paper and trace and cut once.
Like most things...I always make them out to be more than they need to be. ;-)

from left : Ryan with his hands on his head, and Cameron (I'm not sure why I didn't get a better picture of those 2)
next window Spencer and Nathan and last is Syd.

I love that you are able to document their little size and also decorate the house at the same time.
Such a multitasking craft.

Note. let me tell you how many times I've walked through the house late at night and thought that someone was watching or standing outside of the window. FREEEEAKY. especially while alone. just be prepared for that if you do it.

Painting pumpkins 101 by a complete novice.

2011-10-16T10:45:00.001-06:00

A couple of years ago my mom and I saw some painted pumpkins in one of her Home and Garden magazines.    Ever since we've threatened to try them ourselves.
Janice has a work trip this week.   She left this morning before 5am and won't be home until Friday.    I thought this was the PERfect opportunity to take a day to myself and asked my mom to share it with me and paint pumpkins.   So Saturday was my day.   The day to paint pumpkins.

We were certainly more confident about all of it while buying the paint.   but as soon as it came time to actually paint them we completely forgot all of the cute ideas we remembered seeing.
It was a rough start for me.....but my mom kept reminding me how, this was supposed to be fun and not to worry about it. (easier said than done when you wanted super great just like the magazine, painted pumpkins)

We started by wasing them.

we did 3 parts water to 1 part bleach.

let dry

Tape the tops. always have an assistant. Any dog will do.

We hand painted the tops but I think next time I might just spray paint them the same color as the pumpkin.

spray paint. you'll notice her one gloved hand. I wasn't so cautious and my hand still shows signs of black and white painting today.

blow the bottoms to help dry before you set them down to spray the rest. :)

let dry

And paint and decorate.
We also did a little bit of bling (notice my white one)
These are mine.

My moms. Cute right. This picture doesn't do justice to some of the little details she did to hers.

This took us all day. Well that we laid down and took a nap and watched a movie didn't help. ha ha
They turned out great and we were both happy with the end product.
Today of course I have a ton more ideas and would do some things differently...but that'll have to wait until next year.

This moment Friday

2011-10-14T07:10:00.001-06:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember

Word. press.

2011-10-13T09:07:00.000-06:00

Everyone is doing it and I think it's coming to that for me too.
I just need to know how easy it is to switch over ? How to do it that's easy to follow and is there anyone who doesn't like it and why ? Is there a good enough reason to stay with blogg.er ?

I have had nothing but problems commenting on people's blogs (australia peeps, that includes you)
I get stuck in that friggin' loop...and there have been times when what I had to say wasn't just a Hey, What's Up ? it was really important and pertinent to what was being asked in the post.
who are we kidding. ANY time I comment it's important :) ha ha ha
no seriously though. it bugs me.

SO. Last night was the last straw...I decided that I was going to start switching over.

and now. HAAAAYLP !

More memories

2011-10-10T07:05:00.002-06:00

In no particular order. and yes...I'm still talking about it. pictures.

More than anything in the whole world...my babies LOVE them some woody and buzz. Toy story and Monsters inc are their very favorite movies. "Toe-ee Story mama" Meeting them in person was almost too much for their little heads to take. :)

Still the most magical of all !

This is actually at the airport. My kids loved it still.

More than the characters...the ducks and squirrels were a big hit with my gang. :)
If they weren't trying to feed them....they were screaming and chasing them.

awesome !

sting rays. did you know when you feed them....their mouths suck on to your hand/the food like a vacuum cleaner.
A little weird.

amazing

The gang. This was at the end of the day. can you tell :)

To infinity and BEYOND !

2011-10-07T07:21:00.001-06:00

OH mah Gootnes.   We had SUCH a marvelous trip.
First of all.   ALWAYS rent a house.
For around the same price as a hotel room....you can get a WHOLE house.   With a laundry room and kitchen and seperate bedrooms and no neighbors above, below or on either side of you. TRUST ME...with 5 kids....that's a good thing.
We also had a pool which I think is a MUST.     It was absolutely wonderful to come home after being at the hot park all day, to just throw ourselves in to the pool.   We looked forward to it every day.
Plus...it's always nice to do a bit of chunky dunking aka skinny dipping for fat girls after the kids go to sleep and before the house guests arrive. ha ha

Second. If'n you didn't know.....now you do.   You can TOTALLY TAKE FOOD IN TO DISNEY.   unfortunately not in Sea world.
We spent a total of 15.00 in 3 days at the actual parks in Disney.    2 bottled waters and some cotton candy....fih-teen dollahs.
Doesn't that just make EVERYBODY happy :)   WOO HOOOO ! pack treats. lots of treats.
OH and freeze a water bottle (take a little out before) and then pack it in your stroller or bag.   It melts through out the day and there you have cold water most of the day.

Flying with 5 kids turned out to be not such a big deal.    We prepared for the worst.   1/2 glass empty approach.   Expected the worst and were pleasantly surprised.
The first 4 hours we had DVD players and then the batteries died. and it was scary. and then for the last hour they slept.
I have to say....over all...my kids were some of the quietest and best on the plane.   Not bad. Not bad at all.

So happy for this wonderful man. We couldn't have done it (without sweat and heartache) without him. Best 10 bucks we ever spent.

In the airport however. They were the devils. And I'm glad...because it had ALL of those people sitting around rolling their eyes, hoping that they wouldn't sit near us, running to the gate to request an upgrade, ordering adult beverages before take off also expecting the worst. Pretty safe to say that we were all left with a warm fuzzy feeling after.

Friends.   Always travel with friends.   and if you can't meet them there....bring your own.
We were lucky to have both.
We hooked up with the trio for another Disney adventure.    They were the ones who helped us learn the ins and outs of food at the park and what rides to run to first :)   Did you know that they actually run out of fast passes ? and fast too.
Steph and Carey drove up and stayed with family and used their annual WDWpasses to join us for a bit of Disney Animal kingdom.
Gamma (Carey's mom Cimi) joined them.   She's awesome.   and super tall.   and I wanted nothing more than to have another 3 days with her.
They each had a kid and carried them everywhere and our kids ran off everywhere.
It was great.

babysitters, friends and neighbors all in one.
oh and I have this whole other post about how I now want to become a polygamist.
I've talked to my wife about a mail order bride. she's considering it.
sharing the responsibility of the cleaning and the kids was enough to convince me that what I need is another woman in the house.

Date night.   A MUST.   How cool to have the opportunity to do an adult hook up.   None of us had to worry about kids or where they were or who needed to eat or pee.   Or who just hit who.
OMG it was so awesome.
It took all of 1 beer and I decided to challange Steph to a dance off. :)    Personally....I think we could have really rocked the joint...but alas.    We went to the piano bar for a dueling piano show.    The people watching was much better than the dueling.
It was great to sit and talk. and drink.   Such great people.

I am so super proud of this. 1- it's my first ever plank and 2- look at the balance I had. This is AFTER the beer.
and that 'moving' hand rail is only 5 inches wide. and yes we are in fact moving. DAMN it I'm good. :)

Sea World.   Looooved it.   The shows at sea world are just inspiring.    It amazes me how they get aquatic living marine mammals some with a makeup of nearly 90% blubber to do tricks.   Most of them more synchronized than the Ohio State synchronized swimmers.
Seriously.   How do they do that ?
We met up with another great blogger family.   Juli at Z is for Zygote and her partner.    2 moms and one little boy with the longest eyelashes ever.
It's one thing to have spirited children.   It's an entirely different thing to hang out with 2 families whose children are especially well behaved.   Sheesh.   I don't think Zane knows how to misbehave.
Always invite my family if'n you want to feel good about yours. :)
Just sayin.

There are a few better group shots....but I just loved this one of my boys. :)

That's a lot of kids, yeah ? more than 1/2 of them are mine. damn.

The only thing that we'd do differently is to maybe plan it in November.   September in Orlando is still extremley hot.   and humid.
Also. I would plan for more down days.    Some of our best times were just hanging out in the pool doing nothing.

Well that and meeting Buzz Lightyear.   Dancing with Woody.   and of course getting some lovin from Mickey and Minnie.
yip.   good stuff people.

Did you make it to the end ?   If you didn't read a damn thing I'm ok with that.   I got a little bit chatty. Sorry !

Hugs and Kisses !

2011-09-28T08:27:00.000-06:00

Who thinks me and J should make out on our flight to Orlando today ?
We're flying Delta, so I don't know if we'll be kicked off or not :) ha ha ha
The only good thing to come of it is, they'd probably take us to a locked secure room and frankly...with 5 kids a locked room would just be a welcome gift to contain my brood.
I'll keep you posted.

Big family solution # 1

2011-09-27T09:46:00.000-06:00

We had our toothbrushes shoved in a drawer which wasn't working to remind us all to brush teeth.
I had looked for a toothbrush holder that held more than 3 toothbrushes and was unsuccessful.
One day walking through the store I saw a candle holder and knew it would work.   They have some really cool ones that I wanted but wouldn't work for my little kids.   I found this one for $7.99.   I then bought new taller cups at IKEA for $1.49 for 6 cups. (I had hoped for plastic cups, but so far so good)    We used the shorter cups that came with the candle holder but I wanted taller cups to really hold everything.
I LOVE this. and more than that. it's an idea I came up with.    I didn't copy it from another blog or from pint.erest.
It doesn't take up a lot of room and most important.....we are doing SO much better at brushing our teeth.

A big shout out to Ro and Ale from Brazil !   ;-)

Sweet sweet sleep........finally !

2011-09-26T14:03:00.004-06:00

Such a misleading title.
As you just listened.   Syd is still in the height of her night terror/episodes/whatever the hell she has pretty much every night.   Some nights they are more dramatic.   Some nights short and sweet.

Ryan sleeps in his own bed for about the first 4-6 hours and then climbs in the middle of me and the wife and we all fall back into a deep deep slumber.   until.....

Cameron has been scared of the basement since we put the big boys down there.    He has been joining us at least once a week.   sometimes more.

Nathan sleeps like a rock allllllll night long.   or he's up all night.    He's only done the up all night a couple of times though.

Spencer.

yip. that's all I have to say about him.    He is a DUH-REEEEM come true.

All of my children were raised in the same house with the same routine and the same options as far as sleep goes.
I only say that because I think so many times we try to blame ourselves for our kids sleeping.   and I do think that how we handle bedtime can attribute to bad sleeping habits. but seriously people.    some kids just sleep better.
read books.   read this post.   but honestly.   not all children are created equally nor will their sleep be.

That said.
Sydney stayed up late.    I never believed it when people could lay their children down awake at a reasonable time and they'd fall sound asleep.   IMPOSSIBLE.
I thought that keeping her up later would help her sleep better because she'd be more tired and dismissed each and every paragraph in each and every book that I'd read trying for a solution to her terrible sleep patterns, that said...put the kid to bed before they are over tired.
So she stayed up until 11'ish.   and slept in until 10-11'ish and it was SWEEEEEET ! cuz so did I.

I watched a video of Syd at pre school. One that her teacher made for us. and I saw her singing between yawns.
I felt terrible and wanted to change.

The big boys came along and were better sleepers altogether...but we still lived a later life and thought getting them all to sleep by 9:30 pm - 10 pm was so good.    Look at us.   Such responsible parents.

The babies came and having had now 5 years of no sleep under our belts it had taken it's toll.

Syd had afternoon kindergarten and it worked for her to sleep in.   When 1st grade was up and coming we knew that we had to change.   Syd would never make it to school by 8:30 if she didn't wake up until 10 am.

We started the "new" routine in the summer.    We just put them to bed early.
I didn't remember this, but Jan informed me that we gave them benedryl for the first 2-3 nights.
Now I KNOW we would NEVER drug induce our children. EVER. Never.   pshawww.
so whatever.
I do remember though, we wore them out.    They had really long and busy days so that it would be easier to fall asleep. and then of course the added drugs.   WHAT. THEY HAD ALLERGIES !
We just started our routine earlier.  Baths, pj's, books, bed.
They seemed a little confused because it was so light...but also relieved because I think they were all a little leary of the dark.   (bonus....if your child isn't afraid of the dark....now may be a good time to start that)
I explained to them that in the summer the sun stays up longer...blah blah blah and they bought it.

After 2-3 days they started getting up at the butt crack of dawn.   Which is 6:30 am if you didn't know.
and after getting up at 6:30 am...no naps....they were all READY for bed by 7-7:30 pm.

The babies were hard and now we just give in.    5 pm would roll around and they were falling asleep.
We usually get them in bed by 6:30 pm.   They will tell us that they want to go to bed.   It's so freaking awesome.

The big kids go down any where from 7-7:30 pm without a fight.
They go down WAAAAY easier now that we put them down early.   They fall asleep immediately usually.    I have to say that I truly believe that tired kids get a second wind.   That it isn't that they just aren't sleepy....that they are just night owls...but that they really did miss that window of sleeping opportunity.

The bad part.
We are so strapped to this bedtime.    We have to be home by 6:30 pm every night.   It makes going to grandma's or a friends a pain in the ass.   It makes going ANY where a pain in the ass.
We just don't have the luxury to hang out any more.
BUT.   Those few nights that we have to be home early are well worth the other 25 that we get to sit in peace and quiet for hours before we hit the sack.

SOOOO wonderful.
PLUS PLUS PLUS.   it really is easy to put them all to bed now.   it's very doable for one person to put all 5 down with no problems.

So as far as sleep goes.   Is it sweet dreams at our house.   No.   It always feels like SOMEone is sick or having a nightmare a night terror, needs to go to the bathroom or has monsters in their room.    We have 5 kids.
But an early bedtime sure makes the rest seem a hellofalot easier to suck up at 12:23am, 2:34am, 2:56am, 4:10am and 5:44am.

***(this post was not intended to promote using any kind of narcotics to help a child sleep.   it is extremely dangerous and not a good idea.   to do more than 2 nights.   maybe 3.    oh and P.S. some kids have the opposite effect when given benedryl. just a warning)***

Now THIS is a dental movie !

2011-09-22T20:37:00.001-06:00

This seriously cracked me up so hard I had to post it.
It's 9 minutes long....and fully worth watching CLEAR until the end.   Holy shit this is hilarious.

see if you can catch the Mormon talk, CTR in this video. ha ha ha
As the girl talks about the drugs...her mom keeps asking her if she wants to C.hoose T.he R.ight. Now why didn't I use that line with Syd when she was telling me how much she liked the medicine and wanted more :)

2011-09-22T09:39:00.000-06:00

Night sweats.    Hot flashes.    increased PMS.
Could I be in perimenopause ?

Am I really this old ?

Do you think they will still rip it out because I'm still spotting/bleeding nearly 3 weeks out of the month ?

One can dream can't they ?

I just can't imagine our house without tampons (well for a while any ways).   and of course our being able to have sex without getting pregnant ;-)   Oh how would it be.

My toilet has been running all morning.   I am not likely to go sticking my hands in there to figure out why and J doesn't get home until tomorrow.   ah shoooot.

I've been a single mom all week.   and it's been my PMDD week.
We did pretty damn good I might say.
Other than the time I slapped my baby boys naked butts for choosing to strip their clothes off and procede to pee on my family room floor. This after tearing apart their brothers train system (those are a real bitch to put together).
But you know what.   we moved on.

I don't want to say it all aloud or anything.   Announce it like it's all great and shit.   But it's getting easier during J's business trips.   Last year was still really hard.   This year....Not so bad.    If I mentally prepare myself for it.....5:30 pm comes and goes without triggering anxiety and an onset of depression. :)   I do miss her while she's away though. And I REALLY like sharing the responsibility with her.   and also running kids to dance and errands to the store, without taking everyone.   but.   I am so handling this.
maybe it's my new aging mature self, or my nearly non producing ovaries.
Whatever it is.   I embrace you !

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life...

2011-09-20T07:55:00.001-06:00

and I'm feeling good.

I felt like I should update on Sydney's school situation. Remember. THE TEACHER ! :)
So far. so good.
Sydney tells me that she likes her.   She doesn't goo goo ga ga over her.   She's not that kind of teacher. and you know what.   I LOVE that about her.
Sydney told me that she had to stay in 5 minutes of recess because she wasn't getting her class work done in a timely manner.   (I almost cried)

Funny side story.
Syd now takes dance 1 day a week.   Just one. It's WONDERFUL !!!! however.   She takes 3 different classes in that one day.   So dance goes from 5:30 pm - 8:15 pm.   Which is insane to me.
Sydney's bedtime is 7:30 pm the other 6 days of the week, so you see....it does cause for a later night. not THAT much later....but she thinks she's staying up later.
Back to the point of my side story. I asked Sydney why she wasn't getting her work done in a timely manner.    She told me she was too tired.   And then said, "you know how I said that I need a good nights sleep and a healthy breakfast mom ? so that I can do well in school. Well I didn't get it !"
ha ha ha   cracks me up.
Either way her teacher is tough.   She's teaching some really great stuff and I couldn't be happier.

As far as the fighting to go to school.   We have some resistance in the morning.   Most of the time I can move her along without it escalating.   There have been a couple of times.   and I literally only think there's been 2...maybe 3 times. that I've had to threaten to take her to class in her jammies.   I think one day I told her I'd drag her there by her ear.   Not a shining mom moment.   but I gotta tell you....it wears man. It really wears the shit out of me some days.   I get so tired of redirecting and comforting and loving and focusing that if all of that work hasn't paid off....I get a little testy too.
Lucky for her I rebound pretty quickly.

Her attitude has changed a TON at home too.   It's been a couple of weeks being around a quite enjoyable and very adorable child I might add.   She has been much more patient with her brothers and has also rebounded pretty fast with her moms.     aw hell I love all day school. (exhale)

Next up. How I turned Syd's 11pm bedtime around to 7:30pm. We do it with 5 and so can you !

Sydney "acting" happy for my picture. aint it the way.

Dental Damn !

2011-09-16T07:11:00.002-06:00

Is it CRAZY that the best part of my day was going to the dentist.
Oh My Gawdy people.   If you know a dentist. You need to tell them to turn their practice into a dental spa.
Masssage chairs, dim lighting and spa music in the waiting room.  Paraffin wax on my hands.   warm or cool eye masks. soothing music with a perfectly balanced spa atmosphere. jaw, temple, neck massage after cleanings.   Plus they give you tongue scrapers with your super nice new toothbrush, mouth wash, dental floss and tooth paste packet.    I think tongue scrapers are just cool.
Within the next few weeks the childrens dental spa will open next door.  (same building).   In the basement they have big ol arcades and a movie theater to keep the kids busy while they wait.   They have full lay out, full body massage chairs for the parents while THEY wait.
I'm telling you.   TALK TO YOUR DENTISTS. Everyone needs to have dental experiences like these.
(p.s. it's all covered by insurance...you don't have to pay for the bells and whistles)

Syd.   she liked her dental barn experience. ba-a-a-a-a.   but not exactly relaxing. so to speak.
She had to have her teeth pulled last week.   (yes I know....I'm terrible for just now uploading video of it)
We pulled her top baby canines to make room for the extremely large (like her mothers) horse teef she got comin' in ! She had a tooth stuck on one of her canines trying to come in.   The dentist said that if we left it...it would turn and come in side ways.
Why add 3-6 months on to her orthodontics later.   Just pull those bad boys. ;-)

Syd giving advice to her brothers about having dental work done.
She REALLY liked the silly forget what happened later medicine they gave her. A little too much actually. She asked me for more 3 times while her head would sway side to side.   NOT a feeling I want her to get accustomed to liking.

and of course.....seeing herself with the laughing gas mask on.
(sorry it's all over the place. I was holding the camera above her...so she could see....which meant, I couldn't see what I was filming :)

Lesdothis !

2011-09-09T07:19:00.001-06:00

A friend of mine mentioned to me this week that her friend was doing a 3 week free boot camp.
There were only 2 days left of the 3 weeks though....tuesday and thursday.

Side sexual Confession : I would TOTALLY rock at being someone's bitch.   meaning.   if the option was given to be the tier or the tied.   I'd totally opt to be tied. Spanker or the spanked.   oh yeah. hit me baby one more time. (you're singing the song now huh)

I think it's because I feel like I have to be in control (shut up, yes I feel like I have to) all of the time.   I could totally dig giving up that control.
Which made boot camp oh so appealing.    I wanted to sweat and have someone tell me what to do.   I wanted to hurt and be pushed to my limits.

That is....until thursday.   2 days.   it takes 2 days for my muscles to feel the burn.   I could BARELY walk after training on Tuesday. I fell on the toilet each time I needed to go and had to use my arms to get myself up.     I stopped drinking just so that I didn't have to go any more.
I threatened, this is a true story, to beat my babies if they ran from me.      They would head outside to go to their friends house across the street.   I would call them back and they would keep going.   Normally I can just sprint a couple feet....grab them and put them back in the house.
Oh HEYULL NO was I able to do that after going Tuesday.   So once I made it to the front door...I grabbed the door frame to hold myself up and would say, "if you don't get in this house right now I'm going to beat you."
Needless to say, both babies came back :)    all 5 fucking times.

Nobody understood why I went back last night.    I couldn't even walk.    I waddled.
I took an ibuprofin 800 and limped in.    because you know what.    hit me baby one more time.
I can do this.
The trainer is a SUPER nice guy.   Motivating.   Had me in a squat hold position.   My legs were shaking, damn near gonna give out...and he came over and pushed my lower back to lower me even more.    I stood up and said, "look....I'm here bitch."   He just laughed and walked on.
I did everything requested of my poor weary body. I wasn't even the last one done.

I wonder if socks on my arms would help protect my elbows when I have to army crawl everywhere tomorrow ? hmm ?

I really liked it.   I've got the itch now and would like to do more.    Push past this hurt stage.   Become a buffster. ;-)
dream a little dream for me.
oh and in your dream...maybe I could already be a buffster and not sore. :)

The WHOLE reason I started this blog was to tell you about my boys starting their very first hip hop class. :) OMGAWD they are cute.   7 little boys learning hip hop was about as cute as it gets.
GREAT teacher.   GREAT music.   LOVED it. and more importantly THEY loved it.
Couldn't get great pictures....but this is what I did get.

I think that if Gwen Stefani and Cyndi Lauper were to have a baby...this is what she would look like. Very cool teacher.

Thanks again for all of your comments on my sticker situation, that's what I'm calling it :)
For now.....I'm just going to hang low. Be a good example as to what a lesbian family is. and hopefully. maybe. change the mind of one person because of it.
plus. she is pretty damn dingy. could be that she thinks she IS supporting my family. ha ha ha
Any ways. Thanks again people.

Proposition Help !

2011-09-07T19:48:00.000-06:00

I have told this story to exactly 3 people.   It isn't even a big deal, but for some reason I'm having a hard time digesting it.    Tell me what you think.

Last school year I got a call from one of Syd's friends mother.    She wanted to get the girls together for a play date.
(break here: I always get nervous with new moms and new play dates.   my mind spins as to when or how or even if I go into the whole, we are a 2 mom family, blah blah blah....I didn't this time and just decided to play it out)
She dropped her daughter off at the house and visited with me for about 15 minutes.
Super happy in your face kind of person.   (I'm fine with most people, so the in your face doesn't bother me like it does some ;-)
She was great and dropped several hints that she knew about our 2 mom family.    I remembered her from a few of the school activities and she was always very nice.

After the 2nd play date J took Syd's friend home.   Her mom invited J in, talked to her for a few minutes.   Mentioned that she was happy to finally meet "mommy J".

She just seemed so cool and open about all of it.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago.    We didn't spend any time with this girl over the summer.   For no other reason than I was either too busy or too lazy to set it up.
I'm driving to the car wash.   I'm behind a van and in the back window there is a bumper sticker with the outline of CA state and a big YES on PROP 8.
I immediately started thinking how whoever this person was, they must have had some super strong convictions about gay marriage to have a sticker on their UTAH car.   fuh cryin out loud.
It was bugging me and as I pulled in to the car wash....so did the van.
They went to wash.   I went to vaccuum.
A few minutes later.   (ok 10. my van REALLY needed to be vaccuumed) I glance over and who is parked next to me.....this woman and her kids.    Syd runs up and embraces her friend in a "oh my gosh I haven't seen you FOREVER" hug.   And in stride over walks her mom with a huge smile and is in my face talk talk talking.
In the back of my head I was thinking. NO. there's NO WAY that was her van with the sticker.
I tried to see if it was....but her tail gate was flipped up.   (lots of vans in utah...couldn't be 100% sure)

Fast forward again to Tuesday.   I get a call, "Can Syd come over and play"
As I pull in to her driveway.....BOOM....there's the frigging sticker ! Yes on prop 8.

It's been bugging the shit out of me since.   Her mom wants to split up our Tuesdays....her daughter coming home with Syd one Tuesday and Syd going home with her the next.
I mean...she can't hate us so bad that she won't let her kid come to my house. right ?   and she's very nice to my face.   she's not trying to brainwash Syd.
So what's the big deal ?   Why can't I get it out of my head ?

I told J.  it feels like the movie "The Help" to me.
I'll be nice to your face, but you can't use our bathroom.

I don't know.   I hate that I immediately throw up walls and no longer trust or want to further a friendship with this woman.

What do you think ?

Planes no trains and automobiles

2011-09-06T12:26:00.000-06:00

J has 6 trips scheduled over the next 30 days.  3 of which are week longers.   1 includes me and the kids.
Part of me I think is in denial....because writing that didn't send my head spinning and that peanut butter bar that I just ate, back up.    The other part of me TOTALLY knows how bad 5 of these trips are going to suck ass.
I look so forward to 5:30 pm.    Even if she comes home and plays on her phone or the computer (which she hasn't done this last week I will add) I know she's here.   I know that I can lock myself in the bathroom and when the babies take off down the street, someone else can be responsible for retrieving them.

In the middle of all of this crazy, we are taking our family to Walt Disney World.    Yes, Florida.
Which means we are flying.   all 7 of us.
You know what ? fuck it.   it'll be just fine.   (it all starts with your attitude, right ?)
We'll get there. hopefully alive.
We are renting a house (because it's cheaper and how sweet is that really)
It has a pool.  with a childs gate. (and how sweet is that really)
We are taking along a babysitter.    Meeting with friends over the weekend.
The whole thing makes me giddy !   and now it's bringing up my peanut butter bar.
yeah. that shit is never good the second time around.

Honey, I just hung up with you as you boarded your flight.   I'm not even going to look for a hidden love note.    I feel lucky to have kissed you goodbye.    I slipped you a note.   and if you can't find it, it's because you have a hard time finding things (you know it's true) and not because I too forgot to write you one. ;-)
Fly safe. speedy return.
Oh and honey, don't let this next picture scare you.   Head wounds bleed a TON.   It was more of a hole than a gash. We're all good here.   no worries.
I got this.

14 years and counting !

2011-09-01T10:05:00.000-06:00

Happy happy happy happy happy anniversary !
Happy happy happy happy happy anniversary !
Happy happy happy happy happy anniversary !
Happy happy happy happy......
SHUT IT !

Hey, I have an idea. Let's celebrate by going to see the Ellen show. live. :)
I Love you J. even when I'm going to start my period. even when you travel and leave me with all of these bastards. alone. and even when I have to tell you what to do. I love you even then. (huge cheesy grin) it's cuz I smiled isn't it ?

TV guideless

2011-08-31T21:54:00.000-06:00

I don't watch TV.   RARELY at night will I cozy up with my wife to watch Pawn stars or whatever the hell it is she is addicted to.
We did watch Criminal Minds like crazy for a while after the kids were going down early.....but now I feel like it's been there done that, and I'm over it.
J has been watching movies on her apple tv.    She'll watch anything and everything.   I'm much more picky and would rather be on the computer with my extra time.

So why do I think it's hilarious and ironic that J got us tickets to view a tv show live ?
Great right !

3 guesses as to what it is.
1- Price is Right
2- Ellen
3- American Idol

I don't know how well I'd do at the price guessing....but I KNOW FOR SURE I'd get that big ass wheel around if given the chance....but no...it's not the price is right.
It's Ellen baby.   We're totally going to see Ellen, live.   I get to see her dance up close and personal.
It's not until Nov.   but still.    how cool as shit is that !

Ok another funny thing is.   I have NO IDEA who sings now days or who stars on any TV shows.  so I'll probably be clueless as to her guests.   Unless it's some big movie star.   you never know.
Either way.
I'm going to Ell-en. I'm going to Ell-en.   :)

First day of school !

2011-08-29T16:43:00.000-06:00

It seems that I have been waiting so long for this day to come.
It didn't exactly feel the way I had expected it to.
Still though. GREAT day !

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

(note : the babies were not strapped in the stroller and left in my hot garage...and the fact that I thought of doing it and taking pictures of it does not make me guilty of anything...just sayin')

Why I'm a good mom sometimes !

2011-08-25T15:31:00.000-06:00

-Because sometimes it's ok to eat dry cereal for breakfast in moms room while watching a little Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
-Because it's ok to to eat dry cereal yet again for lunch, in front of the TV right before bath time, just before pre school.
-Because after pre school my decision to head to Carls Jr. for a shake was the best and greatest idea, because holy shit fire it's too hot for the park, but these kids need to climb and play and not on my couches and turned over chairs.
-AND just because the play structure says it's for children under 12 doesn't mean a grown up won't fit. it also said you have to go down the slide....I didn't follow that rule either.
-Because when everyone was melting down with the heat....I held it together. and nobody was even around to watch me.
-I shared my bubble gum and chased my kids all with patience, love and 100% of my attention.
-Today. I'm a good mom.

well, up until now, when I sat down at the computer and am now blocking out the screaming from the babies who are tearing apart my couches and Sydney's request for....something....I have completely tuned her out until just now. ha ha ha
but EARLIER today....I was good. and that counts for something.
I'm officially done being nice.
WHO'S CRYING ! NATE LEAVE HIM ALONE ! WHAT SYDNEY ???? PUT THE COUCH CUSHIONS BACK ON THE COUCH !!! DAMN IT !

Polly want a crack whore !

2011-08-23T10:33:00.000-06:00

I've been going to the local high school track in the mornings to do some running/walking.
It's wonderful because I can put on my music and circle the track all in a world of my own whildst my children are playing on the field or in the bleachers....all contained with the surrounding fence.....and lately the football team, cheerleaders and drill team, who have been practicing for homecoming in a week or so.

Today after my run I went under the bleachers to find my babies sitting on the ground. Ryan was holding a handful of grass and Nathan was pecking at the grass with a dead baby bird.
and me without hand sanitizer.
I wiped their hands off with wet wipes once we got to the car and washed them 3 times as soon as we got home.
gross. on so many levels.

These little 3 year olds are a lot less fun than the little 2 year olds they once were.    I've heard from several people that the odd years are the worst.   I happen to have 3, 5 and 7 year olds.    who the fuck planned that one.

ANY WAYS !
3 year stats. because I know you want to know and I have to keep track.

Nathan :
weight 37 lbs     90%
height  40 in.      97%
no shots.
no concerns
Nate told the doctor a knock knock joke while being checked out.
knock knock.
who's there
doggy pooped

Ryan :
weight 34 lbs     75%
height 39 in.      90%
no shots
no concerns
noted that he was super whiney and high maintanence. :)
He wouldn't open his mouth and resisted and whined pretty much the whole time.

If I survive this last set...I promise to donate my time to those in need, my money for a scholarship to a mother who devoted her life to her kids and since my mind will be mush and my liver damaged....I'll donate my eyes....because they will be wise and will have seen pretty much everything.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad !

2011-08-19T07:30:00.002-06:00

Yesterday -
Once the screaming died down. and also the request for a bandaid to place over the white circle with the red pindot in the center on his inner foot.

Nathan : bees will sting you ?
Mom : bees will sting you if they think you are going to hurt or kill them. You stepped on that bee so he stung you.
Nathan : Will piders eat you ?
Mom : no. spiders won't eat you.
Nathan : only dragons will eat you ?
Mom : Unless you are their friend...they won't eat you if you are their friend.
Nathan : Sadie bite you ?
Mom : no, Sadie won't bite you.
Nathan : Mom won't bite you ?
Mom : no, mom WILL bite you. (bit arm)
Nathan : ouch. don't bite me ! A bee hurt me !
Cam : Bees are mean.
Mom : Bees aren't mean. They only hurt you when you hurt them. I watched the Bee movie....bee's are nice.
Cam : I watched that movie, but bees in our world are mean and you have to freeze them. Do you know how hard it is to play freeze tag ? It's hard.
Nathan : Shoes will kill bees. Then they won't sting me.
Mom : It's a good idea to wear shoes.
Cam : Yeah and shoes make you run fast too.

I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel....so bad !

Boy girl boy boy boy boy boy boy boy

2011-08-18T11:57:00.000-06:00

My poor Syd.   She is so out numbered.
Not just in our family but also in the neighborhood.
Me and my friend took our kids + a few extra to the canyon yesterday.   Let the kids play in the creek, hunt for animals and bugs, climbed the side of mountains = dirty happy kids.
There were 11 kids.   1 girl.
She handles it well.   She's never been a girlie girl. Doesn't like barbie's or any other "typical" girl stuff. Has the drama queen part down though. :)
She'll pick up a spider and hold a snake. but I think she needs a little more estrogen play time.

She has a sweet and sensitive side and was THRILLED when a butterfly landed first on her knee then nose (no picture) and then hand. She announced today that she's going to write a chapter book and include the story of this butterfly in it. :)

I've been counting down the days to the start of school.    Sydney's definitely easier on the eyes than on me.    ha ha
We had heard at the end of school last year and over the summer that, "whatever you do, DON'T GET MS. WARNOCK"
Guess who Sydney got. fuuuuuuh !
The tennis game that has gone on in my head about whether to switch classes or leave her there has been exhausting.    Weighing the pros and cons.   Worrying if changing would be the bigger mistake.
I can't have her struggle another year.   I can't fight her to go to school every day for another year.
UGH !
I've decided to leave her in her class and face whatever challenges we are faced with.    It will teach her and apparently remind me that we will have to work with lots of different kinds of people in our lives.   And sometimes we don't get to choose who they are.
I won't change her mid year.    I don't want to teach her that we can just "decide" that it's not working out and we can make a change.   I was the same way with gymnastics.   You made the commitment...you see it out until after the performance.     We'll just work through it.

Cross your fingers for a good year.

Because subtle just isn't my style

2011-08-14T19:29:00.000-06:00

The kids are all right...but everyone else is fucked up ! Movie in review !

2011-08-11T13:36:00.000-06:00

Last night me and the wife FINALLY watched, "The Kids Are All Right"
We went into it with low to no expectations.   The whole affair thing with the sperm donor kind of kept us from watching it until now.   Even though I have to say, the idea of Annette Benning as a lesbian was something I looked forward to :) to say the least.   Loved her in An affair to remember and American President.

It was TERRIBLE.   From the start of the show clear through to the end.   We hated the ENTIRE movie.
There were a couple of parts that we laughed at.   I think you'd laugh at a street sign if it took your eyes off of the wreckage before you.

There was ABSOLUTELY no chemistry. AT ALL. between ANY of the characters.
Julianna and Annette are seasoned and Awesome actors.   I don't know who to blame for this failure.

Their kiss (I think there were 2 in the WHOLE "LESBIAN" movie) felt awkward and like two uncomfortable straight women kissing.    It was not believable to me at all.
There was some sex in the movie.    It was all straight.   well except for that one terrible scene where the girls watched gay men porn and talked through sex like they were folding laundry.
I'm sorry....I don't care how long you've been together.  It is not like that.   Even LBD'ers have to agree.
If someone's face is between your legs.....you are not going to sit there and talk about changing the light fixtures in the room.   ESPECIALLY if it was your idea in the first place.    Freak.

I felt like they only showed the bad between every relationship.   They didn't ever show love and happiness.   And like the build up between the family characters....it was the same disappointment when the mom and donor have sex.     "so, do you want to add some shrubs"   aaaaand......they have sex.

It was a terrible representation of what I like to think being gay with kids is like. Even in shitty relationships there are going to be some good times. and for hell sakes, if you are going to put great people in a movie.   don't cut corners on the writing and apparently directing and cinematography.
Sorry guys.   It's 1 star for me.

That said.   I watched a new lesbian movie a while ago and really liked it.   Elena Undone.
It's kind of slow to start....there's a bunch of talk talk talk when I just want it to be about the girls :) but there is some GREAT chemistry between the 2 main characters.   It holds what "The kids are all right" completely misses on.
I don't normally like the whole straight girl/gay girl storyline.   It always makes me nervous...ha ha ha....but this one didn't make me nervous at all !    And guess what....only girl on girl sex :)  That's nice, right ? Not to ruin it for you...but there's a big O scene in it so realistic that I have to wonder if she didn't really have an orgasm right there on set. :)
Speaking of. I have a new star celebrity crush on Traci Dinwiddie.    She's great in the movie (wink wink)
It's on instant watch on Netflix for those that have it.    I mean. who doesn't like a new lesbian flick. Low budget, but cute.

My Cubs !

2011-08-08T12:06:00.000-06:00

I have said for a long time that when my boys wrestle with each other, it reminds me of little bear cubs. or little lion cubs. And just like on animal planet, the mama gets pummeled too. :)
Rollie Pollie and cute all over.
Here's some animal fun to share.

We have joked in a not so funny and more of an acceptance for what is to come, kind of way.....these boys are going to TEAR THIS HOUSE UP in a couple of years.
So we are currently in the process of not really giving a shit about dents and holes in the walls....as there will be plenty more where those came from.
And although acceptance is the first step....I continue to spackle and fill the damn things....because there's that one little part of me that hopes they will be proper young gentlemen who sit and read and only play rough outside.
snark snark snark.

Being Out of Control and loving it.

2011-08-04T08:17:00.000-06:00

There was a time in my life when if you looked in my closet.....you would have seen the same color hangers, separated exactly the same width apart.   The clothing hung on them would have been categorized and colorized and hanging in the same direction.     My drawers were the same way.
My laundry folding was precise.   My towels were folded a certain way and were stacked the big roll out with the edges on the inside of the wall that they stacked up against.

Have you seen Sleeping with the Enemy with Julia Roberts ?    I totally understood why it bothered him to have the towels out of line with one another.    Not that I would beat the shit out of anyone for it.   no. I would just fix it. again and again and again.  ok. FUUUUUH. I still kind of do this in my bathrooms and stuff.   and the cupboards with the labels all turned out and in line. yeah. mine is still like that. whatever.

I would never just throw on a hat without makeup to run to the store. Or even to the gas station for that matter.   I think it started in Jr. High.   it would take me an hour to get ready.   and I remember throwing FITS because my hair wouldn't go.   every hair had to be perfect.

Sitting at my desk, when I worked in an office and not as a domestic house goddess, everything had a specific spot and I would constantly adjust and realign and move things to their correct place. Papers were always matched up.

I don't remember ever thinking there was anything wrong with me.   My best friend had similar idiosyncrosies and I knew that she had a problem ;-) hee hee.   I just considered myself exceedingly organized.

Although looking back, I do remember cleaning my friends rooms growing up.....and even remember at one point getting a butter knife and cleaning the grout of my neighbors floor.    I didn't hear my friends leave.   I didn't care.   It was more satisfying to me to clean the 2 feet of grout lines in the linoleum floor that I was able to do before being told to go home.
I also spent hours organizing and cleaning my best friends brothers rooms which included organizing their closet and drawards, when I was 7 or 8.   I have no idea where my friend went.    Again.   I didn't care.
Her mom gave me like $.80 in change after I showed her what I had done.    I didn't want payment....but gladly took the money home and showed my mom. who immediately told me to take it back because Nancy didn't "ask" me to do it, so I wasn't allowed to accept the money.
(sigh)

Any ways.   now I introduce to the story an important and character to my transformation, my wife.    Who wears sleeveless t-shirts (she's cut herself) and mens cargo pants to do lawn work or whatever she's doing around the garage etc.    If she needs something. be it a sprinkler part.   lunch.  birthday present. milk at the store.    She's going in what she has on.   Dirt, grass and all.   Sometimes she doesn't even throw on a hat.
OMG !   but. It only took a couple of years before I too was throwing a hat on to run a fast errand.
I do at least put a bra on.   Something the wife doesn't bother with either.   (sorry J:)

Thing is.   I've always loved that about her.   The freedom that she has.   The, "who gives a shit" attitude.   She really doesn't give a shit either.

The kids joined us and one by two by two I was out numbered and overwhelmed with the chaos that comes with having so many damn kids.
Things started to slip.   It was hard.   REALLY hard.   and I don't really remember when it stopped being hard on me mentally and just became what it is. Maybe it was when I maxed out on my zoloft :)
I do know that it was about the 58th time I re folded all of the damn clothes in the boys/babies room and put them neatly back in their drawers....only to re fold them again and again and a-fucking-gain.
It was one of their favorite games to pull all of my freshly washed and folded clothes out of their drawers.    Sometimes they'd just empty them on their floor.   Sometimes they'd throw them down the stairs.   Mother F'ers.   They have also done this in my room as well.
I would get SO pissed.   SO PISSED. and now, I have to think. thank them. they saved me from myself.    From the crazy expectations I had to obsess about everything that I could control in my life ?
Do you know how much time and money that saved me.    All of the drugs that I could have eventually had prescribed with side effects such as weight gain, random twitching and bowel incontinence.
Let alone saving me the time that it took to accomplish these compulsive tasks.

I try and throw their clothing back into the right drawers now and not all crinkled up.    underwear and swimming suits and bra's....there is no need to fold those kinds of things.   I'm just lucky to get the shit put away.   Clothes are lucky to be hung up let alone in some alphabetical order.   Our closet aint that big.....most shit just gets shoved in.
cuz my new motto.   If you can't beat em (literally) join em.
And you know what ?

I'm TOTALLY ok with it.
kind of.

I mean really. who wouldn't want this. (silent yearning)

Happy Birthday Nathan and Ryan !

2011-08-02T16:55:00.001-06:00

Dear Babies,
I'm not sure what I'll call you when you are 15....but I'm pretty sure it will still be, "the babies".
I'm sorry.
Right now it only seems a little strange to call you babies. You still have that 9% of baby padding packed around your cheeks and middle section that let me get away with it in public. Although your height is becoming an issue. I'm certain there are those questioning whether or not you are already 3, maybe 3 1/2 which would make it only a tiny bit weird calling you babies. You guys are getting so big.

Nathan, today you came up and grabbed my wrist with a plastic grabber picker upper thing.   You told me in your most evil voice (which is actually quite evil), "now you ah never get outta here.   I'm captain hook.   I slap you face."
I grabbed you and tickled you and after giggling for a minute you sat up, leaned in and tried to give me a long kiss on the lips :)
I absolutely adore every single cell in your body.    Except for the cell that makes you do terrible things. but just that one cell. The rest I love love love.
You still have a ferocious appetite and eat ANY thing.   Well except for the nectarine you decided to help yourself to today. I found the nectarine with a large bite taken out of it sticking to the carpet in the office and only a few feet away the remnants of what had been chewed a few times.   nice.

You are HILARIOUS.   The last 3 years we've been wondering what the hell is in that head of yours....and now it comes spewing out and frankly, it's damn funny.
Who knew.
You have special effects and facial expressions.   You're your own comedy club buddy.....and me and Mommy J have front row seats.
but Nate....please reserve the hysterical madness for me and mommy J. and not for your teachers and classmates one day.
Love,
Mom.

Ryan, today you are sick.    You have the stomach bug that Spencer, Cameron and Nathan had before you.    I alternated between rubbing your belly and sticking my fingers in the creases of your fingers and toes like you make us do while you thrashed around from 1:30-4:30 am  (all by myself because Mommy J's on another one of her work trips) which is just about the time that your sister and brother woke up for the day.   You went back to sleep at 5 for an hour, which means that I too slept for an hour.   ugh.
You are a trooper though.   and a cuddler.

You have found a shell to crawl into around the people you used to run to with open arms.   The ones you still talk about daily and want to visit.    We're not really sure if you are shy or just playing hard to get.

There is something about you that keeps you first choice with your brothers and sister.  They all want to baby you, or have you be their pretend baby.   You usually fight them off, with Nathan standing in the wings hand up ready to throw himself in a diaper with a burp cloth around his neck. but you...you play the hard to get game and seem to be the number one and only.

Your storms are still monstrous at times.   Less frequent. but there is always a hint of one around the corner.    Today you got the windex from under the bathroom sink downstairs while I had my thumb on the big kids making them clean the playroom.    You sprayed the toilet, several walls but mostly the carpet and Spencer's bear.
The punishment ended with me ripping the empty bottle out of your hand and throwing it away. (with of course my meanest face including the clenched jaw) By the time I had returned you were again doubled over with pain.    I picked your slender little frame up and we went and rocked while you tried to find a position that didn't hurt.
It's really hard to stay mad at you.   Especially now that your sensitive personality shows a bit more.   I can see that your brain isn't always good at making the right choices, but your heart feels and sees every mad face.
We'll work it out buddy.
Love,
Mom

HAPPY Birthday BABY boys !
I love you more and more with each passing year.
(something any twin mom would understand) ;-)

The end of LBD, yeah you know me !

2011-07-29T20:56:00.005-06:00

What a month.   yes I know I'm a couple of days early.   but I'm no good on the weekends.
It has been a real pleasure getting to know some of you in a more intimate setting. :)
And of course by that I am referring to your comments and emails.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey with me.   I am hoping that this has started some positive dialog in regards to opening pandora's box. ha ha ha. OMG I am on one.

Ok for real.   I hope like me, you will tear that duct tape with the words "DO NOT ENTER" written in black sharpie off your hoochies and promise to never close shop again.
This is me after 1 beer. 3 hrs ago. just so you know.
I'm a super cheap date and apparently an abnoxious and inappropriate drinker.

I would like to share a quick story with you.
I have to start by telling you.   I am not promoting this product for any kind of revenue purposes.   I am only sharing my experience in hopes that it too can help you in yours.

My wife bought a life strength ion bracelet.   It's suppose to give you balance. both emotionally and physically.
Never heard of them until my wife walks in from work and says, "Come here....I need to try something on you."    She tells me that she has a series of tests to do to me and to trust her. (I'm glad she told me to trust her....it obviously lets you know that she normally does stuff to me that shouldn't and wouldn't be trustable:)
She tells me to stand on one foot and hold my arms out to the sides for balance.   She then pushes on my 1 arm on the side with the leg up and I am to hold steady as long as I can.
I immediately fell over.
She then hands me this bracelet (the bracelet she gave herself for her birthday :) and said to hold it in my hand and repeat the exercise.    I did and she almost couldn't push me over.
I told her it was bullshit and to try again now that I have my wits about me.   We repeated with almost the same results.    I was ready this time and was able to hold my balance longer without the bracelet but there was a definite difference in the length of time with and without the bracelet.
She did another test and there were also significant discrepencies.
The bracelet is also supposed to help her with her mood balance and even sleep.
The thing cost 30.00........it had better help the friggin kids sleep at that price.   plastic ass jelly bracelet.

I decided to just let the wife think she was centered and sleepy.    Whatever she wanted to believe.

>>>Later that Night<<< I had forgotten about the bracelet.
We weren't sleeping.   and.   then we didn't sleep some. more.    and damn.
It always seems like we get better each time. but I gotta say.   it was all sorts of good this time.
After telling her, "wow" and "what the hell" and I think some, "shits" and "damns"
My wife gets up and says to me all cocky with this twisted smile,bouncing her eyebrows, "it's the bracelet"

We both laughed super hard and then I said, "do you think it really was the bracelet ?"
'cause, what if it really was ?
what if the damn thing works and maybe in some way transfers to the person the one with the bracelet is touching.    CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE !
I had to share this with my friends.
I'm not sayin it was the bracelet. and I'm not sayin it wasn't.
I'm just sayin that if it is.   I'm buying 3 more.

OH and apparently you can put it anywhere on your body to recieve the full effects.
So for my straight readers.   I'll let your imaginations run with it.
You know. if you wanna give it a try.

That's all folks !   Good night !

Hey Mrs Robinson !

2011-07-27T19:06:00.001-06:00

I was able to meet somewhat of a role model.   Someone I have quietly idolized since hearing her story years and years ago :)
My wife went to school with a girl who dated the girls basketball coach.    Now J was more interested in the girl who was, like her. gay.   I was most impressed with the fact that this girl dated the coach.
which later came down to coaches assistant and a woman who was just out of college. married with 2 kids. and they weren't together until after she graduated. not so much the story I heard years ago. Or maybe it was the way I wanted to hear.

My fairy tale ending was much better.   I think it ended with them having crazy wild sex with basketball shorts hanging from the ceiling fan in her coaches bedroom.
~ And they lived happily ever after ~

They spent 9 years together before ending it on an extremely sour note.   hm. so much for fairy tale endings.

Things are not always as they seem.    We fantasize and romanticize things so much that we start to believe that if things aren't all roses and clovers that there must be something wrong.   something broken.
Fact is.   The basketball shorts probably blew off of the ceiling fan revealing the dust that had collected on the blades...landing somewhere under the bed next to a several day old sippy cup with spoiled solid milk in it.
Nothing is perfect.    Nothing should be.   We need to just remember to be happy with the imperfections that make up our relationship.   They are what make life certain.   Not the stuff that is written in the movies.

That's not real.   It takes a lot of time and several cameras, a script, makeup and hair, a set and days of rehersal, filming and lots of editing.    It's not attainable.
Knowing most of the stories from your lovers childhood and even meeting a lot of the characters from them.....that's the good stuff.    That's the stuff that's real life.   That we should hold on to.

Just keep this in mind whildst considering this last months LBD challenge and how it may or may not have worked out for you.
Maybe consider writing your own fairy tale ending.

Even through all of the screaming and crying and headaches.   I sure feel like I'm living happily ever after.    mostly after 7:30pm.   between 7:30 pm and 7 am actually.   yip. living the dream baby. :)

In my fairytale ending I am still this skinny. :) Wha ? it's my story !

Our Founders day story in Pictures

2011-07-27T09:26:00.000-06:00

We went to grandma's house. Which usually includes putting marbles down the marble run. and ends in putting said marbles in mouths and spitting them all over the floor. oh the memories we will have one day.

We bought Pop its. Boxes and boxes...because frankly, they provide more enjoyment and last longer than any 20.00 firework and only cost 1.00.
Ryan was hesitant and kept repeating that he was scared....but after only a couple of minutes decided to throw a few down.

and oh the joy. the exhilaration.

some used more precision, which included counting and craddling in the palm of their hands before throwing them down.

but nothing satisfied more than the pop pop pop that crackled from the sidewalk with each and every hurl.

We burned snakes and grandma's sidewalk

There were borrowed pop its when one's pop its were all used up....in exchange for promises of niceness and friendship that were short lived and usually forgotten afterwards.

But no one cared and life was good.

We had no worries.

only excitement for what was to come.

We said things like, "cool" and "who" and anything else that fits this facial expression.

We were ready to light off the big dogs.

The big fireworks were loud and bright. Even at 7:43 pm.
All the brave and excitement sizzled out just as fast as the 20.00 we spent on the stupid things.

but they were always brave afterwards.

and then something went terrible awry.
One of the ariel shooters fell over sideways 1/2 way through and began blasting sprays of hot firey color in several different directions but up.

The rest of the show was mostly viewed from the porch and inside of the house. Which was a shame really because the anticipation of it falling over again was the best part. :)
The end !

note : no one was harmed during the taking of these pictures or at any other point during the story.

A split second !

2011-07-25T22:47:00.000-06:00

My brothers next door neighbor ran over his 1 year old baby girl yesterday.
When my brother got there he had her craddled against his chest bawling and rocking back and forth.
His wife was on the driveway curled up in the fetal position screaming a maternal cry no one should ever hear.

There was nothing anyone could do for her.    She had tire marks on her little head and blood was coming from her ear and nose.   She was gone.

My brother couldn't even finish the story without crying so hard he couldn't catch his breath.    She was 4 days younger than my little niece.
My brother couldn't sleep last night.   He couldn't close his eyes without seeing her sweet little body held tightly against her daddy's chest.

1 split second.    Life will never EVER be the same for this couple.

So often it all feels like Russian Roulette.   You can be as careful as you think humanly possible.   You can take all precautions.   Buy the toughest car seats.   Teach your kids to look both ways.   Cut up their apples and carrots into tiny bite sized pieces.    And then in a split second.   A flash.   It's all taken away.    It makes my heart sick.

Praying for this family.   Praying for my brother.   Praying for the families in Norway.   and each and every family who has had to suffer the loss of a loved one.    God knows there are many.
And as my heart breaks for all of those who have loved and lost.....I will rejoice in the safety of mine tonight.

You don't say !

2011-07-25T11:30:00.000-06:00

First.
Did you know that when an ant dies their body releases a chemical that the other ants smell.
Ants are apparently good housekeepers.   They clean up left over waste, garbage and their own dead.
They take them to a dumping site/grave yard.

Just in case you were wondering when you see ants carrying around other dead ants.
Good to know, yeah ?

My boys continue on the quest to figure out if Mommy J is in fact their dad and a boy.   They tell her all of the time that she has short hair so she's a boy.   We point out that I have short hair, grandma has short hair etc.   They can't seem to come up with a reason for it and remain confused and in denial.
Nathan took his turn yesterday morning.
Nate, "mommy J, you are a boy, you have a penis?"
J, "nope. I'm a girl, so I don't have a penis."
Nate, "I have a penis. See!" begins pulling his PJ's down to proudly reveal his anatomy.
J, "yip, you are a boy and you have a penis."
Nate, "you don't have a penis ?"
J, "nope."
Nate, "Spencer has a penis ?!"
J, "yip"
Nate, "Cameron has a penis ?!"
J, "yip"
Nate, "Ryan has a penis ?!"
J, "yip"
Nate, "you have a penis ?"
J, "nope, I don't have a penis"
Nate, "the bed has a penis ?!" smiling.
J, "nope, the bed doesn't have a penis"
Nate, laughs hysterically.

Nathan pooping on the potty this morning announced to J, "wow, that came out easy"
That kid cracks us up.   We laugh all day at the antics that kid pulls.

We were in the car driving to the zoo Friday. Sydney was trying to put some of her things in order. I turned a corner and heard her say. "whoa, I couldn't hold a horse right now ! get it...hold your horses."
So witty and funny when she's not trying.

There are so many things that they say that crack us up.   I hate that I don't write them down so that I can remember all of it.

Happy Birthday ! The jokes on you.

2011-07-21T10:23:00.000-06:00

It's my wife's forty-pshsma birthday today.
I'm taking her to lunch and it seems that everything she has purchased over the last couple of weeks is her birthday present.    She brings something home and tells me, this is for my birthday.   over and over. and over again :)
I don't know how it's possible to love her more. but I do. different. completely. and more.

My 88 year old grandmother sent her a birthday card this year.   It said, outside : "You're not getting old" inside : "but if you think you are getting a present you are getting stupid."
:)   I suppose that kind of humor has to be passed down in the genetics, aye ?

Completely unrelated to J's birthday, but equally funny. and it just happened.
When Nathan asks for a cracker it sounds like he's asking for a crack whore.
"Mom, I want a crack whore.   I want a crack whore mom."
He stood next to me while I started this post.   ate his graham crack whore into the shape of 9mm Smith and Wesson and then of course aimed at none other than myself and began unloading.
Sarah Palin would be so proud.

We are at the end of July....last week of LBD !    I hope that it's at least brought it up in your household. That you are all conscious about it and willing to try.
As for my challenge.
I have found something to hold true at my house.    I remember reading about not giving a child the choice of answering with a yes or no response.    ie. "Syd will you please pick up your shoes ?" "no" is surely to follow.
Same goes for sex.    Don't give the option of, "May I pleasure you ?"   "how about tomorrow night, I'm tired" is one thing that may be heard.   Hypothetically speaking I mean.
As much as talking about sex is important. Sometimes not saying anything at all can be just as productive.
Ok, so 1 out of 3 times is pretty good right.   I mean. All I can do is keep trying :)

Happy Birthday baby.   It's tomorrow night tonight.   Jus'sayin'.

Last week of swimming lessons

2011-07-18T12:51:00.001-06:00

For more than one reason I am posting this section of recorded lesson. Yes, I will admit, I loved catching Nathan running up to tell me, "I love you mama" :)

There's a little kids pool that they will allow the kids not in swimming lessons to play in. We always get there a few minutes early so that the babies can warm up to the water and then stay and play for a few minutes after everyone is done with lessons.
We were lucky that it was just our family in the pool this day. Usually it's full of kids.
Nate and his cannon ball crack me up !
Ryan was putting his whole head under today like his brother. I wish I would have had the camera today.

Getcher head in the game !

2011-07-15T07:55:00.001-06:00

Most of the time you hear.....get your head out of the gutter.    For women I think it is important to have your head in the gutter sometimes. :)

Lets face it.   Most men have a pretty natural amount of chemical make up that makes it possible for them to get in the game several times during any day.   Sometimes it just takes a slight breeze.
Women.   We will have to work at it.   80% of it is in our heads.    If your mind is somewhere else.....your body will not be present either.
We have to put not so much our thinking hat on but more our sexual awareness hat on.

Think about it.    When you come home from work (those that work outside of the home) you take off your work hat once you walk in the door with the kids grabbing at you and pulling on you excited to see you and immediately throw on your mom hat.   The way you think and even talk changes once that hat is on.   You have a ladies night out and happily take off mom hat to put on your going out hat.
We have so many hats.
Mom, daughter, friend, wife, patient, employee, employer, supervisor, care taker, teacher, lover, single mom, lesbian, straight, religious member, advocate, litigator (old joke)......to name only a few.

We get to the point when changing hats is done without even thinking.   It's as if they magically interchange themselves depending on whose company you are in.
And some hats we have to consciously put on.
So ladies remember that you need to pull out and dust off the sexual partner hat once in a while.
You may even need to help your partner find hers and dust hers off too.
but please put them on.  hopefully at the same time.   :)

It's the weekend !!! Babysitters babysitters babysitters !! I can't stress how important this is ladies.

Que sera sera

2011-07-14T11:41:00.000-06:00

I want to share one of the emails I received. I wouldn't say she's participating in the LBD challenge per se. but has a story to share.
Thank you anonymous for being brave enough to speak out about another level of LBD.

My partner and I have been together for fifteen years. We have an eleven year old boy-man that I carried. We are so deep into LBD that we’ve touched each other twice in seven years. She sleeps rolled in blankets on one side of our queen-sized bed and I sleep mostly naked on the other. I am the partner that’s not happy with the situation, that questions my attractiveness (especially now that I have had a child and gone through menopause), who wonders what is wrong with me. Sometimes that 8 minutes a couple times a week doesn’t sound so bad. That is my emotional reaction to what is happening.

To truly understand where we are, you have to understand where we have been. My partner was raised in a religiously twisted black and white world. She went to a private Fundamental Christian school, attended Wheaton College (birthplace of the Billy Graham movement) and then moved west to get away from Chicago and Tennessee. When we met I was coming out of a three year relationship with a woman who had turned me every way but loose and who had stormed out of my life primarily because I wanted to have a child. My partner was kind of, sort of, coming out of a three year relationship with a woman who had moved to another city to live with someone else while still in their relationship. We progressed slowly. After six months we moved in together. After three years we agreed I would have a child and she would buy a place for us to live.

Sounds so cold. Our relationship has never been very passionate. In fact, I think my sexual drive and desire scared her to begin with and it went into overdrive when I was put on clomid. She did not react well. Our sexual interaction was just enough to not drive me crazy, but always initiated by me. My partner is so afraid all the time, of my sexuality, of being a lesbian, of God. She carries with her the idea that she is going to hell because of her sexuality and she doesn’t have the personality or internal strength to go through the questioning and researching necessary to reconcile herself with the Divine. Instead, she compartmentalizes her life and takes the path of least resistance.

When I was ten weeks pregnant she told her mom. Her mom told her she was an abomination and that she was going to hell. Nice, huh? My son and I have never met my partner’s parents. Her mom has even sent back a mother’s day present we sent because we mistakenly used my credit card instead of my partner’s. And then her father called to berate my partner for being so insensitive to her mother. Its their loss because our son is awesome!

While I was pregnant with my son, going out of my mind crazy in lust, I was on my own. I decided then that I would no longer initiate sex. I do not want to ever feel like I am pushing myself on anyone. Then my boy was born and sex was the last thing on my mind. I discovered that I was a single mom in a relationship with a woman who resented my caring for our son, and who did not want to be awakened in the middle of the night for anything. It was so hard. I had no energy and I was in a relationship with a woman who couldn’t be my equal.

When our boy was eight months old, my partner’s ex-boyfriend came back into the picture. He had contacted her parents and they had sent him her way. They also offered to pay for therapy to “fix her”. At that point, my partner stopped being a parent, started communicating with Tim about leaving us, isolated herself in her own room (I moved into the other room with my son) and the sex stopped. The relationship stopped. My son started calling her by her first name because she didn’t want to be called mom. She still had not told me about Tim, but I knew.

A year later, just before Christmas when my son was two, I came home from work and she was crying. She said God wanted her to be with Tim. When she had these episodes before, I would talk her out of feeling bad about being a lesbian. We had gone through this type of thing every time she talked to her parents. This time I said fine. I told her that she owed me $10,000 from the house and half the stuff and I was gone. I took her at her word and began making plans to move. She was devastated. She didn’t want a relationship with Tim, she wanted to be with me. We talked. I laid down ground rules. I told her I wasn’t going to be in a relationship with a reluctant lesbian. I wasn’t going to continue to convince her to be gay. I wanted a partner and a co-parent in our relationship. (In retrospect, I probably should have gotten the U-haul and left - money bedamned.) I should have also established that I wanted a lover, as well.

So, that was nine years ago. She is a wonderful friend, a great mother, steady and committed to making a home for us and our son. She has never reconciled our relationship with her concept of God, but she is no longer trying to mold me into a God-fearing Christian. She drinks moderately, doesn’t gamble, holds a good job, is frugal with her money. She supported me while I returned to school and got a degree so I no longer needed to work in food service. We now have a joint checking account and she has listed me as her beneficiary. These are all huge steps for her.

I have given up the idea of having a sexual relationship. I am not planning on leaving the relationship, because while there is no sex, there is a lot of compatibility, of friendship, of mutual affection. I still love her passionately, completely, and haven’t ever even looked at another woman. I can’t approach her for sexual contact, knowing that if I do it will spin her into depression, fear, anxiety and insecurity. I want the connection and sexual release but not badly enough to do that to her. On top of that, I made the commitment. I will not ever put my child through a divorce. I will not be a part time mom.

I am not sharing this for sympathy. I understand what my choices were and are and I am staying in this relationship with my eyes wide open. I am making the choice to love my partner where she is, what she is going through, unconditionally. I am making the choice to remain in a secure and stable, loving environment for our son. I am not a victim and I don’t want a different relationship. I just wanted to share a different story for those women out there who might be in a relationship like mine.

Thanks for listening.

-Anononymous

The only kind of Cancer that I love !

2011-07-13T15:24:00.001-06:00

Are the ones born this month.     There is something about a Cancers personality that I am so drawn to. They seem to fit well with my higher ummm ~~maintenance~~ ~~energy~~ uuh ~~need for perfection~~ very much Virgo personality.
My wife and 2 boys are Cancers and I absolutely adore them.

Spencer and Cameron are 5.   It happened yesterday and I'm welcoming it with a happy heart and high hopes.
They are delightful little people who are so easy that there was no difference in having them gone for 4 days.    Really.
When I would talk to J and ask how things were going she was always full of positive and great things to say.    She would return the question and I would answer honestly that nothing really changed.
Next time she's taking the other 3 and leaving the boys home.
Maybe for my birthday :)

J took the boys to her sisters for a long weekend getaway.    They played. and played. and are always finding something to explore or use in some quest with a dragon or bad guy.    Their imaginations are extraordinary and watching them play is better than the theater most days.

Cameron is my cuddler still and likes it when I squeeze his guts out.   He actually requests it. :)

Spencer is my little friend maker.   It doesn't matter where we go he finds someone to run and play with.   His speech although much improved but still hard to understand sometimes doesn't seem to have any affect on it either.

They are both such nice kids.
Happy 5th boys.   I love you both with all of my heart ! And now with tears in my eyes. THANK YOU. for being easy.

I love how they march out to sea like men and run screaming like little boys from the waves :)

If mama aint happy, aint NObody happy !

2011-07-08T15:17:00.000-06:00

It's the weekend.
I hope if you haven't already this past week that you have all made plans to get out and have some adult alone time this weekend.

Please please please.....if you haven't found someone that you trust.....find someone. Leave the children with a sitter. They'll live. They'll be just fine.

I remember my heart being ripped out when I'd leave Syd and she was sad. My heart would literally ache the whole time I was gone. and the girl could cry too. I felt like she was feeling lost, abandoned and scared. I could picture her heart and mind racing in a circle of terror...wondering if mama was ever coming home.
When the last set came....I remember kissing and hugging their screaming wet and red little faces and RUNNING from the door leaping in to the car with such a light and happy heart. aaaaah, someone else gets to listen to them cry and entertain them for the next 2-3 hours.
You really learn with experience that you will all survive. That you are all better off.

Another thing we do is get late night babysitters.
We put the kids to bed and then have a sitter come to catch the late movie.
It's perfect. The babysitter basically gets paid for doing nothing and you get to relax knowing that they are all sound asleep. (of course you have to stay awake too:)
This is a good option for moms who work and feel guilty taking more time away from their kids. and also for the kids who freak out when mama leaves.

Just get out ladies.
It's date night.
Go !

Well everyone of course but me. My wife is taking my big boys to Los Angeles for the weekend. They turn 5 on Wednesday. I've already started doing what looks like my own version of the chicken dance.
Life with nearly 5 year old twins is wonderful. (the other 2....not so much...maybe in 2 years:)

It happened one day !

2011-07-06T13:54:00.000-06:00

As expected, Ryan didn't want to get in the pool without me and certainly not some strange lady.
I sat next to the stairs and held his hand until the teacher took him to float on his tummy. He didn't physically resist....but his face tells another story. He was not happy.

And then she gave them ducks to blow bubbles with

And Ryan said, FINE. I'll play with your duck.

And the container that held the toys spilled showers of water and oooooh how fun it was.

and then there was some splashy play and I love to splashy play, Ryan cheered.

and somewhere between the ducks and splashing the kid warmed up

and he even blew bubbles. Success.

Nathan is my fish and I will call him sqwooshy !

Cam nad Spencer

Cam

Spence

Sydney who has improved SO so much since last year.

I had made bets (thankfully I never put and actual dollar sign to it) that I would be refunding Ryan's class after today.   I honestly didn't think he'd do it.    See where lower expectations gets you. :)
I remember Cam and Spencer's first lesson.   Cam wouldn't stop crying.
I think it helped that there was another child who was not scared and listened in each of their classes.   Sets an example to follow.

Am I holding my breath for Friday's class ? nah.   I'm sure it will be a repeat.   I'm good with that.